I Was Just a Normal Teenage Girl

There are many things drawing me to him that I can not even count. Maybe, still I am not aware of all of those unseen ties. But I'm sure that most of all, his mysterious dark side was what always attracted me. I've wasted years; maybe it was better to say decades, to understand the reasons behind his behaviors, the way his brain worked... Well, nothing stood out. And there is a voice in my head, still screaming to me that it wasn't me who started all of those. He was the one who got close to me first. He was the one who kissed me. He was the one...

He was right about the weather; it had been raining all day long. Tired by the screams of those little monsters, I went downstairs in Alice's house and then stepped out to get some air. I desperately needed that. Even though I loved the kids, sometimes I couldn't help feeling overwhelmed. It was already dark and raining heavily outside. I was standing below the tarp trying not to get wet while lighting my cigarette with shaking hands. I must confess that I've always been a bit clumsy. And it was freezing, seeing my failed attempts to light a damn cigarette didn't help my situation any better.

Even failing in these simple things once again reminded me of my situation. This routine life was almost choking me. I wished to run away at times, leaving everything behind that bound me to this reality but I didn't have that kind of courage nor the money.

When I finally inhaled from my now burning cigarette, I felt the light touch of a hand on my shoulder. Shaking with fear, I turned back to see my intruder. When I saw whose hand it was, my fear was replaced with pure excitement. There he was standing right in front of me with his hair wet from the rain, wearing a black trench coat, looking like he was coming right inside of the darkness. When he saw my fear, he looked like a puzzled kid who had just done something forbidden.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." he said with a hand wandering in his hair. I couldn't help but smile. I found his attitude too cute to care about anything else.

"Do you always do that?" I asked, smiling lightly.

I had succeeded to confuse him even more. Looking at his puzzled face I slipped out a laugh. His impatient green eyes looked at me and asked:

"Do what?"

"You know, just come within pure darkness and put your hand on young girls' shoulders?" I said still smiling.

He seemed a bit relieved with my quiet relaxed attitude and he surprised me by telling the truth in an intimate way:

"Believe me, you are the first and I have absolutely no idea how to act."

"Well, you can start off by saying hi and also you seem really wet, how long have you been outside?" I was surprised of myself being so comfortable about talking to him, I shouldn't have been.

"It doesn't matter." he said at once. "I didn't know you were smoking" he was pointing to my finger.

"Eerm, not always... And you weren't supposed to know where I was working." I was definitely feeling more confident and couldn't believe myself either. Who am I kidding; it was always easy to talk to him when I was still a human.

As soon as he took a step closer to me, my heart started to beat faster and I almost lost all of that confidence in a second.

"Do you want me to tell you a secret?" he whispered at my ear. I froze where I was standing as he approached me.

"I also wasn't supposed to get this close to you either." He pulled himself back to see my eyes. He was telling the truth since the beginning, maybe it was me who didn't want to listen.

Thanks to his confusing words, that confidence of mine was now sliding to the ground like ice melting in the dessert. Then suddenly the light on the front door was turned on. It was a sign calling me inside. I told him that I needed to go while I was begging him to stay with me in my mind.

"You know, I have to get inside. Those kids need me." I said and gave a forceful smile.

"But I will be free in half an hour." I murmured quickly. I can see now that I was voluntarily inviting the devil into my world and of course he didn't miss the chance.

"I can wait." he said with a grin lighting up his face.

After I was done with work, I rushed outside to see him and there he was standing exactly where I left him. As if there was a secret agreement between us, we started walking. We were the only people on the street that night and there was no other sound except from our quiet footsteps. He was the one who broke the silence first:

"Do you always go home this late?"

"Sometimes" I answered.

It wasn't raining anymore. What were we doing? He was taking me home. Why was he doing that? And why did I still feel happy despite this unbearable awkward silence?

"But you know it's not safe, you shouldn't be walking alone at this time of the night." Was he worried about me?

"Don't worry; I can take care of myself. I'm not a little girl. I'm used to these kind of staff. After my mom died, I took care of Charlie, my father and the house and still went to work." I explained, trying to be convincing. It had been only 15 minutes I had been with him and I was telling someone that I don't know my life story.

Of course he made fun of me then and hell he was right. He asked me how old I was in a mocking way. He lost me there. I was 17 years old teenage girl, trying to prove someone that I was capable of many many things. And most importantly I was still young in those times, rebellious and ill-tempered.

"Why do you care?" I raised my voice slightly angry this time. I didn't like the way he was patronizing me, telling me it was dangerous out here. No one knew how I got through all those years by myself and now all of a sudden a stranger was coming out of nowhere, telling me to be careful. I didn't even notice I wasn't walking anymore. He was standing a few feet away from me, trying to find the words to calm me down. It seems I was having a break down.

