A/N: Sorry about the cliffhanger last chapter everyone. I know they suck. Thanks to everyone who explained the lemon vs lime thing. Thank you too to everyone who reviewed, y'all are awesome. The few I didn't respond to...I couldn't. No link or real name to look up. Otherwise, I'm glad everyone is loving my story like I do.
Thank you everyone that is still adding me to their alerts and faves. I'm still blown away by all the support. You guys rock.
Take Care.
Chapter 19
The first three days, Hermione didn't leave her room, faking to be ill so she didn't have to see anyone. No one questioned it, Hermione never faked being sick or skipped classes before. She even looked ill with the circles under her eyes. She didn't sleep well and cried constantly. She didn't even eat anything on her tray that the elves brought to her bed, and barely drank anything.
On the fourth day, Ginny knew she wasn't sick and said she would quickly rat her out if Hermione didn't get out of bed and take a shower. She didn't know what was going on, but it was time for it to stop. Hermione had threatened to hex her redheaded friend but it didn't do any good. So Hermione gave up hiding.
She went to the Great Hall for dinner, but it was late and almost all the students had left. The person she had avoided was gone too. So at least she knew she would have one meal in peace.
They both never saw each other after that. It wasn't hard really. She didn't have his class anymore. She was almost done with her other classes to. Save for a few easier ones. Well at least easy for her.
Ginny tried to find out what was wrong, but Hermione wouldn't talk to her about it. She couldn't get the words out of her mouth. She couldn't tell her friend that she had fallen in love with a man who not only didn't love her back, but ditched her the moment he found out.
Hermione got to where she skipped a lot of meals in the Great Hall, taking a small tray in her room that she picked at mostly anyway. The elves tried to find out why she wouldn't eat, asking if she didn't like the food. Hermione had smiled and said she just wasn't hungry. The food was delicious, but she just wasn't hungry was all. The elves didn't look like they believed her but left it alone.
She studied constantly, mostly in her room but she still studied. Going over old notes and old text books. If she needed anything from the library she made a very quick trips, all at different times and came right back to her room. She went at odd hours too. Knowing that when she went he was busy and in the middle of a class.
A month passed and Ginny still harassed her constantly. She tried to get Hermione to go out to the quidditch games, but Hermione wouldn't go. She tried getting her to go to Hogsmead but again the young woman wouldn't go. She wouldn't even go outside to go to Hagrid's. Nothing motivated Hermione to go anywhere except her few remaining classes.
It hadn't taken Ginny long to figure out that this had to do with Snape. Hermione never went to see him anymore. The few times she had, the wards were still up keeping her from coming in.
Ginny had seen Snape everyday and other than his bad moods all the time, he seemed fine. Which led her to believe that the bloody bastard had dumped her friend. Ginny had seen him looking at her in class, and kept her walls in place so he wouldn't see her thoughts. She didn't want him to know how miserable Hermione was.
All Hermione did was study and take exams. Her last exam was with Hagrid but she had been holding off on it. Saving it for last so she could at least see him in his class. Now she had no excuse.
She stayed in her room even after taking a break from it all. Hermione was exhausted. The problem was that if she went to bed she still didn't sleep well.
If she got to sleep instead of just staring at her ceiling, she had dreams of him. Most were of him turning from her. Dreams of her telling him of her love while he laughed and walked away. Dreams of him telling her that he had seen her memories and found she was right all along. She could have prevented most of the deaths if she had just been more of what they needed during the war.
As always these dreams woke her, then she would go the the common room to sit down on the couch. Placing a silencing spell around her before breaking down and letting her tears flow into the pillow she always held. Her sobs tearing horrible, violent shudders from her as she cried out her pain.
She was usually fine by the time the other students woke, but all of this was slowly draining away at her sanity. Slowly draining her of everything. She needed to get away from this place. As much as she loved it, it carried too many memories for her.
Memories of the war surrounded her, memories of her lover surrounded her. The pain of it all making each day worse than the one before. She needed to escape.
One day the headmistress had come to see her. Letting her know that with as good student as she was, with her high grades, and with the Ministries help due to her valor and decorations during the war, she was being offered a job at Hogwarts.
Madame Pince wanted to retire, and if Hermione would become her assistant for a year, then afterwards she would leave it all to the young woman. Hermione would become the head of the library after she left too.
Hermione had stared blankly at Minerva. She should be thrilled, it was an amazing offer. No one got to be head of any library in a year. Especially without a degree from a university. Even with the degree it could take years, decades really.
But she wasn't thrilled. She wasn't even mildly excited. She was...empty. She had smiled politely and thanked the headmistress for the offer, but declined. Minerva had been shell shocked at the girl's refusal.
The headmistress had been so sure that Hermione would accept and be speechless at the offer. Things like this never happened, let alone to someone as young as Hermione. Minerva had stood there gaping at the poor woman for many moments.
