Part 5: I give up: Seth

I hate starting a new school; I only knew Bella, Leah and Jacob. No I was all alone in a new school trying to make some friends and it didn't help that I couldn't stop thinking about Bella's lovely eye's and her smile and...

I mentally slapped myself and looked around. Bella's truck only held two people so she gave a ride to my sister this morning but Leah was headed to see where Jacob lived so I could catch a lift home.

When I got back from a ride with Bella I was hopefully going to hang out with her until she had to pick my sister up from Jacob's.

I looked around for Leah or Bella; they were in the same year so they would finish about the same time surely. They were nowhere in sight and I didn't recognise any one as being in the same year.

I thought back to the ill fated shopping trip, what was that guy's name? Mick? Mark? As I tried to picture his face the words echoed back to me and I stumbled backwards and felt a hand grab my arm and steady me.

A soft voice spoke up. "Hey now. You going to faint every time I'm around?" I blushed profusely at how accurate she was and turned to face Bella. "You want a lift? I got room for you." She laughed and tapped the side of her truck with her hand.

I gulped, "S-sure and how about you come over to my house after wards?"

Bella smiled and clapped me on the shoulder, "Sounds good." She smiled and moved over to the truck door. I jumped forwards and opened it for her, "Thanks Seth, I knew I kept you around for a reason."

I shut the door and moved around to the passenger side thinking about the way my shoulder tinkled where she had touched me.

After a very tense journey well tense for me anyway I stepped into my living room and dropped my bag on the sofa before booting up the PC. Bella had dropped me of and was going to her house to park the truck and leave her stuff. I tapped a few keys and logged on before bringing up the web browser.

At that moment I heard a knock at the door and jumped to my feet. I ran to the door and threw it open. "Hey Bel-gah!" I stopped chattering as I saw What she was wearing.

Gone were the jeans and t-shirt she wore to school. Instead she was in a dress and it was beautiful, it made her look even better than normal. "Bugah so so so very bugah."

"What are you babbling at Seth?" she stepped inside and shut the door looking at me with a confused expression on her face.

I shook my head and rammed the heels of my hand into my eyes for a few moments, "Sorry sorry sorry. I, I just never saw you in a dress before and, and, and well you're..." I looked down and away from her.

"I'm what Seth?" she reached out for my but I stepped back. The gulf between us had to be made clear I had to draw the line on the relationship now.

I looked up and smiled, "Never mind about that, not like I was going to say beautiful or anything silly like that." I could see her shocked face but carried on regardless. "I'm going to head to the toilet but then I'll get us some drinks and we can watch some TV, 'K?" She nodded slowly and turned around.

As I headed for the stairs I could have sworn I saw her shoulders sag in relief. Good, she didn't want a relationship, not with me any way.

I bounded up the stairs with happiness I didn't feel and kept the smile on my face till the bathroom door was shut.

Sliding down the wall I let the tears that had blurred my vision on the way up spill out. In moments I was weeping silently, unable to stop. Not that I wanted to. If I could cry all my tears I would be ok to be around her.

From this moment on I give up. The relationship could not have gone anywhere, she would be unhappy and I wasn't selfish enough to force myself on her, nor would I run away and leave her. If I did and she needed help then I would feel like a monster, some undead unfeeling monster.

I got up and looked in the mirror, my eyes were red and puffy but I hoped she wouldn't notice. I splashed some water on my face and turned to the door.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs I heard a sniff and then Bella's voice, "Hey Seth, you took your time."

As I was about to round the wall and bring her into sight I heard a crash and the sound of shattering glass. I ran round to see Bella lying in the remains of our glass coffee table. Without hesitating I leapt forwards and heaved her upright, "Are you hurt at all? Any cuts?" She pointed at her right forearm and I saw the trickle of blood.

I pulled her towards the kitchen and directed her to the sink. "Wash the wound and check for any shards of glass and I'll get you a bandage."

When I returned she was still silent as before. It was extremely odd to see her almost depressed, she held out her arm but didn't look up. I carefully wrapped the long bandage round her forearm before speaking. "You alright? We should probably get you to a doctor just in case you did any real harm."

"I'm sorry Seth." Her voice wavered and she clutched her arm to her chest.

"What for?" She was acting so different, she was still herself but, but I don't know. She wasn't making any sense.

"No, never mind." Bella looked up and smiled again, "Thank you"

I noticed something that had drifted in the back of my consciousness for a while. When Bella smiled she always closed her eyes.

Maybe the smile was forced, hiding something, an inner sorrow. Damn it why did she have to get hurt for me to see this.

"Don't worry Bella; I will always be there to catch you. Well you know not so much catch you as mop up afterwards. I mean I want to catch you but I may not be there and ..."

I was cut off as her lips met mine. The short moment seemed to last forever but was over in the blink of an eye. She pulled away slightly and rested her forehead on mine. "I'm sorry Seth I really wish I could return those feelings but I can't. If you hate me for leading you on I would understand but I thought it was right, I'm so sorry."

The doorbell rung and we moved swiftly apart, Bella press her hand against her arm to stem the bleeding and moved to the kitchen door but I reached out and grabbed her shoulder to stop her.

It was Leah she was limping and Jacob moving to the phone to call the hospital. "Bella cut her arm let them know about that to."

no rant as this is a double update