"You little shit! I'll wring your filzy little neck 'til you turn as blue as a fucking smurf!" Hansa roared at the top of her lungs, rounding the corner out of her doorway with Seras right behind her and Schrodinger running away from her in fright. Everyone on their floor poked their heads out of their rooms to see what was going on. Hansa growled so deeply that it really did sound like she was in wolf form already. She leapt at Schrodinger and grabbed the rim of his pants. She dragged him to the ground and put her hand on his head, forcing his face into the carpet.
"No! It vas an accident! I promise Kapitan! Have mercy!" the cat boy shrieked as Hansa grabbed the back of his neck and Seras grabbed her shoulder.
"Hansa, isn't that enough?" she asked worriedly. The lycanthrope turned and glared so hard at Seras that the draculina retreated back a few steps. Had looks been able to kill, Schrodinger wouldn't be able to believe himself out of that death. The boy shrieked again and began to cry as Hansa grabbed him around the waist and the neck, effectively pinning him so that he couldn't get away. Dok's failsafe came in handy every once in a while. Hansa snarled at Alucard, who was busy enacting a few explicit things behind the doorway. The werewolf could hear the 'ka-shing' of Integra's silver blade against shadow tentacles. Hansa shivered. She would hate to be Alucard's roommate.
Once safely back in her room, Hansa deposited her captive on the floor and flashed her fangs to him. He didn't dare teleport away, out of sheer petrified terror that Hansa would do to him once she caught his cat boy ass again. He shivered and backed up to the couch, his ears flattened and eyes a bright yellow. That meant one of two things for Hansa. He could either be about to beg for mercy…or he could be trying to fight back. The werewolf licked her clawed fingers and grinned with malicious intent. She so much hoped it was the latter.
She would have fun torturing him for assaulting a superior officer.
"I didn't mean it Hansa. Please…don't hurt me," Schrodinger begged. Hansa knelt down between his trembling knees.
"Oh, but you did. Just look at vhat you did to it," she said, holding up her ice cream-covered greatcoat. Schrodinger had tried to replicate her ice cream-to-the-cheek-move with an entire bowl of the stuff when he 'accidentally' tripped and it had gotten all over her only fitting uniform. After that, she had chased him and brought him back here. Hansa pushed him back against the couch with one hand as she placed the other dangerously close to a sensitive part of his body. He flushed bright red.
"I'm sorry. I don't vant to be killed again," he said in almost a murmur. Hansa grinned maniacally and let out a gleeful, evil laugh.
"Oh, but you do vant to be tortured. Und you do vant to be hurt and killed over and over again. Zat is exactly vhy you keep acting like a little pervert, is it not? I know just how to torture you until you crave it."
Unexpectedly, instead of begging for mercy and pleading and crying…Schrodinger struck her in the face with a balled fist. Hansa rearranged her bruised jaw and looked down at Schrodinger, who was staring at her with a positively horrified at what he had just done. Hansa suddenly had a revelation about the boy. Not only did he have an inferiority complex around women, he had guts too. The lycanthrope thought it appropriate to warn him of the level of punishment he was encroaching on.
"I…didn't…"
"You do understand vhat zis means, right?" Hansa asked sweetly, scratching gently beneath the cat boy's chin with a sharp claw. "I can do things to you zat you've only dreamed of. Zer are much vorse things in zis vorld zan pain torture. We could try edging, vhen ve wrap rubber bands around it und make you unable to have a you-know-vhat. Und zer are such things as endurance thresholds vhere you'll be unable to deny yourself ze pain for the feeling you get aftervards. Oh yes, things get much worse from here on in. So, do you vant to hit me again?"
"I'm sorry Kapitan…" the cat boy replied, tears in his yellow eyes. Hansa couldn't see his ears they were so far drooped.
"You didn't answer me. So zat means you vant ze next tier of punishment. Seras, please get me two rubber bands," she said, turning her head to the draculina. Seras didn't move a muscle, simply horrified at what she was watching.
"HANSA! How can you even think of doing that with…to him?!" she yelled. Hansa smirked, unbuttoning Schrodinger's shirt. The cat boy cringed.
"Oh, how is not ze qvestion here my friend, it's the amount of torture before he gives in. I do hope he lasts a few minutes at ze very least."
"I von't hit you again! Please, I'm sorry! I don't vant to be be a slave! Wah!"
"Who ever said you got to be a slave? No, zis is not on a personal level. Zis is purely punishment for striking an officer. If zis vere personal…"
"Don't…please. I'll clean your clothes Hansa. Just…I don't want to be tortured like zat. Don't do it," the boy pleaded, tears now streaming down his cheeks and hands clutching Hansa's undershirt. His head was turned down and he was holding back frightful sobs. Hansa sighed, knowing that he'd learned at least something close to a lesson. The next time he hit her though, it was all over for him. That would be the end of Schrodinger.
