Disclaimer: Don't own it. 'Nuff said. Actually, fiberkitty said we needed to state that we are NOT SM because we kick ass, so, no, we are NOT Stephenie Meyer. If we were, we would have named the kid a hell of a better name than Renesmee

AN: So glad to see all of you enjoying our little Alice and Jasper story. As moms we would have LOVED to have switched place with our hubbies while preggers, just because we are...evil. MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

As always, special thanks to our super special master beta, fiberkitty.

Alice POV

The alarm clock went off and I growled. "Five more minutes?" I said from where I was face-planted into the pillow.

"Nope. I've got the kids today, remember? And you have to go to work in my stead."

I turned over quickly, almost falling off the bed, and I looked at Jasper's, well, my face, wide eyed. "Oh, shit! Jazzy…I can't…"

He smirked. "Yeah, and I can't look after four kids by myself either, but I guess we'll have to make fucking do, won't we?"

I groaned. "Jazzy…I'm really so very sorry…"

He blew out a breath. I noticed he'd dressed my body in some leggings and a shirt of his. Damn, I'm really quite sexy pregnant. Something about all the curves I don't normally have…

He snickered. "Damn it, Alice, control my cock or you're going to be in a heap of trouble today."

I looked down to where the tent was pitched under the sheet. "Oops. Sorry, Jazzy."

He shot me a look. "Sure, that's what you say. But you're never really sorry, are you?"

It was my turn to smirk as I got up on my knees, crawling across the bed until I could grab him and pull him to me. "Well, you know I love you, sweetie, and I just…I'm so damned horny…"

"Alice…I've gotta get downstairs, get ready for my day…and you're running late for work…"

"Just a quickie?" I whimpered. The cock between my legs was all but aching with need. It was one thing being horny in a woman's body, but in a man's body…it was so damned physical.

"Alice!" He hissed.

I pulled him to me, not even caring about the belly in our way. "Come on, baby," I said, dropping my voice lower. It was still Jasper's voice, but it oozed sex. "You know you want some. My body's horniest in the mornings…"

I pressed my lips to his for a taste and we both moaned as he took control of the kiss. My hands traveled down to his hips and I thrust my hips into his. He let out a whimper as my lips traveled down to his neck. Huh…as long as I kept my eyes closed, it was like in "Ghost" when Demi Moore danced with Whoopi Goldberg, who was really Patrick Swayze's soul. I had my hands prepared to take down his pants when I heard, "Mommy! Daddy! Uncle Edward's here!"

"Fuck," We moaned in unison.

I sighed. "Go on, finish getting ready. You know it doesn't take me long. I'll go get the door."

Jasper grinned my little wicked grin. "Put some pants on, sugar. Eddie doesn't want to see my cock. It may give him penis envy."

"I knew it! I knew that actually happened!" I said.

He laughed and waddled back into the bathroom. I slipped on some khaki pants and shuffled barefoot and shirtless down the stairs. Jasper had issues with running around the house without a shirt on. Me in his body? Not so much.

Granted, he had a few scars…well, more than a few. He had been in a terrible car accident when he was younger, had lost his spleen, a foot of his intestines and his right kidney. Plus, his lung had been punctured, so now, twenty plus years later, he was still somewhat bashful about his wounds. Some plastic surgeon had taken pity on Jasper's nine year old self and had fixed some of the worst keloids, but there were still some puckered scars. He was lucky though. His brother, Peter, hadn't lived. I liked the scars. I wished he'd show them off with pride. He was stunning in spite of the wounds. He kept his body in maximum health. He really needed to show it off more.

I ran my fingers through my hair and opened the door. Anthony ran past me and into the playroom. "Hey, man," I managed, yawning as I did so.

Edward's eyebrow went up. "Did I interrupt something?"

I laughed. "Yes."

He grinned. "Good. No one wants to see your skinny ass, certainly not my son."

I rolled my eyes. "Never forget I'm bigger than you, pee-wee."

His eyes narrowed. "Oh? And whatever makes you think that, Junior?"

I bit my tongue. I knew for a fact that Jasper's cock was bigger than Edward's…but I guess Edward didn't need to know anything. So I grinned and shot back a Jasperesque response; "Just callin' 'em like I see 'em."

He shook his head. "Whatever. I hate to do this to Alice, I know that she's bound to be wearing down…but Bella can not handle the kids being over there as she tries to bake and decorate the Transformer's cake she's making."

