Revelations

By MySoapBox

Chapter 3: Gold or Not; It Didn't Matter

Chuck sat on a bench at the center of the Stanford Oval. The bench faced a big "S" made out of red and white petunias, encircled by a low green hedge. The Oval Park, at the heart of the University, had always been a great place to pick up a game of volleyball or soccer or just to lounge around on a Saturday afternoon. He looked around at the familiar sandstone buildings with terracotta roofs and the students playing or just lazing and catching some sun. Some things didn't change much, he thought. The idea was comforting to him. He looked down to his hand held computer. He had been trying to finish some correspondence for work but he was failing miserably. With a deep sigh, he closed the document and slid the device back into his pocket. He was too distracted. So much was riding on today's conversation with Charlie; all of his son's future lay out before him and Chuck wanted that future to be the happiest possible for his only child.

Just as he had every five minutes for the past thirty, Chuck looked up in the direction that he knew Sarah and Charlie would be coming from, anxious to see how this part of their revelations had gone. This time his obsessiveness was rewarded by seeing their small figures making their way down the sidewalk in the distance. He couldn't tell from here what sort of mood they were in but he trusted that Sarah would say the right thing, in spite of her own nervousness. Sarah always had a way of making things right in the end.

It would still be a few minutes until they made it to where he waited and Chuck tapped his foot anxiously. He looked down at his hands and noticed that he was absentmindedly twisting his wedding bad with his thumb. He held his hand up to the sunlight to examine the band. After all these years he still wasn't sure if it was even gold. The man at the small street stall had told him they were 14 karat when he traded for the two rings with his watch, an I-pod and some cash. Gold or not, it didn't matter, it was what the ring symbolized that meant most to Chuck. He liked the way the ring had made a permanent dent in his flesh; how even now, when removed, it was as if the ring was still there, it was a part of him. Twirling it again thoughtfully with his other hand he thought back to the day Sarah put this ring on his finger.

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"Let's go for a walk" Chuck said to Sarah, after they had finished the last of their dinner. Sarah was six months along and visibly pregnant now. Chuck couldn't tell from the back. But from the front it looked as if she were carrying a basketball under her shirt. She was self-conscious about her figure, but to Chuck, she looked more beautiful then ever.

"You know it isn't safe for us to go wandering around in public too much," Sarah protested, but Chuck could tell her heart wasn't quite in it.

"Awh, come on. We'll be leaving in the morning, and it is going to be a lovely night. No one here will ever see us again. Please?" he said, trying to put on his best puppy-dog eyes.

Sarah tilted her head ever so slightly and smiled. "All right. But let's not go far."

Chuck settled the bill with the patron and held the door open for Sarah; they walked out into the early evening light.

Chuck smiled to himself in anticipation. Last afternoon while Sarah napped, Chuck had gone on an expedition around the town looking for the right spot. She would have been furious if she knew he was walking around town alone, but it had been months since they had had even a hint of being pursued. Chuck hoped that the government had given up, but if he was being honest with himself he knew that was just wishful thinking. They had made it this far not because they weren't been sought, they had made it this far because Sarah was such a great agent – or - ex-agent as the case may be.

Thus prepared, tonight as they walked in the humid evening breeze, Chuck knew exactly where he was leading her. He steered Sarah through the small winding streets trying to make it appear that they were just wondering aimlessly looking for a good view. He hoped Sarah bought it, but he could tell by her occasional curious glance that she suspected something. Thankfully she seemed content to let it all play out. Chuck would take what he could get; he couldn't really pull one over on her; Sarah was a super spy after all.

The road they followed led up to a small rise. They walked quietly, hand in hand, both enjoying the moment. It was a relief to see her so relaxed tonight. To tell the truth, he had been worried about her and the toll their hectic lives were taking on her and the baby. Sarah could never shake the idea that she was responsible for them and their safety. Even with her present "condition" she never relinquished her role as his protector. Chuck wouldn't be surprised if she was armed multiple ways even now; in fact he would guarantee it. But in this moment, walking down a nearly empty dirt road, she seemed content. Chuck released her hand and put his arm around her back to help her the last little way. He was sure she didn't need his help, but it was the gentlemanly thing to do, and she didn't complain.

