Act 3: Black Hot Chicken Fingers

In front of a house where Fillmore and Ingrid are wearing their disguises.

Fillmore: What the hell? Why are you wearing my disguise?

Ingrid: I didn't know you were going to wear a black suit, black pants and a black tie?

Fillmore: Well, I didn't know you like Pulp Fiction.

Ingrid: This is shameful promotion.

(READER'S NOTE: NO! THIS IS SHAMEFUL PROMOTION! INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS IS COMING TO THEATRES AUGUST 28 2009! COME SEE SOME NAZIS GET KILLED! IF YOU DON'T, YOU'RE SO LAZY. YOU'RE READING THIS FANFICTION! But wait, I'm writing this instead of seeing that movie. Got to go!)

Fillmore: Let's go save Marvin. Then we're going to drive out of here.

Ingrid: Wait, you don't have your driver's license.

Fillmore: Technically, after our show got cancelled, we ACTUALLY age. We're about eighteen.

Ingrid: So, we're allowed to have guns?

Fillmore: I guess so...

Ingrid: (pulls out two pistols) Let's roll.

Inside the house

Ingrid: Fillmore. I hear a commotion in the basement.

Fillmore: (looks up at ceiling) Dawg. Look what I found. (reaches for ceiling and pulls down sword) Disco.

Ingrid: (sighs) Fillmore. You promised that if I stopped saying "Crackers", you'd stop saying "Disco".

Fillmore: But I feel that funk.

Ingrid: (muttering) More like you smell like the funk...

Fillmore: Let's move.

In the basement

Ingrid: The noise is coming from behind that door.

Fillmore: (steps in front of Ingrid) I'll go first.

Ingrid: Why?

Fillmore: Because black people always die first. Also, I have a sword in my hands. (opens the door)

Ingrid: I feel like I've seen this before. (looks around) Why is there a man in an S&M suit on a rope? And there are two guys tied up in chairs...

Fillmore: Oh, God! What are they doing to him? It's awful!

Ingrid: Are they killing him?

Fillmore: Worse. They're making him watch the latest Indiana Jones movie!

Ingrid: (throws up) Oh God! We have to save Marvin.

Fillmore: Right. I'll go in and save him. (gives her car keys) Start the car. You'll know which one it is.

Ingrid: God speak. (goes upstairs)

Fillmore slowly goes into the room with a sword. Marvin is crying while being forced to watch the movie while Jimmy and two other white people are laughing

Marvin: (crying) I thought you were my friend?

Jimmy: You're black. How could I be your friend? My friends are right here. Pete Wentz and Miley Cyrus.

"Pete": But that's not our names...

Jimmy: That is so your names.

"Miley": But I'm a guy...

Jimmy: And so is Miley Cyrus. Now that the movie is done, can one of you friends of mine make him watch Son of the Mask and get the video?

Fillmore: Sorry. They're not going to do anything for you anymore.

Jimmy: (scared) Pete! Miley! But...

Fillmore: They're dead. I killed them while you kept interrupting them in mid sentence. And now it's your turn. (raises sword to Jimmy)

Jimmy: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

In Fillmore's car. Ingrid and Fillmore are in the front seats with Fillmore driving and Marvin is in the backseat.

Fillmore: I'm surprised you found my car.

Ingrid: It was the blackest car around the block. It said, "Pussy Wagon".

Fillmore: You know what I don't get? Why doesn't that girl at school like me?

Ingrid: (takes out a gun and looks at it) Maybe because you're black.

Fillmore: Maybe it's because I like violent movies or I have you as a best friend. Either way, that Asian girl is pretty sweet, dawg.

Ingrid: Hey, Marvin. What's your opinion?

Marvin: Yo, man. I don't even have an opinion.

Ingrid: (turns to Marvin) Well, you have to have an opinion. Why won't the girl that Fillmore likes...

Suddenly, the gun Ingrid has goes off right in Marvin's face, killing him instantly. Blood is all over the backseat and on Fillmore and Ingrid.

Fillmore: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO!?

Ingrid: (shocked) I'm sorry. I guess we ran on a speed bump...

Fillmore: (furious) THERE WERE NO DAMN SPREED BUMPS ON THE ROAD!

Ingrid: Well, I'm sorry...

Fillmore: We got to get this car off the road. We're almost at the school. We have to ditch this car and explain what happened to Vallejo.

A car burning later at the school

Vallejo: I don't know what wrong with you two idiots. When you guys came to this school with that bloody car, did you see a sign that said, "Dead Negro Storage"?

Fillmore: Well, we assumed since what happened to 2pac...

Vallejo: Was there a sign that said, "Dead Negro Storage?"

Fillmore: No.

Vallejo: Wanna know why it doesn't say "Dead Negro Storage"? Because storing dead Negroes isn't MY FREAKING BUSINESS! Do you know what that bitch principal whatsherface is going to say that the missing person is dead? I'm not going to get suspended! Not fined! EXPELLED! I'M NOT IN THIS! YOU GUYS WANNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? MAKE SOME CALLS? WHATEVER IT IS, FIX THE DAMN SITUATION OR I'LL KILL YOU BOTH! (walks away)

Ingrid: He sure is pissed because some dead black guy is dead but I have an idea.

At the principal's office

Ingrid: Why do you look so upset? We found Marvin.

Principal: I'm not upset at you. I'm upset at the fact that this fanfiction writer doesn't know my name! Marvin, do you have a say in this?

"Marvin": No. Can I go now?

Principal: Yes. Although you do look familiar. But then again, you black people do look alike.

Ingrid: Come on, Marvin. (walks to front door with "Marvin" and closes it)

"Marvin": (actually Fillmore) I can't believe she fell for it.

Ingrid: (surprised) Sorry. I forgot Marvin was dead. You and him look so much alike. Because you're both black.

Fillmore: I'm just glad that I'm the only black guy in this school.

The school lights turn off.

Ingrid: Fillmore! Where are you? The End