Those are those little cars that turn into robots, right? I thought to myself. Huh. Best keep my mouth shut about that. Don't want to look like a fool. "Yeah, well, Bella's a great baker. I can't wait to see what all the cake looks like."

Edward looked at me quizzically. "Are you okay? Normally you get into an argument with me over the qualities of Transformers versus G.I. Joe."

Oh, right. Jasper did do that. "Well," I said, rubbing my neck. "It ain't worth arguing over this morning. I got shit to do…" Yup, that a) sounded like Jasper, and b) was my way of getting Edward out of the door and out of my hair.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. We are thirty something year old men now, aren't we? Don't need to be arguing about stupid cartoons…" It almost sounded like I'd hurt his feelings. Men were so strange.

I shrugged. "I gotta get ready. I think I have a meeting." I said, remembering what Jasper had told me last night. "I'll talk to ya later, then we'll get down to business on why G.I. Joe tromps those Transformer's asses."

Edward grinned at me and walked back to his Volvo. Again, I thought how strange men were. I shook my head and closed the door before heading back upstairs to finish getting ready for work.

I fixed my hair and put on some of the moisturizing gel that Jasper never liked to use. Next, I put on his cologne, immediately regretting it as the cock between my legs once more started acting up. What the hell? Now looking at my body and smelling Jasper's cologne gets me worked up? How do men do this all the time?

I took a few deep, cleansing breaths before I put on my tie, working that Windsor knot like a fucking pro and slipped into my sport jacket. I glanced at myself in the mirror. Yup. I was dayum hot.

I jogged back down the steps and walked into the kitchen just in time to see Jasper attempting to reach the box of cereal from the top shelf. "Let me get that." I said, reaching past him to grab the box. I tell you what…the dick thing was a bit much, but I could really get used to this height.

He shot me a look. "Damned tall ass," He muttered under his breath.

I kissed his cheek. "It's okay, pumpkin. I don't mind getting it for you…" I trailed off as the doorbell rang again. I walked out to the entryway and opened the door for Rosalie.

She looked at me in surprise. "Alice! Wow. You cleaned Jasper up!"

I grinned. "Thanks. I remembered he has an important meeting, right?"

She sighed. "Yeah, with Leonardo Alister. Go easy on him."

"Why?" I asked.

"Jasper and he…it's complicated."

"Why?" I asked again. Jasper got along great with everyone. He calmed and sweet-talked every person he ever came into contact with. "Why is this Leonardo guy so problematic?"

"He's gay." She said flatly.

"Ahhh..." Well, that explained it. It wasn't that Jasper was a homophobe; he was just…uncomfortable with men that liked other men. "Let me guess, he's got a crush on Jasper."

She giggled. "Nope, he's got a crush on Emmett, which makes Emmett blush like a virgin anytime he comes into the office. He loves Miya and Jamie though…I think he'd think about going straight if he could get the two of them into bed…together."

I laughed. I think if Miya and Jamie could get Em and Jazz into bed…together…with them…they probably would. "Well, I'll just be very cordial to him." I said. "You know how well I get along with Tim and Carlo…" Tim was Rosalie's cousin. He was a lawyer in Ohio. His partner, Carlo was a doctor in Boulder, Colorado. The two of them had a long distance relationship, but it worked for them.

"Just…treat him with kid gloves, Ali. Since Jasper isn't comfortable around him, just act very cautiously." Rosalie warned.

"So…no gay jokes?" I teased.

She shot me a look.

I drove toward the office with a smile on my face. This would be fun, today! I stopped in and got Miya and Jamie's favorite coffees, as well as one for the new receptionist, Stacey. Emmett had snapped her up, oddly enough, from the spa we went to, where she was also a receptionist. "Good morning, Mr. Whitlock." She stated warmly.

I smiled and handed her a coffee. "Good morning, Stacey. Here you go."

She smiled. "Thank you, sir."

I shrugged. "My pleasure." I started humming as I dropped off Jamie's coffee and made my way to Jasper's office. "Good morning, Miya." I all but sang. Today was going to be terrific. I could feel it.

Her eyebrow rose. "Good morning, Jasper. You're rather chipper this morning."

I grinned. "You have no idea." I replied.

She eyed me, but said, "Well, all the specs are on your desk and Mr. Alister will be here in about fifteen minutes."

"Perfect." I said with a smile.

