Severus Snape was lying quietly in his bed in the Slytherin dormitory, watching the shimmery green lights of water reflect on the ceiling and make shapes. Severus's mind began to morph them into pictures, things he recognized, places he had gone, and people he knew. Jonas Avery, a boy Severus had met earlier that day during dinner, snored loudly from the bed next to Severus and rolled his large body over, causing his bed to shudder with the weight.
Severus was still forming pictures out of the green light when his thoughts went back to earlier that day. Ever since he had woken up that morning, everything had started to go downhill. His father was drunk, as usual, and decided to wake Severus up by the sounds of his retching. Severus had almost thrown up as well, until Mrs. Snape screeched that her son would never go to Hogwarts if he let so much as one drop of bile get onto his freshly laundered sheets.
Severus had looked down at those sheets and scowled. They were so dark and stiff from unknown substances that he had doubted if his mother's threat was even true. Nevertheless, he had thrown the covers off his frail little body, his heart pounding with excitement and already dressed in his Hogwarts robes. He had run a brush with missing teeth through his greasy hair, wishing it were a bit cleaner.
His thoughts, then, had jumped back to the day in Diagon Alley that he had spent with Lily, and that stupid boy and his pudgy little friend that showed up in Ollivander's. His eyes still on his own greasy hair in the cracked mirror, Severus remembered the, well, sheer coolness of the other boy's hair, even when it was sticking up all over the place. Severus had scowled, remembering the smile with which he had grinned at Lily, and the niceness with which she smiled back.
For the first time (and certainly not the last), Severus Snape was jealous of James Potter.
Ugh, but that stupid little eight-year-old look-alike who was with the cool-haired boy (Severus hated referring to him in this way)! Why he was there, Severus didn't know. And, frankly, Severus didn't care. But it still bothered him that he would run around the boy whose hair Severus admired so much. Severus was afraid, terrified at admitting it, but he was a bit jealous of that, too. No one had ever looked at Severus the way the eight-year-old did, as if Severus was the epitome of coolness and all that was good in the world. No one, not even Lily.
But Severus had slammed down the hairbrush at this thought, and ran back to his room, where he had smoothed down the bedcovers and grabbed the handle of his trunk, towing it out of his room and joining his mother and father in the closet that they called a kitchen.
Mrs. Snape, as even Severus was forced to call her because she had never told him her real name, was warming up a glass of milk for the still-hammered, a bit hung-over Mr. Snape. He was staring at the glass, a glazed look in his eye, and downed it in one gulp. The milky-whiteness, perhaps the only clean thing in the Snape hovel (for lack of a better word, Severus had decided), was gone in an instant, before Severus could even blink.
The boy had entered the kitchen, unknowingly crushing a cockroach beneath his too-large shoes, and set his trunk down with a clunk. Both of his parents had looked up, scowls on their faces (Mr. Snape's a little less vigorous became he was still so thick with drink). Severus had come over to the kitchen table, sat down across from his father, and had poured a glass of milk for himself. His only breakfast.
"Mother," Severus had said a little hesitantly to Mrs. Snape. She looked up, her eyes narrowing. Severus had decided to risk a smack with this intimate word, thinking she would allow it because he was leaving that day. "It's almost time to leave."
She didn't say anything, didn't nod or give any recognition to her son, but Severus knew she had heard him because she slung Mr. Snape's arm across her shoulders and attempted to get him from the table.
"No, no, no," had slurred Mr. Snape, trying to resist standing. "Won't be going, no we won't, we'll be staying home—" And Severus braced himself for what was to come.
Sure enough, it did. Mrs. Snape had continued to tug, tug, tug on Mr. Snape, and his arm had suddenly flew up and smacked her in the mouth. The kitchen was silent as Severus stared at his mother's mouth, which had begun to bleed. She didn't say a word, but picked herself up off the ground and traced the cut on her mouth with a sing-songish spell. She then turned to her husband, pointed her gnarled old wand at him, and said in a throaty voice that Severus recognized as the one she used whenever she was feeling some kind of emotion, "Imperio."
And Severus kept his head down, knowing not to say a word, all the through the Floo network and out of the Leaky Cauldron and onto the Muggle bus and into King's Cross station. Even when he had caught sight of Lily on Platform 9 ¾, he didn't speak, knowing he was as unwelcome in her family circle as he was in his own.
Then the train had whistled and he was herded onto the train without a word of goodbye from his mother or Imperiused father. But he had already forgotten about them. The large sense of dread that had filled him at his mother's once-again use of an Unforgivable Curse slipped away as he stepped onto the train, looking for any sign of Lily's red head, which had disappeared the moment he had torn his eyes away from her. He had blinked, that was it, and suddenly she was gone.
