Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than Renesmee

AN: WOW you guys! We are SERIOUSLY awed and thrilled you are enjoying this story and our new collab penname so much! The response is overwhelming! Let's make this one of the biggest, best collabs out there! Whoot!

Alice POV

I was jarred from my slumber by the shrill screaming of my husband. "Alice!" He yelled. I sat straight up without thinking. "Alice! Oh God, Al. Hurry!"

I ran to the bathroom and there before me, was my body. I gasped and he, I mean, I, I mean, he, turned toward me. "Jazz?"

"Alice, what is…? I mean… what the hell? Am I in your body?"

Oh my God, it worked. "I think so Jasper." I said softly. "I'm in your body and you're in mine."

"It's not possible. We must be dreaming." I watched him grasp my, I mean, his, stomach. "Shit that hurts!" He said with a wince.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked as I put my hand next to his.

"I guess. I have just been having these sharp pains all morning, and I have terrible heartburn. Not to mention I am horny as fuck."

I couldn't quite help the sheer satisfaction that coursed through me then. "Welcome to the wonderful world of pregnancy."

He looked at me blankly. "What in the name of fuck are you talking about, Alice?"

I bit my lip. "Well, um…see…there was this old Indian…"

"Please don't tell me you believe in any kind of hinky voodoo shit, Alice." He said as he put his hand on his hip. Huh. My body was really cute when I was pregnant. I'd not really paid attention to it before. It was easy to miss when you were bloated and miserable and your boobs hurt like someone was mashing them. I felt a strange sensation between my legs and Jasper rolled his, I mean, my eyes. "Of course. You see me standing here half-assed dressed and you get horny. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"It's your body I'm in, Jasper! I can't help it if it responds to how I look in the mornings!"

He grinned then. "Yeah, well, now you finally see what I do."

I sighed. "Look, okay, so, yeah, I ungh, I kinda slipped you some voodoo herbs and made you eat them. I did too, and we switched."

His arms were folded over his boobs as he shook his head. "Nope, uh-uh. Not buying it. This is a dream. Any minute now, I'll wake up and this will all have been a nightmare…" He shut his eyes tight and opened them up really quickly.

I rolled my eyes. "Really? How'd that work out for ya, Mr. Whitlock?"

"H-how is this possible, Alice?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "Emmett."

"I'll fucking kill him."

My eyebrow rose. "Not in that body, you won't, sweetness."

He let out a little growl. Again, I smiled. I was too cute for words, I really was. No wonder people couldn't say no to me. I was irresistible.

"Did you really do this, Alice?"

I nodded. "I'm afraid so. Baby, it's just for a day or so. Emmett and Rosalie were only like this a week, and…"

"A week?" His voice went up an octave. "A fucking week? Alice. I have a job, a life, I can't be you for a week!"

"Why is that, Jasper Lee Whitlock? Can't hack it? Or is it because you think I don't do anything all damn day long?!"

He sighed and leaned against the counter. "Ali, come on, you can't be serious! This is awful! If men were meant to be pregnant, they'd have eggs."

"And if humans were meant to fly, they'd have feathers growing out of their ass, Jasper, but man still invented the fucking airplane!"

His, well, my shoulders started shaking as he turned away from me. Crap. Pregnancy hormones. "Jazzy?"

"I do appreciate you, Alice," He said, sniffling. "I love you, so much, baby. I'm sorry, was…have I not been good enough to you? Not appreciated you enough? Tell me? Make this right. Let's just switch back and…"

"We can't," I whispered.

"Why not?" He asked.

"I don't know how we switch back."

"WHAT?! What do you mean, 'I don't know how to switch back'? That's…that's like taking a car apart without knowing how to put it back together again! It doesn't work!"

"Don't yell at me!" I said, tears in my own eyes. Just because I was in his body didn't mean my heart wasn't still sensitive.