I quickly reviewed his design. He was opening a high-end sushi bar. He himself was not Asian, however, he loved the culture and was interviewing chefs already. I, was not a fan of sushi, but hell, I'd try anything once. That's what she said, I thought to myself with a grin. Well, that was true too.

I hoped nothing much was asked about the actual design, but the color scheme Jazz had planned was horrid. I had to ask if Leonardo would be willing to change his mind…see if we couldn't get some different things going on here. Jasper had put in a hodge-podge of Japanese culture and it was just too much. He needed it soft, demure, slightly eclectic, not like Japan threw up on the place.

I made a few notations, drawing a few designs of my own on the side. I wasn't an architect, but I was a good designer. Fashion had been my minor in college. Interior Design had been my major. This I knew how to do.

I heard a knock at the open door and lifted my head. Emmett strolled in and said, "Jazz, dude, what the fuck?"

"What?" I asked.

"You look like a girl, Alice!" He hissed.

I drew offense from that. "I do not. This look is quite metrosexual."

He snorted. "It's something." He commented. "Okay, I need to give you the low-down on this job. Rosie and I are taking a big chunk of Jasper's clients this week, but there are some that we just couldn't reschedule."

I nodded. "I can handle this, Emmett."

He gave me a rundown of what to expect, making a few notations beside each thing in the schedule book Jasper kept on his desk. We were just finishing up when there was another knock at the door and a, "Well, my, my, my. Two of the best looking architects I know, working diligently together."

I saw Emmett's blush start immediately and I knew I'd have to ride his ass about this later. I looked up into the face of a young man and smiled. "Mr. Alister…" I said, holding out my hand.

He grinned. "Now, Jasper, you know I told you to call me Leo…"

I nodded. "Right, Leo." I turned to Emmett. "Well, Em, thanks man."

He looked at me for a moment in relief before I grinned. "See ya later."

He cleared his throat. "Right, later, dude, Leo."

Leo and I both watched him leave. Leo sighed. "It's just a damn shame he's straight."

I burst out laughing, I couldn't help it. No wonder Jasper was uncomfortable with Leo. He made no effort to conceal his sexual orientation.

He looked at me and smiled. "I amuse you?"

I shook my head. "It's not that, something funny just popped into my head." Like I could tell him this. He would think Jasper was crazy.

His brow furrowed. "You look different. Nice, though. I always figured you more for the rough and tumble, not suave and genteel."

I smiled. That did describer Jasper. Both statements, actually. But to Leo I merely said, "My wife got hold of me, gave me a makeover."

"I need her number. She did an excellent job."

I beamed. "Thank you. It's kind of her passion, that and interior design. This brings me to a comment she made…" I said, treading carefully. "She was looking at my drawings, I apologize, but I had taken them home to work on them. Anyway, she had taken a few looks at them over my shoulder and made some comments about the interior. When she couldn't make me understand what she was talking about, she drew up a few of her own…" I handed him my designs.

His lip pouted slightly and he sighed. "These are really very good. She must do this for a living."

I shook my head sadly. I'd always wanted to, but with Reagan and now the new baby on the way… "No, she's been busy raising our child. We have one on the way as well."

He smiled. "I'm sure you're a great daddy."

Huh. Flattery will get you everywhere, except for my hubby's pants, babe. "Thanks. So, anyway, do you like them?"

He nodded. "They're a lot better than what I asked you to incorporate in."

Wow. He was the one that wanted all that shit? I'm so glad I managed to step in when I did. No one would have wanted to eat there with that crap design. I wouldn't have been caught dead in the place, even if I liked sushi. I smiled. "Well, Leo, let's go over the things you want to change…" Oh yeah, I had this in the bag.

Jasper POV

I glanced around at the kiddies surrounding me. How hard could this be? I mean, I was fixing to be a father again, so I had better get used to handling more than child at once. Besides, they would probably entertain each other and let me get in a little relaxation time.

"So guys, what do you want to do first? How about we sit down and take it easy, maybe watch some cartoons?"

Four little voices piped up at once.

"Dora." Faith screamed.

"ICarly." Reagan interjected.

"SpongeBob, Aunt Ali. Daddy never lets me watch it at home. He says if he has to hear that laugh one more time, he is going to take his shotgun to the cable box." Hope pleaded, the whole time tugging on the hem of my shirt so hard I thought I was going to fall over.

