DON'T KILL ME!!

I'm so so so so, incredibly sorry for not updating T.T

But time's killing me! Please don't finish the job! (It would be really bad for the story, although it would help me write sad things…)

I've got SEVEN! Seven! Tests this week, plus normal homework, I have a dance performance this weekend and my parents were being annoying with trips to the woods and stuff...

So, my honest apologies!

About the last chapter

CRAPPY AS HELL!

Sorry for the words but I re-read it and I really thought it sucked…

So, in this chapter, there will be more of my lovely pain and suffering, muhahaha

This one will also be longer then most of the chapters (not counting in 'story of an angel' chapter)

Enjoy :wicked grin:

Nick PoV

I was supposed to write new songs, new lyrics for the band. New songs for the CCC's for god's sake!

The thing is, I just couldn't. I didn't know why, I didn't know how. I just couldn't.

My mind drifted away, I knew it, but didn't stop it. It drifted to the previous night. The concert here in LA. It had been great as usual. The fans were excited and all of our songs worked out fine.

Still, the best thing was Angel, the look on her face, her emotions, emotions I had never seen on her face this bright. It was all so overwhelming.
When the concert had ended and we gave a lot of fans autographs, pictures and all the Jonas-merchandise was sold, we went backstage and she had flung herself in my arms. Her fragile body had never been so, so, relaxed. Like she finally had come to the point where she could trust us. Some of her pain lifted of her small shoulders.

After hugging me she had thanked Joe and Kevin with a really thankful look. They understood, were very pleased actually.

They knew I had broken through the defence Angel had built around herself. I was in the bubble, on the other side of the wall. Don't know, there was no awkwardness or pain when I would hug her, when she would hold on to my arm, scared of the fans.

I just couldn't tell how happy I was, being in the bubble on the other side of the wall. The feeling of her trusting me was... just plain great.

I absent mindidly strummed some strings on my guitar, it sounded nice, but nothing came to me. No words, no lines, no music.

I tiredly ran my hand through my hair. It was pretty late, probably about twelve thirty.
Once again my thoughts wondered off, once again to Angel.
She was okay now, she looked okay. Didn't she. I heard mom say it, I heard the doctors say it. She was doing well.

Then why wasn't I relaxed, why couldn't I get anything to work?

I put down my guitar and walked towards the stairs. I walked up, towards the door that now said 'Angel's room'. As usual it was half open. She didn't like sleeping with the door closed. I think it had something to do with the urge to get out of the room quick if that was needed. Old habits never die.

I saw light in the room and I slowly peeked around the corner. The light was on, but Angel was fast asleep in the bed on the left side of the room.

I saw her small, slim body curled up underneath the silky white sheets. Her dark hair waving out and seeming even darker on the white pillow.

I sighed, it looked so peaceful, but her face said otherwise.
Her eyes, recently sparkling, showing a little of the joy she used to have at hearing me sing her song, were now closed tight. Her mouth was half open, like she was trying to breathe, but didn't have any oxygen.
I was wrong, mom was wrong, the doctors were wrong. She was far, FAR from okay. I thought, as I saw her body tremble. From what I saw in her eyes, after those horrible nightmares, they weren't lovely. Naturally, she didn't tell any of us, not even me, but I could see what she was hiding.

Her brother, her father, maybe her mother. Her happy memories and her bad memories. They haunted her, every night again. Was she paying for yesterday's joy? Is the pain sucking, pulling her back into his cold arms?

I walked to her bed. Picking her up, because I knew she wouldn't wake up. The nightmares wouldn't let her go that easily. Tears ran over her cheeks, her chest shook with quiet sobs as the dark shadows from her past haunted her.

'Shh, my angel. Don't be in pain. I hate seeing you in pain.' I whispered.

I truly did. I hated seeing her like this, not able to do anything. Just hold her and hope the worst would be over soon. Hoping the shadows wouldn't torture her so much this night.

