A/N: Hello again! Thanks to everyone who continues to review. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Don't forget to tell me what you thought. Thanks as always to my beta reader, MissBubbles.
Summary: A continuation of Complexities of the Heart,
Things Between People
By katemary77
Chapter Two:
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
Then waking up is the hardest part
You roll out of bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, because she's gone, gone, gone.
- Dreaming with a Broken Heart, John Mayer
"Harry, time to wake up."
"Mmmf. Five more minutes, please Aunt Petunia?" he mumbled into his pillow.
A soft laugh and then, "Well, I never! I think I might even be insulted!"
Harry opened one eye blearily. Anna was standing above him, her hands on her hips.
"Up, up!" she said, much too cheerily for so early in the morning. "It's already eleven o'clock!"
Well, maybe not so early then.
Harry sat up and grabbed his glasses from his nightstand. Once he could see clearly, he looked at his watch.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep in so long."
"Don't worry about it. Come on, I'm making breakfast," she said, ushering him out of the room and downstairs, "Pancakes! Now, do you want choc chips or raspberries in them?"
"Um… choc chips?"
Anna grinned.
"I was hoping you would say that."
They reached the kitchen and entered to find Remus was sitting at the table, reading the Daily Prophet. He raised his tea cup in greeting.
Harry wandered over to the table and fixed himself a glass of pumpkin juice.
"Can I give you a hand, Anna?"
She looked up from her recipe book.
"Sure, Harry. You can be my kitchen boy. Could you grab two eggs, milk and butter from the cooler?"
He nodded and crossed to the pantry. This particular one had Refreshing and Cooling Charms on it, so it was just like a Muggle refrigerator. Not long after, a plate of hot, golden pancakes was floating over to the table and the three of them were tucking into their meal.
Afterwards, once Anna had Banished their dishes to the sink, she looked evenly at Harry.
"I was wondering, Harry, if I could teach you Occlumency?"
Harry looked up sharply. Remus, too, was gazing at Anna curiously.
"You're an Occlumens?" Harry asked.
She nodded.
"I couldn't teach you before because I couldn't come to Hogwarts regularly; not with Umbridge around. Professor Dumbledore thought it might be too dangerous for me to teach you as well, as it would be if he had taught you, but Voldemort knows I was at the Ministry so secrecy where I'm concerned has become less important."
"Voldemort wasn't supposed to know about you?"
"He would've found out eventually, Harry," she answered, "So it's nothing for you to worry about. So what do you say? I promise I'm a kinder taskmaster than Professor Snape."
"That wouldn't be too difficult," Harry muttered and she grinned.
"I'll take that as a yes. Why don't you get changed into something comfortable and meet me in the living room on the third floor."
Harry nodded, somewhat excited at getting to learn Occlumency from someone he was sure would be a better teacher than Snape. Bounding up to his room, he quickly threw on a soft pair of cotton pants and a t-shirt, before racing up the next flight of stairs once he was dressed.
Anna was standing in the centre of the room, directing the furniture into one corner with her wand. He cleared his throat and she turned to him.
"Okay, Harry. What did Professor Snape teach you?"
"Um, nothing really. He just shouted at me to clear my mind and then attacked."
She frowned.
"Okay, well, I'll start by actually teaching you how to clear your mind. Lie down on the floor and make sure you're comfortable. Have you ever meditated before, Harry?"
"No," he answered, lying down on his back with a pillow from the sofa under his head.
"Meditating can be quite difficult for some people but if you can't quite manage it I can help you until you can make it on your own. I want you to close your eyes." He did. He could feel her moving around him and then sitting down, a few metres away. She spoke again but this time her voice was low and soothing and sounded as if maybe she was inside his head, not next to him in the room. "I want you to focus on the sound of my voice. Nothing else, Harry. Let all your thoughts slide past you into nothingness. Nothing matters, you're at complete peace. Relax your mind and your body… feel tension leak away from your limbs, from the tips of your toes to your fingers. Leave everything behind."
