Hidan walked into the room and frowned. He was used to having his own space. He liked being alone. It wasn't in his nature to become attached to anything or anyone. If he became emotionally tied down to something, he had to kill it or destroy it. That was just one of Jashin's commandments. Hidan lived to serve Jashin. He was Jashin's most loyal follower. He wasn't going to throw away everything he worked for just because he got emotionally attached to someone. That being said, he was appalled at the room. There were two single beds, pushed together. The dirty psycho was so greedy, he'd use his dead partners' beds? That was just gross, Hidan thought.
"Where the fuck is my bed, bastard?" He pretended not to notice there were two. "Do you want me to sleep with you or something, asshole? That's not going to happen, I hope you know that, stupid. I belong to Jashin. My body is Jashin's property, my soul his mortgage. I am in complete possession of the all-knowing god. I'm not going near that bed. Get me another one, asshole."
Kakuzu shoved Hidan down onto the floor, fury and murderous intent flashing in his bright eyes. "Shut up, you retard. Can't you see it's two motherfucking beds?!" He stomped over and shoved the one bad away from the other, so it tipped over and all the sheets came off and fell to the floor. The bed frame was on it's side, and the mattress was lying on top of the mess of sheets. "Happy, you stupid zealot?!"
"Heathen! Jashin will purge the world of your asshole-ity!" Hidan continued to curse fluidly and the man, insults and threats pouring from his mouth like a first language. "You're such a stupid assfucking money-grubber who can't get his fucking feelings under control and likes to make motherfucking trouble! You probably fuck useless whores on the street and pretend they're your mom! You're such a Schizophrenic freak, you should go to a motherfucking funny farm, because you fucking don't belong here and your stupid fucking bloodline limit is a ton of bullshit! You're full of bullshit! You're made of bullshit, you stupid fuck! I bet you fantasize about screwing the shit out of animals! You're sick! You're such an asshat! You should be repented, but you're too far fucking gone for Jashin to save you now, you piece of assfucking bullshit!" He took a deep breath and looked around, realizing he didn't see Kakuzu. "Get back here, you fucktard, I'm not done with you!"
"I'm done with you, Hidan. You're pathetic. Talk to me again when you grow up. You're acting like a toddler. Make your fricking bed. I should chop off your head and let you look for it on your own. I am so not stitching your limbs back on, no matter what Leader says. You're a whining baby, and I cannot believe Pein-sama just sat you down with me. I'm going out. Don't follow me." He slammed the door after he stalked out of the room.
"I wouldn't follow you even if you took my scythe!" Hidan's yell echoed in the halls, then a smacking sound followed suit. "Shit! Jashin-dono, I didn't mean that, seriously. I'm sorry, Jashin, I didn't mean it! I promise I didn't mean it, my lord. I promise," he cried, continuing to pray to Jashin for half an hour. Hidan had few responsibilities in life. As a follower of Jashin, he only had a select few responsibilities. But nonetheless, those few duties were more important than anything.
Responsibility Number One: Always do what Jashin says. No questions, just follow orders.
Responsibility Number Two: Pray to Jashin at least three times every day.
Responsibility Number Three: Never take Jashin's rosary off your neck.
Responsibility Number Four: Sacrifice four virgins to Jashin every month.
Responsibility Number Five: Never let anyone else touch your rosary or scythe.
Hidan had indirectly violated Responsibility Number Five. Making an irrational claim like he did was just as bad as letting Kakuzu take his precious scythe.
Kakuzu reached the main room of the Akatsuki base and clenched his hands into fists, slamming his fist down on the coffee table. He sat down next to Sasori and held his head in his hands, groaning. "Argh! I cannot believe that dipshit is my partner! And I can't even kill the dumb fuck!'
Sasori blinked. "The new guy giving you trouble?"
"No, he's a ball of sunshine. Of fucking course he is! He's so irritating! He's like a little kid stuck in a twenty five year old's body! God damnit, I want to kill him!" Kakuzu punched the armrest of the couch.
Sasori sighed. "Deidara gets very annoying too. He never shuts up."
Kakuzu turned on the redhead, his eyes flashing. "This is nothing like the blonde. Hidan's so loud. He's obnoxious. He's an asshole. He curses every other word, Sasori. You don't understand. He's impossible. He's a child. He's a baby! He whines about everything imaginable! He has this weird god called Jashin and he obsesses over everything! He starts praying when I'm trying to work. He can't go thirty mother fucking seconds without hearing his damned voice! And the worst part is, he's a damn immortal. I can't even kill him!"
