Prologue

I didn't want to be here. I don't want to be here. Not in this particular room. Not in this particular dress. Not under these particular circumstances. I didn't want this perfect dress or this perfect church. I didn't want to get married, not to a guy who I didn't love. Not to a guy who wasn't you. Not when he was in love with someone. Not when I was in love with someone else.

Troy. He's the only thought in my mind. The only reason left to breathe. The only reason for happiness in this life. I wish it was him I was going to marry instead of Alexander.

Alexander. He is truly amazing. He makes it so easy to fall for him. So easy to love him. Maybe I could have loved him had things not been the way they were. Maybe if I had met him before Troy.

This is what I think of as I sit here, writing this, and thinking maybe if I repeat it enough to myself then I'll finally start to believe it. Maybe one day. But not today.

I could never feel that way towards anyone but you love. Friendship, that's what I have with Alexander. It's a beautiful thing but it's not anything compared to what we have. Or had.

I love you and only you. I would do anything for you.

Anything. Maybe that's not the best way to phrase it. I would choose you above everyone else but I have to choose my parents in this case. They want this. I will not disobey them. I will marry him for them. I don't want to be with him but I can't be selfish. I love you Troy. I love you. But I have to do this.

You know I hate this dress? It's so white. Pure white, almost blinding. It's strapless and I'll know you'd love it Troy. It's like a waterfall of purity. And the flowers, they're my favourite.

I remember the first time you gave me them, do you remember? Ever since then they've been my favourite. God, why did they have to pick these flowers? Why did they have to get this dress? It's all too god damn perfect.

And I hated it.

I hate it because it wasn't for you. No, no matter how much I wanted it to be it still isn't for you.

Why did you come Troy? Why did you have to come on this day? I told you not to. I begged you. Why? Why did you have to cause me this pain? Why did you have to cause yourself this pain?

I love you. It feels like it's the last time I can tell you that but I do. I loved everything about you and about us and I loved every second of it. Why did this have to happen? Why? I'm sorry Troy.

I'm just, well, sorry.

My head shot up as I heard the song begin. I quickly fold up the paper and grabbed the flowers, bracing myself for what was about to come. Sneaking a peek though the side doors I find myself able to view the entire audience. It's just minutes away from the wedding and I see the maid of honour begin to walk.

Taylor.

She looks beautiful and I can't help but let a watery smile grace my lips, laughing slightly. What was so funny? I have no idea; it just felt good to laugh.

Her hair was in perfect curls and her smile was undeniably amazing. Anyone would've fallen for it, such a perfectly fake smile. It was sad. And it became worse when I saw he eyes glistening in the sparkle of the church lights.

God, don't cry Taylor. Please hun, don't look so sad.

I force a wide smile for her own reassurance as she glanced in my direction and caught my eye but I can't seem to manage it. Seeing her like this about breaks me down. Bowing her head she quickly walks through the door.

I'm sorry Taylor.

I glanced out through the doors and caught view of Kelsi sitting in the front row. She really is the sweetest. She's sitting beside Troy and even from this distance I can tell she's trying to be strong. Her boyfriend Jason holds her hand as she rubs Troy's arm gently. She whispered something into Troy's ear.

I'm sorry Kelsi.

There's Chad, Troy's best friend. He watches Taylor walk and I see the formation of a small frown fleet across his lips. I catch him glancing at door as he stares directly at me. He looks so sad too and, dare I say it, even a little bitter. Turning back towards Troy he tries to comfort him alongside Kelsi.

I'm sorry Chad.

I'm sorry Taylor. Chad. Kelsi. Even sorry to Jason. I'm sorry to all of you. And of course to Troy, I'm so, so damn sorry.

I glanced at him at last, holding my breath.

Oh god. Releasing a shaky breath I see something I didn't want to see. Something that made my heart shatter. Something that finally broke me down. I felt tears rush up to my eyes and cringed. It was one of the things I never wanted to see. Never thought I would see. Prayed I wouldn't see. But there it is. It was hard to miss. And what broke me down inside, was to know I was the cause of it.

He was crying. Troy, he was crying.

For the first time in all the time I had know him there he sat, tear after tear falling down his cheeks. His shoulders were shaking slightly, so slightly that I almost missed it. His head was bowed and his face slightly red. His eyes closed tightly as a few more tears leaked out.

I took a step towards him instinctively before quickly stepping back. I couldn't go there. I had to do this. I loved him but I have to do this.

Troy, please stop crying. Please, just stop crying, I thought desperately.

And as though some alarm went off in his head, Troy turned towards my direction and his eyes lock with mine.

And what I saw in his eyes destroyed the only ounce of life I had left inside of me.

Pain, hurt, sadness, angst and sorrow. It was there, all filled to the brim of his eyes like a glass over flowing. And I saw the intense love and devotion in his eyes as they softened for only a moment. One single tear ran down my face and I quickly wiped it away, not wanting him to see me crying.

I love you, I thought sadly. I love you so much.

Troy quickly turned away and hid his face away from me once more.

"Troy," I said, not realizing I was whispering it out loud to myself. "I love you. More than anything."

And the song finally came on. Had everyone already passed? It was my turn to go. I sucked in a deep breath and wiped away the newly formed tear before breathing in deeply.

And there I began walking to my irreversible fate.

The doors opened up wide and there he stood. The guy I'm about to marry. Alexander. He was staring at someone at the crowd, not noticing my presence. I quickly glanced at her.

Casey. She was absolutely gorgeous. Dark hair. Piercing green eyes. And he loved her.

She was crying. Silent, broken sobs. She wouldn't look at him. She wouldn't even glance at him as he desperately tried to get her attention. And he seemed to be fighting off tears himself.

No one wanted this. So why was this happening?

I made my way down the aisle and stood in front of him. The priest began to speak but I quickly droned him out. Bowing my head, trying not to see Troy's heartbroken expression, I closed my eyes.

And I remembered.

***

A/N: Okay well pretty much the stories is going to be flashbacks but it will still be a story. It won't come to the present point of view till the about the end. So what do you think. I want the next one out very soon but I have to study for finals. I promise I'll work on it in my free time and on some weekends. Tell me what you think.

A/N: This is the updated version. Hi, yes, I am back. I'm actually surprise I was able to manage doing this. I'm currently stuck in bed, sick so I'm not sure when the next update will be but hopefully soon. Can you guess what story I'm planning to finish. :) And if I remember correctly the story was almost done anyways so it shouldn't take long till I write "The End".