Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Summary: Song fic to Sorrow by Flyleaf [Which I do not own] Harry reflects upon the end of the war [AU]
Sometimes life seems too quiet
Harry had been alone all his life. At first, this had been very literal. But lately he felt like he could be in a crowd of people, but be the only one there. Really there.
Into paralyzing silence
His ears were always buzzing with noise, loud and never ending. But he lived his life in the quiet; this buzz was the silent noise he had come to use to describe his life.
Like the moonless dark
His nights were painful, and those nightmares were always there. Death and blood and sweat and tears and agony, and there.
Meant to make me strong
The training he had undergone, oh God. He had had to be prepared for the deaths, and his masters made sure of that. He had to be strong enough to survive the war.
Familiar breath of my old lies
As his friends fell before him, one by one by one, he remembered all of the secrets he had never told them. And he watched as those moments passed as quickly as their last breaths left their lungs.
Changed the color in my eyes
His verdant eyes had cried more than he had ever thought possible in his life. He was sure that by now, his tears were as nonexistent as the reasons behind them.
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by
He had lived his life from the age of eleven until that very moment as the poster boy for the Light. It was his job to ensure peace was possible among all of the Wizarding World. He had done it, finally, after six years; but these deaths would make their marks on it.
Sorrow lasts through this night
Tonight had been thought to be a night of celebration, but as he gazed among the dead and the few living, he knew that it would be a time of mourning.
I'll take this piece of you
But by bit, his heart had been torn. As each of his friends fell, as each wizard that fought died, he felt a little of himself disappear. He felt like a shell of what he had once been. A cold, empty shell of a human being.
And hope for all eternity
This war was over, and it meant an end to evil. But Harry knew; he knew that just as Voldemort had risen when Grindelwald fell, another Dark Lord would once again rise. And he would fight, Harry knew, because it was all he had ever known how to do.
For just one second I felt whole
He thought about the last time he had been truly happy. It was during the Christmas of his first year. There had been no threats except for a few suspicions, and he had gotten presents. And he had friends. All of his friends had sent him something, and it had felt like they were with him.
As you flew through me
But those happy moments were gone. Their passing had hit his toll. After the first few, they had started to leave marks deep within his heart. He was sure that, figuratively speaking, his heart was riddled with holes and marks.
Left alone with only reflections of the memory
He was alone again, only this time, it was much worse. This time he had memories, and that would just make it harder to go on.
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me
He suddenly felt lost. He couldn't breathe; how was he to go on? This war had cost so many lives, so many that the entire Realm would feel their pain.
Sitting closer than my pain
While the agony was almost unbearable already, his future, he realized, was going to make it worse. It was an unknown future. He had always known what would happen, but now...he wasn't sure how it would turn out. And that was unsettling.
He knew each tear before it came
The salty paths of water ran down many people's faces that night. And he knew the reason behind each drop. It only served to add to his nonexistent ones.
Soon He will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by
It was a mess already, and the war was over. How was he to make things alright again?
Sorrow last through this night
I'll take this piece of You
And hope for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As You flew right through me
And we kiss each other one more time
He saw couples everywhere, dead and living and one of each. Kissing, hugging, sobbing, pleading. It nearly brought his to his knees.
And sing this lie that's halfway mine
He would be lying if he said that he didn't want that: love. He'd had casual relationships that weren't really relationships. And he's had a couple of serious ones; ones that he had thought would last. Of course, one of them probably would have had she not been killed.
The sword is slicing through the question
The man had killed her. His sweet, sweet Ginny. With muggle weapons no less. He had watched her bleed, listened to her cried, felt her die at the end of the very sword he had used to finish off Voldemort.
So I won't be fooled by his angel light
And people thought he was as much the epitome of Light as Dumbledore was? Oh how foolish. No, he was never as Light as some would have liked to believe.
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hope for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
And up into the stars.
Joy will come
However, tonight was not the night to think upon such sorrowful things. No, tonight was the first night of the once again beginning. Another beginning to another end. And happiness would cover the land once more until another Dark force arose.
© 2009 Inyx Dawn
10/12/09