A Wistful Love

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. They all belong to Tamora Pierce.

Chapter 11

Gaining Respect

When Kel woke the next morning, the first thing that came to her attention was the soreness in her body. Though she wasn't unfamiliar with the task of digging latrines, it had been a long time since she'd preformed that particular job. Kel knew from long experience that the best remedy to a sore body was to continue working in order to ease the stiffness, which would disappear soon enough. Glancing around the small room Kel had been given the night before, she noted that it looked even shabbier in the light of day. The only furniture it contained were the most basic of necessities: a small, roughly-made wash stand with an equally small mirror propped on top, a sturdy, but plain dresser, and the tiny cot Kel was lying on. The room itself was very cramped and sported a single small window to let in light. Despite all that is was lacking, it suited Kel's needs nicely. She hadn't come to Sparrow's Cove for luxury or special treatment. All she was seeking was to earn her keep doing the simple, but valuable tasks of day-to-day living.

Rolling off the cot with a groan, Kel moved stiffly to the washstand that stood in the corner. Using the small bowl of water, she cleaned her face and teeth, before putting on fresh clothes. Running a brush through her hair, Kel tied it out of the way with a small leather cord. That done, she took one last look in the cracked mirror before leaving her quarters in search of food.

Kel made her way to front of the house where the smell of fresh bread was coming from. The house she was staying in belonged to Marion, a kind, older widow who had offered her spare room to Kel the evening before. She was the only inhabitant of the town that had warmed to Kel instantly. Though most of the villagers now respected her, they were a long ways from being receptive of her presence in their town. Kel knew the only way to gain their trust and friendship was to work hard and let them get to know her. There had always been a barrier between nobles and commoners and that distance was hard to close after a lifetimes worth of experiences.

"There you are! I've made some of my famous butter bread for breakfast. Did you sleep well?" Marion smiled broadly at Kel from the kitchen table and waved a hand of invitation at the still warm loaves of bread on the table.

Kel smiled back and thanked her for the food. "I did sleep well. I want to thank you again for providing the room and board. I'll repay your kindness."

"Your company is thanks enough. When you get on in years like me, it's not money that we value, but the company of friends and family."

Her words brought all of Kel's friends to mind. She wondered if they worried, or if her letter had put their minds at ease. Knowing Neal, he'd probably reacted dramatically at first, but was probably over it now. Intellectually, Kel knew that she needed this time away to regroup, but she still felt guilty for leaving without letting anyone know where she had gone. It didn't matter now. She'd made her decision and she would follow through. Clearing her thoughts once again, Kel sat down to enjoy a simple meal with Widow Marion.

After breakfast, Kel went in search of Roderick. After asking several people, she was directed to the southern fields. She found him and several other villagers digging holes in the ground for fence posts. It appeared as if they were creating a new pen to hold livestock. Roderick himself was in the midst of it, lifting and helping to place the large, rough-hewn posts in their designated holes. It appeared to be hard and sweaty work.
Walking over to them, she waited patiently for them to finish. Roderick took notice of her presence almost immediately, but did not approach her for several minutes. Finally, during one of their breaks, he walked over to where Kel was standing.

He greeted her easily enough. "Lady Keladry. What brings you over here today?"

"Hello Roderick. I wanted to ask you where I could be of the most help. I meant what I said yesterday about earning my keep. Perhaps with the fencing building?" Kel motioned toward the partially completed fence.

Roderick glanced from the group of men, then back to her again. "I don't believe this type of work is the most suited to your talents. I'm sure there's something to be done in town."

Kel leveled her gaze at him, her eyes direct and steady. "Because this isn't woman's work?"

Roderick hesitated for a moment, before nodding his head. "Alright, Lady Kel. If you wish to help with the fence building, then who am I to stand in your way?"

"I didn't achieve knighthood by avoiding difficult tasks. I had to do equally as well as any of the males throughout my page years." Kel paused, and then added, "But it was well worth it."

Roderick said nothing more. Turning he motioned toward the group of men standing behind him. "Let me introduce you." Kel followed Roderick to the small group of men, who had already begun working again. When they caught sight of the lady knight approaching, the villagers stopped all tasks and waited for Roderick to speak.

