A/N: After a long wait, I give you the next chapter and the finish of the adventure inside of the Major's head. Of course, the vacation goes on though. What kind of author would I be if I stopped here?! Still, I'm sorry about the long wait. Thanks to anyone to kept with it up to here. I know I'm an asshole, so read the chapter and give me a review!
Inside the Reichstag, it was a very different story that was from the outside. At first glance, Hansa had thought that the place might be normal due to the outside being as it was in the real world. And she couldn't have been more wrong if she had tried. The entire place was furnished with chocolate furniture, lickerish drapes, paintings made of hard candy, pillars of candy canes, and a fountain of chocolate in the very center. All about, there were friendly butlers and servants lined up in neat rows for their guests. Every single last one of them was made of gingerbread. But these weren't your ordinary human-esk gingerbread people. No, these were actual people, with real features, depth, emotions…except for the fact that they were made of tasty bread.
Hansa refused to eat anything here, and she had good reason not to want to. Schrodinger was busily kissing and groping his near twin and Seras was happily laughing and conversing with her own friend. It had gotten worse since they had eaten the sweets, and they looked almost delusional. Hansa thought that it was the food, and so she hadn't eaten anything at all. Hans on the other hand, had nothing to fear because he was part of this world,a dn was therefore not affected by anything dangerous to outsiders within it. He was biting into a bar of chocolate that looked like something one would find in a box of field rations, just another commodity.
The guests found themselves in front of a huge double staircase that rose to the second storey. At the top of the staircase was an odd assortment of characters. There was Dok's opposite, and woman who was clad in a thick and frilly coat. She was thin, shapely, and looked like a prissy noble. Jan and Luke's opposites were odd, two girls that hugged each other and each wearing a white and black striped dress. They looked like sisters, and this time, Luke's had the piercings.
Enrico's opposite looked like Zorin did in real life, strong, butch and domineering. Anderson's was a short woman with a bright smile and a Satanist cross hanging from her neck. Heinkel and Yumie's were both timid men, shy and hiding behind Anderson's counterpart. Rip's held a short pistol and had a weasel look to him. The pistol was made out of candy cane. Pip's had short hair and a remarkably flat chest for a woman. She looked rather tired though, almost asleep.
Alucard's was the vampire's Girly-Card form, and that was that, no questions asked. Integra's was a rather large individual with a hyperactive disposition and a stick of taffy clutched in one hand. He had a goofy grin written all over his face. Alhambra's looked like a little angel, in a white dress and with bright red lipstick on. Zorin's was the most surprising of all: a beautiful girl with soft eyes and a happy look on her face. She smiled down at the guests and waved happily with one hand.
"Hello there, honored guests. Welcome to the Reichstag."
"Everyone, let's get something to eat! I'm starving!" bellowed Keras as he waved one big arm for the others to follow him up the staircase.
"But you ate on the way here," Seras scolded. Her counterpart burst into laughter.
"That doesn't mean I'm not hungry! Come now, let's eat!" he exclaimed, causing Seras to giggle. They made their way up and were greeted by all the rest of the imaginary look-alikes. Hansa and Hans were completely silent, and the two made their way past the mob of happy-go-lucky imaginary and non-imaginary beings. As soon as they walked past though, everyone else swarmed around them. Hansa growled for Girly-Card to get away, and then the vampire failed to do so, Hansa smashed a fist against the girl's face.
Unfortunately, it didn't seem to have any effect on the girl, and she simply smiled back as if nothing had happened. But the look in her eyes…it, it changed. For the briefest of moments, it had changed. Hansa narrowed her eyes and then turned to Dok, who was busy telling Seras about how this world had been transformed into something fun and beautiful by all of those present and how the Major was enjoying it so much. So enveloped into this world was Seras, that she failed to even realize that the Major was why she was here in the first place!
Hansa was forced to follow the strange and giddy procession down a few hallways and then into a massive room filled with all manner of sugary delight and treat and tasty snack. Hana face-palmed as Seras Schrodigner dove into the sweets. Hansa was told that she should go and enjoy herself, but she growled at any of the happy-go-lucky freaks that tried to get near her. Hans stood by silently, glancing around the room. Hansa too, was looking for the Major. He had to be here somewhere, trapped in a cage most likely. There was no way in heaven or hell he was enjoying any second of this crap.
Hansa watched her companions falling further into the trap, all the while waiting for the Major to arrive. But when Schrodinger began kissing all over Schradinger's body, and began to pull the pink tanktop from her body, Hansa had to do something.
"Vhen is ze Major getting here?" she asked. Anderson's opposite smiled at Hansa.