"I'm sorry, Bella. You misunderstood me; I didn't mean to underestimate you. I would never do that..." He came closer to my side and brushed my hair with his hand. He really seemed to feel bad about my reaction and somehow it hurt me to see him like that. Why did I break out someone so beautiful like him?

"It's okay, I just... I don't have many people around me to talk about these things. I have Alice but she is kind of, you know busy and boys they are only after one thing. I felt my face was getting red.

"It felt strange. And actually Edward, Can I call you as Edward?" I asked with impatient eyes. He nodded. So I continued:

"We have just met. Hearing those kinds of things from you… It's just..." I couldn't bring myself to say the rest because he did something I wasn't expecting at all. He buried me in his arms. From the inside I knew I needed that, I wanted him to do that since the first time I saw him, but I hadn't admit this to myself. Now, I was in his arms and god, it felt so right.

I felt like my burden wasn't so heavy anymore and I couldn't help the tears falling down my cheeks. I don't know how long we stood there like that.

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Next day we met at the same time and the same place. And the day after that.

Every day of the week passed like this. While uncomfortable silences were leaving their places to pleasant conversations, he learned more about me. Then he talked to me about himself and his family a little but of course editing some details like hunting animals for blood in the woods. He was always cautious with me. It felt like I was an expensive porcelain vase which he was afraid to break. Sometimes that caused me to feel weak around him, feel depended on him. That scared me. I hadn't been attached to anyone like that before. Even though I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by our relationship; deep down I knew I liked the way we were, I enjoyed the invisible chain that tied us together.

But some things were still missing. Like the title of our relationship. What were we? As much as I tried to get close to him, I felt that he was pulling himself back, trying to put some invisible line between us. Moreover he was doubtful about others. The secrecy of our relationship was his main concern. At first I didn't care about it. I was happy just getting time with him. Then it began to tamper a corner of my brain.

One day I finally decided to talk to him about it. The night started no different than our other nights. He seemed eager to meet me, I could tell this from his eyes. But as if sensing my plan, he changed his attitude and looked more concerned with the street lights and the sky which made me uneasy. While I was walking beside him trying to get his attention and asking him serious questions; he was throwing stones into the lake.

"Edward I'm talking to you. Listen to me." I yelled standing still beside him.

He turned his head towards me:

"I'm already listening Bella, this is the fourth time I'm stating this tonight actually."

Then I repeated everything all over again. When I'm thinking all of those again I can see that I was like a lot a whiny young girl rather than a young woman. But dating with a vampire and not knowing this is a very hard experience.

"Ok, then. What are we doing here now? Tell me because I don't know. I'm not used to this Edward. I don't know much about you. You come every day to see me and take me home. We walk the same road every day. But somehow I can't come to see you at your house or see you on weekends because people might see us. What is it?" My breath had become uneasy. I stopped a while then asked him:

"Are you ashamed of me?" My voice dropped in the end.

He didn't look at me and that hurt me the most. I saw him clenching his fists. "My father, Carlisle came." That was all he said. "We have some issues with him. And me having a serious girlfriend is the last thing he wants to hear in these days, Bella." He turned and walked towards me and took my face in his hands, brushing my cheek gently. "You are the last thing I would be ashamed of. Don't ever think like that. Please."

Our faces... there were just inches between them now. And I can't even put into words how badly I wanted to kiss him at that moment. He must have understood because he pulled himself away from my face and continued to speak.

"I don't know where we are going with this either; I just know that I have strong feelings for you Bella, much more than I felt for anyone. You seem so fragile and so pure not like any other people I've met."

I didn't know how to feel when I heard these sentences from him, excited or should I get upset. As I said before I was just a normal girl not knowing the fact that, my date was a vampire. He shouldn't have done these things to me.

"Ever since I first saw you in that ball, something attracted me to you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since then." He sighed and went on:

"When I see you…You make me feel like I am alive again. I want to be with you and not just like another friend of yours. I want to be more but I am also afraid just like you are. I need to be sure that you are with me."

Then he looked at me with questioning eyes. I couldn't say anything, or even breathe. I wasn't expecting him to open up to me like this. I was stuck speechless once again. As the silence went on; his eyes started to look worried, no doubt thinking I would let him down. He dropped my hand and murmured a quiet sorry.

There was the man I cared more than anything was walking away, getting farther away from me with every step he took.

"No, please wait!"

I ran and took his hand, covering his fingers with mine. He stared at me for a while without saying anything as if he didn't want to believe me so soon. But then he held my hand tighter and hugged me. I instantly felt content in his arms. I felt like I belonged somewhere for the first time in my life. I couldn't figure out what kind of a mess I was getting into. But to tell the truth, even if I could turn back in time and live those days again, I know I would still hold his hand without hesitation.

When I went to bed that night, I had too many questions in my head enough to keep me awake till morning. But there was one thing I was sure about though and that was how madly in love I was with Edward Cullen.

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