A Wistful Love
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.
Chapter 7
Lost in Misery
Kel dragged herself to breakfast the next morning, her eyes bleary and her mind empty. Though she kept her expression bland, she could tell that Neal sensed the turmoil that lay beneath the mask. Several times he would glance at her, a worried look on his face. Kel ignored him. She knew that he meant well, but this time there was nothing he could do to solve her problem. Her unrequited love for Neal's cousin was no one's business but her own.
Instead of dwelling on her helpless feelings for Dom, Kel concentrated on improving her rusty weapon's skills. Along with the upcoming Midsummer's festival and ball, the King had decided to put on a tournament for the restless warriors of Tortall. It would be a way to test the many knights and soldiers who hadn't seen a real battle in a while. Everyone was looking forward to it. Kel saw it as a way to distract her.
For the next week she spent the majority of her time on the practice courts. She tested her sword skills on anyone she could find, including her less than willing friends. The pattern dances with her glaive grew more and more complex as Kel strived to bring herself to the height of weapon's fitness. She jousted frequently against Lord Raoul, even when he sent her flying as often as the sparrows who watched her. She considered the bruises she earned as a punishment for lazing about the palace for so long. Kel also began to test her skills in archery once again. She even brought out the hated Yamani bow to practice with.
All of her friends noticed the change in her. Though they were used to her discipline and dedication, Kel had thrown herself into her training, leaving little room for anything else. Neal, who had been worried before, became concerned when her usual smiles disappeared. Suspecting that Kel's change had something to do with Dom, Neal approached his cousin one night about a week after Kel had begun her frenzied training. The usually social man was difficult to locate. Recently, he'd made himself scarce, avoiding meals with the rest of the group and dodging invitations for games and events. By the time Neal found him, the green-eyed Knight was thoroughly frustrated.
"There you are! I've been searching for an entire hour! What are you doing at the top of Balor's needle?"
Dom turned at the sound of his cousin's voice. In no mood to be welcoming, he merely glared at the panting healer as the poor man fought for breath from the long climb up. "What did you need, cousin? I haven't been in the best of moods lately."
Neal crossed his arms in an attempt to appear serious. "I've noticed. That's one reason I've come to find you."
Dom laughed humorlessly. "Then you've been wasting your time, I have no inclination of sharing my problems with you. I only wish to be left alone."
"Well then I guess you won't get your wish. Whether you want to or not, you'll explain to me just what's going on between you and Kel. I know something happened between the two of you. Kel's gone mad with training and you've become a hermit for Mithros' sake! I've had about enough of both of you!"
Dom stared at him in surprise, his look of rebellion disappearing for the moment. "What do you mean Kel's gone mad? She was perfectly fine the last time I spoke with her."
"And when did you last speak with her, may I ask?"
His mouth tightening, Dom paused for a moment before answering. "About a week ago."
Neal nodded decisively. "Exactly. That's when this whole mess started. I assume that the reason for it is your last conversation with her. What could you have possibly said to make the both of you miserable?"
Dom began to protest. "I'm not miserable. I've just been a bit moody lately."
Neal snorted. "I think moody is too mild a word. You've been avoiding everyone, especially Kel, like the plague. And when someone does try to make normal conversation with you, they find themselves talking to a blank wall."
Dom sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, ok? I really don't want to talk about it right now. As for Kel's strange behavior, it wasn't me. We had a perfectly civil conversation that didn't affect her in any way."
He paused, his gaze infinitely sad. Then, as if sensing Neal's worry, he lifted his eyes back up. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'm just...trying to find myself again. Its really nothing to be concerned about."
Neal stared at Dom, disappointed that his thick-headed cousin was being so close-mouthed. He could see how unhappy the man was, but he felt helpless to do anything about it, especially when he didn't even know what had prompted the whole situation. He knew that if he approached Kel, he'd get much the same response; a non-answer and assurances that she was perfectly fine.
Disgusted, Neal gave Dom one last look of disdain. Then turning he marched back to the door that led to the stairs. Without facing his cousin, the healer voiced one last statement. "I know you think you're alone in your misery, but if you ever want to talk, I'll be willing to listen."
Neal left then, closing the inner door behind him.
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Dom stared out over the city, his mind turning over Neal's words. He'd taken sanctuary in the tall tower, knowing that people rarely traveled to the top anymore. It was also the very last place that he could run into Kel. Though no longer terrified of heights, the lady knight never willingly forced herself to endure her greatest fear. He was coward and he knew it. Imagine, hiding from Kel, the woman he loved. It was pathetic really. Neal's words concerning her echoed in his head. He couldn't forget them.
