Woo, two reviews, that's great! :D Nice to see people are taking an interest in this.
Anyway... this is the Philpe chapter, the one pretty much starring the little obnoxious Pichu from the end of Part 4. He comes up in the future, though, just not as prominently. Don't worry folks, ALL SHALL BE REVEALED ON HIM. Just read on and find out. ;)
...Hey, guess what? I don't own Pokemon or Superjail! 8D So shocking, I know.
I had to blink a few times to make sure what I was seeing before me was real. There, on the Warden's desk, wearing a big purple top hat, was Philpe the Pichu, a Pokemon I believed I would never see again.
"…oh my God, of all Pokemon… Philpe…" I muttered, still a bit stunned.
"The one and only, baby," the Pichu exclaimed, tipping his hat and grinning. He hadn't changed one bit.
You see, about a month back, before I was dropped into Superjail, my Pokemon and I happened to run into Philpe during my travels. The little yellow creature had caught my attention mainly because he was ravaging a city for two reasons: he was bored, and he was looking for Cheez-its. Apparently he has some sort of obsession with the small orange crackers and will try to get a hold of them at any time. Well, I helped him out a little by giving him some, and we sort of became friends. However, in the end we still said our good-byes and parted ways. I thought he wouldn't come up in my life again.
But now here he was, standing before me in Superjail, in all his glory. And I needed answers. Fast.
"How the… How did you get here, Philpe?" I interrogated, deicing to go with the simplest question.
"That's what I would like to know from you," The Warden muttered, and I looked at him. I had briefly forgotten he was even in the room, "Jailbot brought this little… thing to my office a little while ago. It looks the creatures following you around, the "Pok-a-mon", so I came to the conclusion it's your fault it's here." My jaw dropped.
"Warden…. I have no clue how he got here either!" I snapped, "I mean, I know this Pichu, I've met him before, but there's no way in hell I brought him here."
"Well, technically," Philpe cleared his throat, and the Warden and I looked at him, "I brought myself here, via you."
"WHAT?!" I yelled. How did Philpe use me to get here?
"I stowed away in your knapsack," he explained laxly, "Survived off Cheez-it's and fruit punch." I blinked, and suddenly remember how I thought I felt something slap my neck when I was being dragged here. That must have been him! I cursed myself for shoving so much food in my knapsack.
"But why in the world did you follow me in the first place?!" I shrieked, still both confused and now slightly angered.
"I happened to be in the neighborhood, I was bored, and where ever you were going seemed interesting," the small Pokemon replied, and shrugged. I relaxed slightly.
"Well, okay, that explains how you got here and why…" I said, before looking at the Warden, "But, what was he doing that got you so pissed at him? Aside from, you know, wandering in unannounced…"
"That little rat's been causing problems all over Superjail!" Warden shouted back, and I cringed, "And somehow he got into my quarters and STOLE ONE OF MY HATS!!!" I swallowed, before looking at the top hat on Philpe's head. Yeah, it really was a copy of what the Warden was currently wearing. Damn, that Pichu could really travel fast.
"Hey, man, I didn't know it was yourhat," the Pichu said innocently, "Besides, it's so soft. I couldn't help but take one. It matches my coloring."
"You stole it!" the Warden hissed back.
"Stealing's such a harsh term," Philpe replied, "I prefer 'borrowing without the intention of giving it back'." The Warden snarled, and I thought he was going to use those freaky powers of his to punch Philpe into the ground, but I quickly intervened.
"Guys, guys, cool down," I said hastily, raising my hands in a submissive pose, "Now… where do I fit in with all this?"
"Where do you fit in?" Warden shrieked, "Well, that's an easy answer: You brought him here, now get him the hell out!"
"Dude, for the last time, I didn't know he stowed away…" I muttered under my breath, before turning his attention to Philpe, "Okay, fine, I'll get rid of him." I started to inch towards Philpe, whose cheeks sparked menacingly. I knew if I grabbed him I'd probably get Thunderbolted to the moon, but that was a risk worth taking.
Philpe's eyes narrowed as I got closer, and he backed up to avoid me. I came further still. Finally, the Pichu snapped.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!" he cried, and before I could grab him, he turned and smashed out the panoramic window. The last thing I saw of him before he disappeared was his yellow body crashing towards the ground.
I paused for a minute, before sighing.
"There, problem solved," I said, "He'll just kill himself that way."
