A/N: Oh my, Pip has arrived. Let's see who else can make their cameo appearance…

As it was, Hansa was rather displeased the next day. She lay on the sand next to Seras, who was idly talking to Alucard about everything under the sun, which excluded them because they were under umbrellas. Hansa on the other hand, had Pip talking to her. And the perverted Frenchman was making every move to get into her pants, which were now on. Hansa had been forced to wear her combat pants due to Pip's tendency to try and trace her thighs with his hand. She looked over at Seras, who was smiling brightly and giggling as she and her master conversed.

Hansa sighed. It was for her friend, so she could bear it for a while. Besides, she had a way to irk the Frenchman to no end. And this way, rather this person was none other than Schrodinger. And her way to irk Pip was to grab Schrodinger and hug him to her chest, which she was currently doing. She could see the way that he bit the butt of his cigarette so hard that it was flattened. Schrodinger on the other hand, was completely happy and had wrapped his arms around the lycanthrope's waist with his head on her stomach.

Pip glanced over at him and sighed.

"So, how long have you been like this?" he asked. Hansa shrugged.

"A few days."

"So you haven't gone through…it yet?"

"Hn?" Hansa was visibly intrigued and turned her head slightly to the man. Pip grinned widely and tilted his hat up.

"Ah, so you haven't experience it yet then? I should tell you then." Pip sat up straight and flicked his burned out cigarette, lighting up another one just as quickly. Hansa sat up and Schrodinger whined quietly as he adjusted himself in her lap. He hadn't gotten sleep last night because of a nightmare about giant cookies and tentacles and an exploding donkey. She still failed to see what in the hell went through Schrodinger's head on a daily basis. Schrodinger rested his head against her chest and the werewolf growled lightly.

"Tell me Frenchman, vhat is going to happen to me?" she asked. Two columns of smoke trailed from Pip's nostrils before he spoke.

"You're about to get Seras to please you." Hansa broke his nose with a backhand to the face. And after a few seconds, he readjusted his nose manually and put a towel to it to soak up the blood streaming from his nostrils. He shrugged.

"Say zat again und I'll blitzkrieg more zan I did your grandfazer's house in ze forties," she growled. Pip's eyes changed for less than a second, but he seemed to think better of yelling at her and stayed silent for a few moments.

"I'm not joking. It's like going through super-puberty. You'll eventually give in and force her to do it. Either that, or I could-"

"If you even think about zat, I vill chop it off and stomp it to death!" Hansa yelled. Pip's hands immediately reached between his legs in a protective manner. Hansa looked down at Schrodinger and he looked up at her in an innocent way that made her smile.

"Kapitan?"

"Not you Schrodinger. Zat filthy pervert over zer. You can go back to sleep," she said soothingly. Schrodinger pulled himself up to her and whispered into her ear.

"I'll beat him up for you if he's mean," he offered. Hansa smiled gently and cradled Schrodinger's head in her hand.

"Zat's very nice, but no. Seras vould get angry if ve left him unable to valk." Schrodinger settled back in the lycanthrope's lap and closed his eyes again. Pip watched the two for a few moments and shook his head slowly.

"All of you are conspiring against me. I bet that butch she-vamp over there is going to kill me one of these days," he said nervously as Zorin glared at him from not to far away. And for a while after that, there was very little said between the two and Hansa thought that he would finally shut up for a while and leave her to actually relax. But, as if there were actually some higher power conspiring against her, Hansa's peace was interrupted. She growled softly as Rip tapped her on the shoulder and jerked a thumb behind her.

"C'mon, ze Major's got somezing to show us. Ve have to go." Hansa woke Schrodinger up and he groggily got to his feet, eyes red and hazy from being awoken form his short nap. He yawned like a kitten and pawed behind his ears. Hansa scratched behind her own ears and Seras hugged her from the side, a goofy grin plastered all over her face. Hansa smiled.

"Vhat are ve doing?" she asked. Alucard spoke up.

"Your Major has something to show us. I hope it's not another woman. This body isn't comfortable, and I can't see how you've adjusted. Your chest is bigger than mine," the new she-vamp said boredly. Hansa smirked.

"I vas able to survive Operation Barbarosa, I think I can handle a little body svitching," the lycanthrope snorted in return. They walked along the beach until the Major announced that they should run to the end of the nearest dock. Before anyone could move, Schrodinger was there in an instant.

"I vin! Wait…vhat do I vin?" he called out. Suddenly, something erupted from the water and Schrodinger flew sky high with a terrified scream. The Major simply clapped his hands slowly and what had thrown Schrodinger into the air was now clearly visible. It was a real German U-boat from WWII, probably one of the Major's trophies from the war. Damn, that man had way too many toys to play with. The U-boat settled on the water's surface and the top hatch opened up and out popped Alhambra the Card Man. He tipped his white hat to the bystanders.

"All aboard the Schwerer Montana!" he called out. Everyone gave the Major a sour look as he strolled down the wooden down and a gangplank was set down, a gangplank made out of Joker cards from Alhambra's many decks of cards. Alhambra was the card man after all, so he'd definitely have a few cards up his sleeves…or a few hundred. Whatever floated one's boat…submarine in this case. Hansa boarded the sub and as she stepped to the bow, Schrodinger came crying out of the sky and smacked against the deck, flattening his scrawny body against the deck. Alucard snickered as the boy teleported nearby and groaned, rubbing his head.

