Losing my laptop & intense writer's block = horrid combo. But let's see what I can make of it... Enjoy (:

I decided to keep my remembering a secret. Well, I didn't really decide, it just kind of rolled out that way. When Mya said hi to me the next morning I didn't know whether to say hi back or be the old Lilly that would growl at her, so I pretended I didn't hear her and kept walking. I couldn't get myself to give Oliver's beanie back, and I knew he would kill me for even touching it if he knew I was the old Lilly again.

Old Lilly; new Lilly. I was still Lilly for goodness sakes! Just the 'new' me got to go through the heartbreak that is Oliver Oken—lucky me. I considered recreating my accident to dismiss my past but the smart half of my brain talked me out of it. So by the end of it, I decided to just go on with life as a fake amnesiac.

Now I had to go through the struggle of making sure to remember to forget what I wasn't supposed to remember… if that wasn't difficult enough to say, it's even worse to actually attempt doing.

"¿Liliana, podría hablar contigo después de clase, por favor?" Sra. Carter interrupted the mindless chatter of the class. The final she had written was ridiculously easy—though I wouldn't have thought so if I was still amnesiac--and we'd all finished within an hour. For the extra hour remaining, we spoke amongst ourselves as she corrected our exams.

I looked up and nodded, fully understanding what she said now that my memory was back. So it slightly startled me when Oliver whispered, "She asked if she could talk to you before class."

I tried my best not to laugh for I was not supposed to know that he had once again confused the Spanish words for before and after. I tried to slyly make him figure this out himself. "Why would she tell me now that she wanted to talk to me before class?"

"Huh, I guess she said after. I always get before and after confused."

I smiled, "I know." My eyes widened and I dropped my smile, "I mean, I don't know, I figured since you just—and—you said—never mind."

Luckily, Oliver being Oliver, he didn't even notice my mishap. I shrugged it off and controlled my every word until class ended.

--

Because this was finals week, the end of Spanish class also meant the end of school for the day. I told Oliver I would meet him in the parking lot for my ride home, and approached Sra. Carter as earlier requested.

"What's up Señora?" The only reason Sra. Carter was able to speak Spanish was because she'd spent four years studying in Spain. Other than that, outside of the classroom time, she was just another blonde American who overused the word 'like' yet had a handful of teenagers who refered to her as Señora rather than Mrs.

"So I was looking over your test to make sure it wasn't like too difficult for you, and it looks like you did really well. In fact, so far you've only missed like two questions within the first three pages! Oliver must have helped you tremendously."

My mouth did a small 'oh'. In my process of remembering to forget, I didn't think failing my Spanish test would be something else I'd have to consider. "Um, yeah, he helped me a lot but, um, see I got my memory back about a week ago so I was able to study better." I didn't see the point of continuing to lie to her.

Her face lightened up, "Wow, that's great! How did it happen?" She didn't even consider that it meant that for the last few days of class I had only been playing dumb. Unless she thought I really was that dumb.

I shrugged uneasily, "It was just random, really."

"Well, that's wonderful. I'm glad you were able to get through it just in time for your finals," she smiled, wished me happy holidays and with that dismissed me.

As I walked to the door I thought about how lovely it would be if everyone else took the news that well. You have you're memory back and have been hiding it for a week to take advantage of the perks of an amnesiac? Oh great, have a Merry Christmas then!

But as I came face to face with Mya, the look on her face let me know that all of reality wasn't that trouble-free. "Oliver realized he can't drive you home, so he sent me." I knew there was more so I waited, and indeed it came out, "You little lying son of a bitch."

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you heard the conversation that just took place in there."

"Ya think? So this whole amnesia thing was just a façade of yours to—to what? To get me to actually think you were a good person for a while? To get Oliver to actually care about you again?"

Of all people, I didn't need this from her. "Hey! I only got my memory back a week ago. And maybe I need to remind you that Oliver is and will always be my best friend no matter what happens. So I don't need to pretend anything to know that he cares."

She raised her eyebrows, "Oh really? It's funny, you may have you're memory back but you still seem to be missing some points. Do I need to remind you of all the crap you put him through over the last few years?"

I really didn't need this from her, and I told her exactly that.

"Fine," she shrugged, "Why don't we wait and see what Oliver himself would have to say about this."