His cousin insisted that Kel was as miserable as Dom was, but their was one flaw to Neal's theory. Kel hadn't been affected by his declaration of unrequited love to an unknown person. There hadn't been a hint of jealousy or even mild curiosity, just a wish for the best. If Kel had at all cared for him in a more than platonic manner, she would have showed some reaction. Instead, there had been complete indifference on her face. Her eyes had been unwavering and an easy smile had graced her lips. No discomfort, alarm, or worry had made itself present. Neal was wrong. Kel didn't love him as a woman loves a man. She was just his friend. Dom didn't know when it had happened, but he had grown to detest the word. It had become the insurmountable barrier between him and Kel. Lost in misery, Dom's let his gaze wander over the horizon, his heart heavy, and his eyes damp.
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Kel lifted her sword again and swiped one arm over her brow in an attempt to keep the sweat from dripping into her eyes. Though her body fairly breathed exhaustion, Kel ignored the weariness and with a determined glint in her eye, faced her opponent once more. She and Alanna had just finished a complex series of parries that had left them both breathless. This bout was their third and the previous fights had taken its toll on both lady knights. Though the Lioness had won the previous two, Kel was not giving up anytime soon.
"Not ready to admit defeat? I guess I'll just have to prove to you again that I'm the better swordsman." Alanna's voice was good-naturedly teasing.
Though the King's Champion was an excellent swordsman, she was just as exhausted as Kel. Several times, they had both come close to losing the match. It was only a matter of time before one of them made a mistake.
Kel shook her head in response to Alanna's taunting question. She had never been one for trading insults and she didn't plan on starting now. Forcing herself to concentrate, she carefully stayed out of Alanna's reach, waiting for the Lioness to make a move. After several moments of circling, the older lady knight moved in for the kill in a blinding series of moves, her famous sword a brilliant flashing light. Kel was forced to go on the defensive, her thrusts blocking each blow on instinct alone.
The clang of metal echoed in the empty practice courts as the King's Champion forced her back. In one final attempt to regain the advantage, Kel brought her sword out from under Alanna's, hoping to catch her off-guard. Not expecting it, Kel's opponent reacted almost a second too late. Their swords became locked together for an instant before the Lioness, who knew she could never last in a physical test of strength, broke away and lightning fast, brought the sword to Kel's vulnerable throat. In just that blink of time, the match was over. Both women lowered their swords, their breath coming fast and hard. After several minutes, Alanna worked up the strength to talk.
"You almost had be there at the end. It was a very close call. Actually, I'm surprised I recovered. I'm not young anymore and I'm not nearly as fast as I used to be. In fact, I was expecting you to win at least one of the matches. This fighting business is just too much work." Though the words were said in a teasing manner, there was real weariness behind her speech.
Kel just shook her head. "No, you won fair and square. Often in battle it comes down to the last second. I just need more practice."
The Lioness laughed at Kel's solemn statement. "Youngster, if you practice much more, you'll drop dead. Even I couldn't keep up with the pace you're setting. At this rate, you'll burn yourself out before the competition even arrives. I suggest you take a break and rest awhile. Your body must be taking a beating after such a strenuous week of training. Mithros! Mines killing me after three bouts with a sword. Besides, much more practice and I'll be no match for you at all. Then my reputation will be ruined. Let this old lady keep some shred of her dignity."
Kel gave her a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Though she was exhausted, the Lioness caught the expression.
The younger knight replied in a weary voice. "Of course, you're right. I'll probably ease up in a day or so. I just really want to compete well in the upcoming tournament."
Alanna nodded. "Are you sure you're all right? You've been acting a bit more...determined than usual."
Again, Kel pasted a smile on her face. "I'm perfectly fine. Like I said before, I just want to be well prepared."
"If you're sure?"
Kel nodded again, "Yes, I'm sure."
"Alright then. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a warm bath to ease these aching muscles. Lets head in."
As the two women walked from the practice courts, Alanna continued to cast worried glances at the younger woman. Despite Kel's protests to the contrary, Alanna could tell something was wrong. The only problem was, she didn't know Kel as much she would like and had no way of broaching the subject more than she already had. Perhaps her good friend Raoul could do more in the way of playing the part of confidant. Whatever was bothering the other lady knight, Kel was refusing to talk about it. Soon, she would break and Alanna hoped someone would be there to catch her.
A/N: I'm really really really sorry for not updating in months. I have no excuse except that I've been very tired and very uninspired lately. I'm finishing up my senior year of high school, so I've been concentrating on ending up strong. Its paid off, but at the cost of writing along with several other hobbies. I should have more time now if I'm lucky and you guys won't have to wait nearly so long for a new chapter. I hope I didn't lose any loyal readers out there. Please forgive me and don't forget to review! Thanks! --Lupus17