"Alright, but you have to clean my coat, alright? Und you can't lick it clean either. I know vhere zat tongue has been," she snorted.
"Oh my," Seras said, covering up her giggle with a hand. Schrodinger flushed red, knowing full well that Hansa was joking. But it didn't make the situation any better. The cat boy lightly pushed Hansa off of him and grabbed her greatcoat off of the floor, only to have more clothes piled up in his arms. Seras winked and Schrodinger groaned, opening the apartment door with his foot. Hansa and Seras followed him, knowing that this was going to be an enjoyable spectacle. There was the side note that they needed to keep an eye on him to keep his actions pure.
But once they got out of the doorway, Alucard poked her head out the door and deposited her large red cloak, pants, and undergarments into the cat boy's arms. She smirked.
"Okay everyone! Get what you need to the kid before he leaves!" In a few seconds, Schrodinger's arms were full of clothes that needed washing and he was left to do the job virtually by himself. Hansa and Seras each put a hand on his shoulder and he teleported them to the nearest Laundromat.
Schrodinger heaved a frustrated sigh as he sorted out all the laundry into groups. He put the girls' clothes on the left and the boys' on the right, shoveling each load into a washer. Hansa and Seras had just enough change between them to get everything started and only three cents left over left over after the dryer part was to be done. Hansa dropped the change into Schrodinger's awaiting hands and the boy started up the noisy machines. Hansa rubbed his head and turned around to leave the building.
"C'mon Seras. I'm getting somezing to snack on vhile ve're here," she said.
"But vhat about me?!" Schrodinger whimpered, tugging on one of Hansa's belt loops. The werewolf flashed her eyes yellow and the boy immediately backed off and went dead silent. Seras smiled at him.
"Don't worry. We'll be back in a little while," she said, trying to sooth the pained look on his face from being abandoned so easily by the woman he probably thought was a demon and the woman he thought was an angel. Hansa grabbed Seras' hand and literally dragged her out of the Laundromat, holding her up outside. The vampire grinned sheepishly.
"We really should have thought about what we were wearing before we came here, shouldn't we have?" she aksed. Hansa looked both of them over. Seras wore a t-shirt and short shorts that Alucard would have made lewd comments about had she been here. Hansa wasn't much better, and in fact, was probably worse. She wore a tank-top that your could see one of Seras' borrowed bras through and a pair of combat pants without a belt. Because of that, they hung low on her waist. She wore her combat boots as well, and Seras wore a pair of flipflops. Neither of them was really suited to go outside.
But then again, neither of them really cared. So Hansa flipped through the cash in her pocket, finding that she had about forty dollars left. After locating the nearest convenient store, they immediately began to search through it for snacks. Hansa immediately buried her interest in the beer isle as Seras went into the candy section and grabbed what looked like an armload of kit-kat bars and butter fingers and gum. Hansa bought a case of Guinness and grabbed two ancient pieces of candy that she hadn't found anywhere in a long while: Jawbreakers!!!
Both women walked up to the front counter and deposited their loads of items. The teen at the cash register stared at the mountain of snacks with wide eyes, and glanced up at the two women. Hansa waited impatiently for him to begin with his job and let them get out of here. All she wanted were some snacks, and quick. The teen began with the mountain of candy, which was going to cost a lot more than what Hansa had on hand. Seras forked over her share, which was about fifty dollars, and the mountain slowly turned into several bags of candy.
The teen seemed to glance at both Hansa and Seras at every chance he could, particularly below their eyes. Hansa snorted.
"I don't have eyes on my chest, now do I?"
"Hansa," Seras warned playfully, stretching her arms above her head. Her chest bounced and the cashier flushed bright red. Both women smirked. After about five minutes, the cashier had all of their snacks ready and Hansa paid up, receiving less than eight dollars in change. Seras had really run up the bill with candy, but then again, it was theirs to eat with Schrodinger. Seras slung the seven bags of candy over her shoulder and Hansa popped the cap of a beer bottle with her teeth, spitting it out of her mouth as they left. She took a big gulp of the drink and chuckled as Seras gave her a strange look.
"Vhat?"
"You shouldn't drink in public, certainly not the whole case," she said in a hushed tone. Hansa threw her arm around Seras' shoulder.
"Oh, vhy not? I can drink most people under ze table vit ease. Although ze drunks in an Irish pub are qvite persitant."
"I thought you guys hated us Brits?" Seras shot at the werewolf. Hansa grinned slyly and sipped at her beer.