'Hey bro, are the nightmares back?' I heard Kevin's voice coming from the door. I looked up. He was standing there in his PJ's. Eyes concerned.

'Yeah, they always do. They will never let her go.' I said. My voice sounded scratchy and hoarse.

He looked at her, my sadness reflected in his own eyes. He walked towards me. 'I know, I know. She's stuck, stuck in the pain her memories are causing her. Stuck in her stupid self blame.' He said looking down to us. 'And she can't do a fucking thing about it.' I spat through my teeth.

Her face turned, away from my angry hiss. She shrunk even more, she seemed to fade away.

'How can we get her out of that cyclus? Why can't she take another way?' I asked while my fingers softly stroked Angel's dark hair.

'Like a racetrack.' Another voice said.

I recognised the sleepy voice of Joe. I looked at him, standing in the doorway in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. 'Like a what?' I asked confused.

'Like a racetrack. She has to go with it, round after round. She can't take another way; a racetrack is always the same. Always the same rounds, turns to the left, never to the right.' He said.

'Wow, Joe. That's deep.' Kevin said. I nodded in agreement. Joe just ran his hands through his hair. 'We just have to find a way to make her turn right.' He said and walked my way. In his hand he held a stoop. a/n ???

'Here, that will help. She's always so cold.' He stated. I nodded and put her back in her bed. The best thing to do right now would be to let the nightmares wear off.

''—''—''—''—''—''—''

I was running again. Towards something I could never get, I turned left. Trying to find what I was looking for.
What was I looking for?
I stood still, completely frozen in place. My arms around my own torso. I looked around.

'Who's there?' I tried to say, but I couldn't. So I stood completely quiet, watching the shadows creep up to me.

I stumbled backwards and fell. Rolling in to a tiny ball. My hands against my ears so I wouldn't hear the horrifying screams and pleas.

It didn't help. The tallest shadow started to take form. The face of my father looking at me.

'Little whore, you send me to jail. Your own father. You never helped me, you only drowned me more.' Pain shot through my body. I crawled back from the shadow, bumping in to a wall. I tried to close my eyes, but I was forced to see.

A smaller figure appeared. 'I was happy do die, so I would never see you again. You fucking annoying little bitch.' My mother spat. Another wave of pain filled my veins. Tears running over my cheeks.

The shadows grew in number; all of them were faces I recognized. 'I never liked you.' one said. 'Who ever could?' Another one laughed.

'Pssh, she thought she tried so hard. She wasn't trying hard enough. If she did, maybe she would be dead and we would all have a better life.' I still wasn't prepared for the knife ripping through my body, like it was the knife my father used to punish me with.

The smallest shadow yet appeared. I stared at him. Torture already building itself up already.

The shadow said nothing; it just stood there, staring at me. Eyes ice like cold. Dead eyes.

He stared at me, not even trying to hug me, not even trying to smile like he usually did when he saw me.

My fault, my fault, my fault.

That's when I realised the wetnesses on my cheek weren't tears.

It was blood, his blood.

Stephens blood.

''—''—''—''—''—''—''

I shot op in my bed. Like a lightning bolt hit me. I quickly climbed out of my half sunk in the floor, drum-bed and looked around me.

Angel! Shot through my head and fright pounded through my veins.
I ran up the stairs. Eventually finding Angel in her bathroom. Blood on her hands, smeared all over her face and pink pyjama's.

Paths of tears making their way through the crimson liquid.

Damn, why did mom and dad have to go to the stupid business meeting this weekend?

'Angel, damn, angel. What did you do?' I said as I examined her hands. Of course I was the only one in my family who knew something about first aid.

I saw the razorblade on the floor. 'Damn it Angel.' I said. Looking at her green, now mixed with crimson, eyes. She didn't look at me; she was just sitting there, like she was waiting for me to punish her for what she did.

'Angel, I'm mad you did that. You really shouldn't.' I told her. I mean, she could kill herself so easily. Her body was still recovering; her way to small wrists could be cut through in just the matter of seconds.