"I can only watch the history or discovery channel. Dad says television rots your brain." Anthony said dejectedly.

Okay not quite as easy as I thought.

"How about a movie? Maybe something everyone would like…ET?" Please agree, please agree, please agree.

"I don't know. Do you think my Dad will care?" Anthony asked. He looked really pitiful for a six year old boy. Edward and I were going to have a little talk, once I got back to normal. There was no doubt he is a great father, but he has got to loosen up a little.

"Listen, sport. Today is our day. I won't tell if you don't tell."

He gave me the sweetest smile as he threw his little arms around my huge belly.

"Thanks, Aunt Ali."

I got the four of them settled in front of the TV, ready to take it easy for a while myself when the requests started.

"Can we have snacks, Mommy? Movies are always better with snacks."

I felt the rumble in my stomach and had to admit that a snack sounded right on time.

"Sure honey, you want to come help me?"

"Kay, mommy." I grabbed her tiny hand in mine as we made our way into the kitchen.

"So what sounds good? Popcorn? Maybe some fruit?" I rummaged through the refrigerator and cabinets. Damn I was hungry.

"Can we have some ice cream too? Ice cream sounds so good." She looked up at me with Alice's cute little upturned nose and long eyelashes and I felt myself melt. I was way beyond being whipped by the women in my life. And ice cream did sound really good.

I looked at the clock on the stove. Surely nine o'clock wasn't too early to serve ice cream to a bunch of kids watching a movie, was it?

I grabbed the carton of Neapolitan along with the chocolate sauce, whipped cream, sprinkles, ohhhh and some chopped nuts and cherries. Oh, what the hell, some magic shell too, that sounded good. I reached into the hanging basket and took a couple of bananas. At least I could say that I had given them some fruit as well.

We took everything back to the playroom and I helped all the kids make their own personal sundaes. I snuggled into the couch with Reagan, tucked neatly into my side, both of us digging into our bowls of delicious sweetness.

It was only twenty minutes later, that I felt my eyes start to close. I peered into the carton and noticed all the ice cream was gone, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to just take a quick cat nap. I shut my eyes again and let my sleepiness take over.

I awoke to deafening silence, not a good thing with four kids in the house.

What the fuck?

Every damn thing in the room had been pulled out into the floor. Toys, games, and what is that in the carpet…play-dough?

The room looked like a tornado had gone straight through the middle of it.

Holy shit…Alice is going to kill me.

I heaved myself to a standing position and went looking for the four heathens that had destroyed the playroom.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I checked the other rooms. At least the damage had been contained to the downstairs. I could only imagine if the entire house had been ransacked while I slept.

My ears picked up a smattering of giggles coming from Reagan's room. I pushed open the cracked door and felt my stomach drop.

There on the bed was Hope, her tiny shirt pushed up, flashing her non-existent boobies. Anthony was hovering over her, Reagan's toy stethoscope, firmly in his ears as he moved it around Hope's tummy.

"Okay, deep breath." He instructed.

"What is going on in here?" I all but screamed.

"We are playing hospital, mommy." Reagan answered. "Faith and I are the nurses, Hope is the patient, and Tony is the doctor. You know since his daddy is one, he knew just what to do."

He flashed me a crooked grin, just like his father's and went back to 'examining' his patient.

"I think that we should keep the clothes on, if you want to play…and the door open. In fact, no more doctor. You four are going to help me clean up the playroom you destroyed. Now hop to it."

Two hours later I was still on my knees, trying to get the last of the play dough out of the carpet. I felt a small tug on my arm, to see Faith staring into my eyes.

"We hungry, Uncle Jazzy."

"I'm not Uncle Jasper, baby. It's me, Auntie Ali."

She grabbed my face in her tiny hands and stared deep into my eyes. After a moment she cocked her head and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Nope. You are Jazzy. I not tell, okay. Just like mommy and daddy."

Well, that little bugger. I had to remember to ask Emmett and Rose about it later.

"Okay, let's go fix you guys some lunch."

I sat the four of them down at the table, determined that this time was going to go better than the snacks.

"What do you guys want to eat?"

"Peanut butter and jelly."

"Hotdog."

"Grilled cheese"

"Chicken fingers"

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Do you guys ever agree on anything? Can you all just pick one thing that everyone will eat?"

All four children answered in unison.

"Raviolis!"