Usually I'd be able to take down any threat of hers, but I didn't currently feel in any position to do so. Just as always, she would find her way to meddle things between Oliver and me to get us to be at odds with each other but not this time. I took in a deep breath so as to be able to speak calmly, "Look, just a few minutes ago you were coming to me as a friend. Suddenly I regain my memory and it's the end of the world again?" I sighed, "I'm not asking you to be friends, really I could care less what you think of me, just don't tell him. I can handle that myself and I don't need you being a catalyst to the situation."

She held this snotty gaping look on her face, "Oh, so your situation with my boyfriend is none of my problem?"

I narrowed my eyes, "My situation with my best friend is none of your problem."

"Your sit— "

"Please," I cut her off. And with one stern look finalized it there. I knew she wouldn't rush right over and tell him, but at the same time I knew I didn't have much time until she decided to do so.

--

As I flipped through a random magazine, an article about Taylor Swift reminded me of Love Story from Oliver's CD. I realized if I were to listen to it now, I could probably make much more sense out of it.

And I did. First four songs? Essentially our falling in love. In what order, why there are four songs, or why those exact songs? I'm unsure. As much as I'd like to think I understand that boy, even I have to admit the way his brain functions is quite a mystery.

Don't Speak and Hope It Gives You Hell basically could have been the anthem of our break up. Didn't need much explanation, we hated each other. Eventually that hate diffused as we realized we couldn't completely live without the other even when we tried to replace each other, which I'm guessing he represented in the following songs Hate That I Love You and Mr. Brightside.

As far as I'm concerned, Mr. Brightside would appropriately depict where we are now in our relationship—dating other people with the occasional jealousy and bitter reminder of what we used to be--so I didn't understand the addition of Careless Whisper. Nor, it's meaning. So just like I had done with Love Story I listened repeatedly to the last track for sudden clarification.

I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I'd been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

--

I couldn't stand it. I just couldn't anymore. And it's for that reason that I now sat in the Oken's driveway, except this time I sat in my own car. The one I hadn't driven in months for I had forgotten how to, and then once remembered, still couldn't do so for it would be an easy clue that my memory had returned. By this point, only three people knew this—Sra. Carter, Mya, and my mom. Although more people were involved in my life, I felt as if the last person that needed to know resided in this very house. No matter how many people I told, it still didn't feel right until Oliver knew—even though I knew it would mean the end of the friendship we'd manage to rebuild.

I got out of the car, took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Before leaving the car, I'd taken off his beanie so as to perhaps lead him onto the news. But then again, this was Oliver, denser than ever.

"Hey Lils." I noticed his shoes and sunglasses—which he now usually just tucked into his shirt--were still on; probably had just gotten home from school. This made sense for I had asked a friend of mine (now that I remembered who she was) for a ride home and only momentarily after arriving did I decide to wander on over here. "When did you get home? I couldn't find you afterschool and neither could Mya."

I wondered whether I could come up with a lie that would make any sense, but then figured the truth would suit just fine. "Um, I asked Alison for a ride home."

"Oh… she was a friend of yours, you know," he said this because he was trying to be helpful to my memory, but I could easily detect a hint of dislike. He hated seeing me with Alison because I would have never started hanging out with her before our distancing from each other.

I slowly nodded, pretending to take this as new information. "Yeah… Can I talk to you?" He obviously still hadn't noticed my free-flowing hair and I was getting impatient.

"Sure," his voice quickly took on an optimistic tone. I wondered if he would ever admit how much he enjoyed our spontaneous hangouts.

I wordlessly walked to my car and he eventually followed. Within a few seconds, the conversation I expected started. "You remembered how to drive?" he asked innocently.

I exhaled, "Yeah… but there's a lot more to it than that."

"What do you mean?"

I reached over to my back seat, "First off, here's your beanie. I don't need it anymore. Thanks."

He stared at it and then at my hair, finally registering that I hadn't been wearing it this whole time. "Huh. Your eyes feeling better?"

I sighed, "Oliver, I got my memory back." I needed to put it out there or else this conversation would go absolutely nowhere.

He raised his eyebrows, "Seriously? You just got home today and got your memory back? That's insane!"

Why the heck was he smiling? "No! No." I shook my head--Take 2; I sighed again. "I regained my memory about a week ago on…on the thirteenth."