Finally pulling herself together, she had told Hermione to think about it. They didn't need an answer right away. She could take all the time she needed to decided.
Minerva had left quietly and gone to her office. It wasn't until a few days later that she really thought about her encounter with Hermione. The young woman had looked awful. What was wrong with poor girl? Had something happened that had escaped her, the Headmistress of Hogwart's, notice?
This started her trying to find out what happened. She spoke to all the portraits, and then the ghosts. None of them knew anything either. They had noticed the girl was not around as much though. So Minerva went to speak the Fat Lady.
Finding out that Hermione never left the room anymore unless she had to. She went to all of her meals late, assuming she went at all. She went to what few classes she had, but since she only had one anymore that was all she went to. She went to the library rarely too.
Minerva had frowned at hearing this. How had she missed this? She then went about asking the portraits about Severus. They told her that they saw him regularly, he looked fine to them, though they did notice him being a grumpier than normal. Snapping at students, sending them to detention, or taking house points away, all worse than normal.
All of this confirmed the headmistress's suspicions. Something happened between them. She didn't know what, but it looked like they had broken up. It would explain why Hermione didn't want to stay on here at the school too.
It had taken the Headmistress several days, there were a lot of portraits, to find all of this out and during that time, Hermione had taken her exam with Hagrid.
Hermione had said a tearful goodbye. Promising to write to the big teddy bear of a man, promising to try to visit when she could too. Though she wasn't sure how that would work. It would mean she would have to come back to the school and she didn't know if she could do it. With a final hug, she had left to go back to her dorm.
She said her goodbyes to Ginny, swearing to visit her over the summer at the Burrow, and to write her as often as possible. She said her goodbyes to her fellow Gryffindor students too.
Then, she left the dorm room to go see the Headmistress. There was no reason to stay. She didn't even need to stay to wait for her test scores. They would find her when they were sent with the owls. For some reason owls could always find people.
At the statue leading up to her office, Hermione said the password. Gumdrops and lollipops. She climbed the staircase and knocked on the Headmistress's door.
Minerva who just got back from her findings, called to enter as she sat down. She saw Hermione and smiled at the girl. "Hermione, what can I do for you child?"
Hermione smiled. "I came to say goodbye Headmistress."
Minerva jerked in her chair. "What? But what about your tests? Don't you have one left?"
Hermione gave her a small smile. "I finished it yesterday and said all my goodbyes today. It's time for me to go."
Minerva felt a slight panic at her words. "But where are you going dear?"
Hermione sighed. "I don't know yet. Harry wants me to come to his house, so I'll drop my things there for now. But I'm not sure after that."
Minerva knew she needed to talk to Severus. He should about finished his last class soon. "Have you packed yet dear?"
Hermione paused, then shook her head hating that she was lying to the woman she cared so much about. "I'm going to go finish that, then I'll apparate home. I wanted to thank you Minerva." Using the older woman's name now that she wasn't a student. "I know you did a lot for me and I want you to know I appreciate it. I'll never forget it either."
Minerva stood walking over to hug the woman who was like a daughter to her. "Don't be a stranger now, you're welcome here anytime. The job offer I made is still good. I don't have to try to find a replacement for awhile. It does fit what you're looking for dear. Safe, boring, and you can use magic. Though I doubt you'd be bored with your love of books."
Hermione pulled out of Minerva's arms. "I'll think about it, but I still don't see me taking it."
Minerva looked at Hermione closely. "Have you said all of your goodbyes? Have you told Severus you're leaving yet?"
Hermione looked away, feeling tears well up. Pushing them back she looked at the headmistress. "Yes, I've said all my goodbyes. No, I haven't told him, but I don't think he wants to see me. His doors have been locked to me for several weeks now, so I can't go inside. He wont even answer when I knock. The few times I've tried. He's done. We're done."
Minerva frowned. "What happened to the Gryffindor backbone and you hexing the hell out of him?"
Hermione chucked, covering a sob that threatened. "I guess I lost the backbone. Besides how can I hex someone I never see?"
Minerva was going to kill the prat. "Why don't you wait a few days, hang out around the grounds. There's no rush."
Hermione shook her head. "No Minerva. Its time for me to go. I'm leaving after I pack. I just wanted to say goodbye." She gave the woman one last hug then left.
Minerva sat for a moment, then did something she had never done before if she remembered correctly. "Peeves!" She shouted.
Peeves poked his head inside looking a bit nervous after a few minutes. "Yes Headmistress? I swear I didn't do it. The student was begging for it. The portraits are lying."
Minerva frowned at him before shaking her head. "Peeves I need a favor. I need you to go to Gryffindor Tower and keep Hermione Granger from packing."
Peeves's expression brightened. "Sure thing Headmistress, I can do that." Then he was gone.