"You jerk!" he yelled at Alhambra. The card man flipped his hat up and turned to the Major, brushing off his white suit.

"Gut, zer gut Alhambra. Set sail for ze open ocean. Ve need some deck chairs. Luke!" Hansa caught Luke out of the corner of her eyes, being dropping into the bowels of the submarine by Yumie, her katana in hand.

"He's busy! Fuck off!" she yelled back at the stout officer. Montana shook his head slowly.

"Dok, make ready! Get ze engines online!" Montana ordered as the rest of the vacationers made their ways across the large deck. Hansa noticed that the scale of this sub was nearly twice the size of the originals. She didn't even want to think about what would happen if the Major decided he wanted another Bismarck in his fleet. It could very well be loaded with thirty-two inch guns! A/N: The biggest battleship guns are 18'. 32' is just unfair.

"Hansa, vould you like to shoot some skeet?" the Major asked, the skeet launching machine over his shoulder and Jan with five boxes of the orange discs in his arms. Hansa reached down to her waist out of habit and was disappointed to find that she had no gun. The Major shook his head and pointed behind the werewolf. Hansa turned to see something that delighted her to no end: the sub's deck gun primed and ready to fire.

She immediately took her place behind the gun and grabbed both of the grips for the thing, feeling the familiar trigger on the right one. She looked at the Major as the sub started its journey into the open ocean. Jack loaded up the skeet gun and the Major aimed it out over the port side. Hansa waited for the flip of the gun and it launched one of the small discs into the air. Hansa swung the gun to the left and fired. The familiar boom of the sub's cannon sent chills down her spine and she remembered now why this was so fun.

Shooting bigger guns meant bigger fun! The orange disc exploded into dust and a small plume of black smoke filled the air where it had been. Direct hit for the lycanthrope. Hansa grinned widely and the Major fired three this time. Hansa fired twice and two skeet were blown out of the sky. She aimed again and blew the last skeet up just above the water. She literally howled with excitement and the Major fired off an automatic clip and almost a dozen of the orange objects soared into the air. Hansa gleefully blasted them out of the air and roared with delight as they exploded into dust and smoke.

The Major seemed to be enjoying himself as well, saying something about his joyful likeness to the werewolf in the art of destruction. Jan was forced to bring out deck chairs and set them up where everyone wanted them. He had two extras, expecting Yumie and his bother Luke to be back by now…but they were still absent. Integra scoffed when Jan asked where they were and Father Anderson put his head in the palm of his hand. Enrico simply set himself down in one of the deck chairs and stretched out his very pale body. Nobody actually said it, but they all knew he didn't get out much.

Anderson was dressed in an unusual way right now, because this was the first time anyone had seen him out of his robes, including the other Vatican agents on the sub. Anderson wore a pair of swimming trunks of gray with a purple trim, and that was all. Anderson's physique wasn't much unlike Hansa's back when she had her real body. His skin pigmentation was rather unusual though, being almost as tan as Integra without artificial augmentation, such as actual tanning under the sun.

"Anderson, why exactly are you so tan?" Alucard asked as 'she' shadow shifted behind the priest and wrapped her arms around his waist. Seras flushed bright red at her master's actions and Hansa smirked. Alucard was shameless! No matter what for the original was in, he was a shameless dog of Integra's. The Hellsing Knight groaned and sat down in a deck chair, unsheathing her blade slowly as the Major edged towards her.

"Take another step towards me and you get a blade to the forehead," she growled. The Major simply shrugged and fired another skeet disc into the air above the submarine. Hansa quickly blasted it out of the air with a grin on her face. She then turned around and leaned on the gun, the barrel pointing to the sky. She watched Alucard talking with Anderson, still latched onto him like a barnacle. The priest adjusted his glassed and a holy scripture flipped into his hand out of nowhere.

"Thou shalt not ask me why I am so tan, Amen," he said, slapping the scripture on Alucard's face. The vampire paid no attention to it.

"Well then, how'd you come to get a body like the wolf's? Surely you're not a pet dog such as he?" she suggested, long serpentine tongue flicking out and trailing along the shell of Anderson's ear.

"Thou shalt not like my ear, Amen," Anderson warned, slapping three more scriptures on Alucard's head. The vampire chuckled darkly.

"You think that'll stop me?" Anderson stepped forward and Alucard remained where she was, seemingly frozen. She furrowed her brow.

"You ass," she growled. Anderson flipped out another sheet of holy paper and stuck it to the wall with one of his bayonets.

"Just make sure not to move…I suppose I don't have to tell you that right now. I'll take them off when we get back to the beach. You just sit tight and sulk all you want," he said, lying down in a deck chair next to Heinkel and Jan. He closed his eyes and was soon relaxing as he had planned. Alucard growled and managed to bring out three sets of eyes, but not summon her demon hound. Baskerville's eyes seemed disheartened that at the fact that he couldn't go and play. Seras turned around and acted as if she hadn't seen anything. She walked over to Hansa and the werewolf smiled.