"I fail to agree," The Warden said darkly, "That little gremlin managed to avoid both capture and getting himself killed in Superjail for over a week now, I highly doubt falling from a building will do much! Dana, I command you to catch that "Pichu"! Because if I find him first, oh, you're going to hear about it! And trust me; it will not be a happy experience." I shivered, not liking this dark, demonic side of the Warden.
"Look, I'll see what I can do," I said, "If he survives like you're saying he will, I'll try to track him down and get him out of here ASAP. That way you won't have to get your hands dirty." The Warden was silent for a moment, thinking.
"You better," he finally hissed. I nodded in response.
"Now get the hell out of my office," Warden growled. I didn't waste any time lollygagging around. I was out of there moments later.
"Great, now I have a thick-headed, top hat wearing Pichu to deal with," I muttered as I stormed back to my quarters. I ran a hand through my hair, "My Pokemon are just gonna love this."
And they did. When I got back to there room a little while later, all my Pokemon were conveniently there, so they could all hear of why I was sent to the Warden's office. At first they didn't even believe me.
"No way, Philpe, the Pichu we met a while back, he's here?" Kona said in shock.
"Stowed away in my backpack," I said, nodding, "And he's got a Warden top hat now. That's part of the reason I'm now his official Bounty Hunter for that damn Pichu."
"Maybe I could find him and eat him," Emily suggested.
"Tempting, but no," I replied, "Somehow I think this is my job. And the last thing I want right now is the Warden to get even more pissed off at me. God, he's so bipolar…"
"This is about as bad as getting stuck here in the first place," Rex mumbled. I glared at him.
"That isn't my fault, thank you very much," I said, folding my arms bitterly.
"So, what are we gonna do, then?" Kona asked, looking at me upside-down from the bed. I shrugged.
"I dunno," I said, "Philpe leapt out of a window and went plummeting to the ground. I highly doubt he's still alive anyway, but the Warden thinks he is." I walked over to the bay window and sat down on its little ledge.
"You can never tell with them electric rodents…" Rex said quietly.
"Nyah Nah Na," Hibiscus added. I shrugged again and simply looked out the window, staring at the massive buildings of Superjail. I'll admit Philpe's cool and all, but right now I was really hoping he was dead on the bottom somewhere. It would get me off the hook.
Suddenly, something outside caught my eye. Curious, I hit the little latches at the bottom of the window and pushed it open so I could see better. I peered outside of the window, and felt the cool air out outer Superjail. But I didn't care about that. No, now my attention was at the action that appeared to be consuming one of the smaller buildings.
"Holy Tim Curry in fishnets!" I finally said, "Is that building on fire!?" My friends rushed over, and were all trying to push themselves through the open window to see.
"It would appear so," Emily said, poking his steel head out from under my arm, "Wow… those flames look like they're traveling fast." he was right. The yellow building was now completely aflame, the fire leaping up slightly, though not seeming to spread to other buildings.
"How the hell did that happen?" Rex wondered aloud. I shrugged, and squinted slightly. I had just then noticed a small open entryway at the base of the building. It, like the rest of the structure, was also blazing. However, there was something that appeared to be coming out of the building that grasped my attention.
"What is that…?" I whispered, leaning further out the window and squinting harder.
Whatever it was, it was really small in comparison to the building, it looked yellow and purple, and it was holding what looked like a really small torch or something. By now it was now out of range of the collapsing flame-riddled building, standing on a small uprise of ground.
"ANARCHY!!!" the figure shrieked, and we all heard from as far up as we were. Suddenly, the yellow figure bolted, ducking behind another building, and was gone.
My jaw dropped, realizing what had just happened.
"That…" I stuttered, "…That was Philpe! He freaking burned down that building!" My Pokemon looked at me.
"You think so?" Kona asked, "It was hard to tell."
"It was purple and yellow," I said, "Philpe stole the Warden's hat, so it makes sense. Oh, and the yelling. Philpe's a yeller."
"But why in the world would Philpe burn down a building if he knows he's in deep shit in this place?" Rex questioned as I closed the window and crawled back into our room. I shrugged.
"He likes living on the edge, I guess," I replied, before turning to the new subject at hand, "But enough about him. We need to worry about me. I'm 99.99% certain that the Warden already knows about that fallen structure, and that he knows Philpe is to blame."
"So he's gonna be at your throat about this," Kona concluded. I nodded, and walked towards the door.
