Early the next morning, to celebrate the revival of the Major without ruining anyone else's great time, they went to the only place that they couldn't destroy: the beach. Yes, the beach. It had been nearly a week since they had laid out lazily on the beach, so they decided to do just that. Hell, you didn't have to pay for gas when you could walk to the damned place! The large group set themselves up across the beach. Their groups couldn't have been more at ease, considering the fact that they had chosen well who to sit with.

Alhambra saw sitting at a custom card table he'd 'magically' brought with several decks of cards via magic teleport-y card tricks. He also had aight chairs to fit the octagonal table, and poker chips. Rip and Zorin were with him, and they played an idle game for a while. It wasn't until later that they would eventually successfully scam several hundred dollars off of a few suckered-in chumps.

Another group was made up of Anderson, Jan, Luke and Yumie. Yumie pawed all over her vampiric lover as his hands were bound behind his back and a scantily-clad, schizophrenic, lovestruck, Catholic nun straddled his hips and whispered sweet nothings into his ears. Anderson finally got to relax without his uniform on, and even Alucard had admitted that the man was healthy. He looked as fit as the friggin' governor of California! He also had a rather embarrassing tattoo of him, Yumiko, and Heinkel holding up blades (and pistols) as the Three Musketeers over his heart. Jan was scanning the beach for a lovely young woman to toy around with.

And though one wouldn't believe it, Heinkel and Schrodinger were getting along nicely. The priestess had admitted that Schrodinger was a pest at first, when he had been making fun of her. But when he had started on everyone else…Heinkel had fallen into a laughing mess on her beach towel, kicking and squealing. Schrodinger was apparently reveling in his newfound friend and loving the attention as he poked fun at a certain overweight officer sitting not far away.

Speaking of the Major, he and Integra were sitting alone with very little to talk about. Though they had a lot in common when it came to guns, there was virtually nothing else to speak of unless it was about annoying subordinates. Alucard and Schrodinger topped the lists. Both organization leaders, though enemies, agreed that they would do their best not to fight and spoil the good time. Of course, that didn't mean that the Major could earn Integra's ire and have her hate his guts.

Far off down the beach where there were no clusters of people, and an entire street of hotels was apparently undergoing construction which seemed to have been halted due to the lack of noise, there sat Alucard, Seras, and Hans. There werewolf was nearly fast asleep in his new swim trunks. Seras was glad that nobody was trying to kill someone else and Alucard was idly staring out at the water, somehow mesmerized by the constant push and pull of the tides.

Somewhere off in the distance, Enrico was busy being finally RESPECTED by some Catholics that he had begun conversing with. Lucky him.

And that left Pip and Dok, who were in Dok's room with the perverted Frenchman strapped into a buzzing machine that had bubbling fluids and tubes and pipes running across its surface. The mad scientist had promised Pip that after a small experiment, he would be able to attract the most beautiful women for miles around and have them wrapped around his little finger. Pip had wholeheartedly agreed and was immediately strapped into a machine for the procedure.

And here he sat, an IV stuck in his arm feeding him a swirling mixture of blue and yellow and a purplish liquid with something that looked cooking oil. Pip smoked a cigarette as he waited for the operation to begin. He had one small electrical pad over his heart and another just below his belly button. Occasionally, they would give him a small, but pleasant, jolt. Pip didn't mind this at all, and only the wait was getting annoying.

"Eh, docteur, when is then getting done? I have a beautiful mon cheri to have swooning over me," Pip barked impatiently. Dok shrugged.

"Vhen it gets done, it vill be done. Now shut up und vait!" snorted the doctor as he idly flipped through files from a file cabinet. Pip folded his arms over his chest and scratched his ribs. He felt a tingling sensation run up his spine. He furrowed his brow. That had never happened before. He shrugged off the feeling and scratched at the itch again. This time, it was much more violent. Pip keeled over and grit his teeth.

"What's this feeling right here?" he asked. Dok's eyes shot up from the file and he cracked a grin.

"Zat ist your heart pumping zat fliud through your veins. Any second no-" A loud banging at the door accompanied by vigorous sniffing. Dok looked a tad bit too giddy for his normal, insane demeanor. He walked over to Pip and removed the IV and pad from his body. He pushed the shirtless mercenary to the door and motioned for him to open it. Pip didn't see what was going on, for there had been no operation or experiment. He opened the door anyway, and was immediately caught by surprise by a pair of buxom brunettes.