"Ve didn't try to bomb Dublin, now did ve?" she asked in return.
"Oh, you jerk." They both laughed and Hansa opened the door for Seras, considering the vampire's hands were full. Hansa stepped into the Laundromat and quickly found that there was something wrong. It could just be a coincidence, or it could be the worst luck possible, but Schrodinger was in trouble. Hansa walked over near the cat boy and his ears perked up as she neared him. The three older guys by him turned to Hansa, expecting a person who looked like they could help the boy. Much to their surprise, there were two women in front of them. Hansa flipped a tuff of hair out of her face as Schrodinger opened his mouth to say something.
He was immediately cut short as one of the three pulled his boxers up to his shoulders. Schrodinger's mouth shut like a steel trap and he squeezed his eyes shut. He immediately teleported to Seras and the draculina hugged him softly. Hansa finished off her beer and set the bottle on the end of her boot. The three guys looked at her with befuddled looks on their faces. Hansa cracked her neck.
"If you don't go over zer and kiss his feet in ze next five seconds, I'm going to knock all of you flat on your asses. Zen I'm going to stuff you into ze vasher. So go, zis is your chance," she said, motioning that they should do as she commanded. They looked at each other and then laughed heartily. Hansa understood what they thought. They were all about twenty years old, and probably just picking on the weird kid that had a lot of laundry. But hell, that was Hansa's job, not theirs. Before Hansa could begin to count, something flashed by her.
She realized it was Seras when all three of the guys were on the ground, noses bloodied and teeth clattering to the floor. The draculina stood, looming above them with her right fist covered with red blood. Her eyes had some sort of 'vendetta' look in them.
"Yeah, pick on the weird kid, eh? You wanna go over there and say you're sorry before I really get angry?" she asked. Hansa grabbed her arm and Seras spun around. Hansa easily caught her punch and Seras' look turned to one of embarrassment. The three guys dashed for the door, but Hansa grabbed two of them and Seras got the other…by their boxers. RRRIIIPPP!!!
Upon returning to their apartment, Schrodinger was busy munching on the various candies that the two women had gotten for him and themselves (but was mostly being devoured by him) earlier that day. Seras sat on the couch and stared at the ceiling, tapping her bare foot on the carpet. Hansa finished off her last beer and eyed the inside of the bottle in vain hope that there was just one more drop left inside of it. She sighed and tossed it into the trash can.
"Vhat's been stuck up your ass for ze past hour?" Hansa asked. Seras heaved a sigh.
"I used to get picked on at the orphanage, and I even stabbed a kid in the eye one time because of something stupid and irrelevant. I don't want Schrodinger to do anything like that," she said. Hansa shrugged.
"Oh sure, he's in his sixties you know. He'll just use a gun or a bomb to do ze job. But it vas nice of you to stand up for him. That's ze first time I've really seen you angry zis whole trip."
"Hmph! Like I would just sit there and let that happen, fat chance!" She grabbed a butter finger off of the coffee table and opened it up. "I do have to ask though, what was with setting the bottle on you boot?"
"Oh that? I used to do zat vhen I got into bar fights. Flip ze bottle into ze air vit your foot and see if you can be ze last one standing before it hits the ground. Better yet, catch it too," she replied with a grin. Seras slowly shook her head.
"I'll never understand you guys," she said. Hansa grinned, opening up a jawbreaker.
"I don't think anyone will," Hansa replied. The door was suddenly flung open and all the men on the third floor barged into the apartment. All of them had angry red faces, save for Anderson and Luke who seemed to be the only level-headed ones present.
"Who washed our clothes?!" the Jan asked, a tick mark on his forehead. Seras and Hansa pointed to the cat boy, who turned around wiping chocolate off his face.
"Ja?" he asked. The Major held up a uniform, which had shrunken significantly, as did everyone else. Hansa suddenly looked at her own uniform, and found that it was fine. Enrico pushed past Anderson and Jan, grabbing Schrodinger by the collar.
"YOU IDIOT! YOU WASHED OUT CLOTHES IN COLD WATER!" Schrodinger grinned.
"Vell zen I guess it's a luck thing zat I washed my clothes in ze other batch," he replied, teleporting away. Enrico fumed and his face turned even redder. He looked like he could explode any second now. Hansa threw a jawbreaker at him and knocked the Archbishop of Rome out cold. Anderson caught him and nodded thankfully at Hansa, who relaxed back to the couch and put her feet up on the coffee table. The door slammed shut and Seras began to laugh uncontrollably. Hansa arched an eyebrow.
"Hahaha! Oh, did you see Enrico's boxers?! They…haha! They had little hearts on 'em! Hahaha! Master'll get a kick out of this!"