Revelations
By MySoapBox
Chapter 4: Desperate Times
As Charlie and Sarah approached the Oval Park, Charlie saw the small figure of his dad sitting on a bench by the Stanford "S". "There he is," he said to his mother. They both smiled and waved. Charlie was glad to see his dad again but he was also a little sad that this one-on-one talk with his mom was coming to an end.
Ever since his mother had showed up on his doorstep this morning, so many things Charlie had believed about himself had changed. Charlie thought that he had understood things - how things were and are - but then today, for the first time, he started to see his parents as people - with feelings and a past, rather than just being cookie-cutter mom and dad. He had just heard the mothership of all revelations and he knew more was still coming. At this moment, while he thought of the things his mother and father had told him, he just couldn't figure out how he was supposed to feel. Should he be excited, angry, or sad? He couldn't wrap his mind around it.
Charlie had just learned that his mom and dad had been spies and even more, they had been fugitive spies. His dad had been wanted dead, and his mom apparently turned her back on every thing she ever knew to save him. It was like something out of the pages of a paperback novel. And if it wasn't for that fact that the things he was learning were falling into his memories like missing puzzle pieces, it would have been much harder to believe.
The most unnerving thing to Charlie so far weren't the stories, but the way his parents had been a little different all day, especially his mom. She seemed nervous, fidgety even, and he couldn't remember the last time he had seen her so unlike herself.
He had reached out for her more in the past four hours than he had since he was a kid, before he learned that holding your mom's hand wasn't cool. But now, he wanted to hold her hand, or take her arm, just to show her that whatever it was she had to say it would be fine. He knew she was worried that he would think less of her, finding out she wasn't the person that she had always appeared to be. Nothing could be further than the truth. If anything he loved her more at this moment, than he ever had in his life.
In the past there had always been something keeping him from bonding with his mom the way he had done with his dad. He always felt like he could talk to Chuck about anything from computer games to his first kiss. But Sarah, she was more of an arms-length mom. But now, today, she let him see the real person, right down to the core. And now that he had seen this part of her, he couldn't be more proud to be her son. He was hoping that his supportive looks and proffered arm showed her all the things he didn't feel comfortable saying.
They finally reached where Chuck was sitting, but Chuck didn't look up right away. He sat twirling his ring, lost in thought. Sarah slipped onto the bench next to him and put her hand on his arm "Chuck?"
"Hum?" he said looking up.
"I thought we lost you there for a minute," she teased.
Chuck reddened a bit. "Oh, I was just thinking."
"Seems to be the day for it," Charlie said, sitting casually on the flowerbed curbing. "Mom just gave me enough stuff to keep my mind busy for months. I'm not sure how you guys have carried your history around for so long without talking about it."
"It's not that we didn't want to tell you," Chuck said.
Sarah added, "We just didn't know if there would ever be a right time."
"Don't get me wrong - it's a lot to take in at once," Charlie said, "but I'm glad to be putting some pieces together."
Chuck looked over to Sarah. "So you had a good talk?" he asked, but Charlie saw that the real question he asked with his eyes was, are you okay?
Sarah squeezed Chuck's hand, "a great talk." She smiled and Chuck looked relieved.
"Yeah, but I still have a bunch of questions," Charlie said.
'I bet you do," Chuck exclaimed. "Fire away."
"Okay…well," he looked to Chuck, "Mom said that after you two hooked up, she told you everything she did working for the CIA."
"Um hum." Chuck confirmed.
"She said that some of the stuff she told you really ticked you off."
Chuck scratched his head absentmindedly. "Yeah, it did bother me at first."
"I don't know exactly what Mom did." Sarah was about to speak but Charlie held up his hand to silence her. "And I know, Mom, you can't tell me everything. But I can imagine it was pretty intense if you got so upset about it," he turned back to Chuck. "I mean, you are usually really even-keeled."
Sarah looked down at the ground while Chuck nodded. "Yeah, some of it was pretty intense."
Charlie turned to Sarah. "Sorry Mom, is it making you uncomfortable?"' He wondered if he had gone too far.
"No, no, ask your questions. That's why we're here," she assured him.
Charlie continued. "Mom said the CIA had taken away her humanity,"
Chuck looked up questioningly at him. Charlie raised his hands in his defense. "Her words, not mine."
"Okay." Chuck seemed to wonder where this was going.
"Do you think that was true? I mean, I've known mom my whole life and she has always been so great. It's hard for me to understand why she felt that way."
"It was hard for me to understand too, at first." Chuck answered. "When I met your mom I thought she could do anything."
"I was only confident in my work," Sarah added. "It was relationships that I was terrible at." She looked at Charlie as if to drive the point home. "That is one of the highest prices of being an agent. You can't have meaningful relationships."