"Baby…" He started, wrapping his small arms around me. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean to do this, I just thought maybe we could…I don't know, I just…"

"It's done now. So, how are we going to deal with it?"

I blew out a breath. "I don't know, but we'll figure out something."

Just then, I heard a tap-tap-tap on our door. Reagan. "Jazz…just, play this cool, okay?"

He nodded, and caught the robe I threw at him, belting it around his, I mean, my, enormous belly.

"Mommy? Daddy?"

"In here, princess," I said, calling her by the name Jasper always used.

"Are you okay, Mommy?" She asked Jasper. "Is the baby okay?"

Jasper smiled at her. "Sure, Ray-Ray." He said, using another common nickname of hers. "We're fine, just a little tired. I think it's going to play soccer."

She giggled. "Can I watch some cartoons?"

Jasper nodded. "I think that's a great idea. Go on downstairs. We'll be down in a minute. Are you hungry?"

"Will you make your special pancakes?"

I winced. Jasper never could get those right…

"Not this morning," Jasper said softly. "But I promise, I'll make it up to you, okay?"

Her lower lip pouted, much like mine does when I don't get my way, but she said, "Okay. Maybe Daddy will take me out for breakfast and let you rest…?"

I smiled at her. "I think that's an excellent idea." He shot me a look, but I knelt down in front of her, my much longer legs bending oddly, feeling funny. Hmmm, I could get used to this height thing. "Go watch TV and we'll get you ready in a minute, okay? Maybe we'll let Mommy rest and bring her back her favorite treat."

She kissed my cheek. "Okay, Daddy." She then let out a little "yay!" and ran back through the house. I straightened back up and looked at Jasper. "Don't look at me with that tone of voice."

"I'll give you whatever tone I want to. What the hell do you think you're doing? You're going to leave me here? What if I go into labor or something?"

I rolled my eyes. "Jasper, I've got like, six weeks left. It'll be fine. Relax. Go, pee, and then lay back down. Rest today. I'll take Ray to get her something to eat, then we'll go play at the park for a little while, then, when we're finished, we'll come back and I'll fix you something really nice to eat, okay?"

"But I'm hungry now," He whined.

Ahhh…sweet, sweet music. I loved knowing he was whining already. He'd only been me for a few minutes, well, that he was awake, anyway. Yes, I know, I'm evil. "Then, go pee and I'll go get you a little something to eat."

"And something for the heartburn?" He asked hopefully.

"Oh, honey, nothing helps the heartburn. But I'll get you a big glass of milk, okay?"

"Would you fix me a grilled cheese?" He asked.

I smiled. "Yeah, baby, that I can do."

"Thanks." He said softly, shuffling to the toilet. I decided to give him some privacy and ran to the other bathroom on my way to the kitchen. I shut the door behind me and pulled my pajama pants down.

Huh. So…how does one work a penis anyway? I thought back to the times I would brush my teeth and see Jasper urinating behind me via the mirror. I grasped the cock between my legs…wow, odd sensation, and kind of pointed it in the general direction I wanted the pee to go. However, it kinda had a mind of its own and ended up getting me wet with pee.

"Eww!" I said, running over to wash my hand off. "Gross." I guess it takes more than just aiming? I decided I'd better just sit. Unfortunately, by sitting, I forgot to point the damn thing down, and shot some pee out onto the floor. "Fucking shit!" I growled. "How do you work this thing?" Finally, I managed to point it down in the toilet and finished relieving myself.

After that was done, I stood back up and surveyed the damage. Crap. Now I had to clean up. Eww…I grabbed some toilet paper and quickly mopped up my mess before tossing it into the toilet and flushing.

Unfortunately, I put too much toilet paper into the toilet and it clogged. "Jazzy!" I called. Then it occurred to me. Crap. I'm Jazzy. I'll have to fix this myself. I shuffled out to the garage and searched for the plunger-thingy. I managed to find it on a low shelf and took it back into the bathroom.