"You want to see our wonderful benefactor?" she asked with an all-to-perky tone to her voice. Hansa nodded and the short woman scampered off to the podium. She turned on a microphone and tapped it. Everyone looked up to the woman and she beamed proudly.
"Oh Major, it's time to see your new friends!" she exclaimed. And from the floor, there arose a large cylinder filled with green liquid. Inside of it however, there was a short, pudgy Nazi officer that Hansa immediately recognized. She ripped Hans' pistol from its holster and blasted apart the glass that held the dormant Major. Hans nodded and sprinted forward to catch the Major before he hit the ground. With a save worthy of an NFL football player, Hans caught the heavy man and laid him out on a clean section of the marble floor. The major coughed up green liquid and Hans tried to shake him gently awake. And then the Major said something he shouldn't have.
"Get off of me. Go fuck yourself." The Major coughed on the ground a while longer.
Meanwhile, Hans went ramrod straight and froze. He stood there for a few moments, his entire body unmoving at all. The other opposites stared at him with mixed expressions. Eventually, Hans turned around and strode back over to Hansa, pulling her into his arms and carrying her away bridal style. Hans struggled against her counterpart, and realized that her original form was much stronger than her current one. Hans' iron grip kept her still until he nudged open a door and kicked it shut behind him. He deposited Hans on her feet.
The she-wolf, now not trying to get out of Hans' arms, had time to look around for a moment. And when she did, horror filled her eyes. She was in a bedroom! Hans had taken the Major's command in a literal sense! They were technically the same person, to Hans was…about…to…
The werewolf began to strip off his clothes, first his greatcoat and then his boots and socks. Hansa looked for a way out, but could only see the door as an exit. In desperation, she tried to remove the wall with Hans' pistol, but it didn't work. The lead projectiles flattened themselves against the marble and left not even a scratch. Hansa punched the wall, only to have her knuckles badly hurt and bruised. She waved her hand around in a vain effort to disperse the pain, and then Hans grabbed her hand.
Hansa watched as her former self gently lifter her bruised hand to his mouth and stuck three of her fingers into his mouth. Hansa felt something within her body begin to stir. Hans sucked on her fingers, gently massaging away the pain with his tongue. Hansa flushed madly red and he let go, continuing to remove his clothing. And in a few moments, he was down to his boxers. He then began with Hansa's clothes. In a short while, after a bit of struggling, they were both down to their undergarments.
"Stop! Hans…me…vhatever ze hell you vant to be called! Stop! We have to help ze Major!" Hansa roared. Hans was entirely silent, and instead of replying, picked her up and gently deposited Hansa onto the bed. Hans crawled onto it, looming over the she-wolf like a predator over its fallen, pathetic prey. Hansa couldn't stop him, nor could she even convince him to stop. His toned, muscled body made the pit of her stomach feel strange. His face was handsome, and his eyes were sad. She…she couldn't barely lift a finger to him in this state. Hansa felt ashamed for being aroused by him. She was about to be fucked by herself for God's sake!
Hans slipped a hand beneath her head and pulled her body to his. Hansa pushed her forearm against his neck, but it did nothing to stop him. His adam's apple didn't even budge under the pressure, and he forced her head against his, a soft growl running up his throat. Hansa found herself pulled into a rough kiss and she bit his tongue with her canines, drawing blood. Hans didn't stop, nor was he phased at all. Hansa whimpered.
"HANS! GET IN HERE NOW!" shouted a voice so loud that the entire building shook. Both werewolves threw each other off and Hans drew his pistol, running out the door. Hansa wasn't as quick to follow, trying to regain her sense of, well…everything. She held the door for support until her head was in the right place, and then made her way down the hallway and into the room where everyone else was. She was shocked at what she saw happening in there.
Everything was a mess. The Major was standing on a podium and swinging his fists at Alucard, who was trying to get him down like he was a baby misbehaving in the kitchen on top of a cabinet. The others were all on the ground, either knocked unconscious by a thrown bench, or trying to recover from the apparent upholstery of furniture. It looked at if the Major had been fighting to save his own skin. And now he had his most loyal captain here to even up the odds. It was strange for Hansa to see her former self in action like this. From what she had seen, it wasn't going to be a very long-lasting fight for the others. Hans was all flesh and blood. They were gingerbread and jelly. Hansa walked up upon the scene as Hans closed with Zorin's counterpart.
"Kapitan! You're just in time to-" Three bullets ripped her jaw apart, and reddish jelly spewed from the wound. Zorin's face crumpled like gingerbread. She arched a brown and then swung her fist. Hansa was horrified by what happened next.