"Gentlemen, I'm sure you all know who Lady Keladry is." Pointing at each man, he listed off their names, "That's Jerren, Ternius, Rundel, and Dorian." He then turned to address the men. "Lady Keladry, will be assisting us with the fence building." Before he could continue talking, he was interrupted by a short, stocky man that Kel guessed to be in his mid-to-late thirties. His face was tanned and creased from spending his entire life outdoors tending his land.

"This is men's work. There isn't any room for women here." His words were immediately followed by murmurs of agreement from the rest of the townspeople.

"Now, Jerren, that may be, but—" Kel interrupted Roderick with a quietly voiced, "May I?"

He only hesitated for a second before stepping aside and letting Kel speak for herself. "I know you all think that I'm either a lazy noble, or a weak female knight or both. You're wrong. I am just as capable as any of you. Despite these words, I understand that you still don't believe me. Therefore, I propose a trial period. If I can prove myself to you by pulling my own weight today, then you must accept as your equal. However, if I prove to be as empty-headed and weak-willed as you all seem to think, then I will quietly leave Sparrow's Cove without further delay." Kel paused to make eye contact with each and every man. "Is that sufficient, enough?"

Before they could respond, Roderick stepped in and motioned Kel aside. Moving a little away from the group, he addressed her directly. "In all fairness, you already proved yourself to me yesterday. You shouldn't have to repeat the process again, despite my own reservations as to your abilities."

Kel shook her head in disagreement. "You're right. I did prove myself to you, but that's precisely my point. I showed you, not the people of this town. In order for them to accept me, I have to do it front of them. They have to see me working hard with them in order for there to be any respect or understanding." Kel sighed softly before continuing. "This isn't the first time I've had to prove my abilities and it won't be the last. You yourself expressed doubt in regards to this particular task."

Roderick glanced away uncomfortably before nodding. "I do have doubts. Digging latrines is one thing, but this requires heavy lifting and coordination. In all honesty, I chose your task yesterday hoping that the job itself would deter you. I was wrong then, and I could be wrong now."

Kel smiled wryly at him. "Did you think I didn't notice? It's unfair of me to just march into your town expecting you to welcome me with open arms. Your people are wary of nobles like me for a good reason. Many of us are not respectful of commoners. I've seen my own fellow knights treat those below their station as nothing more than slaves to be ordered about. That's why I want and need to prove myself on my own merit and not the word of another, even if that person is their leader."

"All right, Lady Keladry. I understand and respect your decision." Roderick nodded firmly then motioned for her to rejoin the men. Kel thanked him before walking back over to Jerren and the other villagers.

"Well? Do you all accept my proposal?" Kel could see the skeptism and doubt on each and every face. They believed that she wouldn't be able to keep up with them. Their expressions ranged from guarded to outright disgusted.

Jerren stepped forward and seemed to speak for the small group. "We accept your terms."

Kel bowed shortly. "Thank you."

Jerren just shook his head in response. "Don't thank us. We still don't think you can do it." Without further debating, the men dispersed to begin work again, failing to give Kel any instruction. Kel hadn't really expected any. Instead of pestering the hardworking men with her questions, Kel settled down to observe before joining the group.

Dom walked toward the stables, which had become his haven of late. He knew that all of his friends, including Neal, thought he was crazy. After Kel had left, he'd begun visiting Peachblossom. He'd come to an understanding with the old warhorse and his visits had become more and more frequent until he was visiting the animal once a day. It was ridiculous and slightly insane, but Dom felt that if he cared for Kel's beloved mount, he could somehow make up for the unforgivable words that had driven her away from palace. Intellectually, one had nothing to do with the other, but for Dom, it was his one saving grace from complete and utter depression. Whenever he tried distracting himself with training and his friends in the Own, his thoughts would inadvertently circle back to Kel. For whatever reason, spending time with Peachblossom put his mind at ease.

Heading straight to the gelding's stall, Dom reached into his pocket to retrieve an apple. He'd learned that this particular fruit was a favorite of Peachblossom's.

"Hey, old boy. How's the stable life. Exciting I take it?" Dom opened the stall door and slipped inside. Despite Peachblossom's contrary nature, the horse had come to accept Dom whole-heartedly. The sergeant no longer had to worry about receiving nips and bruises, much to Neal's confusion and displeasure.