I looked at it and then looked at the toilet. How hard can this be, right? I shoved the plunger into the toilet and gave it a few good pushes. Water sloshed over the edge, drenching my feet in the process. I yelped and tried to get away, but my foot slipped on the wet tile and I landed hard on my ass.

The toilet, however, started making a sucking noise and did that little tornado thingy, sucking all the water and paper down with it. Good. See? I'm not completely helpless. The bathroom was covered in piss and toilet water, but I managed.

I proudly mopped up the mess, returned the plunger to the garage, and made my way back upstairs.

"Did you bring my sandwich and milk?" Jasper asked as I walked back in.

Damn it, I knew I forgot something. "No, baby, the toilet got stopped up and I had to deal with that. I'm kinda covered in pee right now. Give me a minute to shower?"

He sighed. "Oh, okay…I'll just get up and get it…"

"No, no, no, no, baby, I can do it. Just let me shower super-fast, okay?"

He smiled at me. "Okay, thank you."

I smiled too and kissed him quickly before hurrying into the shower. One thing about being a man? It only took me like, seven minutes to shower. I got out, ran a comb through my hair, threw on some blue-jeans and a nice polo shirt, and slipped into some Sperry's. But…something seemed amiss.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I knew I needed to shave his face, but that wasn't going to happen today. Huh…his hair was getting too long. Maybe I needed to make an appointment. I hated not going out in makeup, but, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Okay, get Reagan ready, make Jasper something to eat, then we can just make it to get breakfast…I hurried then, throwing together Jasper's sandwich, slapping it onto a plate with some strawberries in a bowl and his glass of milk. I called to Reagan, with her instructions to "get nekkid" or to get down to her panties, so I could help her get dressed, and hurried back to Jasper.

He was propped up, flipping through the TV channels. I smiled. It was so weird…I wasn't sure how I liked being a guy, but I did enjoy not being miserable. "Here you go." I said, plopping the tray down in front of him.

His, well, my, (I was going to have to get used to that,) lower lip poked out. "No grapefruit?"

I sighed. "Sorry, honey, we're all out. I'll get you some when I go to the store…"

"No, that's okay. I guess I'll make do…"

I rolled my eyes. Somebody was milking this thing already. "Okay, I'll get Reagan ready and we'll get out of your hair. Just lay there, relax, and watch TV, okay?"

He nodded and puckered his lips for a kiss. I smiled and kissed him chastely. "I love you." I told him.

"Sometimes I wonder…" He replied glumly. "But I love you too."

I kissed him once more and quickly went to get Reagan ready. We then hurried down to the cars. Oh, the cars. His Mustang sat there, taunting me. He'd often said I wasn't "man" enough to drive it. Well, honey, I'm man enough now. "Come on, Princess. Let's go."

"Ooh…in your car, Daddy?"

I nodded. "Just let me get your booster seat, and you can sit in the back. We'll even crank the music up, okay?"

She giggled and scrambled into the car, waiting for me to switch her booster over. Once she was belted in, we buzzed down the road. My first mistake, however, was singing along to the Jonas Brothers. Apparently dads didn't think the Jonas Brothers were cool. How could they not? The kids loved them. Oh well. "Okay then, what do you want to listen to in Daddy's car?" I asked her after she looked at me like I'd grown a second head.

"Carrie Underwood, Daddy, like we always do."

I rolled my eyes before flipping through the center console and found her CD. Yeah, right. He likes her for her music…uh-huh. "Okay, toots, which song?" I asked my daughter.

"Number two, Daddy, the one you say is yours and Mommy's song."

My eyebrow rose as I popped the disk in and turned it to track two. Jasper thinks we have a song? Soon, Carrie's sweet voice filled the car, and I felt bad for my earlier assessment of my husband. Guess he liked Carrie for more than her looks.

