don't you think i wish that i could stay?
He catches her eyes for a second, and his heart sinks. It's always the same goddamn look with her nowadays. Faraway and sad, in a reserved sort of way. Most people would just consider it blank, but he knows better.
He knows her better.
And he swears to himself that this will be the last time he looks at her, even though he knows that's a promise he will never be able to keep. But still, with every little glance, his heart breaks more. Doesn't she know how much she punishes him by it?
A sigh escapes from her. Most people wouldn't even notice, but he notices. He notices every little goddamn thing about her. Because, doesn't she realize how much he still knows her?
He knows everything about her. How could he not? Every little thing, like how much she truly loves her brother, or how she never eats the blue m&m's because the color is strange or how when she was a freshman in high school, she listened to the same n'sync song for four days straight.
How could he forget?
And somedays he almost reaches out to her. He almost holds her hand the way he used to when he was unsure of himself. He almost smiles that secret smile that only she knows.
And doesn't she know how hard he wanted to fight it? Doesn't she know that he's ripped apart by it every day? Doesn't she know that he still wants her, useless as it seems?
She bites the inside of her bottom lip, and it almost sends him to tears.
This will be last time that he looks at her, he swears.