Peachblossom nickered in welcome and immediately begin searching Dom for the apple he knew the man carried. Dom laughed good-naturedly. "I see how it is. You only see me as an unending source of food."

The horse snorted as if to deny the accusation, then immediately begin searching for the apple again. Grinning, Dom gave it to him.

"I see you're still visiting the monster." Neal's voice was unmistakable.

Dom glanced over to find his cousin standing outside the stall. "No wonder he doesn't like you. All you ever do is insult the poor beast."

Neal gave a short laugh. "Poor beast? I think not. That animal has taken one too many chunks out my arm over the years for me to ever feel sorry for it."

Instead of responding with a witty reply, Dom merely sighed. "Still checking up on me, I see. I really am fine. I don't need you popping in all the time as if to check and see if I'm still alive."

Neal was silent for a moment and then he too sighed. "I can't help but worry about you cousin, especially when you've taken up daily visits to a mean old horse. It wouldn't be as bad if you also weren't becoming the most antisocial person in the palace. Just the other day, you backed out of playing your weekly game of cards. You've never done that before."

Dom's eyes narrowed and he turned to glare at Neal. "You've been snooping into my business again? Who told you? Wolset?"

Neal merely raised one brow. "Why does it matter? Are you planning on calling him out? He's worried about you, just as the rest of your friends."

With a growl of frustration, Dom turned back to Peachblossom and rested his forehead against the gelding's muscled neck. Closing his eyes, he spoke in a soft and weary voice. "You all should just leave me to my misery."

"That's ridiculous! How can we just stand by, knowing you're unhappy?"

"Because I want to be unhappy."

Neal's words were shocked. "What? You want to be unhappy? Mithros, Dom, you're farther gone than I originally thought!"

Dom stepped away from Peachblossom and braced his hands against the edge of the stall door, his agitation obvious. Lifting his gaze, he met Neal's eyes directly. "You don't understand—it's my fault Kel left! I drove her away with my cruel words. I was the one who hurt her, no one else." His voice broke. "I deserve to be as miserable as I made her."

In a reasonable tone, Neal replied, "And you think Kel would want that? She's not a vindictive person. If you made a mistake, I'm sure she's long forgiven you for it."

"That's not the point. I haven't forgiven myself and I can't. You don't know the horrible things I said to her."

Exasperated, Neal rolled his eyes and stepped closer to his cousin. "You're right. I don't know what was said, but I've had some idea about the problems between you two for a while. I know that you both care a lot about each other. I also know that it's usually the people you care about most that hurt you the greatest."

Dom stared at Neal, confusion in his face. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that she cares about you a great deal. Enough to call it love."

Dom shook his head. "You're wrong. She doesn't love me as a man."

Neal crossed his arms over his chest. "How do you know? Did she say she didn't love you?"

Dom closed his eyes in frustration. "She might as well have."

Neal gave a short laugh. "Since when has Kel ever voiced her true feelings? You of all people should know what she's like. She could be bleeding from ten different injuries and still says she's perfectly fine."

Exhausted with the conversation, Dom refused to accept Neal's words. "No. You're wrong about this, cousin." Opening Peachblossom's stall, he stepped out and latched it firmly behind him. "I should go. I promised Raoul that I'd meet him for lunch. Dom left before Neal could voice another argument on the issue.

A/N: Hello to all of my readers, past and present. I know that it's been an extraordinary long time since this story has been updated; therefore I also know that I've probably lost a lot of my loyal readers along the way. The motivation for writing this chapter can be attributed to the many reviewers who have, despite my long absence, continued to review. I would like to thank all of you out there (you know who you are). You're encouraging and interested comments made me want to write. I would like to especially thank GoldenLadyKnight, who sent me a very memorable message encouraging me to continue a few months back. I know this chapter wasn't particularly exciting, but this update is sort of a test. I wanted to find out how many people were still interested in reading this story. Depending on the response I get, I'll decide whether to continue updating, or just leave it on hiatus. Please review and tell me your thoughts. Thank you all so much again for your support! ~Lupus17