The one standing up had on a tight black blouse and a pair of very short, very thin black shorts on her hips. She looked anxious for some reason and stared right into Pip's single eye. The second brunette, who had been sniffing at the bottom of the door like a blood hound, was on all fours and staring up at him with longing. Her back was arched in a way that pushed her chest against the taut fabric of her tank-top. The cigarette fell from Pip's mouth and the kneeling woman caught it for him.

"Found him Melissa," she said, taking a long drag from the cancer stick. The first one smiled gently and put two fingers beneath Pip's chin. She turned his head so that she was looking into his eyes again. She smiled.

"We have breasts you know, not just eyes," she sighed. Pip was dumbstruck. He usually got caught for looking at a woman's breasts, not the lack thereof of said attention. Before he could even speak, the two women had dragged him across the hallway and into his own room. The second woman sniffed the air.

"It even smells like him. Oh, this is going to be very enjoyable, sister," she chirped with a wide grin.

"Wait…so, you two sniffed me out and dragged me into my room for…sex?" Pip asked, entirely confused. And it was a split second later that Pip entire vision of two beautiful, normal women was shattered entirely. Both of them suddenly sprouted wings akin to those of a bat, with long bones filling out their outlines and thin flaps of black skin to flesh it all out. They both looked at him innocently, heart-tipped tails swishing around behind them. The first one giggled slightly.

"We're succubi, and there's something…purple about you that I can't put my finger on. In any case, you're about to get the life sucked out of you," she said, licking her lips. Pip shrugged as if this were a very normal occurrence. Both succubi looked at each other confusedly.

"Hey, not to be a drag here, but I live with the original Nosferatu and his hot apprentice. I think two succubi shouldn't wear me down two badly. Besides, I have a fetish for two certain things with wings standing right in front of me," he boasted, taking gently and kissing the first one's hand like a gentleman. She shuddered.

And unannounced to Pip, as he prepared to do battle with two soul-stealing Californian succubi, Dok was studying and recording the encounter with a laptop in his lap and a notepad in his hands. He could do so much if he had succubus DNA, and their recorded and carefully-monitored habitual doings. Maybe he could make an army of them? Who knew?

"Oh, Luke, you're such a dirty boy. I just can't wait to eat you up in public one of these days," Yumie teased her lover, trailing two fingers up and down his chest seductively. Luke could say absolutely nothing, especially when Yumie was like this. They both knew it. She was as horny as a Catholic schoolgirl and it was very apparent. Father Anderson spanned his fingers with his nose stuck in a Holy Bible that must have been ten inches thick and worn a cover the size of a hard-back, overpriced, overrated, and over-glorified Twilight book.

"Enough'a thaet nae, yer a wee bit early fer those impure games," he said, adjusting his glasses. Yumie glared briefly before Father Anderson's gaze fell upon her. He pushed his glasses down and stared her in the eyes. It was enough to make her pale in fear. Not even in battle with Alucard had Anderson been truly angry. Of course this wasn't even near annoyed, but he was serious with her. She was not going to do that if he was alive. And she understood that very well with a single look.

Anderson turned back to his book and suddenly noticed that something was missing. No, nothing was missing from the Holy Bible…something around his was missing. He looked up from his reading and saw that Jan had left. He paled a bit (though difficult with tanned skin like that) and marked his place in his favorite book of all time. He stood up and turned back to the two lovers looking anxiously up at him, waiting for him to leave.

"Do what yer thinkin' while I'm gone, and I'll chop the damned meat rod off!" he growled. Yumie hugged Luke's chest tightly.

"You wouldn't!" she cried. Anderson gave her another look and she sat back up, putting her hands to prayer. Anderson nodded and turned to follow the footprints that led away from his beach towel. He would find that crazy Jan Valentine eventually.

Anderson followed the footprints until he came upon a small cut into a large outcropping that overlooked the ocean about fifteen feet below. Below him, in the large gulley cleft from the rock, there was Jan Valentine with a young woman beneath him. He had apparently obtained a knife from somewhere and was holding it near her neck menacingly. He had a wide grin on his face, and she had his hand over what would have been a look of horror and terror. She mumbled something against his fingers.

