Beta: Thanks to Ru_salki 99 for looking this over! *thank you, thank you!*
"Chuck? Where are you?"
Sarah's voice echoed through the apartment making Chuck release the breath he'd been holding. He let go of the gun, letting it fall down onto his lap. He took a deep breath before placing the gun on the floor and kicked it under the bed.
"Chuck? Please answer me, Chuck?! Oh, my god!!"
Chuck realized that Sarah must've seen that he'd opened the armory and she must have seen the missing gun. He heard her running, shouting and soon she was in the bedroom, staring at him.
"Chuck? What the hell is going on? Where's the gun?! Tell me!"
Sarah almost screamed at him, looking angrier than he had ever seen her before.
"It's too late Sarah, ok? Leave me alone, I don't want to go on, ok? Just…just leave…"
He stared into the wall, not facing her.
"What's that supposed to mean!? I trusted you enough to leave you alone and you try and pull a stunt like this?! Where's the gun, Chuck?" Sarah's voice was laced with ice.
"It's under the bed… just take it and leave me alone!" Chuck shouted back at her, not caring anymore.
Sarah stared at him, bent down to retrieve the gun, unloading it quickly.
"What are you going to do Sarah, huh? I'm not going on, ok? It's better for everyone if I'm gone…" Chuck stared down on the floor, not interested in starting a conflict; he just wanted her to leave. Tears started to form in the corners of his eyes, slowly rolling down his face.
Sarah put her arm around him and flinched as Chuck tried to avoid her touching him. She squeezed his shoulder quickly before letting go.
"Chuck, you're not well, ok? Just take it easy, I'll fix this, stay here. I'll be back soon, ok?"
Sarah looked at him before walking out of the bedroom. Chuck heard her moving around, talking on her phone. He hid his face in his hands and lay down on the bed, letting the convulsions of his crying consume him. Chuck cried and cried, unable to control the sounds emanating from him and eventually he started to shake, shivering with every breath.
He didn't notice Sarah returning, and he didn't notice her arms around him or the whisper in his ear.
"I'm sorry Chuck, but it's for your own good."
She felt useless. Nothing she had done to try and encourage him had worked and now it might be too late. She could only hope that they would help him. 'They' being the NSA….. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but Chuck was beyond her reach and he needed help.
About a half hour later, there was a knock on the door. Sarah got up and answered the door, meeting the NSA team standing outside.
The team of medical personnel flooded the small bedroom, not that Chuck cared. His tears wouldn't stop coming, and he didn't even move when he felt a needle in his arm. Then he slowly started to fade away. The last thing he saw was Sarah's face, looking apologetically at him. Then it all went black.
He woke what seemed like days later, on the floor of what appeared to be some sort of cell. He was dressed in a white pair of trousers and had a blanket over his body.
Slowly, he eased his way up on his knees, keeping the blanket huddled over his shoulders. He looked at his body and it was covered with marks and bruises and he had no idea how they'd gotten there. His slim, yet muscled torso was more black and blue than its more ordinary whitish color. He felt sore and weakened as though he'd been through a boxing match that he didn't win.
"Hello?... is there anyone here? Where am I?" Chuck looked around the cell, which he noticed, had padded walls, even the floor was padded.
", glad to see that you've come to your senses," A familiar female voice spoke to him via the speakers in the door.
"Wha….What? Come to my senses, I'm sorry, have I missed something?" Chuck was utterly confused, he had no idea what she was talking about.
"I'll be in to check on you later , just remain calm for now," With that, a click was heard, ending their conversation.
Chuck rose and started walking around, what the hell was going on? He had no idea where he was or more importantly, why he was here. He tried to remember and then it hit him, almost like a flash.
He remembered being in Casey's bedroom, being drugged, being taken to hospital and he remembered,….
"Oh, my god…" Memories flashed back and he fell down onto the floor.
That's why they'd put him in a padded cell… He'd broken free of the restraints in the hospital bed and crashed the entire floor, throwing needles and glass vials at the personnel, eventually grabbing hold of a gun when one of the guards had fallen to the floor. He'd threatened every person in the room, anyone that moved. He'd screamed, demanding to know where Casey was, that they show him where he was held.
After some time, he'd been overpowered by security guards, but he'd put up one hell of a fight, using all the tricks that Casey had taught him. The security guards were under strict instructions not to harm him, but they had to fight back to keep him still, and that's probably when the bruising had occurred.
