Act 2: The Good, The Bad and the Black

Fillmore and Ingrid are in front of a house.

Ingrid: According to the file on Marvin, he has a friend who he hangs out with after school. His name is Jimmy Dougfunny.

Fillmore: Let's go in. (rings the doorbell)

Jimmy's mom: (opens the door) Well, hello. Who are you people?

Fillmore: (whispers to Ingrid) Oh, God, she's racist. (talks to Jimmy's mom) My name is Waffle and this is my partner, Rice. We have a search warrant. We have the right to search this house for someone named Marvin, a black guy gone missing.

Jimmy's mom: Sorry, we don't let stereotypical black people in this house.

Ingrid: May we please search anyway? We have nothing better to do apparently.

Jimmy's mom: If it helps please you guys, go ahead.

Fillmore: Thank you. (him and Ingrid go inside the house) By the way, your house smells like semen.

A ten minute search later

Jimmy's mom: Well, did you find anything?

Ingrid: Nothing unusual. Only a tall white cloak and a long pointed white hoodie with a dead black guy in the closet.

Jimmy's mom: (looks at Fillmore) What about you, Chicken?

Fillmore: My name is Waffle.

Jimmy's mom: (shrugs) Whatever you colored folks want, its all the same to me.

Fillmore: And yes, I did find something. It was in the basement. Marvin was here. Tell me the truth! Marvin was here! Wasn't he!?

Jimmy's mom: (cries) Yes! My son's best friend is black and I didn't want anyone else to know! How did you know that Marvin was here?

Fillmore: There was a bass guitar in the basement. Only black people have bass guitars in their basement, not white people.

Ingrid: Good show, Waffle. (to Jimmy's mom) Do you know where Marvin and your son went?

Jimmy's mom: They always come here and go to the same place wherever Marvin wants to go first which is....

Cashier: Good afternoon! Welcome to KFC, the home of the fried chicken. How may I help you?

Fillmore: Yes. Have you seen a black guy in this restaurant?

Cashier: Look around you! The whole store is filled with black people. And I swear I saw Diddy or Daddy, or whatever he wants to call himself these days.

Ingrid: This certain black guy was with a white guy.

Cashier: Oh, yeah. They were talking about some eating contest they were going to. It's about five blocks from here. You guys better hurry because by now it's almost over.

Random Person: Black guy in the contest? Have I seen him? Oh, yeah! He won first place without breaking a sweat. The guy's been champion of this contest for eight straight years.

Ingrid: Too bad we missed him.

Fillmore: Do you know where he could've gone?

Random Person: Yep. Him and three white kids walked away to one of their houses. One of them was really ugly and was really chubby...

Fillmore: Patrick Stump from Fall Out Boy?

Ingrid: No, I know who he's talking about. Thanks for the help, Random Person.

Fillmore: One more question. What kind of contest was Marvin competing in anyway?

Random Person: Watermelon eating contest. I tell you, if he weren't the only black person in the contest, it could've been anyone's game. I've never seen someone who could eat so much watermelons and then down a whole keg on purple soda.

Fillmore: If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this fanfiction writer is racist.

Ingrid: Don't worry. He's a black guy. He doesn't count as a person.

Fillmore: Good call.So you know who this person is?

Ingrid: Yes. His name is Zee.

Fillmore: Don't you mean Zed...

Ingrid: No! We aren't doing Pulp Fiction again. Anyway, I know where he lives. Come on follow me.

Fillmore: I think we need disguises.

Ingrid: You're right. Let's split up and meet back here in front of the school starting at the next act. Find a disguise and make it fast. Because Marvin doesn't have much time.

Fillmore: Of course he doesn't. He's black.

Ingrid: Why do I get the feeling that Al Sharpton is going to do a huge speech relating this episode into one of his things?

Fillmore: Because he has something in common with us. We both have nothing better to do but find something that is the tiniest bit offensive and bitch about it.

Ingrid: Where's Bill Cosby when you need him?

End of Act 2