Minerva quickly ran down the stairs and out the statue. She called for the students to get out of her way as she ran for the dungeons. She was huffing a bit when she reached the stairs that would lead her down. She had just knocked when Peeves showed up.
"Headmistress, she threw several hexes at me, shrank her things that were already packed. Then was out the doors, ran to the gates, and was gone with a crack. I think she was crying too."
Minerva sighed, she was too late. "Thank you Peeves, you may go back to...whatever it was you were doing."
She watched Peeves disappear from sight, then heard a few students scream. She sighed facing the door as Snape threw it open ready to yell at whoever it was disturbing the last few minutes of his class, but stopped at seeing Minerva.
"Headmistress, what can I do for you?" He asked, scowling at the interruption.
Minerva sighed again. "I need to speak to you Severus."
He glared at her for a few moments, then dismissed his class with a snarl. They all grabbed their books and ran as fast as they could. Afraid of what he might do if they didn't leave quickly enough.
Minerva watched all this and chuckled. Once the last student was gone, she closed and warded the door. Adding silencing spells just in case. Severus watched all of this with a sneer then stormed to his desk with a flap of his robes.
He sat down at his desk, transfigured a chair for the Headmistress and waited for her to sit. He didn't speak until she sat down. "What was so important that this couldn't wait until the end of my class?"
Minerva sighed. "I had hoped the interruption would be in time but now...I guess it could have waited a few minutes." She rubbed her head where a headache was forming.
Severus watched her not understanding at all. "Headmistress I don't like riddles, so spit it out already." His voice impatient.
Minerva glared at him. "This is all your fault you know."
He arched an eyebrow at him. "What is my fault exactly?"
Minerva continued to glare. "You had to get involved with her. I told you not to hurt her but you did anyway and now..."
Severus stood up, eyes narrowed. He knew what her they were speaking of. "And now, what? Is she hurt? Did something happen?" His heart was pounding in his chest in fear of her being badly injured or worse.
Minerva stood up, slapping her palms on the desk. "She's gone."
Severus frowned. "What do you mean she's gone? Where did she go? What about her final exams?" His voice harsh as he spoke.
Minerva thew her hands up in the air. "I don't know exactly where she went, I think she went to Grimmuald Place with Harry. She finished her exams, said her goodbyes, and left. She is gone and you, you bloody dolt let her go."
Severus sat back down slowly. She was gone? "She didn't even say goodbye." He said softly.
Minerva glared at him again. "She tried, your doors were always locked and she couldn't get in. You never answered her knocks."
He opened his mouth to argue, then stopped. He quickly stood, walked over and checked his wards on his private office, then cursed a long blue streak. He knew it meant that all the wards were the same. He had locked her out.
Minerva raised an eyebrow at him. "I take it you hadn't meant to?"
Severus glared at her. "No, I didn't mean to. I mean I did once, after I got drunk, and forgot I had changed them and just re-casted the last ward every day. I thought she just never came back. I never saw her at meals either. She either came too early or too late or not at all. I don't even know which one it was. She didn't even go to the library anymore."
Minerva sighed. "I think you had better tell me what happened, then I can see if I can help you fix this."
Snape sighed rubbing his face in his hands. He didn't want to tell Hermione's secrets. He didn't even want to have this conversation, but if it helped to fix everything. "It started with me running into her the day before school started."
He told all about how he met up with her, the instant attraction he had felt, hearing her talk about her own attraction with her friend. The thoughts he had found in her mind with his surface scans. Not all of them, just the basic attraction she felt and thoughts about him.
He told Minerva about scanning her thoughts on a regular basis after all that, about accidentally getting her drunk that first time and what happened afterward, he told her everything. Minus any intimate details. He didn't think Minerva wanted to hear about all the shagging.
He gave her an extremely edited edition of the night in the room of requirement. Again leaving out the shagging and went on to tell her about scanning her thoughts. He paused, not sure of how much to reveal.
Minerva sighed. "Severus, I know a lot about that girl and what happened in the past. Nothing you could tell me could shock me. I doubt she would be upset if you told me anyway."
Severus hesitated, but when ahead and started tell her some of it. "I have never had anything like that happen before. I had no control, worse than usual. Every time I tried to pull away, I got sucked in deeper."
He took a deep breath. "She blames herself for so much, for things she had no control over. She actually thinks if she had studied harder, figured things out faster that she could have saved her loved ones that died. She blames herself for their deaths."
He scowled. "Then seeing her parents and how they acted towards her, seeing her pain. If I could, I think I'd kill them. After torturing them of course."
He sighed. "I had told her to put up the walls, to help me stay out, but one wasn't strong enough. It was crumbling and I'm not sure why exactly. I don't know if she just wasn't strong enough to hold it, or if she was too distraught to focus on it. I don't know, but what I heard from behind the wall, it was like a knife to my heart."
