A/N - Ok, so this is Jim's second try at ending his own life. This one does get graphic. There is explicit sexual abuse, if you are uncomfortable about reading it then don't even bother. I'm serious people, it gets bad. With that said, here's the chapter.

Jim should have left with Sam, should have just followed him but instead he had tried to kill himself by going over a cliff's edge in his dad's prized car. He was only ten and he had chickened out. He regretted his actions that day. Jim regretted not going with his brother and he regretted being a fucking pansy at the age of ten.

When he was thirteen he had tried to leave again, but he picked a bad time. It was one of those rare weeks when his mother was on Earth. He remembered her walking into his room to say hi, that she was back early when he was climbing out the window. Jim couldn't get the image of her disappointed look out of his mind, like her world was leaving her forever. In that moment Jim believed that his mother was honestly sad that he was trying to leave home.

She had held him to her chest, begged him not to leave her alone. She promised that things would get better, that she wouldn't take the off world assignments and she wouldn't be gone for months at a time.

When she left later that week to go back into space Jim knew that he had been stupid. She wasn't trying to get Jim to stay, she was trying to get the image of George Kirk to stay. He decided that his stupidity was unrivaled because even after she was gone he stayed in that house, hoping that she would love him, see him as James T. Kirk instead of her dead husband. It never happened.

He was now fifteen years old and his mom was coming home for two days before she was leaving him alone with Frank again. The time she was home she avoided him and Jim gladly stayed out of the house and Frank's way. He had been subject to beatings and lustful glares for years now. Jim knew that none the hitting wouldn't be there while his mother was home, the desired filled glances would be there.

Frank had suddenly decided that Jim was a good looking kid and since his wife was off planet why shouldn't he use Jim as a replacement. Jim had found ways around it until Frank passed out and the next day he would pay for it with fists flying at his face. He fought back but the man's bulk prevented Jim from doing any formidable damage. Jim dreaded and anticipated that day that his mom would leave again. There would be no more ghost-smiles but there would be porky hands trying to tear at his clothing.

His mom had been off planet for only a couple days now and Frank was already looking at him like he was a piece of meat. He was walking in the fields behind his run down farm house waiting for the dickweed to pass out so he could grab his clothes and get the hell out of this place. He didn't care what promise he had made to his mother. She had broken her's time and time again and know it was his turn.

The sapphire blue eyes took in the star lit sky above him and he tried to wonder what he had done in his life or a past life that brought these things onto him. His father had died as he was being born, his mother would never love or be proud of him, his brother left him, and his step father was a freak that was trying to get off on Jim.

The troubled young man looked at his clock and saw that it was nearly two in the morning. Frank normally conked out around one-thirty. Silently he made his way back to the house and climbed up the tree and slipped into his room. It always seemed empty now that Sam was gone; Frank had sold most of Sam's things and even some of Jim's so he could support his habit.

"'Bout time kid," a gruff voice from his bed.

Jim's eyes got wide and he turned, scrambling to get out of the window but fat, rough hands grabbed his waist and pulled him in and onto the bed.

"NO!" Jim roared, secretly wishing that the closet neighbors weren't a mile down the road. He struggled against the older man but Frank out weighed him by at least one hundred pounds. "Let me go!"

Jim aimed a kick at Frank and smirked with satisfaction when he heard the asshole grunt. He took the chance and ran for his bedroom door only to find it locked. He muttered under his breath and made a dash for the window. Jim didn't see the man coming behind him, and by the time he did he could block the fist that collided with his temple. His world went black.

When he woke up he was on his stomach and his shirt was in shreds around him and he could feel his jeans bunched up at his ankles. He tried struggling but the legs of his step father pinned his legs while a fat hand gripped the back of his neck to keep him down.

"Fucking tease." he heard the rough voice say. A sweaty and meaty body laid on his and Jim couldn't stop the tears from welling in his eyes.