Feeling a little bit silly, he tried to do what Anna's voice commanded.
"Nothing matters… Focus on your breathing, Harry. Take a deep breath in through your nose and back out. Long, slow, comfortable breaths. In… out… in out… Good, Harry, focus on your breathing. Nothing else matters, just in… out…"
Despite himself, Harry felt more and more relaxed with each breath he took. Everything else was gone, disappeared into the back of his mind, all that mattered was his breathing and what Anna would say next.
"Your limbs feel heavy… heavy like lead. Your body is relaxed and weighed down completely… focus on your breathing… in… out… in… out… just keep breathing, Harry."
Her voice was quite for a long while, but Harry didn't mind. He felt completely at ease.
Eventually, she spoke again; "Harry, I want you to imagine you're somewhere... It doesn't matter where, but some place you feel comfortable, safe, at peace. A beach, a forest, a room… it doesn't matter. Take some time to find your place, Harry… just somewhere that feels right."
He thought of Hogwarts first, the lake, the turrets in the distance, Hagrid's chimney smoking, but he didn't feel safe there. Next he thought of a beach and then a desert, but neither of them felt right either. Finally, Harry decided on a garden. It was familiar, somehow, and he felt completely at peace.
"A garden…" Anna said, and later he would wonder how she'd known. "Try and imagine all the details of your garden, Harry. Can you smell the jasmine? What other flowers are there? What does the grass feel like under your palm? Imagine all of it, Harry… the blueness of the sky, the birds singing in the trees… can you see it all? Let the feeling of peace flood you, Harry… You feel heavy, safe, comfortable. Let it seep through you…"
She was silent again for a time but soon began to speak; "I want to start wiggling your toes, Harry. And now your fingers. They're getting lighter and lighter. Wiggle your legs… your arms… slowly, now… everything's getting much lighter… okay, open your eyes Harry."
Blearily, he opened his eyes, stretched out and sat, looking over to Anna.
"What was that?"
"That place you went to, the garden, that's your happy place, Harry. It's the centre of your mind. Whenever you feel angry or sad or out of control, go back to that place and it'll help to soothe you."
He raised a sceptical brow; "But it took me forever to get there."
Anna nodded.
"It will, for a while. Every night when you go to sleep I want you to clear your thoughts, practise your breathing like we did today and retreat back to that place, okay? And we'll do it every day in here, too. Eventually, you'll be able to go there instantly."
"Really?"
She nodded again.
"And then, once you can do that, we'll start to organise your mind."
"How do you mean?"
She frowned and a little crease marked the centre of her forehead.
"It's hard to explain, Harry, but we'll start building walls up around your centre, to keep a Legilimens out. We'll start small, just with one wall guarding all of your memories; we'll fortify it, make it as strong as we can and then move on. I'll lend you a book about different methods of defence of the mind. Some of it can get quite complex."
"How come Snape never told me any of this?" Harry asked, annoyed.
"There are different types of Occlumency, Harry, and different ways of teaching it. He chose a different way."
"A stupid way," Harry muttered under his breath and Anna laughed.
"Maybe so, Harry. But would you have trusted him to take you through a meditation like we just did?"
He imagined lying on the cold stone floor of the dungeons, Snape prowling around him, and shuddered.
"Merlin, no."
As they stood to leave the room, Anna stopped him by touching his arm.
"I'm not sure if you want to hear it, Harry, but if you ever need to talk and you don't feel like you can to Ron and Hermione, Remus and I will always be around to listen."
Harry nodded.
"I'll think about it."
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"How do you think Harry is?"
Anna sighed and sat down next to Remus on the couch.
"Same as all of us really; I think he's holding up okay."
"Are you?" he asked her with a significant look to her belly.
"Are you?" she shot back and Remus sighed.
"I guess. I lost him once. I thought he'd betrayed me, killed Lily and James. It ripped my heart out. But at least I could hate him then; it seems so much worse now."