"You know that neither your mom or me were close to our parents when we worked for the CIA," Chuck added.
Charlie saw his mother tighten her hold on his father's hand. "But Charlie, you're different, you have us. We would never know where you were or if you were okay."
"It's like me and Aunt Ellie, being a spy nearly ruined my relationship with her because I always had to lie about everything. I hated that."
The look of concern on his parents' face cut his heart like a knife. Was he ready to give up regular contact with his them?
"Do you want a family someday, son?" Chuck asked, "A wife and kids?"
Charlie's mind began to race. "I…I've never given it much thought. I mean…I guess I always thought I would have a life like you have."
"That would be impossible if you became an agent," Sarah said bluntly.
Chuck added, "Even before we ran, there was always the threat that at any moment your mom would be reassigned and I would never see her again."
Sarah nodded. "Romantic relationships are highly discouraged in the CIA because emotional attachments are costly. There were a few times I couldn't do my job effectively because of the feelings I had for your father."
"And then there are the things you have to do sometimes on a mission," Chuck looked at Sarah knowingly. "It's hard to see someone you love put themselves in danger."
"And it's hard to see them in the arms of another, even if you know it doesn't mean anything." Sarah captured Chuck's eyes for a moment and held them fast. These were old hurts, ones that they had worked through long ago. Though the memory of them would always linger, their eyes reassured each other, that those things were past.
Charlie hated when they did this. "Earth to parental units," Charlie called, waving his hands. "Come in, parental units."
Sarah looked back to Charlie. "Sorry, what were we saying?"
"You were talking about relationships," Charlie supplied.
"Yes. You asked if your mom had lost her humanity." Chuck considered for a moment. "Look Charlie, I'm not sure what mom told you in your talk. But I'm guessing she made herself out to sound like some sort of monster." He looked over to Sarah apologetically, "Sorry," he said, squeezing her hand. "But you have always been too hard on yourself." He turned back to Charlie. "Your Mom was a great agent. And she did what she had to do to get her job done, even if it was hard for her. The thing about the job is, even though you don't have a choice, you still get the guilt. As an agent you just learn to block it out"
He looked to Sarah but she said nothing. "But still, through it all, Mom was, and still is, the strongest woman I know." Chuck paused for a minute, thinking. "Did she tell you about the day you were born?"
Charlie was surprised by the sudden change of topic. "Um…no, we didn't get that far."
"Well, it's about time you heard it, because it's the perfect example of the kind of metal your mom is made of."
"All right, lay it on me." Charlie could feel the shrubs brushing his lower back, so he shifted his weight trying to find a more comfortable position. He knew this would be another long story.
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"Sarah," Chuck said quietly after a contraction. She didn't respond. "Sarah," he said a little more urgently. He reached around her and stroked her face. "Sarah, are you with me?"
Sarah sucked in a quick breath. "So tired," she mumbled. "Can't do this much longer."
He turned her face up to him. "You're doing great. Better than great."
"It hurts," she moaned, "It hurts like hell." After eight hours of labor it was the first time she had admitted it.
"I know, Just hang in there a little bit longer. It can't be long now."
She turned her head to glance around the room but Chuck could tell her eyes were not quite focusing. "Where's the midwife?" she asked.
"She isn't here yet. I was just going to go ask about her."
Sarah simply nodded and dropped her face back down to the pillow. She was clearly exhausted and for the first time Chuck seriously thought about what he would do if the midwife never came.
When Chuck woke up this morning, Sarah had already been having contractions for a few hours. He immediately found the owner of the house they were staying in and inquired about a doctor. He was told that the closest doctor was in San Cayetano, two hours away. They did have a midwife in a nearby town, and the owner sent his son up the mountainside to fetch her.
Chuck was just about to go ask again when he heard a surprised yelp.
"Chuck," Sarah gasped, "I think my water broke"
"Okay, lets all stay calm. Holy cow…I have no idea what to do." Chuck ran his hands quickly through his hair. "Okay, we've seen this on TV lots of times…right? First we need towels, clean sheets, that sort of thing." Chuck quickly scanned the room with his eyes. "And water, I need to boil lots of water." Chuck went over to the single burner plate that sat on a table in the corner. "Pot,pot,pot." he babbled, looking through a box of random kitchen gadgets.
"Chuck!" Sarah cried. He refocused on Sarah, she was panting again. "Help me get these off," she said gesturing to his pajama bottoms that she had taken for her own when nothing of hers fit anymore.
Of course, Sarah came first. He helped her undress, and then finding a short stack of towels and one clean sheet in a closet, he arranged her in the middle of the bed, towels under, and the sheet over. Sarah groaned with every shift of her body. A contraction later, Chuck had managed to help her roll to her right side, supported by a pile of pillows. She had her eyes closed and Chuck could tell she was trying to get control of her breathing.