"I need to catch that Pichu," I said, "And fast."
***
As it turns out, catching a Pichu is harder than you would think. I had spent the past four and half hours both trying to track down Philpe, and trying to avoid the Warden's wrath. I had already had a close call with the latter, when I took a wrong turn for the first time in a long time and wound up right in front of his (open) office. The Warden gave me such a deadly look I thought lasers were going to fire out of his eyes. I was out of there fast before he could talk to me.
So now I was wandering the Superjail corridors nearby where I had last seen Philpe, where he had ducked behind and disappeared. I wasn't having much luck, though.
"Jesus, how far could he have gotten?" I muttered to myself, "Dammit, I need to find him before the Warden does. If he finds him first…" I shuddered at the thought of it.
Just then, I heard an odd clattering coming from the ceiling of the hall I was in. I looked up, but there was nothing but a flat ceiling for me to look at. But I heard the clattering again, this time a little further. Shrugging, I decided to follow it. The clanging went all the way down the hallway, until it got to a door and I could hear it banging around behind it.
"Please don't lead down to Hell or something," I prayed, before thrusting open the door and stepping inside. Fortunately, I wasn't in Hell or anything. It was just some old storage room from the looks of it. And I knew were the clanging was coming from. I could now see there were large air vents crisscrossing around the ceiling.
"Hehe," I snickered, running to the center of the room. I could hear whatever was in the vents scurrying closer, and I was going to cut off its path. The second I heard the clattering a few steps away from where I was I jumped up and slammed the air vent as hard as I could. It came loose from the ceiling instantly, and fell to the floor with a loud clanking noise. I also heard surprised screams, and knew I had caught my mystery creature.
"Let's see what I got here," I said cheekily, and quickly kicked the fallen vent to its side, sending the thing inside out. And to my slightly-gleeful surprise, it happened to be just who I was looking forward.
"Jesus Christ, what hit me?" Philpe muttered, pulling himself up from the dusty floor and looking around. I grinned.
"So THAT'S how you've been sneaking around!" I remarked. His ears perked up, and he turned. I saw him grow pale.
"Oh, Dana, I wasn't expecting you…" he said quietly.
"Nether was I, but it just turns out that you're the Pichu I've been looking for," I replied, folding my arms smugly.
"Is that so?" he said like he knew nothing, but I could see from the slightly nervous look in his eye he damn well knew exactly why I was looking for him. I cracked my knuckles.
Yep," I said, "I kinda wanted to talk to you about the… little 'fire' incident you caused." His eyes widened for a split second.
"Um… I'll have you know that wasn't me," he replied. I gave him an irritated look.
"Then how come I saw you run out of the burning building, holding a torch, and then screaming 'ANARCHY!!!'?" I asked calmly.
"That could have been any top hat wearing Pichu," Philpe said quietly, adjusting his hat a little, "I know for a fact it wasn't me!" I rolled my eyes.
"Oh, really?" I said.
"Yeah! It was… um… my cousin, Phil! He's totallydifferent from me!" the Pichu explained. I gave him a look.
"Philpe, you're not fooling anybody," I said. Suddenly, his little body tensed, and sparks flickered out of his cheeks.
"You're never going to catch me, if that's what you're trying to do!!" he snapped, backing up a little.
"Well, at least we're finally on the same page," I murmured, before walking forward towards Philpe, "Look, buddy, I'm doing this for both of us. You get kicked out, I'm off the hook, and you can go wreak havoc elsewhere."
"That's just it; I like wreaking havoc here," he replied stubbornly.
"God, you sound just like those creepy Twins," I snarled.
"What?" Philpe didn't get my reference. Guess he hadn't met the Twins yet.
"Nothing, nothing," I snapped back, "Look, thing is, Idon't like you wreaking havoc here. Now just let me throw you out of here and we'll all be good and happy, okay?" Philpe paused briefly, and the sparks from his cheeks dissipated. Then, he spoke.
"No," he replied, and suddenly he fired out at me, the sparks back with a vengeance. I had to jump out the way to avoid being electrocuted by the cloak of electricity now covering Philpe's body. I gritted my teeth.
"He's trying to Volt Tackle out of here!! Gah, damn selective breeding!" I snarled to myself, and instantly went Ninetales to run after him. I followed the fast-moving Pichu all the way down the hall I had just been in, but his Volt Tackle was definitely giving him a speed boost. Soon he started taking some weird turns and I didn't know where the hell I was anymore, which made it all the more annoying. Not that it mattered. The only thing on my mind was to catch that Philpe.