She scooted over to him and rested her head on his shoulder, taking his hand and squeezing.
"You have all of us, now," she said. "You're not alone this time."
"Neither are you."
"Hey." They both looked up as Harry entered the room and plopped down on the floor in front of the couch. "What movie are we watching tonight?"
"You pick," Remus answered, "They're over there."
Harry nodded and went over to the stack of videos, rifling through them.
"What about Forrest Gump? If I had a sickle for every time I've heard, 'Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get'…"
Remus and Anna laughed at his appalling southern American drawl.
"Put it on, then."
A couple of hours later, Anna was crying. It was the saddest thing she'd ever seen. They'd had to pause it a few times so that Harry could hurriedly explain some of the Muggle references – the Muggle army, the Vietnam War and the protests and more – but that hadn't dulled their enjoyment of the film. Anna nudged Harry.
"Did you like it?"
He turned and she saw his eyes were a little wet too. So were Remus'.
"Yeah, it was brilliant."
"And on that note, I think its bedtime."
Anna rolled her eyes at Remus.
"Yes, Professor Lupin!" Anna pulled Harry up by his arm and walked with him to his room. "Now, don't forget to do your exercises. It may seem silly or difficult but we can't begin Occluding your mind until you can reach the garden instantly. Remember, deep breaths, you feel heavy, no thoughts and imagine every detail. It doesn't matter if you fall asleep after a while. Okay?"
"Okay," Harry nodded, "Goodnight, Ann."
"Goodnight, Harry."
She continued walking on until she reached her room, the one she had shared with Sirius, and deflated. It was a delicate balancing act she was playing. It still smelt a little like him; his cologne was still laced in the bed sheets, though she had washed them, and she hadn't yet been able to go through his clothes.
Moving over to the dresser, Anna took out of the drawer a pale green potion. She downed it swiftly, grimacing at the sickly sweetness of the taste. It was a Pregnancy Potion, filled with nutrients for both mother and baby, and every time she drank it she accepted a little bit more the situation she found herself in. She was having Sirius' child. She knew she had to tell Harry. Apart from Remus, Severus and Poppy Pomfrey, no one knew, although she suspected Albus did, and Anna knew the next person to know should be Harry. But how could she possibly bring this up?
With a feeling of loneliness creeping up around her, Anna walked over to a dark wooded bureau of drawers and pulled one open, taking out a soft blue shirt much too large for her. Pulling it on, she curled onto one side of the bed and shut her eyes. With Sirius' shirt on and the scent of him all around her, it was almost like he was there with her. And if she imagined the weight of his arm just there on her waist and the warmth of his breath just there on her neck, maybe she could imagine him back into life.
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It was mid-afternoon and Harry had just finished the homework Professor Flitwick had set for the summer holidays. Hermione would be so proud, he thought to himself and grimaced a little at the thought of his friends. He'd been keeping in contact with both Hermione and Ron but found himself surprised; when Remus and Anna had come to take him from Privet Drive, he had thought the emptiness of Grimmauld Place, the lack of Ron, Hermione, even Ginny and the twins, would make him sad, lonely and longing for their presence. Instead, he found himself enjoying solitude, enjoying quiet nights with Remus and Anna. It wasn't that he didn't love his friends – he did, more than anything – but there were some things they just couldn't understand.
Hermione and Ron had whole families; had enjoyed mostly comfortable and peaceful lives (at least until recently) and had never really suffered the kind of pain Harry had been living with since he was a small child. They hadn't lost their parents before they even got to know them, they hadn't lived eleven long and lonely years with people who despised their very existence. Harry loved his friends but there were some things about him they could never understand and, honestly, he didn't want them to. Remus and Anna, however, seemed to know exactly how he was feeling, what was going through his mind and didn't have to ask.
