A/N: Wow, I got three reviews in the span of nine or so hours. I really didn't expect this to take off so well…wow! Thank you for reviewing. I'll try to keep the quality good for as long as I can, but that's up to you to decide. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It still feels weird writing 'her' for 'him' though.
Hansa stepped out of the shower and flushed bright red as she looked at herself in the mirror. Seras stepped out next to her with a heavy yawn and a shiver. The lycanthrope stared at the both of them in the mirror, tracing every dip and curve of her own form in particular. She wanted to cry right now. Only an hour or so before, she'd been of the male gender.
Seras walked over to a closet and opened it up to retrieve two towels. Hansa looked around the room. It was a bit cramped in here, nothing like her bathroom back in the Millennium HQ. Back home, she had a bathroom twice this big and with more furnishings. She felt a little guilty comparing the two places. But Seras threw a towel at the werewolf, running into her train of thought. Hansa shook the memories of home from her head and mimicked Seras in wrapping a towel around her chest. The draculina giggled.
"Aw, you act just like someone who's not used to having such big boobs," she joked. Hansa cast her gaze downward.
"I…I'm not used to zem. I've only been like zis for a little over an hour," Hansa admitted uneasily, still trying to get the towel around her chest right. Seras' eyes softened and she whimpered.
"You poor thing. You're a boy trapped in a woman's body, aren't you? Not even my master would be so cruel," Seras said sympathetically. What, did she think that this was some sort of punishment? Hans didn't even want to think about that. If this was an accident, then the Major would absolutely torture anyone as punishment.
Seras helped the 'new' woman with her towel and cocked her eyebrow for a moment. Hansa looked up to where Seras was looking, but couldn't see anything. Seras turned her around and pointed to the mirror.
"Vhat?" Hansa asked. Seras grabbed one of the lycanthrope's dog ears.
"What exactly are these?" the draculina asked. Hansa turned her gaze down.
"Ze…zey are vhat I got vhen I voke up as a girl. I don't know how zey got zer." Seras shrugged and opened the door back to her room. Hansa followed her out and began to dress back in her uniform. Seras again, looked a bit confused.
"Ja?" Hansa asked, almost annoyed at these looks that Seras was giving her.
"Why are you wearing boxers instead of panties?"
"Because! Because I don't like panties! Zey are for girls!" Hansa replied, a red tint to her cheeks. She hadn't meant to say it that loud, or so fiercely for that matter. Seras shrugged and remained silent as they both dressed out in full uniform and left the room for Integra's office. Upon arriving in the Hellsing's office, Hansa and Seras found a very pleased-looking Alucard and Schrodinger standing before them with four bags in their hands.
Integra sat at her desk to get some last-minute paperwork done. After a minute, she called Walter in, but the older butler kindly declined the offer to go with them, saying that Alucard had apparently left him something that he would enjoy in the VCR. Schrodinger grinned widely and Alucard simply tipped the brow of his oversized fedora down over his eyes. Integra stood up and everyone grabbed Schrodinger. He closed his eyes and they were instantly teleported away.
Hansa opened her eyes and let go of Schrodinger, seeing as his arm was reaching out to her chest. She dropped him with a kick between the legs. How dare that little bastard! Hansa was still his superior! Schrodinger teleported away with a slight murmur. Hansa breathed a sigh of relief and looked around. This was California, beach to the left, metropolitan city to the right. Hansa grabbed the bag with her name on it and slung it over her shoulder. A few moments later, the Millennium group arrived at the beach.
This group was smaller than Hansa had expected it to be. There were only Zorin, Rip, Dok, the Major, Jan, and Luke. None of the vampire soldiers had come along. Not that Hansa minded anyway. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, and she would have already flipped her collar up higher if it could be done. Jan took one look at the lycanthrope and cracked an evil grin.
"So, how'd you like to sneak away toni-" Hansa cut him off mid-sentence and dropkicked the perverted vampire copy in the head, sending him to the ground. Jan frowned and stood back up, his forehead with a big black bootprint on it. Hansa smirked and Luke simply averted his eyes. Rip looked at the werewolf with a strange sort of gaze.