"Frank no!" he screamed. He could smell the alcohol on Frank's breath as he panted with excitement. Jim did everything he could to get out from under the man on top of him, but his body was completely covered by Frank's. A pathetic whimper escaped him as his step father's nails cut into him when he pulled Jim's boxers down.

"You're gonna enjoy this kid." Frank whispered. He laughed when Jim screamed under him and tried to pull away from him.

The cries from Jim for him to stop only urged him on and he moved harder. Jim tried to stop making the noises and hoped that Frank would tire. The pain got worse and Jim started sobbing, wanting it to end. He couldn't be strong anymore.

"Shh…be a good boy Jimmy."

Jim narrowed his eyes. He couldn't let him finish. He needed to get out of here. He reached for his lamp and was thankful that Frank was too distracted to notice. It took him a couple tries but he finally reached it. His fingers curled around the metal base and with everything he could he smashed the lamp into Frank's head. The two-hundred-pound plus body fell on top of Jim and he panted.

He swallowed and got the dead weight off of him. Jim scrambled off the bed and sat against the wall, his whole body shaking. He heard Frank groan and knew that he couldn't stay there long.

Pain coursed through his body when he stood and he ran to the bathroom throwing up in the toilet. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw his eyes were red, one swelling. Other bruises littered his thin body but that wasn't his concern right now. He needed to get the stench of Frank off of him.

Jim grabbed was cloth and ran hot water over it and scrubbed his body raw. He let the tears fall down his face as scrubbed, never feeling clean. The noises from his bedroom cause him to freeze. When he didn't hear Frank get up he pulled on some dirty clothes from the laundry basket and squeezed out the bathroom window. He fell to the ground but ignored the searing pain and ran to the garage and the motorcycle that he was fixing up.

With out grabbing his helmet or any other clothes he took off into the night. He drove two towns over so he knew that no one would realize who he was and hid his bike in an alley. Jim wandered the roads, his body still shaking but he knew that he couldn't go to a hospital.

He stood behind a bar noisy bar and saw a piece of grimy glass laying on the ground. Jim slid down the wall and picked it up before breaking it into a smaller piece, shards digging into his hand. Do it Jim, he told himself.

Jim placed the glass against the tanned skin of his wrist and pushed down, dragging it across the flesh. He wanted to yell as the pain ripped him apart but he didn't. He made another slice watching his blood drip to the ground.

The universe wants you to suffer Jim, the universe wants you gone. He cried silently making a third gash appear, the hand holding the glass bleeding as well. The blue eyes watched as a puddle of gleaming red liquid formed around him.

"Wrong way kid."

Jim looked up to see a stranger looking at him. The older man kneeled down, already calling medics to the sight. "What?"

The guy looked at Jim taking the glass from him and shook his head. "Down the road, not across the street."

The younger boy nodded and closed his eyes. "I'll remember that for next time." Jim remembered the sirens blaring around him and warm hands lifting him onto the stretcher. He let himself fade, hoping that he had lost enough blood to die.

Jim, don't do this kid. You need to make it through this. You're not done yet.

He ignored the voice in his head, wanting to stay in the black that was consuming him. It was the most welcoming sight that he had ever seen.

Son, wake up. Get out now.

Jim groaned opening his eyes. He blinked to clear his vision and saw white walls and gleaming white lights. The smell of disinfectant hit his nose and he coughed weakly. His body wasn't in pain, anywhere. So he was in a hospital on pain meds.

He saw that the room was empty and Jim tore the needles from his arm. He heard an alarm and grabbed his clothes running out. Jim made it through the halls of the hospital and finally outside, making his way back to his bike.

Jim threw on his dirty clothes and leaned against the wall. He couldn't go home but he had to get away. He got on his bike and drove away. Tears stung at his eyes but he felt free and alive. He didn't know where he would go but he kept riding. Maybe there was something better waiting for him, he just didn't know what. He drove to a town and hid out, deciding that this was where he was going to make his new home.

A/N - And there it is. There's three more chapters to this story and I'm not entirely sure when the next one will be up. I have two other stories I'm working on along with this one. Thanks for reading and let me know whatcha think.

L.A.