She was back in the pain. Fighting, struggling, but never getting out of it.

I softly pulled her head up, so she was looking at me. 'That doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. I just don't want you to hurt yourself.'

She nodded. Yeah, she nodded. Like she could bloody help it.

I brought her downstairs and cleaned the new wounds. I made a mental note to myself to order Joe to hide all the sharp things in the house. Not that I not trusted her, but I didn't trust the shadows that took over her body at those moments.

After that Kevin made us breakfast. (The guy is a genius with guitars AND food) Me and Joe made sure she ate enough.

'Um, guys.' Joe began, after breakfast. Putting his glass down.

'Would you mind if I was out for the day?' he asked. While we looked at him surprised. Even Angel, who had came back to herself after our soothing presence and Kevin's brilliant breakfast.

'Sure Joe, since when do you need our approval?' Kevin said to him, shrugging.
I also didn't give it much, but Angel scribbled something on the milk-carton.

'He is going to Macy's basketball game.' It said. I looked at her. How did she know that? She just stared at her empty bowl again.

Apparently she was very observant. Stupid question, of course she was. She loved to look at us doing what we did.

'Joe? Is that true?' Kevin smiled while Joe got bright crimson.

'So?' He countered defensively. He stood up from his chair and walked to the stairs.

'That's cool Joe! I hear they're great players!' Kevin screamed after him. I couldn't help but chuckle.

Joe slid down his pole. 'Yeah, sure. I just, you know, I like sports.' He stubbornly stated.

'Sure you do Joe, almost just as much as you like Macy.' I smiled.

Muttering, but with a soft smile on his face, Joe left the house.

Me and Kevin looked at each other and started laughing. 'Wow, I wondered how long it was going to take before he realised.' I said in between laughs.

'Yeah, so, true.' Kevin could barely speak. I saw Angel softly smiling at us. Obviously happy because we were. However there still was a hint of crimson in her green eyes.

Why couldn't she turn right? Turn right, turn…

I got an idea. 'Hey Angel. You want to help me with my songs today?' I asked. Ignoring Kevin's fading laughs and hiccups.
She nodded

Yes!

''—''—''—''—''

We sat in her room; still don't know why we always ended up there. It just seemed peaceful; she (with the help of Stella) had done a really nice job with it. Obviously Stella had helped her with picking accessories, probably ordered from internet. I knew it had been Stella, because Angel herself would never spend money on her own room. Although we said she could use everything that was ours.

I also knew it had been Stella, because everything was colour matched. Purple, silver and white. It was really serene and balanced. That was good. It suited her. Angel was usually very calm and well, pretty serene. Not balanced, far from that. You'll understand that part…

'So I was completely stuck with song writing and believe me that almost never happens.' I began. She nodded, I think even with a voice she would be a good listener.

'But once again I got inspiration, coming from you.' I continued, while she looked at me with big eyes.

'And seeing that you wrote such a beautiful song last time. I wondered if, maybe, you would like to help me with this one too?' I asked smiling.

Her mouth formed an O and she nodded after that. She liked writing. I could tell, being a writer myself.

The journal, the song, her way of expressing herself.

She wrote again on the notepad lying between us on the bed. 'What do you have?' I read.
I thought about it and decided I would just show her. A/n wow, you've so seen this one coming

Pick up all your tears
Throw em in your backseat
Leave without a second glance
Somehow I'm to blame
For this never-ending racetrack you call life

Turn right
Into my arms
Turn right
You won't be alone
You might
Fall off this track sometimes
Hope to see you on the finish line

Driving all your friends
at a speed they cannot follow…

She just listened to my voice. I could feel she liked it. 'It's wonderful' the notepad told me and I gave her a huge smile.

'Yeah, my songs usually are.' I said smugly. 'But I'm kinda stuck here.'

She pointed at the 'turn right' part and wrote: 'chorus?' I nodded. 'If the friends can't follow her, she'll be alone right?'