Sasori smirked condescendingly to the man beside him. "Hm. This is a dilemma," he said, putting a sarcastic emphasis on the word "is."
Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You're an amazing friend, aren't you?"
Sasori shrugged. "Empathy isn't my forte. Puppet, remember?"
Kakuzu nodded. "Whatever."
o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O
Hidan was in his room, kneeling on the floor. The bed was made, if you can call sheets tossed on top of a mattress "made". A bloody mark was on the floor, a big circle with a triangle inside it. Hidan was shirtless, his Akatsuki cloak folded neatly on the floor next to the symbol. He was kneeling in the center of the bloody drawing on the floor, kunai in hand. He brought the sharp blade to his arm and made a wide gash in his upper forearm.
Moaning slightly, he panted as he retrieved the knife from his arm. Hidan's religion required ceremonies that consisted completely of inflicting severe physical damage upon yourself. Hidan didn't mind this in the slightest. If anything, the immortality Jashin granted him made him enjoy these rituals greatly. He wasn't ashamed of his masochism, and he wasn't going to start being ashamed of it anytime soon. It was who he was. If you didn't like who he was, he didn't care. Hidan wasn't going to change for anyone, no matter what. and as he dug a razorblade into his wrist and felt the ecstasy of the liquid pain dribbling down his palm, he knew why he revered Jashin. Jashin made him feel alive. Pain made him feel alive.
Unfortunately, Hidan's feeling of being alive would have to be postponed, because at the very moment Hidan was preparing to stab himself in the stomach with a kitchen knife, Kakuzu walked in the room. At first, he didn't notice Hidan's ritual. But as he was walking across the room to his desk, he heard a needy whimper, an almost sexual sound as he listened to it. Looking between Hidan's bed and the wall, he saw that Hidan had thrown his sheets onto his bed and pushed his bed to the side to allow around eight square feet of room. He was sitting in the middle of a bloody symbol, red-stained blades sitting beside him as he cut himself deeply. Kakuzu's eyes widened and he screamed at Hidan so much that Hidan thought he would be shot and killed that very minute.
"YOU CREEP! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! GET THAT BLOOD CLEANED UP, YOU WORTHLESS JACKASS! CLEAN IT UP! NOW!" He threw a box at Hidan that impacted the younger man's head painfully. Instead of doubling over and whining like Kakuzu thought he would, Hidan panted heavily, obviously liking how it felt to have things thrown at him.
"D-do that again.... please...." His request was little more than a breathy whisper, but Kakuzu heard it loud and clear.
He made a disgusted face and groaned. "Ugh. Hidan, get the hell up off that thing and start cleaning, or I swear to god I'll get Leader to kill you somehow."
Hidan just stared at him as if he had committed an unspeakable crime. Well, not murder or something. For Akatsuki members like them, that was no big deal. More like something eternally horrible. He just stared at him, open mouthed. Kakuzu growled furiously, "WHAT?!" He subconsciously ran a hand over his face to check if his mask was still there. Usually when people stared at him, they were staring at his face. He wasn't going to deny it. He was hideous. He was a monster. Even though he killed anyone who stared at him like that in a quite livid, brutal fashion, he could understand why they would stare. He was disgusting. But Hidan's reply made him blink twice in confusion.
"Jashin."
"Jashin what? What's Jashin?"
"You said, 'I swear to god.' You mean, 'I swear to Jashin," Hidan replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He enunciated the last "Jashin" quite clearly and obnoxiously.
Kakuzu, after realizing what the kid was getting at, yelled in his frustration. "Aaarggh!!! I cannot, will not deal with this! I don't believe this! Sweet mother of Jesus, why does this happen to me! I'd even prefer some of the other partners to this oaf!"
Hidan frowned. "Not my fault you're a blasphemous retard," he retorted angrily. He uttered a "Jashin" before getting up, cursing under his breath at the taller man who stood between him and the bathroom. "You gonna move or what?" He made a face at Kakuzu.
"You are the single most irritating, immature, unintelligent people I have ever met, you zealot," Kakuzu sighed, shoving Hidan to the side before going over to sit on his own bed which was neatly made compared to the mess Hidan's cot was.