As soon as they reached the top of the rise, they stopped to take in the view. The ocean that lay before them was deep blue, almost purple; it cut a striking straight line against the horizon that contrasted greatly with the green, rolling hills on either side. Chuck watched Sarah out of the corner of his eye. He had heard older woman say that an expectant mother would "glow." He always thought that was a funny term, pregnant women always just looked uncomfortable to him. But now as he watched Sarah, her cheeks lightly pink from the exertion, she was glowing. He could just see it in her face.

"It makes you feel small, doesn't it?" Chuck said softly turning his whole attention back to the ocean. Sarah just smiled and wrapped her arm around his back in response. Chuck continued, "Like maybe our problems aren't that big after all."

Sarah laughed darkly. "I don't know, they still feel pretty big to me."

"Yeah, but when you look out over this beautiful world," he swept the horizon with his eyes; "they don't seem the-most-powerful-government-in-the-world-wants-you-dead big? They only feel if-my-bed-smells-like-goats-one-more-night-I-think-I'm-going-to-scream big."

Sarah laughed again, this time a real laugh. "I guess you could say that."

After some more time taking in the view, Chuck took her hand and led her up a foot path up the hill behind them. Their way twisted through the brush, and Chuck put his hand on the small of Sarah's back to be sure her footing was secure. It wasn't far until the path opened out into a large courtyard made of ancient stone. It was a courtyard for an old Spanish cathedral that looked as if it had stood sentinel over this ocean view for hundreds of years. Its dilapidated appearance caused Sarah to wonder out loud if it was still in use. But as they drew closer to investigate, fresh whitewash around the doorframe, and fresh footsteps in the dirt path leading to the entrance told them that it was, perhaps on weekends; this evening however, it seemed deserted of people.

In the middle of the courtyard there was a fountain, weather worn and dry, but similar to form and size of the fountain that used to be in front of Ellie's apartment, where Chuck and Sarah had held so many conversations before. Chuck hoped that the resemblance wasn't lost on Sarah as he led her over to the edge of the structure.

"Would you like to sit a minute?" he asked. And Sarah, who seemed happy to have a break, sat on the faded blue tiles without further question. Chuck took his place beside her.

"I think we should get started tomorrow before first light," Sarah began, "If we don't stop for lunch I think we can make it to…."

Chuck put his finger up to her lips to silence her. "Sarah, I don't want to talk about work right now." He still thought of it as work, though he knew that neither of them had garnished a paycheck for almost a year.

Sarah's eyes had a flash of suspicion and Chuck warily drew his hand away. "Okay, Chuck," she said, "what do you want to talk about?"

Chuck looked up at the cathedral, trying to remember the little speech he had been silently practicing the last few days. "Sarah," he stammered, suddenly nervous, "in some ways…I mean besides the running thing and the hiding all the time thing…and the loosing my whole life thing…these past few months have been some of the happiest of my life."

A quick smile twitched up the corners of Sarah's lips. "Mine too," she said.

Encouraged, Chuck inched closer. "And I know that things haven't really happened the way we expected…certainly not what I expected, and I'm sure you weren't planning something this crazy…but in some ways - the you and me ways - they are much better than I ever dreamed."

"Yes," she agreed tentatively, glancing around at the view, the church, putting the pieces together.

Chuck reached out his hand and stroked Sarah's cheek intimately. "Sarah, when I think of what happened to me, with the Intersect and everything, I can't imagine where I would be today if you hadn't come into my life. You've been like an angel sent to watch over me."

Sarah laughed, shaky and breathless. "Far from an angel," she said.

Chuck pulled her hand into his and looked down at the joining. "But it feels that way to me, even if you can't see that now."

Sarah's voice was apologetic. "I don't mean to discount your compliment; that's just still a little hard for me to understand."

Chuck looked her full in the face. "Then you'll just have to trust me." He willed his eyes to say all that his words couldn't say.

"I'm getting there," she said.

"You're more than just getting there, these last few months with you…Sarah, you've been amazing. Even in my wildest dreams I never thought you would share all those things about your past with me."