"Hey Hansa," she said cheerily.

"Gutentaag Seras. Vhat do you need?"

"Nothing really. I just wanted to test out the gun and see if it was as powerful as mine," she said half-jokingly. Hansa stepped aside and grinned.

"Herr Major, can I shoot skeet for Seras?" she asked. The Major turned around from talking to Integra (From a safe distance) and nodded. Hansa quickly picked up the shouldered the skeet launcher after taking off the stand. She fired off three and waited for Seras to shoot them down. The draculina hit all three just before they hit the water and chirped for more. Hansa upped the speed and fired two more. Seras hit those just as quickly and Hansa kept on firing skeet as the draculina continued to blow them to bits.

But after a while of relaxation and blowing the living crap out of stuff for fun…there was a slight setback to their vacationing. Off to starboard side the Card Man had spotted something that had flashing red and blue lights on it, and everyone's' mood soured as the sirens of the Coast Guard boat could be heard as the ship closed in on the sub. The Major, deciding that t would be best not to try and escape due to the fact that there was another vessel nearby, this one unidentified. The Coast Guard boat pulled up along side the sub, and Hansa was surprised to see that the ship was so big. It wasn't a boat, it was an actual ship loaded with National Guardsmen and those of the Coast Guard as well. A military officer stepped out on the deck.

"Unidentified submersible, you will halt all actions immediately. You are in Unites States waters and will surrender your vessel without a fight, or we will be forced to take immediate action!" the man stated. Major Montana turned to Hansa, who was idly standing by with the skeet gun in her hands. The stout major nodded to her and she grinned, turning to the officer and his crew aboard the ship.

"Just try and stop us!" she yelled back, swinging the deck gun to face the ship. She motioned for Seras to follow her as the crew of the ship scattered in all directions and the soldiers opened fire. Hansa dodged past bullets whizzing past her ears and hopped up on the barrel of the deck gun. She ran across it and jumped onto the Coast Guard vessel, unloading orange discs into the soldiers that were almost bewildered by her strange maneuver. Seras wasn't far behind her and Pip, who had been absent the whole journey out to sea, followed the two with a pistol in each hand. He grinned widely.

"This is what I get for tagging along? I should've stayed home," he said, firing into the crowd of soldiers. Fortunately, he'd remembered to bring some rubber bullets. Seras, Hansa, and Pip managed to scatter the soldiers and crew quickly and then hopped back aboard their own vessel as the Coast Guard retreated to a safe distance. Hansa spun the deck gun to face them. After a few moments, there was a voice on a loudspeaker.

"We will open fire with a tomahawk cruise missile if you don't hand over your vessel immediately!" the officer yelled. Hansa fired just over the bow of the ship and the crew scattered once again. This time, it was the Major that replied to them.

"Zen fire! I hope you can hit us!" And from the other vessel just on the horizon, there billowed a thin strand of gray smoke and a red-headed missile. Hansa aimed for the missile, but before she could shoot, there was a very odd noise emanating from the instrument of destruction. As it drew nearer, everyone recognized the noise and every single one of them face-palmed in unison.

"Yahoo! I have a big red rocket!" Schrodinger yelled from the back of the cruise missile. Pip suddenly burst into laughter and held his sides for support. Everyone looked at him and he fell over, kicking his legs as he laughed and laughed.

"Haha! I can't believe he actually said it! Hahaha!" All eyes turned back to Schrodinger as the missile neared the sub. Hansa continued to trace its flight path with the gun, to shoot it down if need be. Fortunately for her, when the missile reached the sub, it passed a few feet over the deck.

"Wheeeeeeee!" Schrodinger cried out as he held a cowboy hat on his head and held a robe tied around the head of the missile with the other. How he had managed to redirect a missile that was homed in for the sub, nobody would ever know. But what they did know, was that he was now redirecting it towards the ship it had come from, and the Coast Guard vessel was already making its escape. There was a deafening boom coming from the horizon and Schrodinger suddenly appeared on the end of the deck gun's barrel, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"You idiot," Hansa said, tilting the barrel up so that the cat boy slid down the barrel and into her arms. She sighed.

"Job done Kapitan. Now take me for more ice cream!" he ordered. Hansa rubbed his head and cracked a grin.

"Just as soon as we get back. Herr Major, let's get out of here before ve have to face down a battleship," Hansa said, turning to her superior for confirmation. The Major nodded to Alhambra and the Card Man ducked back into the sub's frame. The engines revved to life again and the sub headed back for the beach. Alucard chuckled to herself darkly and leered at Anderson.

"You do know that once we get off this death trap, that you're mine?" The priest pulled out a bayonet from thin air.

"I got a whole lot more waitin' fer ye," he commented with a leer to match the vampire's. Everyone's attention suddenly turned to the back of the deck where Rip, Zorin, Dok, and Heinkel were sitting. They all yelled out at once:

"WHY DIDN'T WE DO ANYTHIGN IN THIS CHAPTER?!" Everyone else simply laughed.

A/N: Well, hope you liked it. Reviews please!