Hans' cheek split and jelly came out of the wound. He stopped, fired at Zorin again, and blew her arms off. She kicked him, and his ribs broke like candycanes. He stumbled, but managed to turn Zorin into a pile of mush with several kicks and bullets to the head. Hansa strode up beside her counterpart and put a hand on his shoulder. He leveled the muzzle of his pistol against her forehead and she winked.
"Not ze right time to be shooting your friends," Hansa teased. Hans nodded and continued on to the Major. Something had happened to this place now, something very odd. Sooth covered parts of the floor, and a flickering flame had appeared over one of the benches. Other places looked slightly damaged, others blackened like charcoal. It was all so confusing, up until Alhambra's counterpart roared to the others.
"He's breaking through it! Hurry, stop them! Do anything, just stop the gun!" A whirlwind of cards surrounded him and they shot out in all directions, plastering the blackened and damaged parts of the building with new, clean covers. Hansa grinned. She realized what was going on. This was the dandy-man's illusion. Violence must be the key to all of this!
She walked over to one of the benches and ripped it to pieces, grabbing a huge beam from its wreckage. She called over Schrodinger and his 'girlfriend' as well. They smiled at Hansa, and she smacked their heads clean off with one fell swoop. Something like a bombshell rang out and the ceiling fell in near the entryway. Hans saw the sky, darkening with clouds as she swung again at the catboy and catgirl. Raspberry jelly and red blood splattered all over the floor and Hansa roared with delight. The walls darkened with soot, and ashes rained from the hole in the ceiling.
She walked over to Hans and ripped the pistol from his grasp. She fired at Alucard, and scored hits all up the vamp's feminine spine.
The Major's eyes went wide as red jelly splattered all over his uniform. But it didn't run in clumps like jelly. The Major looked Hansa in the eyes and wiped actual, real, irony, red, thick blood from his glasses. He raised his hand to the air and a halo of light surrounded him, followed by falling bricks and framework from above. The pudgy officer Raised both of his hands to the burning heavens and let out a cry that would have shamed a Norse Berserker for bloodlust and rage.
"Mein welt leben in krieg!" (My world lives in war)
"For ze Major!" Hansa yelled, blasting off one of Alucard's arms. The Major lowered his arms and a glint of battle lust came to his eyes. He pointed toward the blocked door and waved his hand as if commanding others to follow him.
"Forvard! Ze battle avaits us!" he snarled. Out of the doorway behind him poured troops, wermacht, SS troops, North Afrika divisions, and even a panzer tank burst through the wood and stone. Planes flew overhead and bombs exploded all over the poor city of Berlin. A general strode forward out of the mass of yelling soldiers, someone that even Hansa couldn't mistake. Erwin Rommel walked up to the Major and the pudgy officer leapt down from the podium, shaking the tank commander's hand with a bloodied glove. Rommel looked less than pleased.
The Major told him of the crisis that had overtaken the city in their absence, and Rommel nodded, muttering something about needing more tanks. Hansa realized then that she and the others had guns pointed at them. Hans glared daggers at the MG42 team trying to make cow in fear like the others, who were being blown to bits at the Major's command. Both officers looked at the werewolf as he ripped his fellow soldiers in half and took their heavy weapon. The Major pointed at him.
"Get him clothes. And her…it's time for her to leave vit her friends," he said. Troops dragged an unconscious Seras and a dazed Schrodinger over to Hansa and a firing line was spread out before them. Hansa looked worried, but the Major strode up to the three with a wide smirk. Hansa saw his hand reach up to her, and she shook it.
"Danke for ze help. Now allow me to get back to business. I have a vorld to take over, und I need my full attention on the newly-opened front," he said, turning to leave. The last thing Hansa saw was Hans nodding to her and the flash of a dozen guns in her face.
Hansa snapped awake in the real world and threw off her helmet, head aching and body sore. She shook the feeling from her head and looked up at the faces awaiting her. Alucard smirked and Dok blinked hard, as if trying to discern whether or not he was seeing something real of a hallucination. Integra's face flushed red. Hansa furrowed her brow.
"…?" was all she could say. Wait…say? Nobody said '…' because it wasn't a word or phrase. Hansa was confused. The only reason she would have said that would be-
"YOU'RE NOT A GIRL ANYMORE?!" yelled a familiar catboy into Hansa's ear. She looked down, and her face flushed madly red.
Hansa was sitting in a torn mess of clothes that didn't fit anymore…and entirely naked. She also had her original body, the male one.