The train was clean. That was the first thing Severus noticed. There were no broken windows, no dirt and grime buried into the carpet. The second thing he noticed was the warmth. He wasn't just talking about temperature. His own house seemed always to be cold, even in the summertime, and the train was like a step into a sauna for Severus. But everything was just so cozy. Chattering kids (even though some were beginning to get on his nerves when he couldn't find Lily) and the smell of burning wood from the front of the train all gave Severus a sense of belonging.
He had never felt that before. He decided, right then and there, as someone pushed past him into a compartment, that even if there was no Hogwarts, he would be just as content to sit and stay on that train the rest of his life.
Suddenly, he felt a tug at his feet and almost lost his balance as the train began to pull out of the station. He heard a snicker and a boy's voice go, "Never been on a train, have you, twinkle toes?" Cheers and whistles from parents and little siblings were lost as the train "Toot, toot"ed, and Severus rushed to the exit. His little greasy head whipped around, searching for his parents, but his eyes fell on the exit of Platform 9 ¾. A little swatch of green cloth, identical to the cloak his mother had been wearing, had just disappeared through the barrier, and, with a sinking heart, Severus realized they had already left.
From there, Severus had found Lily in compartment 7C a half-hour later, after being shoved from numerous compartments during his search. His heart sunk as he recognized the boy from Diagon Alley and his little pudgy one-boy entourage (which he then noticed had been joined by two others), but he brightened, despite his already sour mood, when he noticed that Lily was not talking to the boy.
And Severus had good reason to be happy. James Potter, as Severus found he was called, was just as arrogant, self-centered, simple-minded, and bigheaded as Sev had originally thought him to be. And, now having joined forces with the Potter boy, was Sirius Black, an idiot just like Potter. Severus would have thought that Black, judging from the rest of his family, would have been the least likely person besides Severus himself to befriend Potter. And what kind of name is Black, anyway? Severus had thought.
And his mood soured again as he and Lily had left the compartment, thinking, But what kind of name is Snape? When he voiced the question to Lily, he thanked the stars for her when she had stopped, turned, and smiled. "A wonderful person," she had said. "Kind and caring and soon to be someone everyone will admire." She continued to walk, and Severus had followed just a step behind her when she added, "And my best friend."
His smile, Severus was sure, had reached from ear to ear, and he was surprised that the entire student population of Hogwarts was not blinded by its shimmering glory. And then he remembered he hadn't brushed his teeth in three days because the giant rat in the bathroom had once again stolen his toothbrush.
Things were going good since then, Sev had decided. Lily had even held his hand during the boat ride over to the castle. He had smiled even bigger that time, causing Potter and Black to call out from their boat, "Stop baring your teeth so much, Snivellus, we can see the bugs crawling!"
His smile had faltered, even more so when Lily let go of his hand in the Great Hall because it was sweating so much from nervousness. She had dropped his dry palm and wiped hers on her black robes, and Sev could hear her quick and shallow breathing. She was worried. He wasn't. Who, he thought, in their right minds, especially that old hat, would dare to separate Lily and him? He knew, he was sure, he was positive, that they would both end up in Slytherin.
He had blinked, and he lost sight of her on the platform. He had blinked, and she had let go of his hand. He had blinked again, and suddenly she was a Gryffindor.
Damn that blinking! he had mentally roared to himself, not unlike the Gryffindor lion whose house Lily now belonged to. He watched in a stupor, everything around him crumbling away, as Lily walked over to the Gryffindor table. And when she turned back and sadly smiled at him, his heart broke in half. He didn't even cheer up with she gave Potter and Black the dirtiest looks he had ever seen her give. He almost didn't hear his own name being called.
"Snape, Severus." It was called, all right. Another student pushed Sev forward, and his legs trembled as he sat on the stool. When the hat was placed on Severus's head, he heard Potter snicker and Black say, "Ha ha, Snivellus!" in a triumphant, amused tone. He had sat there for a good thirty seconds after the hat had shouted, "SLYTHERIN!" into his ear. All he could think of was Lily, even as he was greeted with roars of cheers from the Slytherin table. As the Slytherin prefect, Lucius Malfoy, patted Severus on the back, Sev felt as if each pound was shoving his heart up his throat and any minute, it would land right on the table.
Throughout the whole meal, Severus hadn't touched a single thing that had appeared magically on his plate. He could only watch the back of Lily's head, her shining red hair bobbing up and down with laughter as she was entertained by some fellow first year Gryffindors.
Oh, Lily. Severus now stared at the swirling green lights as they formed a picture of Lily. He tugged up the covers to his chin, and a single tear tickled his cheek as it ran down and splashed onto the pillow.