Since the day they got married
He'd been praying for a little baby boy
Someone he could take fishing
Throw the football and be his pride and joy
He could already see him holding that trophy
Taking his team to state
But when the nurse came in with a little pink blanket
All those big dreams changed

And now, he's wrapped around her finger
She's the center of his whole world
And his heart belongs to that sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect
All American girl

"We listen to this one a lot, Ray-Ray?"

She nodded. "Every time we're in the car together, silly Daddy. You always say this is how Poppy felt about Mommy cuz he wanted a boy and got Mommy instead."

Sixteen short years later
She was falling for the senior football star
Before you knew it he was dropping passes
Skipping practice just to spend more time with her
The coach said, "hey son what is your problem
Tell me have you lost your mind
Daddy said you'll lose your free ride to college
Boy, you better tell her goodbye"

But now, he's wrapped around her finger
She's the center of his whole world
And his heart belongs to that sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect
All American

"I say that?" I asked. Jasper was right, though. I had wrapped my father around my finger effortlessly, even though he had longed for a boy. He'd never gotten one, only a little girl to dote on.

She rolled her eyes, a carbon copy of me. "Yep. Then this last part you say is when you fell in love with Mommy, how you wanted a little girl just like her, and you got me!"

I smiled as I listened to the words;

And when they got married and decided to have one of their own
She said, "be honest, tell me what you want"
And he said, "honey you outta know

A sweet, little, beautiful, one just like you
I want a beautiful, wonderful, perfect All American"

Now, he's wrapped around her finger
She's the center of his whole world
And his heart belongs to that sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect
All American girl

All American girl

"I guess you're right, Princess. That's exactly how I feel about you and Mommy isn't it?"

"Yup, and you're really excited we're going to have a new baby girl too, right? I can show her all about dollies and tea parties and fingernail polishes and…" Then she was off, talking about all the girlie things she would do with her baby sister. I sighed as I thought of what I'd done. Maybe this whole body-switch thing was a mistake…

We made it to the diner, her and Jasper's usual hang-out for Saturday mornings. I normally came too, but since I had been so pregnant lately, Jasper had been taking her and letting me sleep in some. It was nice. I enjoyed that time alone to sleep, relax, de-stress. Hopefully Jasper would too.

To my surprise, when we got out of the car, Emmett was waiting there with Hope and Faith. "Hi, guys!" I said as Reagan practically leapt from the car to her friends.

Emmett smiled. "Hello…Jasper."

My eyes grew wide. "How did you…?"

He smiled. "You didn't think I wouldn't know you'd go right home and use that stuff, did you, Ali-Cat?"

"Uh…yes?"

He laughed. "Come on, Jasper, let's take care of our girls, kay?"

I nodded. We found a round, corner booth with the three girls between us, chattering away. "So, how did you know where to find me?"

He laughed. "Jazz called all in a panic when the baby punched him in the bladder. He's freaking out. Rose sent me over here to deal with you and she's gone over to give him a hand."

"Good, it'll do him good to get a taste of what I have to deal with."

Emmett winced. "Al, listen, I know why you did this, and I don't really blame you, I guess, but you need to give him a break here. I mean, when Ro and I…well, you know, I didn't have all of this to deal with, ya know?"

I shot him a look. "Are you trying to imply that I'm selfish, or that Jasper can't handle this?"

"Both." He said flatly.

"You son of a…"

"Little ears," He said with a grin.

I shot him a look and mouthed, "Fuck off, Emmett," to him.

His grin grew. "Now that sounded like something that would come from Jasper Whitlock's mouth."

Jasper POV

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity-Fuck!!!

I am fucking pregnant in my wife's body. Which higher being did I piss off to get myself into this predicament?

Oh yeah… a little fashion fairy named Alice is to blame. I can not believe she did this to me…to us. I have done everything I could to make her happy and this is what I get in return? Well I hope she is prepared for a rude awakening. My life ain't so easy. And if she wants to play hard ball then it is time to get my game on. We'll see how Little Miss Alice likes being the man of the house for the week.