"You're not gonna get away from me!" I shrieked, picking up speed.
"Oh yes I am!" Philpe shot back, and his Volt Tackle looked like it got stronger. I snarled, determined to catch him.
I didn't expect assistance from a certain robot.
"What the hell?" I heard Philpe grunt as he slammed into the hard metal outside of Jailbot, his electric cloak withering away. I laughed, stopping short.
"Hey, thanks, Jailbot," I said to the robot, whose face turned from slightly confused looking to happy.
"Gah, I see you're bringing in the big guns now," Philpe growled, trying to find a way around Jailbot. Thankfully Jailbot took up most of the hallway, and was now floated back and forth to deny Philpe any access further. The robot must have recognized Philpe as the creature he had captured and brought to the Warden.
"Actually, no, I didn't know we were going to run into him," I admitted, "But it is a nice turn in my favor." I looked at Philpe, and then at Jailbot, "Hey, Jailbot, mind grabbing him for me?" Jailbot was now deviously happy, and he extended a claw arm to grapple Philpe's small body. The Pichu grunted and groaned from the pain, but I ignored it.
"And that's what you get for messing with me," I said to him. Philpe growled.
"I'm still gonna be wreaking mayhem here," he said, "There's no stopping me." I rolled my eyes.
"Jailbot, let's take him outside," I said. Jailbot happily floated over to a door and nudged it open, revealing what looked a patio. I blinked.
"Why is it that I can't find these sorts of places myself?" I thought aloud, and walked outside. It was nice and peaceful, with no burning buildings around. I looked at Jailbot,
"Okay, Jailbot, do you think you can launch this little trouble maker out of here?" Jailbot's happy face verified he could.
"How would he know where the exit is?" Philpe spat.
"Because he's the one who ensures no one gets out," I mumbled quietly. Philpe narrowed his eyes a little.
"But if that's the case, we're both stuck here," he replied, and grinned a little. I felt a twinge of annoyance.
"No, you see, it's not like that…" I began.
"That what is it like?" he replied, giving me a cocky look. I growled.
"…You should be happy you're actually getting out of this cesspool," I spat I response.
"You'd be surprised," Philpe simply replied. I snarled again, getting fed up with the Pichu very fast.
"Jailbot, launch him out of here," I snapped. Jailbot had a devilishly happy face on as he withdrew an arm tipped with large cannon from his compartment. I blinked, and looked at the weapon.
"Well, that works," I said bluntly, "Okay, plop that Pichu in there!" Instantly Jailbot dropped Philpe in the opening of the cannon.
"Hah, you think a little cannon will stop me?!" I heard him say from inside the cannon, "Well, you're wrong! It takes much more then that! I'll still be running the shots, just now I know to be a bit more… sneakier…" He laughed manically, and I facepalmed.
"Jailbot, get him out of here," I snapped. On cue, the cannon on Jailbot's arm made a few odd clicking sounds, and then there was a big boom. Instantly I saw the yellow and purple body of Philpe go rocketing out, heading farther and farther away from us.
"C'mon… c'mon…" I breathed, clenching my fists. The little shape of Philpe was getting harder and harder to see. Only a little more and he'd be gone from Superjail completely.
Of course, then things went bad. As I watched Philpe fly away, I saw he was flailing his arms frantically. At first I just thought he was trying to slow his speed, but I quickly noticed that his body was beginning to fall towards one of the Superjail buildings. I realized the flailing was to direct his body to a desired landing spot, preferably one inside Superjail.
"Ooooh… crap," I breathed. The only thing I could do was watch in horror as Philpe caught himself on the edge of the building, and stood up.
"SEE, I TOLD YOU!!!" I heard him yell, even from this distance, "HAHAHAHA, SUCKERS!!!" And with that, I saw his small shape dart over the building and behind it, disappearing. I was quiet for a moment, before letting out an irritated moan.
"Well… that went horribly wrong…" I muttered, "I have a feeling I need to tell the Warden about this…"
In response to that, Jailbot suddenly extended a claw arm, gripping my wrist. I blinked, realizing he was going to deliver me to the Warden once again.