Harry sighed and continued to wander aimlessly around Grimmauld Place, finally setting his course downstairs, where he knew Remus would be mulling over a book with a cup of tea and Anna, from the scent drifting through the musty house, would be baking something new. Cupcakes, he remembered her mentioning earlier. She'd been doing that a lot lately; cooking. Pancakes or French toast or maybe a full English breakfast was served every morning and for dinner she cooked up some fantastic meal that rivalled even Mrs. Weasley's dinners. He supposed that perhaps this was her way of dealing with things, keeping busy, keeping her hands and mind occupied. He couldn't find fault with it; Harry had been employing the same strategy, which was why more than half his summer homework was sitting completed on the desk in his room.
He was in the foyer now and his mind was far too occupied to notice he was heading straight for the troll-leg umbrella stand, which Tonks never failed to knock over. He collided with it, sending it sprawling to the floor and knocking umbrellas every which way. Mrs. Black's curtains flew open and her rotting mouth snarled as she began screaming obscenities at him.
"BLOOD TRAITOR!" she bellowed. "HOW DARE YOU SHAME MY HOUSE AND THE NAME OF MY FOREFATHERS! DISGUSTING BOY! JUST LIKE THAT NO-GOOD, USELESS SON OF MINE! SHOULD'VE SMOTHERED HIM AT BIRTH! SHOULD'VE REALISED HE'D NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING!"
Harry saw red. In the back of his mind, he heard Anna and Remus hurrying up the steps from the kitchen, but all he could see was this horrible woman, this horrible, disgusting woman who had never shown love to her son, who hadn't even mourned when Remus had told her that Sirius was dead. She had laughed, instead.
"Shut up," he growled, closing his eyes tightly and balling his fists at his side. "Shut up."
The ghastly woman cackled.
"NO WONDER HE DIED SUCH A DISHONOURABLE DEATH! I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD, THAT TRAITOROUS FAILURE! HE WAS A DISAPPOINTMENT FROM THE MOMENT HE WAS BORN TO THE MOMENT HE DIED!"
"SHUT UP!" Harry screamed, his eyes squeezed shut, and something inside him snapped. He felt a scorching burst of energy shoot from him towards the portrait of Mrs. Black, who screamed and clung to her once-gilt frame. There was an explosion of noise.
"Harry!"
He opened his eyes. Anna and Remus were standing at the entrance to the foyer, mouths open in shock. There was swirling energy around him, the paintings along all the walls were rattling and shaking. Where Mrs. Black used to hang there was a gaping hole. He felt horror build up inside him and as it did, so did anger and white-hot rage. He felt it in his fingertips and behind his eyes as he looked at the damage his magic had wrecked.
"Harry!" Anna shouted again. "You need to calm down." She was coming towards him, pushing against his magic. She was in front of him now, grasping tightly to his shoulders and looking into his eyes. "Harry, calm down before you hurt someone. Pull it back in, go to your garden, Harry, can you see it?"
He wanted to burn everything down, he wanted it to end, he wanted to unleash everything in him and lash out at the world. But he didn't. Slowly, slowly, he reigned it in, pulled back toward him everything that had come bursting out.
"Good boy," Anna murmured, still latched on to him, her anchor in the maelstrom he had let loose. "Its okay, Harry." She stepped back. They looked around. The paintings hanging in the foyer and down the hall were tilted, if not fallen off the wall completely. Anything that had been standing up previously was now knocked to the ground, scattered over the hardwood floor. Harry was panting hard. His hands were clammy. He looked at them. They were completely normal, no sign of the raw magic that had coursed through him only moments before.
"Shit," he murmured. He looked at Anna, who was gazing at him worriedly, her bottom lip between her teeth and Remus who was hovering behind. "I don't – I'm not…" Harry shook his head back from his forehead. "I'll be upstairs."
And, in a haze, he stumbled back up to his room and collapsed on the bed.
A.N. Thanks for reading! Hope you had a Merry Christmas and enjoy the New Year! Review!