'Yeah, point. So whatcha got in mind?' I asked. Giving her the lyrics-paper.

'Something about…' she thought for a while and then wrote down: 'Driving all your friends. At a speed they cannot follow. Soon you will be on your own, somehow I'm to blame. For this never-ending racetrack you call life'

She let a part from the previous verse come back and it really suited. 'Nice!' I complimented her. 'And after this the chorus comes again, and I thought maybe we could use some echo in it?' I continued.

'That could be nice, maybe on the first, third and fifth line of the chorus? At turn right, turn right and you might?

'good idea, and for the next verse I was thinking about something about doing everything you can, but a road, referring once again to the racetrack, that isn't made for you to follow is stopping you and…'

We continued like that for a couple of hours. Angel even helped me with the duet for the CCC's. It was a really nice song. I had to speak to Stella about it, but I was sure she was going to love it.

We decided to let nobody else know the whole song before the CCC'S. The musicians would only know the music and the crew would only know what to do with the lights. That way it would stay a surprise for everyone.

When I said we continued like that, you shouldn't take that to serious. We ended up lying on the couch, watching a movie that was on TV. I had already seen it, but it was fun to watch Angel looking at it. Pretty fascinating.

Everything was going like that until about eight PM. Joe still wasn't back and nobody of us was even bothering to find out where the hell he was. He would come back. Hopefully with his arms finally around Macy.

At about eight PM Kevin yelled from downstairs that he was going to the mall for some shopping and possibly a movie with the new girl from the guitars-shop.
Me and Angel looked at each other and rolled our eyes at exactly the same moment. Kevin yelling asked if we could handle it. After another eye roll I screamed that he had to go now or never ever watch a movie with a girl again.

He left pretty quickly after that.

Me and Angel continued to watch TV; some Idols/Pop star thing was on. It was fun to watch and sometimes one of our songs would flash by.

I went to grab some popcorn and drinks from the kitchen during the breaks. Thinking about what kind of notes and accords to use on the new songs we wrote. I should teach Angel how to play the guitar, or maybe the piano. I wouldn't be the only pianist then.

I should just teach her both.

I was humming to myself when it struck me. It was peaceful and happy tonight. Maybe even normal.

That didn't work.

Jonas and normal, that wasn't … normal. The worst thing was: happy, cheerful and Angel usually didn't mix together. Not yet anyways.

I suspiciously scanned the kitchen. It seemed normal.

Witch made me even more suspicious. So I hurried up the stairs…

It was like I was in Angel's journal.

A man with a chocking grip on Angel's fragile neck. Fright written on her face. Struggling to get out of the hands that seemed to fit perfect in the scars.

I dropped the plate with food. 'Let go of her this instant!' I yelled, not knowing what came over me.
I lunged at the guy, trying to get him to release Angel. Dead eyes stared at me, deadly and very angry.

'You're the little whore's new screw huh?' He whispered his voice as sharp as the razorblade that had hurt Angel this morning.

'She's not worth it.' He spat at me. She cringed at his voice, anger flooded through me! How dared he!

I knew who he was. I knew what he came to do.
Finishing the job of murdering his children. Finishing off the last part of what once had been his family.

I didn't saw nothing of her in him, but I knew who he was.

This was James Stevens.

Angel's father…

And by the looks of it, he was about to kill her.

And me with it

Wow, all the bad things happen in the commercial break of Idols. Don't you think?

I hope this chapter made up for my absence a little bit?

I will be updating as soon as I can, but the fact that I'm writing this when I should learn for French and musical history proves that I really have not time, so that won't be as often as you're used to…

I'm sorry, but I'll try my best because I love ya'all!

If you like it, please spare some time to review me. It really inspires me (and makes me skip my homework earlier (: bwahaha)

SO PUSH THE BUTTON AND LET ME KNOW!

YOU GOTTA: PUSH THE BUTTON!!!

…

O well, you know you love me (:

Xx, silver