"Oh, um, Jailbot, you don't really have to do that… honestly, please, don't…" I said in an attempt to stop him, but it was way too late for it. By the time I got it out the robot was already zipping down the hallway, and I had to use my free hand to grip his side so I wouldn't get myself decapitated or something.
Finally, I could see we were not far from the Warden's office. I smiled a little, trying not to freak over the situation, and patted Jailbot.
"You know, you can stop here…" I said. However, I was ignored. No, instead of stopping outside the door like last time, Jailbot went the whole nine yards. That robot went smashing right through the damn wall. In a flurry of plaster and dust and stuff, Jailbot floated right on through into the Warden's office as if he had simply used the front door.
I peered up from the robot's back. The Warden was at his desk, par usual, but I also noticed Jared was in the room as well. I could hear him screaming something about how that wall was going to need to be fixed. I rolled my eyes and chuckled slightly, before Jailbot's retracted the claw on my wrist and jumped down.
"Um… greetings, guys…" I proclaimed as I jumped down, careful to avoid the fallen wall bits. The Warden shot up, and gave me a fiery look.
"Oh, well, well, well, look who it is" he spat. I grimaced, knowing he was still pissed at me about the hat thing (and now probably the burning building thing and the fact Philpe was still loose too). Anyway, I shook it off and stood my ground.
"I know what you're gonna say," I said, "And I know Philpe is still loose. But believe me, the next time I see him, he will be captured!" I blinked hopefully, praying the Warden wouldn't kill right then and there. The purple clad man stood up, and walked around his desk to me.
"Yes, yes, I'm aware the rat creature is still here," he said to me, very calmly. I stared at the golden carpet, waiting for the storm to come.
It never came.
"BUT!" the Warden added, and my head shot up, "I'm also aware the fact he's still loose isn't technically you're fault, seeing as you were in the process of removing him when he fled. Therefore, I'm giving you another chance." I nodded vigorously.
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" I proclaimed, "Like I said, next time I see him, I'll get him out of here."
"Yeah, yeah, just don't forget that promise," Warden replied sternly. I grinned in reply.
"So… you aren't mad about that, um, fire, are you?" I asked. Well, I was going to have to mention it sometime.
"FIRE?!" Jared suddenly piped up. He looked frantically at the Warden, "You never told me anything about fire, sir!" The Warden, however, ignored him.
"It's fine, Dana," he said, "The building wasn't a big loss. I'll be happy just so long as you catch that rodent." I nodded.
"I know, I know, and I will," I answered firmly, telling both myself and the Warden that I had to do this. Besides, God only knows what would happen if I didn't.
"But, but, sir, fire damage creates enormous costs! What are we supposed to do?!" Jared shrieked, still caught up over the fire thing.
"Geez, Jared, take a chill pill!" the Warden snapped, turning to the short accountant and putting his hands on his hips.
"But sir…!" Jared whined. The Warden just rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Honestly… what am I going to do with you?" he grumbled, before turning his yellow tinted eyes on me, "Oh, you can leave now, Dana. Besides, don't you have something to go track down?" He gave me an arrogant grin. I returned it, and began backing out of the room.
"Yes, yes," I said, "I'm on it." And with that, I bolted out the door, calmly shutting it behind me as I went out. I had a feeling there was going to be some Warden-esque fireworks at Jared back there, and I didn't rally want to be around to see them.
Hmm… well, no what? I thought, pondering my options, I could go after Philpe, but I have no clue where he was going. He probably took to the air vents again…
"Hey, wait, I know!" I said, snapping my fingers, "I've been through enough trouble today. Surely the Warden will understand if I take a little break, no?" I snickered to myself, and began walking to my quarters. I decided I wasn't going to go chasing after that wayward Pichu again just yet. Instead, I was going to just hang out for once. Because Superjail may be a hectic, fast-moving thing, but that sure as hell doesn't mean I'm going to have be one too.
Mmm... yep. Philpe's a tricky one, ain't he? With his building burning and hat stealing and his shoutings of anarchy.
Speaking of that last one, that's another scene I got from old drawings of mine, in this case one of the Pichu in question standing in the doorway of a burning building screaming "ANARCHY!". When I first had the idea for this fic I thought of it, and I wanted to put it in somewhere. And, hey, now I have!
Oh, and the interjection of "Holy Tim Curry in fishnets" comes directly from a friend of mine who suggested it. Cookie to anyone who can guess what it's from.
So, anyhow, read and leave some spiffy reveiws, people. I like to know what you think of this. ;D