I made my way to the kitchen to dispose of my dirty dishes. I guess you could say I waddled. How this little tiny body could support this huge stomach was beyond me. I felt like an egg on legs or one of those fuckin' weeble-wobble toys.

I had no sooner got to the kitchen than I had to piss…AGAIN! I had already been to the bathroom twice. I felt a sharp pain as I clenched my legs together in hopes of not wetting myself. I teetered back to the bathroom wondering how it was possible to have that much fluid needing to come out.

Maybe something was wrong? How the hell was I supposed to know what is normal and what's not? I contemplated calling Alice but just couldn't bring myself to do it. That's all I needed was to let her have the upper hand in this little game she had concocted.

I thought about calling Bella and Edward, but this shit was just a little too weird to try and explain. I could hear the conversation now.

"Hey guys, you won't believe this but Alice and I have switched bodies. I can't seem to stop peeing, the baby feels like she is playing soccer with my intestines and I can't ask Alice because she will think it is too fucking funny I am needing help after only thirty minutes. You got any Dr. Spock words of wisdom for the pregnant man?"

Nope…too fucking weird. Well now what do I do?

Emmett. Alice had mentioned Emmett was involved. That little prick was going to get it when I got my body back. I picked up the phone and dialed his number.

"Hello."

"Hello, Emmett. Do you know who this is?" I sing-songed into the phone.

"Of course I do, Alice. I have only known you for the last ten years. What's up?"

"I'll tell you what's up, dickwad. My feet. My swollen, pregnant feet and from what I heard, I have you to thank for this fucked up situation."

"Jazz?" I could hear a slight amount of fear in his voice and it at least calmed me down a bit.

"Yes, it's Jazz, you fucker. How could you let her do this to me? I'm pregnant, Emmett. I am trapped in my pregnant wife's body. And I have no idea what to do. My back hurts and I have to keep peeing and I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. And now I am fucking crying you asswipe. Do you have any idea what this is like?" Fucking hormones. I was blubbering like an idiot.

"Yes, I do know what it is like. I…I mean Rose and I …where is Alice?"

I tried to get a handle on my waterworks.

"She took Reagan out for breakfast, our usual hangout. And what do you mean you know what it is like?"

"Listen, I am out with the girls. I am going to call and send Rose over to help you because I honestly don't know what else to do. Believe me she can sympathize with the situation. Just relax and she'll be there in fifteen minutes. Okay?"

"Kay. Thanks, Em." I felt a little better knowing Rose was on her way. At least she would understand somewhat since she was pregnant as well.

I hung up the phone only to realize I was still in my pjs. I rushed as fast as my little legs would carry me to our bedroom. And man, are they small. No wonder she is always telling me to slow down when we go somewhere.

I pulled a pair of stretchy type jogging pants on and got one of my actual shirts. It certainly didn't look like something Alice would wear but it would have to do. I heard the doorbell ring and made my way down the stairs to see Rose already coming in the front door.

"Morning, you sexy little momma."

"You do know its Jasper right?"

"Course I do. I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to call you a sexy momma. Now Em says you need some help."

I gestured up and down my body with complete exasperation. "You think? I mean I am in my wife's body."

"Come on. I think there are some things you need to know."

We both got comfortable on the couch as she took a deep breath. "Do you remember several months ago, before I got pregnant with baby Kellan, Emmett and I seemed to act extremely strange for about a week? We were just like you and Alice. We had switched bodies."

"No fucking way, Rose. Things like that don't happen except in the movies. I mean how…what happened?"

She let out a sigh as she started to trace circles on her belly. I looked down to my surprise I had been doing the same thing. This must be some weird preggie thing to rub your stomach.

"Em and I accidentally ate some brownies that had a Native American magic herb in it. We went to sleep and woke up in each other's bodies."