She started to doodle on the back of his hand with her finger. "Given our current circumstances there was no professional reason to keep them from you and…on a personal level" she looked up to meet his eyes, "I wanted you to know."

"I'm glad you did," he said smiling.

"Me too," she said shyly.

A few moments passed in silence as the sun moved slowly down the horizon, casting long shadows across the courtyard. Chuck knew that the time had arrived and the thought made his heart's pace quicken. Propelled by his inner determination he stood from his spot and knelt on one knee in front of Sarah. As he reached out and took her hands in his, his hands were trembling and he was sure that it did not escape Sarah's notice.

"Sarah…" he breathed. Sarah glanced nervously away, then she quickly re-focused on him; her eyes were glittering with unshed tears. "When I think of my future," he continued, encouraged, "I can't imagine it without you in it." He fumbled in his jacket pocket and pulled out a plain gold band. "Will you marry me?"

The words hung there for a moment in the warm breeze. At first Sarah seemed pleased, and then a second later her face darkened with concern. "Chuck, I…" she began.

Chuck rushed to steam off what he feared she would say. "I…I know that I can't promise you a lifetime, or years or even weeks." Chuck tried to speak calmly. "But I can promise you today and tomorrow and the day after, as long as I have breath to live, I can promise you that." He was speaking from the heart and he hoped it was a language Sarah had learned to understand by now.

Sarah's face became a mask, unreadable. Chuck waited for an answer, but feared it would not come. She started to pull her hand away, but Chuck increased the pressure of his grip.

Chuck was nearly begging. "For me – for you - Sarah, say yes."

Sarah's eyes overflowed. She pulled her hand from Chuck's and stepped away from him, turning her back and facing the ocean. The breeze ruffled her hair back from her face and she wrapped her arms around herself, though it was not cold.

Chuck ran one hand through his hair and felt the weight of the ring in the other. It had been a gamble to push her. Sarah could be very skittish when it came to showing emotions and making commitments. It was a difficult dance for Chuck to learn, knowing when to push and when to hold back, and he didn't always get it right. But more and more these days, Sarah was meeting him halfway, and now with her back to him, and all his happiness in the balance, he sensed that this was one of those times when he just had to sit very still and give her the space she needed. He tried to be hopeful that they had built something strong enough to hold up to all her demons of doubt. An eternity of moments passed. Still he waited for her.

Finally, her fists drop to her side and tighten into white knuckled balls. "No" she finally said, it was just a whisper on the breeze but Chuck heard it. His heart sunk. He had pushed her too hard this time.

She turned to face him. Chuck saw her eyes, searching his, suddenly intent. "No, I won't do it for you, or even for me…" Chuck's breathing stopped. Sarah continued, her expression softening, "but I will do it for us. What we have together." Her lips turned up into a smile.

And before Chuck could respond she had crashed into him, her lips crushing his. Chuck wrapped his arms around her in response, feeling her round stomach press against him. And in that moment, as they communicated in a way only lovers can, he felt as if he held the whole world in his arms.

When they finally broke apart Chuck's confidence was restored; he reached into his pocket and pulled out another ring, a larger one, and he held it up for Sarah to see. "I don't understand," she said.

"We're going to get married now - here."

Sarah was surprised. "But Chuck, you know…"

"I'm not giving you a chance to back out," he interrupted. "We are going to say our vows here and now and make it official. I told you once that one day I would have the life that I wanted with the woman that I loved. Today is that day," he declared.

"But you know we can't get married now. There's paperwork, blood tests. We can't risk it."

"I know," Chuck acknowledged, "and I wasn't planning on making it legal. I wasn't planning a church wedding or anything. But Sarah, I don't feel like I need all that to make a lifetime commitment, do you?"

"But then, how…"

"I already said." He was playing with her now, but there was real seriousness to his voice. "Let's get married right here, by this…lovely fountain, in view of God," he gestured to the cathedral, "and nature," he flourished his hands towards the ocean.

Sarah eyed him suspiciously for a moment and then laughed. "Alright, Mr. Bartowski. I'm game. What do we do?" all previous concerns lost from her manner and voice.

"Well," he said, "I think you start out over there." He motioned to the edge of the courtyard. "And I stand here," he said taking his place beside the fountain.