Well that was easy. I opened up a couple of cans and dumped them into a saucepan. While it was heating I cut up a couple of apples and pulled out some juice boxes.

As soon as the raviolis were ready I dished it out into bowls and set one in front of each child. I went back to the cabinets to make myself a sandwich, when I felt a sharp kick and that familiar pressing on my bladder.

"Will you guys be okay for just a minute, while I run to the bathroom?"

They all nodded as I waddled out of the kitchen. I grabbed the cordless phone as I passed by and punched in my work number as I sat down.

"McCarty, Whitlock and McCarty, how may I help you?"

"Alice…uh, Jasper Whitlock please."

"One moment."

Seconds later I heard my voice reverberate through the phone. Funny, is that what I actually sound like? My Texan drawl was a lot more prominent than I realized.

"Jasper Whitlock."

"He babe, it's me. Just wanted to see how your first day at the office is going."

"It's wonderful, Jasper. Leo Alister was here and he loved some of my ideas, and we just hit it off fabulously. How has your day been? Any problems?"

So no problems at work, a little disappointed to say the least. I wanted her to get a taste of the stress my job entailed. It just figured that she and Leo would be big buddies.

"It's been perfect. No problems here." I lied through my teeth.

"Hmmm…well that's good. I meant to tell you to try and keep the kids clean. We have Anthony's party right after work and I hate to be rushed, trying to get everyone over there."

"Don't worry. I will have them all cleaned, polished, and ready to go when you get home. I am not completely helpless, you know."

My voice softened slightly. "I know that, sweetie. I have to run; Leo and I are going to lunch."

"Okay, but you better remember that one day I will be back in my body. Don't be planting any ideas in Leo's head that he has a chance with me."

"I won't. I'll see you later. I love you…Mrs. Whitlock."

"I love you too…Mr. Whitlock. And that just sounds so wrong." I hung up to my deep laughter coming through the phone.

I made my way back to the kitchen, more than ready for that sandwich.

Oh shit! Not again. I was only gone like three minutes.

All four kids were covered from the top of their heads to their waists in dark orange sauce.

"What…what happened?" I asked. At that moment, I felt the hormones again and felt sure I was going to cry.

"Nothing, raviolis are always messy. You know that, Mommy." Reagan said, her Cinderella shirt coved in splatters of food.

Deep breath, Jazz, deep breath. It is just food. How bad could it be?

"It's alright, guys. Let's get you changed and cleaned up."

I lead all four into the bathroom and went back to the hall to retrieve their backpacks. I grabbed the Hello Kitty that I knew belonged to Hope but didn't see Tony's Spiderman anywhere. I stopped by Reagan's room and grabbed a clean outfit before heading back to the bathroom.

"Tony, do you know where your bag is?"

"Dad forgot it this morning."

Well this is fucking great. He is covered in raviolis and nothing to change him into. I hurried back to Reagan's room and grabbed the first thing I could find. Unfortunately, Reagan is truly a fashion maven like her mother and everything was pretty much girly-fied.

I got back to the bathroom and put Tony in the bathtub, closing the curtain. No point in letting the kids see any more of each other than they needed. I truly did not feel like explaining the differences in anatomies today.

I handed the clothes to him behind the curtain. "Here put these on."

"But their girl clothes, Aunt Alice." He whined.

"I know, but your dad forgot yours. You can wear them just while I throw yours in the wash."

"Okay, but don't tell my friends. I don't want to get made fun of."

"I promise. Now don't come out until I tell you."

I wiped each child down with a warm washcloth, the food still leaving a slight tint around their mouths.

I quickly changed each girl into a new outfit, helped Anthony out of the tub and gathered up the dirty clothes.

"Now, I am going to go throw these in the washing machine. Will you please, just play a game or something that will not make a big mess?"

"How about Hi Ho Cherry-O?" Hope asked.

Unbelievably they all agreed and headed towards Reagan's bedroom to start the game.

I went into the laundry room and threw the whole load into the machine. Warily I surveyed all the different powders and liquids before me. How in the world did you know which one to use?

I saw a large measuring cup to the side and just started adding various contents together. Detergent, stain remover, bleach, fabric softener, some other kind of powder called Dreft that smelled nice…I grabbed a clothes hanger and stuck one end of into the concoction, stirring it all together.

I surveyed the multiple settings on the machine. Good Lord, why can't they just have an on/off button? I had always been lucky enough to have had someone take care of this shit before. Even in college, I could usually look helpless enough that some pretty coed would do it for me, and then finally Alice took over doing it for me all the time.