I listened intently as she recounted that entire week. Suddenly all the strange things that Emmett had done made sense. I even had to excuse myself because I thought I was going to wet my pants when she told me they had taken him to a male review. That shit was going to be brought up once I was back in my own body. Em being gyrated on by almost nude men was just too good to pass up.

"Well, Rose, all this is fascinating and it does explain a lot but I want to know how to get back in my body."

"I don't know what to tell you, Jazz. Seth's grandfather just told us it would happen in time after we learned to appreciate each other and it did."

I felt tears start to form in my eyes. Damn it does everything make you cry?

"Now, don't cry or I'll start too and I hate to fucking cry. Everything will work out in the end. Emmett and I will handle your responsibilities at work until you are back."

"No, don't do that. I mean I want you to guide her since this is not her career. I don't want to jeopardize any of our clients. But I want her to see what I go through for her, for our girls. I mean you and Emmett didn't choose for it to happen but Alice did. She wanted me to see what it is like to be her; well I want the same thing. So bring it on. Tell me what I need to know, baby momma."

She gave me a wicked smile. "You do know I'm pregnant too and I always side with Alice, right?"

"I most certainly do and right now I am Alice. So can you at least tell me what is going on with this little alien?" I said gesturing towards my huge stomach.

"Okay, first of all, Alice is going to the doctor every week now that she is so close to her due date and I know everything is right on schedule. The baby is fine, she…you…are fine."

"Second, I am sure everything you are feeling is normal. Let me just give you the cliff notes of pregnancy. You will be uncomfortable. You back, legs, feet and boobs will hurt. You will have major mood swings - all the time. Get used to it. One minute you will be on top of the world and the next you will see some sappy commercial on TV and start bawling like a baby."

I just had to roll my eyes at that statement. I had already cried more this morning than I had in my whole freaking life.

"Heartburn is a bitch. You might as well throw the industrial size bottle of Tums in your purse. You will have to go to the bathroom constantly, especially at your late stage. I can walk into any major store and tell you exactly how to get to the bathroom. It is just a fact of life. The baby will sit directly on your bladder."

I know my eyes had to have been the size of saucers as she went on to explains cravings and insomnia and all the other shit I was fixing to endure. I have been sentenced to Hell. My beautiful, sweet wife has turned into Lucifer and decided to send me to purgatory.

"But Jasper, it is all worth it when you hold that baby in your arms. You will forget all the bad things and just feel so amazed that you brought this perfect creature into this world." Rose's face had gone into such a sweet expression that it took me a minute to realize that to hold that baby in my arms I was going to have to get it out of my body.

Suddenly the room started to get fuzzy as I thought about pushing this watermelon size being out the tiny orifice of my body I had just recently acquired. I mean honestly, there is a reason why women are the ones who go through childbirth. Although you may be hard pressed to find a man to admit it, we are basically chicken shits when it comes to self inflicted sacrifice. If men had to endure half of what she had told me the last hour than the human race would die out.

"Rose, you have to help us figure out how to switch back. I can not go through childbirth."

That same evil smile graced her face that Alice had been wearing when she found me in the bathroom this morning. I was beginning to worry that Emmett and I may be having dual baby showers before the week was over with. Slowly her eyes came back into focus as she retreated from what I could only imagine was of Emmett in a hospital gown while she yelled at him to push.

"I seriously don't think you need to worry about that, Jasper. Alice is still six weeks away from her due date. However, if you start having bad pains that seem to come more from your lower back than that is something to be concerned about."

This was getting worse by the fucking minute.

"Rose, what do you not get? I CAN NOT DELIVER A BABY!" I screamed. I felt the blood rush to my head as I gripped on to the arm of the couch.

"Well, Mrs. Whitlock, the only one who truly decides when the baby gets here is the baby itself. So if you have a large sudden gush of water coming from your nether region, you'd better let someone know."

Water breaking… labor… dear God in Heaven.