"Whazzat?" Jan asked, leaning in. She mumbled again and the vampire laughed.

"Really now? Kinky, but I guess it'll work. You just sit tight and…"

"Unhand her!" Anderson roared, leaping down from above the vampire and his human prey. From the inside back cover of his bible, he pulled a Hungarian bayonet and prepared to ram it into Jan's throat and drag him back to where he had been sitting earlier via the handle sticking from his neck. But as soon as Anderson landed, Jan leapt away and the girl hugged Anderson's chest tightly. He put a hand on her head as she sobbed.

"Oh thank goodness!"

"Easy child, I've got him under con-" He was interrupted immediately by her hysterical ramblings.

"You brought a bigger knife! I was bored as anything until you showed up!" she wept. Anderson nearly dropped his Holy Bible.

"She's a masochist. I was happy to do my duty to save a poor whore's soul," Jack sneered.

"I love it when a man talks dirty," the young lady said. Anderson detached the woman from his body and stared at her in disbelief. She looked so…so innocent, so pure and uncorrupted. His mood immediately soured when he remembered another rlittle, innocent, pure little girl that had turned out to be the original nosferatu. Anderson threw his arms up in defeat and tossed the bayonet at Jan's feet.

"Take the damned thing. Curses upon all of you that need to be cleansed! You've all been cursed by a damned demon!" the priest shouted as he stomped back toward his beach towel a ways off. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, Anderson prayed mentally. Protect me from this nightmare.

Heinkel and Schrodinger sat under an umbrella and the nun-ish Catholic laughed wholeheartedly with her legs kicking in the air and arms wrapped around her bare tummy. Schrodinger bit his lip as he watched her. He hadn't felt like this since the Kapitan had done dirty things to him as a woman. Heinkel may have been mistaken as a man when she was wearing a priest's heavy and unrevealing vestments, but now, with only a bikini and a nigh transparent cut-off t-shirt, Schrodinger could see her curves.

She had the definite curvature of a woman; round hips and curvy thighs. Her chest wasn't much to scream about, but damn did she have perky ones! Schrodinger could see her lacy black bra through her shirt. It was like she was teasing him for sport! His ears had been reaching for the heavens the entire day! Any more and his human parts would be doing the same! Heinkel took a deep breath and stifled an oddly girlish giggle.

"And what about the Major?" she questioned. Schrodinger shrugged.

"Him? Ze 'great big round one' probably should have died at ze zoo. He and his manatee got into a who can eat more fight and zey resolved it by seeing who could open their mouth vider! Ze Major should be a snake; he swallowed ze fat-ass thing whole!" he cried. Heinkel burst out into laughter.

"Swallowed it whole! Aha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!" She burst into tears.

"Ate my damn cupcakes from ze mall too," the cat-boy muttered. Heinkel kicked her feet in the air.

"Too much! I hehe! I can't haha stop! Oh God, hahaha! Hehaha! Oh God, you're killing me Schrodinger! Get over here and lemme give you a kiss for that one! Hahaha!" Heinkel reached out, still laughing, and grabbed Schrodinger's arms. She ripped him off his beach towel and pulled him into a tight bear hug, still laughing as hard as anything Schrodinger had ever heard. The cat-boy felt two squishy, warm things on his shoulders and smiled.

"Almost ate my foot vhile he vas at it," he murmured. Heinkel burst out into more laughter and rolled around with Schrodinger in her arms, crushing him to her.

"Your foot! Oh no, stop please! Hahaha! It's too much! Haha! If, if you hahaha! If you tell any more, I'll die! Oh God, this kid! Hahaha!"

And it was at that moment that he realized something very important: her bra had snapped. The warmth on his back suddenly increased and he grinned widely. This was his chance to actually try his luck at making friends with someone who wasn't teasing him constantly or trying to get him to do something. Heinkel seemed nice enough when she wasn't trying to blow his brains out.

"And don't get me started on zat butch, lesbian, psycho-bitch, vampire he-she," Schrodinger snapped. Heinkel couldn't stop laughing.

"No more! No more!" she cried through her laughter.