He kept staring at me as if I was expected to say more but once what I said sunk in, he abruptly looked away. I could tell he was mentally battling what to be shocked the most about—my lying to him for over a week or that I'd gotten my memory back on 12/13. I opened my mouth for apologizing words but I knew it wasn't the time to do so.

"So… you remember," he spoke slowly leaving me unsure of which news he chose to be shocked by. I nodded. "Everything?"

I frowned; I was staring at the road so I couldn't examine his face for clues on where he was going with that one. "Well, only as much as the average person remembers but yeah, much more than the amnesiac."

"Do you also remember what happened when you were amnesiac?"

As much as I wanted to inform him that was a stupid question, I nodded for I had figured out what tumbled around in his head—the kiss. Silence soon took over the conversation.

"I didn't mean to," he suddenly spoke up. I inhaled sharply. "To kiss you, I mean."

I pretended that if I were to take my eyes off the road for even a mere second, the world would collapse. "I kissed you."

"Yeah, but I kissed you back and I wasn't supposed to. I do have a girlfriend." I glanced at him just so he could see the flash of anger in my eyes. "I'm sorry."

I returned to the road to nowhere. "It's okay… it didn't mean anything." Just as I said that I wanted to take it back because I knew it wasn't true.

From my peripheral vision, I could see him bow his head for a second and then intensely stare at me. I anxiously awaited his response. "I know where your memory was."

"What?" It took me a second to follow his train of thoughts, but then I caught up—he knew.

"Basically when you first said you were around the end of sixth grade."

"You knew?!"

"Well, first I just assumed but you quickly proved me right by all your flirting."

"YOU KNEW?!" Really, I didn't care what he assumed or proved or whatever. He knew.

"Lilly, you are still driving," he backed out of the argument for his life's sake.

In about five swift steps we were parked in front of the shopping mall and I was stomping out of the car. As soon as he caught up to me I burst in his face, "I can't believe you kissed me knowing what it meant to me at that point!"

"You just said it didn't mean anything!"

"That's when I didn't know you knew!" Fighting in public places was nothing new for us, but it'd been so long that the crowds seemed to have forgotten what it was like and resumed their job of staring again. The difference was I didn't feel the same thrill I used to feel at letting the world know Oliver was a cold-hearted jerk—or whatever else I could come up with. No, this time I actually felt... broken.

"Fine! But what difference does it make now? You got your memory back, you remember how much you hate me so it doesn't mean anything now, does it?" I wasn't sure whether he was asking for a response or just informing me of the state of matters but I still felt it was necessary to answer.

"This isn't about how I felt or… feel"—I quickly cut myself off before any of us could register the last word, "You never had amnesia, you knew exactly what you were doing! You knew I had fallen for you and you led me on, just like you did five years ago." The key to hell breaking loose—I'd mentioned the break-up. I swallowed back tears though I wasn't sure whether they were sad or angry ones. Or everything in between.

He sighed in a way only I could recognize as defeat. He knew, and he knew he knew; he couldn't take that back. "Well what do you want me to do now? For you this is all a reality show or something. One episode, oh Lilly's memory is gone, let's see how the world adjusts to her needs. And in the latest, she's back and angrier than ever! What will the world do?"

I glared at him as I restrained pummeling him to pieces. What the heck was he going on about?

"Well it isn't. For me, this is a continuous nightmare and I just have to keep figuring out a way to not mess everything up—again." He locked eyes with me, and I knew that was his way of apologizing for the pain he'd caused me and himself.

"Careless Whisper, what's it supposed to mean?" I hadn't calmed down exactly, but my voice came out a slight softer. There were two parts of me—one that hated Oliver and one that hated seeing Oliver hurt.

"Huh?" He had yet to catch on to the quick subject change.

"I get every song on that CD—for the most part—but Bonus track: Careless Whisper? What are you saying?" I made sure not to ask this in an accusatory tone for a better chance at an answer.

Didn't work. "Nothing. It doesn't matter."

"Oliver—"

"We moved on, remember? Leave it at that." I shook my head. "Can you just take us back; I have my Econ final tomorrow."

Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
And there's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

And I was supposed to believe that didn't mean anything. Right.

Omgsh, it's never taken me so long to write a chapter. Seriously I've been working on this for like a week. I hope, it came out okay. I finally got some inspiration around the middle so hopefully the beginning didn't suck so much you didn't bother read till there cuz I actually somewhat like it from the middle on. Review and let me know! (: xoxCamy