"Oh and another sure sign is if you go to the bathroom and you have this bloody mucus type secretion. Then that means the baby is definitely on its way…"

Bloody mucus was the last thing I remembered as I felt the room spin and I promptly passed out.

I came to, only to find my face staring back at me, while Emmett and Rosalie looked on. "Jazzy? Baby?" Alice asked me.

My eyes narrowed and I felt my nostrils flair. I heaved myself up off the couch and in a speed I didn't know Alice's pregnant belly could achieve, I launched myself at her and my body. My hands caught her while she was still bent over and they went around her, I mean, my, neck. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! DO YOU NOT LOVE ME ANYMORE?!"

I let out a sob and fell back to the couch. "I can't do this, Ali. Why do you hate me so much? Why would you do this to me?" I couldn't control my sobs.

I felt the couch shift as she sat next to me. "Baby…I'm so sorry, sweetie. It was the hormones. I…I'm so sorry, Jazzy. I love you, so much. I just wanted you to…"

"To what? Be fucking miserable? I get it, okay? I know you didn't want this, I know you didn't…"

"Jasper Lee Whitlock. Don't you dare finish that sentence." She said with a growl. "You know perfectly well I wanted that baby. I love the baby and I love you."

"Then why, Ali? Why would you do this?"

"It's something…hell, Jasper. I don't know, okay? I wasn't thinking. I was just feeling sorry for myself and under appreciated and…" She shook her, I mean, my, head. "Forgive me?" She whispered.

I sighed, my hand once more rubbing my stomach. I felt a tiny kick and it somehow gave me some encouragement. "I can never stay mad at you, baby." I told her. "I'm sorry, I'm just…this is so new and you threw me into this and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing and…"

She smiled. "We'll help you, and we'll figure out how to do this, okay? We just…we need to get the full effect for a few days, see how we can help each other more, respect each other more, that kind of thing…"

I shot her a look, not entirely sure I was buying this load of bullshit she was feeding me, but I went with it. "Okay. For you, Ali."

She kissed me then, and damn if I didn't feel fucking horny again. Shit. One would think as big as this stomach was I wouldn't be after getting a piece of her ass…I felt some nausea then. Fuck. She has my cock…even if we were to have sex…shit!

"Jazz? What's wrong?"

"Sex…"

She blinked. "You want sex?"

"No. Sex, with my body, your body…"

Rosalie giggled and Emmett grinned. "Dude, you'll never look at orgasms the same way again. Trust me."

My nose wrinkled. "Man, I don't wanna know about that."

Rose laughed. "I don't think I've ever heard Alice say 'man' in her life."

"Shut it, Rosy-posy." Alice shot back.

"Bitch." Rose muttered under her breath. "Don't go there, Alice. I'd hate to bring up any painful memories for you."

Alice's, well, my face, boy, I was still having trouble getting used to that, broke out into a killer grin. "Actually, since I'm in Jasper's body, I think the term is bastard, since I am, in fact, now a man."

Rose thought a moment. "Nope, pretty sure you're still a bitch."

"So, wait," I asked. "Edward and Bella…"

"Are in the dark." Alice said.

"And we'd appreciate it if you kept it that way." Rosalie said.

"Yeah, Eddie'd have us all committed to the loony bin."

I snorted. Edward was the most straight-laced person in the existence of mankind. I could see how that could be an issue. "Okay, Edward and Bella, no talky. Check. Anything else?"

They all smiled. "Well," Emmett said. "When this is all over, you can definitely say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have been more in touch with your feminine side than any other man, besides me, that you know."

I threw a pillow at him.

AN2: Yes, we know most doctors only see you once a week when you're a month out and she's still shy of that. But, due to the complications Alice had with Reagan and also the fact that she's so tiny, the doctor wants her in every week. Can't you just see Jasper up in stirrups? Not to worry...you will.

Don't forget the review on your way out...thankies! We love ya!

P.S. Can't forget to thank that lovely beta of ours. Fiberkitty, you rock!