Near the day-halted construction, Seras sat on a big black beach towel and tried to relax. Something about today had been off somehow. She couldn't place her finger on it, but something was off. It was like she had some kind of bad feeling or something. She looked back at her master, who was hiding from the ungodly-annoying sun with an umbrella, reading the personal notes of H.P. Lovecraft. For some reason, he had gotten off the subject of the sea and into the strange book, which depicted where he had gotten his ideas for all of his books. Alucard occasionally looked out at the sea with a manic grin on his face, but did nothing more as his eyes swept across the pages faster and faster.

Seras looked down at Hans and smiled softly. She had always seen him with either a stoic, emotionless look on his face; or he had been wearing a different face altogether, along with a body to match it. At the moment, however, Hans looked like someone who was in the middle of a massage. A slight smile tugged at his lips. Seras petted his hair like he was still a dog. His smile widened slightly and a snore came out of his mouth. Seras fell back to her towel in a fit of giggles.

Alucard looked up from his book and furrowed his brow.

"The wolf has nasal problems?"

"No, silly Master. Snoring isn't a problem. But I certain hope that the he part is definitely not problematic. I like him better as a guy," she said cheerfully, stroking the werewolf's hair again, gently. Hans stirred very slightly, but didn't wake. He craned his neck and seized pressure from her hand against his head. He let out a long, pleased sigh.

"And exactly why is that?" Alucard questioned with a leer, pushing down his glasses with an ethereal appendage that emerged from his shoulder. Seras hesitated with a red flush coming across her undead cheeks. She bit her bottom lip and looked down at the werewolf's sleeping face. There was no way in hell that she'd say this while he was awake.

"Do you swear on your soul that you won't tell anyone, including the people inside of you?"

"I promise, police girl, on my own soul," Alucard replied.

"Well…he's got an awesome butt," Seras admitted with a cherry-red flush spreading from ear to ear. Alucard's mouth opened to laugh, and it was quickly filled with a ball of slushy sand and shells.

"Not a word, Master, not even a giggle," Seras growled, another projectile ready to throw. Alucard nodded and the sand fell through the bottom of his chin harmlessly. Seras heaved a great, relieved sigh and relaxed again, the flush on her cheeks never once fading. She glanced down at Hans and realized that her hand was still petting his head. She withdrew her hand and blinked in confusion. Get a hold of yourself Seras! The draculina didn't even notice when Hans woke up until she heard him yawn and got an eyeful of long fangs receding back into his gums.

"Well, looks like ending that handjob early really woke him u-" Alucard started and was cut short as two large balls of sand and shells smacked him in the face and buried themselves inside of his miasmic body. Alucard pushed one of his nostrils shut and jettisoned sand from the other. He cracked his jaw and went back to his book with a smug grin.

"…?..."

"No, Hans, I didn't do…well, that to you. I, er, was petting your head, if you don't mind that is." Much to Seras' surprise, Hans smiled at her and sat up. He stood up with another yawn and Seras sat that all but four of his fangs had run back into his jaws and turned into normal teeth. He stretched in the sunlight, and Seras tried not to look at the tattoo on his lower back, or any lower than that either.

Then suddenly, Hans' trunks dropped to the ground and his arms immediately fell to his sides. His feet were magically ripped from beneath him and he fell only to catch himself with his elbow slammed against the sand. Seras looked back at Alucard to see the stolen trunks held in the grasp of a single little wisp of blackness. Alucard was on his back laughing.

"It worked! I can't believe it really worked! Listen to that wolf howl!" he roared in an entirely amused tone. Seras caught a low rumble next to her and through that it was Hans' stomach. She quickly realized that it was him growling, his face in a predatory snarl. Hans picked himself up and walked over to Alucar,d bare-assed naked, and held his hand out, fangs at their full lengths now. So long were they that his mouth couldn't close properly, and his face was turning into a snout.

"Master!" Seras yelled.

"What? You want this back? Come and get it," he teased. Hans' hand didn't move, and he only glared. The standoff lasted for only a few moments before a sharp whistle interrupted them. Both of them reformed anything that wasn't passable as human and turned.