"Alright," Sarah said, walking to where the stones met the flora. Once there, she called back, "Now what?"

"You walk to me. You know how they do, step touch, step touch."

"Oh, I see where this is going." She smiled and reached down and pulled up some yellow wildflowers that were growing there, making a makeshift bouquet. After arranging the flowers just right, she began her march towards him. Step touch, step touch, just like Chuck had told her and with each step her face, once playful, grew more and more serious. She walked gracefully to the tune of birds and distant ocean waves and Chuck was sure he could hear music in the wind. Her face was brilliant in the setting sun, the ocean breeze gently tossing her hair into a halo about her face. She took Chuck's breath away.

She stopped when she reached him and he held out his hands to her. "Will you take my hands?" he asked, his face had grown earnest. She placed her flowers on the fountains edge and clasped hands with him and they stood there silently, looking into each other's eyes, trying to read the other's thoughts.

"I guess…I'll begin," Chuck said awkwardly. Sarah nodded her consent. Chuck nervously cleared his throat. "Sarah Walker," he began, then paused a second to assemble his thoughts. "I'm sorry; do you want me to use Sarah? Or would you rather me use your real name?" he asked sincerely. He wanted everything to be perfect for her.

She looked up into Chuck's warm eyes for a moment and then leaned in and said softly in his ear, "I have felt more myself as Sarah then any other name I've ever had. The girl who had my real name, died a long time ago. To you and from now on I will always be Sarah." Her breath on his neck sent shivers down his spine. She leaned away from him and Chuck nodded his head in approval.

"I, Charles Irving Bartowski, take you, Sarah Walker, to be my wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as I shall live. Sarah," he paused to swallow, "in my darkest hours you have been there to save me and…" he let go of one hand momentarily to wipe his cheek with his shirt sleeve. "I promise to always be there to save you too, if you'll let me."

He took the ring and slid it onto Sarah's finger. She looked up into his eyes, and leaned in to kiss him but Chuck pulled back. "Not until after your vows," he said laughing through happy tears. "Then comes the kiss-the-bride part."

Sarah smiled nervously. "Okay, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself." Sarah took a deep breath and began in a steady voice. "I, Sarah Walker, take you, Chuck…I mean Charles Irving Bartowski, to be my husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, as long as we both shall live." She paused and bit her lower lip; her eyes shining with unshed tears. "And I promise…" her voice broke and she took a breath to steady herself. "I promise to love you," she tightened her grip on his hands. "And to do my best to trust you totally…" Her eyes flicked to the sky and then back to his. "…even when it's hard for me. Because, Chuck – I've never had anyone in my life love me the way you have loved me. I used to think that if I let you see me, the real me, that you would find that I wasn't worthy of you. And while I still feel that way sometimes you show me everyday that a love like ours is worth sacrificing for. And I promise to spend the rest of my life making you glad that you took a chance on me."

She took the ring out of his hand and slid it onto his ring finger. He smiled as he looked down at the new rings on their clasped hands.

Sarah released her grip and moved her hands up his shoulders and into the hair at the back of his neck. Her face blossomed into a smile so beautiful his heart nearly stopped. Her expression was so full of love, that he was awed that this incredibly wonderful, incredibly complex, compassionate woman had agreed to be his wife.

"Chuck?" Sarah said gently but insistently, "You may kiss the bride."

Chuck broke from his revelry. "Oh, oh yes! I now pronounce us husband and wife." And he bent his face to hers and kissed her.

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Chuck looked up from his place on the park bench and saw Charlie and Sarah waving at him. He grinned and waved back. He was relieved, as they walked closer, to see that they were smiling and laughing.

His sighed with satisfaction. This Sarah was just as beautiful to him as was his young bride that day in the courtyard. He thought he loved her then with as much love as it was possible for him to possess. But he was wrong. Their love became sweeter with each passing year. And their love had grown in directions he didn't know were possible because of the son that they shared.

He could hear their voices now, as they walked arm in arm. They were alike in so many ways. And sitting there, watching the two people he loved most in the world, Chuck shuttered to think, that twenty years ago, he had almost lost them both.

Again, my many thanks to Sharpasamarble for beta reading this chapter.