Sarah taken care of for the moment, Chuck turned back to finding the pot. Locating one that looked black, but clean, he sprinted to the bathroom to fill it, and then returned and put it to warm on the little burner. Hopefully the electricity would hold out.
"Agh!" Sarah yelled out. "Chuck!"
He rushed back to her side. She reached out and took his hand and squeezed it, hard. "The contractions aren't stopping!" she cried. "It's like they're just one after another." She laid her head back against her pillow. "My back, it's like it's on fire." She groaned again, breathing heavily.
Chuck pried her fingers off his hand and started to rub her back for the hundredth time that morning. His arms ached but knew better then to say anything.
"Chuck, I don't think I can do this….. it's too hard….agh." She clutched at her stomach again. "I can't…"
"Sarah," he moved her damp hair from her face. "You're doing great, the midwife is going to be here any minute and you are going to have this baby and he or she is going to be perfect. Everything is going to be fine."
She reached around and grabbed his shirt collar, yanking his face down to hers. Her eyes were blue steel. "Everything is not fine," she spat between heaving breaths. "We are in some godforsaken place that isn't even on the map and I am about to have a baby, with no hospital, no doctor, nothing…." She took a moment to breathe, but didn't release her grip on Chuck. "This is hell." She released him and collapsed, exhausted, but still the contractions did not stop.
Chuck heard the water on the burner hiss and steam as it overflowed the pot and got up to turn down the heat. He looked down at the water, not knowing what he needed it for, but feeling somewhat more prepared.
His attention snapped back to Sarah when he heard her sharp intake of breath. "Oh, no," she said, her hands twisting the sheets around her. "It's coming!"
"What?! No. no, no, no, no" Chuck said, "You have to wait. The midwife isn't here."
"You think I can stop this?" she bellowed, "My body is on auto pilot." She tensed her face and raised her chin up slightly. "Awgh! I need to push."
"Now, Sarah, are you sure you need to push now, because now is not a good time," Chuck panicked.
"Chuck!" her face screwed up with exertion
"Okay, okay. We can do this. We can." He rubbed his hands together. "It's all mother nature right? With the next contraction you'll push, okay?"
Sarah nodded meekly and on the next contraction Sarah, pushed, and she pushed with the next and she kept pushing with every contraction. When Chuck saw that the baby wasn't immediately forthcoming he sat behind her, supporting her back, and offering his fingers to her vice grip. After what seemed liked an eternity, she collapsed exhausted against his chest, perspiration pouring down her face. There was still no sign of the baby. "What if something's wrong?" she mumbled.
Chuck was tired too, and emotionally spent, but he had to be strong for her. "Sarah, baby, you can do this." He took the edge of the sheet and wiped the sweat from her forehead. Her face was ashen. "You have to keep pushing."
"I will, I will…but I need to rest… so tired," she mouthed, nearly voicelessly, "so much pain." Her eyes rolled up and her lids closed.
"Sarah!" Chuck said in alarm. "Sarah! Stay with me, now." He patted her cheek with his hand. "You've got to stay with me!" He could feel her body, tensing and rolling with another contraction, but Sarah didn't push, she just breathed, slowly, labored.
"Oh God!" Chuck prayed, glancing up towards the ceiling. "What do I do now?"
He paused for a minute, listening only to the low moaning of his wife. And then with a flash of inspiration he disengaged himself from her. His movement startled Sarah and her eyes fluttered open.
"Stay awake, Sarah. You're going to get through this. I'm going to go get some help." Sarah licked her lips and nodded. He helped move her so that her back was once again resting against the headboard. "I'll be right back."
Chuck sprinted down the dusty path from their room in search for the owner again. The sun was high in the sky; the midwife should have arrived by now. He pounded on the door of the little house. Chuck was relieved when the man opened the door.
"Gracias a Dios! Senor, is the midwife coming? We need the midwife."
The man smiled a knowing smile. "Yes, she will be here very soon."
"How soon is very soon? My wife is not doing well," Chuck said, his voice clearly straining to stay calm.
"No se. Can I help you?"
He knew it was a long shot, but just needed to ask. "You don't happen to have a phone? Un telefono?" Chuck held up his hand to his ear, pinky and thumb extended.
The man's eyes sparkled. "Un telefono? Yes, yes," and he disappeared into the darkness of his house.
Chuck couldn't believe his luck. A telephone was just what he needed. A moment later the man returned and handed him a larger sized hand unit. Chuck looked down at what looked like a satellite phone. It was an older model, but appeared to be fully charged and ready to use. Chuck looked back up to the man, amazed.
The man shrugged his shoulders. "I have brother in Pittsburgh."