"Yoohoo! Foreign boy! Over here!" cooed a feminine voice. Both Alucard and Hans looked over. (They're both from Europe) Seras too was curious and looked over to find what a surfer would call a 'totally stacked babe' waving shyly at the two. Seras looked back at her master and friend, seeing that one of them was entirely naked and the other was about to be if he wasn't careful. His swim trunks weren't real; they were made of him.

Hans grabbed his swim trunks and put them on, his usual emotionless demeanor returning. Alucard started toward the woman and she held up her hand as if it were putting up an instant barrier to him. She pointed over Alucard's shoulder. Hans furrowed his brow and pointed at himself.

"…?"

"Yeah you. Come here foreign boy," she commanded. Hans' expression didn't change at all and Alucard sat down on his towel again, watching closely from under his umbrella. Hans walked over to the woman and she licked her lips seductively. She pulled her sunglasses down to reveal her eyes, and Hans continued to give her an emotionless stare. She smiled with false-sincerity, tracing the bottom of the werewolf's chin with her index finger. Seras stood, hesitating to move from the umbrella's protection.

"What is she…?" Seras whispered to herself. The woman pushed her chest against Hans'.

"You know, I'm very into the tall, Arian, and sexy type. Maybe I could show you around, say, my apartment for example?" she asked. Hans pointed over to Seras and the woman followed his finger to the draculina. Both women smirked.

"He wouldn't," Seras said to nobody in particular.

"I'm sure since there's no ring on your finger that you'd be able to ditch her for me. I can see from here that I have bigger tits," she said, squishing her chest against Hans' with more force. Seras growled deep in her throat and left the safety of the umbrella. The sunlight didn't hurt her, really, but it made her sick to her stomach. She was suddenly glad that she had forgotten to eat this morning. She grabbed the woman's shoulder and pulled her away from the werewolf who now looked curious.

"Back. Off."

"Oh, you're not so much more than a pipsqueak, eh? He's your boyfriend, isn't he? Let him voice his answer," the woman said. Hans shook his head. Seras smirked again, and the woman flipped her long, burgundy hair over her shoulder. She looked even more confident that she had earlier. Seras' blood got steaming hot when she took Hans' hand and put it to her breast.

"You!" Seras protested, but it came out as more of a wail due to her nausea.

"Now when you can feel my heart beating so fast, doesn't that make yours yearn for me?" she asked, putting her hand to Hans' chest just over his heart. A flustered and confused look came over her and she arched an eyebrow.

"…" Hans shook his head, putting a hand behind Seras' head and stroking her hair softly. Seras felt his big, warm hand smoothing out her unruly blonde hair. The woman frowned.

"It's beating so fast now…how…" Her eyes fell upon Seras.

"I don't take kindly to anyone touching Hans," she purred triumphantly.

"Have you two even kissed yet?" the woman asked. Seras immediately flushed red with embarrassment. Hans' cheeks tinted pink and his hand dropped to his side. The woman eyed them both and snapped her finger.

"That's no-"

"I see how it is, you're a tease, aren't you? I'd say he's been waiting for about a week now judging by how much just touching your head did for his heart rate. That's so cruel to do that to him. Poor foreign boy, if I had only met you first," she cooed, stroking Hans' cheek softly.

"I, what? I'm not a tease lady!" Seras protested. Was everyone's first glance at Seras set to 'assume she's a bimbo' mode?!

"But you have yet to even give him a kiss. The poor boy is sweating."

"You want a kiss? I'll give you a kiss," Seras snarled, spinning Hans to face her. She grabbed his blonde hair and pulled him down to her with all the force in her body. She smashed her lips against his with a strawberry flush all over her face. Hans' eyes went as wide as dinner plates and he pulled her backwards onto the sand. Seras broke their kiss after a long moment. She slipped up on his chest and almost fell until she caught herself. It was impossible for her to blush any redder than she already was when she noticed that she was smothering Hans in her crotch.

"…!"

"I'm sorr- (burp) Oh God."

"I gotta tell the pervert," Alucard murmured as he sank into the sand and slithered away. Seras reached out in vain to stop him.

"Wait! Master! (burb) Oh…I don't feel so good…" Seras was suddenly glad that her Master was gone, seeing as she vomited right into Hans' hair.

The sun shone down mockingly on the draculina as Hans carried her back to their room in the hotel. Damn the fucking sun, Seras thought bitterly.