I started pushing buttons until the machine started up. I dumped my mixture in to the top and slammed the door shut. I went and checked on the kids, still engrossed in their game. The ache in my stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten, so I went back to the kitchen and finished making my sandwich and all but inhaled it along with a large glass of milk.

I waited until the washer had time to finish and then loaded them all into the dryer. By that time, the kids had moved on to coloring, and for once I was smart enough to realize that the kitchen table was probably the safest place for them to do anything that could possibly make a mess.

I heard the buzzer go off on the dryer and went back to the laundry room to pull out the clothes.

No…no…no!! Why in the fuck are they all pink?

Everything had a slight pink cast too it, especially the white pieces – Anthony's Transformer shirt especially. I then pulled out a hot pink shirt that Faith had been wearing that was now a slightly paler shade. And once again…what the fuck? You could still see the faint remnants of ravioli stains.

I felt like kicking Chef Boyardee's ass at that moment. There ought to be some type of disclaimer on that fucking can. Warning…if you get this shit on your clothes, you might as well throw them in the fucking garbage.

I carried the clothes out and dropped them on the sofa, flopping down beside them. Man, did I feel like a complete failure. I couldn't even do laundry right. I felt tears start to fall down my cheeks.

I looked at the clock and realized that everyone should be home in just a couple of hours. I pulled back to a standing position, figuring that I should at least try and make sure the house was as clean as possible.

I set about, dusting and vacuuming. Making sure everything was spotless… and surprisingly, it relaxed me. After I had everything done, I grabbed Alice's copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting, flipping to the chapters of where Alice was at in her pregnancy. At least I could read and get a grip on some of what I was feeling. Even Alice was brushing up and she had been through this already.

I was so engrossed in my book that I didn't even notice the doorbell buzzing. I made my way to the front door, just as Anthony and Reagan were opening it for Edward.

I watched the look of surprise and shock pass across his face as he took in his son's appearance.

"Alice, do I want to know why my son is wearing a shirt that says Girl Power and turquoise shorts?"

Alice POV

I was all smiles as I drove home. After a long lunch with Leo, I set up an appointment to join him for a manicure tomorrow as we continued to discuss details. He loved literally everything I came up with and was all smiles as he left.

I didn't think it would be a big deal. I mean; Jasper would do almost anything to seal the deal, right? This had the potential to be big, and if Jazzy could get in with Leo, maybe he could even get in big with the gay community as a whole, and that would open up a brand new world of work for the company.

I pulled in the drive to find Edward's car still here. Huh. He must have been running late. I hurried to the door only to find him swearing at my Jazzy while tears rolled down his face. "What the fuck is going on here?" I asked, pulling myself up to Jasper's full height.

Edward sighed. "I asked her why Anthony was dressed like he was and she burst out in tears. Rein in your woman, Jasper. I think she needs a break."

"You are the one standing there bitching her out, Edward Anthony Masen." I pointed out.

"I did not!" He cried indignantly. "She burst into tears and I told her to just stop with the fake assed tears!"

I punched him on the arm, hard. "Those are not fake, Edward. Just because your wife takes the shit you dish out does not mean you can do the same to mine." I grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him in to sit on the sofa. Bless his heart, he was snuffling. "Baby?" I said softly. "It's okay, alright? I'll take care of it."

"Th-th-thank you." He managed. Poor guy. These kids must have tortured the hell out of him. I almost felt bad for him. I rounded on Edward. "What the fuck is your deal, Edward?"

"Look at Anthony! He's wearing Reagan's clothes! Alice ruined Anthony's Transformer's shirt!"

I rolled my eyes. "Bella got that from Wal-Mart, Edward. I'm sure she can manage to find another bargain bin replacement. Besides, Alice is pregnant. Give her some motherfucking space!" I growled. "Now, grow a set of balls, take your son home, change his clothes so Bella doesn't have to do it, and take him to his fucking birthday party. Am I understood?"

Edward's eyes narrowed but I swear I could see a flicker of fear in them. Jasper didn't lose his cool often, but when he did? It was not pretty. My man was a bad-ass. And though Emmett had the size, Jasper had the street smarts. He'd played with fire, got burned a few times on the streets of Dallas, but he persevered. However, that didn't mean Jazzy had lost the memory of how to beat up a guy.