Hidan was silent for once, stepping inside the bathroom. He had not a clue why, but that particular jibe had hurt him. He was somber as he stepped inside the bathroom, relieving himself of his clothes and throwing them at the wall, not having the strength to curse. He was offended. That stupid surgery slut had offended him. Hurt his feelings. Made him feel bad. What was happening?! Hidan never cared what other people thought of him. He never has, and he never will. So why was he just starting to care? Why did he think of it at all?
Stepping into the shower-bath and starting to run some hot water, Hidan grumbled to himself. As the warm tendrils from the showerhead hit his back, he sighed, rubbed his forehead to scrape some of the once again wet blood from his light hair. Knowing that his partner absolutely detested any waste in money, he took his sweet time wasting the hot water, knowing that the plumbing bill would drive Schizo over the edge. Chuckling softly to himself as he devised ways to torture his new roommate, Hidan continued to lather himself with soap, washing his hair thoroughly and uttering a soft prayer to Jashin before turning off the water. Forty five minutes of wasted water seemed enough, he thought. His real shower had only taken him fifteen, after all.
But Hidan's victory was short lived as the stitched freak came screaming at him. Really? Seriously, did he really just do that? Hidan had just gotten out of the shower. He had two seconds of being in their room before the arguments started. A white towel hung loosely around his slender, thin hips, held up only by a messy knot on his right side. He rolled his eyes as Kakuzu came upon him once more.
"Could you please give me the great horror of knowing what is going through your peanut brain when you do things? You're such a worthless, lazy jackass. Do you realize how much money you wasted just now? You could have shortened that shower by at least a half hour, Hidan! What the hell are you thinking?! Do you ever do anything right?! No, you don't! Because you're stupid and useless, and you're such a pain in the fucking ass I can't even tell you!" He stopped rambling to Hidan and just stood there, glaring holes into Hidan's forehead. He breathed heavily, almost foaming at the mouth. Hidan repressed a laugh at the thought of Kakuzu foaming at the mouth. The older man seethed there for a few more minutes, then groaned, vocalizing his frustration in a very clear way. He shoved Hidan into the wall, growling. "And I can't even hurt you, because you like that shit, you sick little asshole." After gazing menacingly at Hidan once more, he just turned and want to sit down at his desk, his face a dark shade from his fury.
Hidan could only grab his towel to make sure it didn't fall before laughing hysterically. He wasn't able to contain himself, he just started cracking up and couldn't stop. He doubled over onto his bed, tears springing to his eyes as he cackled and giggled manically.
Kakuzu whirled around in his chair, his eyes flashing furiously. He pressed his lips together, just looking at the frantic priest writhing on the bed, laughing uncontrollably. When the albino finally was unable to laugh anymore and started pathetically wheezing, Kakuzu's green orbs narrowed, his expression livid. He finally found his voice, calm and collected in volume but with the fury of a first degree burn, and said, "What. Are. You. Laughing. At." It was a question, but he didn't bother confusing the tiny mind of the boy across the room by rising his voice to make it sound like the question it posed.
Hidan was rolling around, clutching the stitch in his side as he tried to calm down. He finally was able to soothe his frenzied state, and he sat up, still giggling slightly. He looked at Kakuzu, grinning widely, and said, "You said I was a pain in the ass. But h-how would you know that, ahahahaa?!" He seemed to just barely be able to force out those few words without returning to his previous splendor of fits. He started laughing again, then froze at Kakuzu's glower. He leaned back on his elbows, his towel not nearly covering his groin. He smirked at Kakuzu, who was glowering at him, but with less power now.
Kakuzu frowned. "Sit back up. That's disgusting." Inside, he was contemplating why he had to fight to control his breathing.
"We're all boys here, chief. Does it really matter?" Hidan's bell of a voice just made Kakuzu go insane, and not in the good way. He grunted in aggravation, completely furious with how the zealot was so amused by his uncomfortable state.
"Yes, it does matter, you creep. Stop that."
Hidan pouted. "Or what? You'll throw things at me? That didn't work last time, did it? Hm?" He cocked an eyebrow at the larger man sitting at the pale wood desk, turned around. "If it's bothering you, just turn around. Or does it not bother you?" He smirked.
"I'm not going to turn around," was the reply from the stitched man.
This went on for a while.