Dear James-

I never thought NEWTS would be this hard. I fall asleep in the common room every night now, sometimes I even see you sitting late into the night working. We never speak though, sometimes I wonder if you even know I'm there. I can't help but watch you out of the corner of my eye and notice the way you chew the end of your quill when you're thinking or when you rub your nose when you're frustrated. All this pressure is getting to me James. I hate myself for not being strong enough, not being able to cope. The rest of the year seems to be doing fine. I hate myself for all this self pity I am feeling. There are people that are far worse off than me yet all I can do is whine and mope about because my best friends detest me and the man I love hates me. And it's my entire fault. If I hadn't acted like such a twat, then I would feel this. I would be ecstatic. It's only now I realise what a fool I was, and I'm kicking myself.

I'll get out of you're life James. I had a sort of epiphany today. I don't want to mess up what I'm sure will be a colourful life by always hanging in the corner, a sad, dull, ugly person, who is throwing a shadow over you. I want you to remember me the way I used to be, the best of me. Not when I was shouting at you, those moments I'm ashamed of. When I was watching you out of the corner of my eye, looking at you're brilliance but never quite seeing. That moment when all of us jumped into the lake and you swam back with me, holding me the entire way. I want you to know I had tingles all the way up and down my spine and not because it was cold. My words seem worthless and petty so I'll tell you how I feel like this:

"Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste, it all revolves around you and there's no mountain too high no river too wide sing out this song and I'll be here by your side storm clouds may gather and stars may collide but I love you until the end of time"

"My heart is ever at your service"

"I love thee, I love but thee;
with a love that shall not die
; till the sun grows cold
and the stars grow old"

"I'll follow you and make a heaven out of hell,
and I'll die by your hand which I love so well"

"My only love sprung from my only hate"

"So dear I love him that with him,
all deaths I could endure.
Without him, live no life."

I Will Always Love You. In this life and the next and the next and the next. Come what may…

Lily Evans