"Kapitan…you changed into a girl?" she asked dumbly. Hansa gave the she-vamp a slight nod to satisfy her curiosity. Zorin had nothing to say, still made about the defeat she'd been handed not two hours ago. Hansa turned around and it took the Major all of three seconds to receive a hard slap from Integra. The man simply sighed with contentment.
"Ah, frauline, please follow me. I have rented out the entire third floor for our use. Would you kindly accept this gift as an olive branch for the time being. We can go back to killing each other after this vacation is over." He leaned in closer. "And between you and me, I think the Captain needs a short break, considering now he's a girl until we can fix this," he finished. Integra growled, but after looking at Seras' hopeful face and Alucard's uncharacteristic, genuine grin…she cracked. Integra shook the Major's hand and Seras leapt onto Hansa, wrapping her arms around the confused lycanthrope.
"Share a room with me, oh please Hansa!" she cried. Alucard furrowed his brow and everyone stared at the ditzy draculina. Hansa was confused.
"Vhy exactly do you vant to share a room?" she asked after a silent moment. Seras grinned like Schrodinger would have.
"Because now I have someone to do girl stuff with!" she exclaimed. Alucard butted in.
"What about Zorin and Rip? Couldn't you do girl stuff with them too? Or how about Master? She's a girl too," he said with a leer. All three of the aforementioned women turned annoyed gazes to the draculina. Hansa backed away silently, expecting something to crush the girl in a few seconds. Seras shrugged.
"Zorin is scary, I thought Rip was a guy when I first saw her, and Master…I don't think she would like that kind of stuff. I don't want to share a room with them. I wanna share one with Hansa." Both Zorin and Rip drew their weapons, but the Major snapped at them and they just as quickly made the instruments of destruction disappear. Seras hid behind her new friend and shivered quietly under the glare of her master's master. Alucard chuckled.
After a few minutes of arguing between the two leaders, the rest of the vacationers entered the beachside resort. Inside, the nine subordinates were greeted by a very interesting surprise. At the front desk, yelling his lungs out, was Enrico Maxwell with Yumiko, Heinkel, and Father Anderson. Hansa thought it a little bit too funny that the holy official was having trouble with the boy at the front desk.
"I reserved rooms three-o-three to three-o-seven weeks ago! What do you mean they're reserved already?!"
"Look here, I don't care if you're the bishop of Rome-"
"THAT'S ARCHBISHOP YOU MORON!!!" the enraged Enrico roared at the top of his lungs. Father Anderson put a hand on the archbishop's shoulder and then immediately whipped his entire body around, three bayonets in each hand. He grinned evilly and Heinkel drew her pistols. Yumiko stood by with a blank look on her face, katana still on her back. She was completely clueless. Anderson cocked his head to the side when he looked at Hansa.
"Wait…you're the werewolf? I thought that he was a man?" Hansa growled, but stayed silent, instead, looking over to Alucard for a quick retort, which she knew the vampire was going to have.
"Oh, I suppose you forget how easily it is for one to fool the great Father Alexander Anderson," the original vampire replied as he changed into a young Girly-Card. He quickly changed back after making his point. Anderson began reciting holy scriptures, but Enrico butted in.
"Who do you think you're fighting?! Get over here and help me!" the archbishop ordered vehemently. Before anyone else had time to speak, the Major strolled into the lobby with Integra in tow, grumbling to herself about life being unfair and her father not having to deal with perverted Nazis. The Major actually smiled for once and walked up next to Enrico and the infuriated archbishop glared down at the happy major.
"Vould you like to spend ze next few days in ze rooms you vanted?"
"What's it to you?" Enrico asked angrily. The Major shrugged and turned to the man at the front desk.
"Please add Archbishop Enrico Maxwell, Father Alexander Anderson, Heinkel Wolfe, and Yumiko Takagi to the room list. This is Major Montana Max here for rooms three hundred through three hundred and ninety nine. I'd like the keys for eleven of them," he said. The desk man immediately handed the Major the requested items and the short officer handed Enrico his desired room keys before distributing the rest to his invited guests. Enrico hurried to the elevator, as did everyone else. Alucard simply sank into the floor with a leer.
"This vacation is gonna be fun…" he murmured with a dark chuckle.