Minerva frowned. "What did you hear?" What had Hermione done? The girl loved Severus too much to do anything that horrible.
Severus stood up, walking over to one of the windows. "She thinks this was all a mistake."
Minerva shot up out of her seat. "What? I don't believe it."
Severus glanced over at her, his discomfort at talking to the headmistress gone now that he had shared so much already. "I heard it. You were there. I heard your voice too. I think you two were in the owlery."
Minerva frowned. She didn't remember Hermione telling her that her relationship was a mistake. "Are you sure you heard it right?"
Severus sighed. "I was trying to pull away from it, but I heard her. She said she thought she made a mistake. Then she said about how if I couldn't except her original terms she was walking away. I know I heard it right." His anger over it all coming back.
Minerva understood. He didn't hear it all. He only heard a few pieces of the conversation. "What did you do afterwards?"
He turned to glare at her. "I held her while she cried. I think it was her memories of it all that she was crying over. She asked if we could stay and sleep in the room of requirement and I said yes."
It still hurt, even after a month it still hurt to know she didn't care about him like he did her. "I woke up a few hours later, but I couldn't stay there. I left her to sleep and came back to my rooms. I pulled out my bottle of fire whiskey and got very drunk and stayed that way over the whole weekend. I was angry."
Minerva smiled softly at him. "I don't blame you. You love her."
Severus scowled. "Like that does me any good. She thinks I used her, but I didn't. She used me. I was angry at figuring out she was just using me to pass the time here and I set the wards so she couldn't come in. I drank all weekend until I passed out and later after I came to again, it was Monday morning and I forgot I had changed the settings. When she didn't come back I assumed I was right. So how is any of this my fault Minerva?"
Minerva sighed, she really needed a drink. Pulling out her wand she flicked her wrist and she had a glass of fire whiskey from her personal chambers appear. Taking a sip to help ease her aching head and heart. She saw Severus was still glaring daggers at her.
"Severus, personally I think Hermione should have stuck around and hexed the hell out of you like I told her to." She took another drink.
Severus snarled at the headmistress. "You bloody women are all alike. You stick together like some weird glue, even when one of you is wrong. If this is how you're going to help then you can just leave."
Minerva smiled at him. "I'm not taking her side because we share the same gender. You are a bloody daft prat. You said yourself you were trying to pull away from her thoughts that she had a wall up, a crumbling one, but a wall still. Do you think you heard everything that was said that night? Do you think you heard the important part of that conversation?"
Severus threw up his hands, muttering curses to himself as he stared out the window again. "How is it that I'm the daft prat here? Yes I was pulling away. Yes I didn't hear it all. But I heard her say she made a mistake with me. I heard her say she basically didn't want me."
Minerva stood up. "I was there Severus, I know what was said. She didn't say she didn't want you. She wouldn't have left here in tears if she didn't want you. She wouldn't have hidden herself away, not really eating, barely sleeping, trying to get her exams done to get out of here and away from the pain of you keeping your doors locked to her, if she didn't want you. That makes you the daft prat."
Severus turned to look at her. "If she didn't say she didn't want me then why did she say she had made a mistake with me?"
Minerva finished her drink and filled it again with a flick of her wrist. She couldn't tell him what she and Hermione had talked about. It wasn't her place to say it. "I can't tell you that."
Severus snarled again. "Then why are you even here? You're not helping, so are you here just to rub salt in the wound?" If it wasn't for the fact that he knew Dumbledore had taught the woman Occlumency, he would just look for the answers himself.
Minvera chuckled. "I'm here to make you see reason. To make you pull your head out of your arse and do something other than sit here and mope."
He took a deep breath, knowing he couldn't very well throw some much deserved hexes or curses at the woman. "My head isn't up anywhere. What am I suppose to do if you wont tell me what was really said."
Minerva threw up her hands again in frustration. "Severus, I would have said you were intelligent, but I think your intelligence disappeared about the same time Hermione's backbone did. Both of you are being ridiculous about this."
Severus stood there, eyes narrowed at the headmistress. "So what should I do then?"
Minerva glared at him, really wanting to hex the dolt. "If you heard her wrong, which is what I'm saying you did, why not ask her about it? Find out from her how she feels."
Minerva grabbed her drink and finished it off. Merlin help her with stupid men. She flicked her wand and opened the door, stalking up the stairs and weaving just a bit while muttering to herself. The words so low no one could really make them out. She really shouldn't drink on an empty stomach. She thought as she walked down the hallways as she still weaved just a bit.
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A/N: I love Minerva, and I love Maggie Smith. lol. Okay just a couple more chapters before the epilogue. Hope everyone liked the chapter. I know it's kind of sad, but....you have to have some kind of conflict. Take Care and More coming soon.