Chuck turned back to his room, dialing the numbers as he went. He just hoped she still had the same cell number. As he dialed, he thought of his wife, laboring in the room. He was putting them in danger, he knew that. But he had to save Sarah, and this was all he could think to do.
Chuck stood outside the door, waiting for the phone to connect. After a few moments of clicking and then a ring, he heard the voice that he hadn't heard in almost a year.
"Hello?"
"Ellie! Thank God!"
"Chuck! Is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me El…" Chuck held the phone away from his head to save his ear drum from her shriek.
"Chuck, you're alive! Where are you? Are you okay?"
"Ellie, Ellie, I can't tell you, I don't have time. I need your help, Sarah's in trouble."
"Sarah!? What's wrong."
"She's having a baby El…OUR baby." He held the phone away from his ear again.
"It's been hours but the baby hasn't come and Sarah is exhausted."
Chuck went on explaining what had happened with the labor as he entered the room. Sarah looked at him with glassy eyes that suddenly sharpened when she saw him with the telephone.
"Who are you talking to Chuck?" she growled.
Chuck put the phone to his chest, "Someone who can help us."
"Hang up….Agh!" Sarah clutched the sheets around her.
"Ellie says to wait for the contraction and then to push." Chuck reported.
"Ellie!? Chuck, hang up right now. They will find us."
Chuck didn't answer but continued to give Ellie information over the phone.
After a moment, Chuck nodding to himself he said, "I need to check to see if the baby is coming." Chuck put down the phone and washed his hands in the hot water he had boiled on the stove, until his flesh was bright red. When he got close to Sarah she reached out and grabbed his hand, but her grip was weak.
"You are going to get us killed Chuck, if you don't hang up the phone," she said, eyes wide.
"I don't know what else to do Sarah!" he said pleading. "And I will not lose you!" he pulled his hand from her grip and moved to check Sarah's progress. Once finished he picked up the phone again.
"I can feel the babies head with the tips of my fingers, but I can't see it….yes, over an hour now."
Ellie's voice crackled on the other end of the line and Chuck nodded his head as he received her instructions.
"Chuck!" Sarah cried.
"Ellie – I've got to go….I'll call you back if I need to…. I love you too….and I'm fine, don't worry." Chuck pushed the button to end the call and tossed the phone on the table.
"We've got to get you up. Ellie says to try doggy style."
Sarah's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"
Chuck had already started to roll her. "We've got to get you up on all fours. Ellie says that the baby is probably posterior and this should help you push better and take the pain off your back."
Sarah gritted her teeth, closed her eyes, and then started to crawl up on her hands and knees. Though she trembled, Chuck hardly needed to help her. Where did she find that inner core of strength after all these hours? Chuck wondered.
"Here comes another one!" Sarah warned and Chuck held her, to give her all the support he could. "Oh God!" she moaned, "I can feel it moving."
Chuck bent over to look and sure enough, he could see a little sliver of pink head at the peak of the contraction. "It's almost here Sarah, just one or two more!" he said excitedly.
Sarah seemed to have new energy and with determination, she gripped the headboard and braced herself for the next few contractions. Chuck took his place on the receiving end with a clean towel. Four contractions later, a very blue and bloody baby slid face-up into the world.
"It's a boy!" Chuck declared, wrapping the baby in a towel. But panic soon over took him. "Sarah, he's not breathing!"
Sarah had collapsed and rolled with some difficulty, avoiding the cord. "Clear his mouth of fluids," she said anxiously. "Turn him upside down if you have too."
Chuck swept the baby's mouth with his finger. A few tense seconds later, the infant let out a strong wail. Chuck laughed as relief washed over him. "He's beautiful…perfect!" he looked up at Sarah, "just like his mother."
Sarah smiled and reached out her arms for the child. Just as Chuck slid the pink wriggling baby onto Sarah's bare chest he heard a knock at the door.
"Partera!" called a woman's voice.
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"Patera?" Charlie asked.
"The midwife," Chuck supplied.
"So the midwife showed up right after I was born? What lousy timing."
"Not really," Sarah said, "There was still the afterbirth, and I had no idea how to nurse a baby, not to mention the mess…"
Charlie raised his hands "Okay, okay, mom…ew! TMI, I do not want all those details."
Chuck looked surprised "You must deal with this stuff all the time in your job."
"Yeah, but this is mom we're talking about," Charlie shrugged.
Ignoring his comment Sarah spoke up. "Gross or not, I'll be forever grateful to that midwife. She was able to get me back on my feet much faster then I would have been able to do otherwise."
Chuck nodded. "It was good that mom is a fast healer and you were a healthy baby because we only dared wait a day before we started to run again."
"The phone call?" Charlie asked.
"Yes," Chuck acknowledged, "Mom was right. The phone call led them right to us."
Many thanks to my great beta Sharpasamarble, whom I tried to ignore as much as possible.