On the elevator, it was a disaster. Anderson and Enrico were squished against the wall by Yumiko, Heinkel, the Major, and Dok. On the other elevator, there were Integra, Hansa, Zorin, Rip, and Schrodinger. The last mentioned was practically in heaven as he was squished in between a group of exclusively women, primarily Seras and Hansa. Seras waited impatiently for the door to open, and when it finally did, Schrodinger pressed every button by dragging his hands over the panel. Hansa leapt out of the elevator with Seras in tow just as the doors closed. Schrodinger teleported out just after they were on the floor and appeared between them.
Seras frowned and picked up the perverted cat boy by his ear. Schrodinger clawed at the air as Seras lifted him up and Hansa collected all three of their bags. The draculina looked at her friend and walked to their room, unlocking the door and throwing the cat boy inside. She had a very sneaky grin on her face. After Hansa had gotten in and set their bags down, Seras locked the door back and giggled darkly.
"So, what should his punishment be Hansa?" she asked, winking at her friend. The lycanthrope unbuttoned her greatcoat and threw the garment aside, causing Schrodinger's eyes to go wide with wonder. All Hansa had on now was a tight t-shirt and a bra Seras had lent to her, which was too small. The werewolf smiled coyly.
"I don't know Seras. Maybe we should smother him to death, or we could take turns sucking the life out of him," she offered. Seras' face turned a tinge of pink and Schrodinger's eyes lit up like white-hot suns. He stripped off his shirt and Seras unbuttoned hers down to the midline of her chest. She smirked as Schrodinger's gaze fell upon her cleavage, eyes wider than before. The draculina stepped forward, hips swaying and a shy look on her face.
"Pwease don't hurt me Schrodinger. I'm just an innocent little girl," she mused. The boy began panting as his ears shot straight up. Hansa folded her arms under her chest and a smile crossed over her face.
"Schrodinger, I have a favor to ask of you," she purred seductively, curling a finger for him to come closer. She was going to get this little pervert very good. Schrodinger almost floated over to the werewolf and dropped to his knees, eyes full and hopeful. Seras slowly drifted behind him and took hold of his wrists. Hansa winked and Seras planted her foot on the back of his head. Suddenly, she slammed his head into the carpet at his feet. Schrodinger closed his eyes to teleport, but Hansa put her bare foot on top of his head. And let out an evil howl of victory.
"Not gonna vork zis time Schrodinger. You can't teleport vhen you're pinned down. Und now…revenge for your perverseness und zat fucking video tape," she said. Schrodinger's eyes filled with terror.
"NOOOOO!!!"
Alucard pulled out a blood packet and hungrily began to empty it quickly through a straw as he clenched the object in his off hand. He shifted through the floor outside of his fledgling's room with Seras' badge in his grasp. How in the holy hell was she ever going to take care of herself when he was dead and gone…if that ever happened? The ancient vampire shook the thought out of his head and was about to knock on the door, but a very strange noise interrupted him and caused him to pause. Then he heard it again.
"Say it!" his fledgling's voice yelled from inside the room.
"No!" Schrodinger yelled back.
"Say it! Say it now Schrodinger!" she yelled again.
"Okay! I…"
"You what?" Seras said in a malevolent tone. Schrodinger cried softly before continuing.
"I love eating golden carpet! I love eating golden carpet!" he yelled as he cried. Seras laughed in that tone again. Alucard choked on the blood packet and pressed his ear to the door. Had he just heard that right?!
"Say it again!" Seras yelled. Alucard dropped his blood packet.
"Vhy?!"
"DO IT!"
"I love eating golden carpet!" the boy cried. Alucard almost laughed. He really had heard that right.
"Hey Seras, is it my turn yet?" Hansa asked. Alucard cocked an eyebrow. Both of them?
"Here you go Hansa," Seras said. There was a quick shuffling noise and then Hansa's voice picked up.
"C'mon Schrodinger, isn't this fun? You wanted to share a room with us? And now you get to, so say it."
"Kapitan! No, don't- mfph!"
"Say it!"
"I love eating golden carpet!"
"Say it again!"
"I love eating golden carpet!" Alucard took his ear away from the door, picked up his packet of blood, and made his way down the hallway. All the while, he couldn't help but envy the boy. Lucky Bastard…
A/N: Hope you like it. Lucky Schrodinger! =D