I stared him down and Edward blew out a breath. "Come on, Tony, let's get you home and changed."

Shit. The kids heard me cuss. Oh hell…I'll hear about this one from Bella and Rosalie, I know it. I blew out a breath as well and said to the girls, "Girls, give me and Aunt Ali a few minutes, okay?"

They all three looked at me wide-eyed but nodded and ran off in the direction of Reagan's room. I sighed and plopped down next to Jasper.

He looked at me and grinned. Then he started giggling. "So glad I can amuse you." I said flatly.

He shook his head. "I…" hiccup, "loved the fact that you put the smug bastard in his place!" My small frame was shaking with laughter as I looked at him and smiled.

"Yeah, that felt good." I said with a grin. "Come on, let's get ready. It's almost time to go to "Fuck-N-Cheeses".

He grinned as I called it what he normally did and I helped him up. "So…how was it?" I asked.

He groaned. "You really don't want to know."

The evil angel on my left shoulder did a little happy dance.

Ugh, remind me to kill Bella for this,

I thought, three hours later. The place was packed with screaming children, not all of them ours. The kids devoured their pizza, inhaled the cake, oohed and ahhed over Tony's gifts and then ran back into the arcade. I wrinkled my nose. "I'm in hell," I said as I plopped down next to Emmett.

He grinned and said, "What's wrong, Ali? Tired of waiting on your pregnant wife hand and foot?"

I groaned. Every time I had asked Jasper to do something, he'd complain that he was too tired, he was uncomfortable, he didn't want to get up. Man-bitch. He was faking. I rarely ever pulled the "poor pitiful me" card! He's milking this for all it's worth! First, I'd asked him to carry in one of the birthday gifts. He said that lugging around my purse was enough and he couldn't take it. That had resulted in two trips back and forth from the car!

Next, I'd asked him if he could go get the kids rounded up while I helped Edward haul in the big gift, which, I may add, was a basketball goal, wrapped, in the box, and it was not light. I'd pay Emmett back for that shit when he said, "Oh, Jazz-man, you'll help Eddie while I help the ladies with the food, right?" Asshole.

Jasper has told me his feet were swollen and he really needed to just sit down. Bella and Rose, who, I was beginning to wonder if they were in on it, rushed to get him a chair to prop his feet up on. Bitches.

So, I'd trudged around, trying to find the kids, until I found them all in the ball pit. Ugh. There's no telling what shit is in these things. Snot, pee, poop, all kinds of funky germs.

I'd gotten Anthony, Reagan and Faith out when Hope started screaming bloody murder because she'd lost one of her favorite yellow socks. Apparently it had come off in the ball pit.

So…what did I have to do? Yup. Dive into the fucking thing and find it! It was at the bottom of the 'tank' next to two different colored flip-flops, a hair bow, a wadded up tissue, and eww…a condom wrapper.

Oh God, if we got out of here, I was having Daddy install us a private ball pit so we didn't have to bring the children back here. Fuck. That's nasty. Who in the hell would even want to have sex in a ball pit? I thought about that a minute. Hmm…well, the perverts we called husbands would probably give it a go…jackasses.

So, I saved the sock, informed the girls that the kids were not going back into the pit, and made everyone wash their hands with some Purell I knew I had in my, or rather, Jasper's, purse.

I was nursing a beer; thank God they serve alcohol, when I felt a little tug on my arm. I looked over at Reagan. "Daddy? I have to go pee-pee."

I looked over at Jasper, who was chatting it up with Bella and Rose and said, "Okay, pumpkin, let's go." I grasped her hand tightly and led her to the girl's bathroom, not even thinking. It wasn't until a woman carrying a baby hit me in the face with a diaper-bag that I realized…oh shit. I'm in the women's bathroom. In Jasper's body.

"Pervert!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, hitting me again.

I held up my hands. "Ma'am, I'm just taking my little girl…" I looked down at Reagan, who was laughing her little ass off.

"I can do it myself, Daddy, you stand outside and wait for me."

The woman glared at me and I sighed as I walked back outside. Once there, I caught sight of Emmett, a big smile plastered on his face. "Have problems?" He asked.

"Shut up, dickweed." I growled.

AN2: So... don't forget to put us on author alert because our new story should be starting up in the next week or so. It is going to be darker, more controversial and very smutty - the perfect combination, in our opinion.