Chuck went over the events in his head, over and over. If there had ever been any doubt about the way he felt about Casey, those doubts were officially gone. He'd screamed out his longing for the agent, loud enough for the entire NSA to hear.
He remembered talking to someone about how he felt, but who? Someone had been in the cell with him at one point, trying to make him, well… less suicidal. It hadn't worked, he'd told whoever it was that had been in his cell to go get fucked, then he had stolen a pen.
Chuck froze. The pen. The sharp reservoir pen that he had hidden inside the blanket. A feeling of warmth came over him, knowing that soon, he would be free of this pain.
Pretending to go to sleep, Chuck curled up under the blanket and slowly jiggled the pen out of the lining of the blanket, smiling when he saw the sharp metal shining at him. He thought about stabbing himself, but decided it would take too long and require more strength than he had. Instead, he took the edge of the pen to his wrist, digging it into the skin. It hurt, a lot, but it was nothing compared to how he felt mentally. Soon, he broke the skin, small trickles of blood rolling down his arm onto the soft floor. He kept slicing away with the pen, and the blood came more freely, making him feel lightheaded. He could feel the life draining from him, and started to cry once more. Not out of pain, but out relief. It would soon be over, this hell of a life that he'd already tried to end once, only to be stopped by Sarah.
The air was leaving his lungs and he pushed the blanket aside, getting a gulp of air, spreading his body on the floor. It was quiet. He smiled, he was finally doing it and he was finally alone.
"RIIIIIING!RIIIIIIING!" An alarm sounded through the building, through Chuck's cell and he heard rustling outside.
"No, no…..no…..please leave me alone," Chucked mumbled incoherently, hearing the door being opened and people filling in.
Someone held down hard on his cut wrist and another put a mask over his mouth, oxygen flooding into his lungs. This wasn't what he wanted so he fought back, trying to get the people around him to go away. He tore off his mask and kicked with his feet, kicking someone who grunted loudly.
"Give him some sedatives, dammit!"
"Are you mad, he's barely got a pulse and you want to give him sedatives?! Just do your job, and hold him still or we will lose him!" The female voice echoed in the small room and Chuck dimly recognized it as belonging to the doctor who had treated him and Casey a couple of months ago.
"Get the gurney, we need to move him," Chuck felt himself being lifted and placed on a hard stretcher, carried away. He did his best to keep up a fight, slapping away hands and pulling out the IV someone had started, making him loose more blood.
"Mr. Bartowski, stop it!" The doctor scowled at him, pushing down his arm as he reached around blindly. He felt the stretcher being lowered and he made a whimpering noise.
He opened his eyes and saw a gathering of determined faces hovering over him as well as strong lights shining, making him squint.
"Start a new IV, and start pushing blood, now! We need to get his blood pressure up, can you get a pulse?"
The room was filled with activity and soon they had stabilized Chuck, moving him to an intensive care unit, the same one he'd been in before. He was now strapped down, both arms and legs, with armed guards surrounding him.
Chuck lay in the hospital bed, still lightheaded from blood loss and a variety of drugs, coursing through his system via the IV attached to his arm. He tried to move and tugged weakly at his restraints, they'd changed the restraints into leather ones. He swore under his breath, turning his head to look around the room. He was the only patient in the room, so he decided to close his eyes and let the drugs work their magic.
"? Could I speak with you please?" Chuck heard Dr. Jennings voice close to his bed.
"No, go away. I don't want anything from you people," Chuck said as he opened his eyes and stared at the woman.
"I just want to be left alone, ok? Is that so hard, huh?" He heard himself sounding groggy, not totally in contact with himself.
", you have tried to commit suicide on more than on one occasion, and you are very valuable to us. We will do everything in our power to protect you from harm."
"Right. It's me you care about? I don't think so, Dr. Jennings, you're just concerned about keeping the Intersect alive, not me. Don't believe for a second that I believe your bullshit about caring for me! If you cared in the slightest, you'd let me die!"
Once again, tears came creeping down his cheeks, provoked by anger and hurt.
"I understand that you are upset, but trying to end your life is not the way to go, Mr. Bartowski. I've talked to general Beckman, she will be coming down personally to see you, and she has some questions for you. "
Chuck didn't respond, he closed his eyes, wishing her away. He didn't care about general Beckman coming to see him; he no longer cared about anything. What was she going to do? Wave her magic wand and make everything alright? Not even she had power over the dead.