So. I think this chapter is the proud owner of my favorite title so far, but I'm working on one now that comes in at a close second. J'ai été collé (I hope I got all the accents right) is French for I Had Detention.
It was eight o'clock when Severus crept out of his dormitory, his hand high above his head, trying to keep from dripping hot candle wax on himself. He had scrambled about for a candle to light his way to the dungeon, since Slughorn had told them that in no circumstances were wands allowed. Sev wondered where Lily was, probably sitting snugly in front of the fire with that chubby Alice girl and her friend Mary—Sev didn't like them much, and they tried to avoid him when they could (and vice versa), but as they were Lily's friends he sometimes had to put up with them.
It was a long, cold walk from the Slytherin common room to Slughorn's dungeon. Sev grinned at the name; he would love to hang Potter and Black up by their ankles and shoot spells at them. But he sighed, remembering that he hadn't learned very many Dark spells yet. Avery and Mulciber had promised to teach him one that would make your toenails grow really long, but they still had yet to do so. Sev knew Lily wouldn't be at all happy that he was practicing Dark magic, but he didn't really have to tell her, did he?
He finally reached the dungeon, pushing open the door to see Lupin, Black, and Potter already standing by Slughorn's desk. "Late!" the three yelled in unison, laughing and slapping hands. The lamps on the walls were burning brightly, and Slughorn was once again rummaging through a box of crystallized pineapple.
Severus was about to tell him the second most important rule of potion-making, but Potter got there first. "Excuse me sir," Potter said with a smile, "but my mother always taught me never to eat in a potioneering facility."
Slughorn choked, and Severus thought, What does that cad even know about potioneering, anyway? When Slughorn straightened up, he nodded at Potter, his eyes streaming, and put the box reluctantly away.
"Now, boys," Slughorn told them and beckoned for Severus to come closer. Sev set his candle down on one of the abandoned desks. "I was very disappointed with what happened yesterday in class, especially as it being the very first class I had with any of you. Before we begin our punishment, however, I would like you all to apologize."
Apologize. The word hung in the air like an invisible stone wall separating Sev and the Marauders. Never, never in his entire life would he ever apologize to those idiots standing across from him. But they seemed happy enough to do it.
"I'm sorry, Snape." Lupin's tone was light.
"Sorry." Potter's word was brief.
"Yeah." Black didn't even bother to say it, but Slughorn saw his grunt as acceptable.
The room was silent as they all looked expectantly towards Severus. His face was still. It was never going to happen. Never.
"What the matter, Sev?" Potter asked, mocking the nickname with which Lily referred to him as.
"He looks like he's going to choke," Lupin said, in a mock-concerned voice.
"Mr. Snape…" Slughorn's tone was a warning.
Severus let out a strangled sound.
"Sorry, didn't catch that," Black said with an evil grin.
It took all of Severus's strength. "Sorry," he said bluntly. Potter and Black exchanged grins.
"Good," said Slughorn quickly, noticing the tension building in the room. "Let's get to work. From your spectacle yesterday afternoon, boys, you may have noticed that you created quite a mess."
"Nope, didn't notice at all." Black grinned. Potter tried to stifle a laugh.
"Anyway, boys," Slughorn continued. "You created quite a mess." He gestured to a strange-looking mold that was growing in a corner of the room, where Severus had sent Black flying yesterday. "After Mr. Snape threw Mr. Black into the corner—"
"I did not throw him!" Severus retorted, folding his arms over his chest.
"Yeah, you hexed him!" Potter shouted, taking a menacing step towards Severus. Sev inched backwards, earning more snickers from the three boys.
"Both of you shut up or you'll have another detention tomorrow!" Slughorn bellowed to them. With an annoyed flick of his wand, he conjured from the cabinet four buckets full of sudsy water, three sponges, and one mop. Each piece of cleaning equipment soared over to the boys and landed in their hands, with Black, Lupin, and Severus getting sponges and Potter landing with the mop.
"Clean up the mess," Slughorn said darkly, looking as if he was about to explode. From the corner of his eye, Sev saw Lupin sigh exasperatedly as Potter and Black slapped each other low fives. Slughorn waddled his way over to his desk and sat down, his hand immediately diving into another box of crystallized pineapple.
Sev made straight for the ring of mold, sitting on his knees and scrubbing the outside of the circles. He cast his eyes around for where the other three were, and turned around to see them staring at him from behind. Black was smirking, Potter had a raised eyebrow, and Lupin looked disgusted, as if he had just drunken some sour milk.
"WORK!" came a sudden burst of noise from Slughorn, which made all four boys jump. The three Marauders scrambled over to the ring of mold and began to scour it away. Sev continued to scrub under the piercing gaze of James Potter, who towered over him with his mop.
They had been working in silence for about twenty minutes when Lupin asked aloud, "What do you think Peter's doing right now?"
Black and Potter scoffed at the same time, continuing to scrub. Sev saw wistfully that muscles were beginning to form in Black's arms. "Probably playing with his dolls," Black retorted, and the three began to laugh.
"If you don't mind me asking," Sev said suddenly, a few seconds after they had stopped laughing. "If you hate Pettigrew so much, why do you let him hang out with you?"
The two Marauders looked up from their sponges and Potter stopped swishing his mop. Sev gave a look to the three as if to say, Not like I really care or anything.
"We don't hate him," Lupin told Sev, as if he couldn't believe Severus would ask such a terrible question.
"And anyway," Black continued, "we do mind you asking, so please don't talk anymore." Luckily for Black and unluckily for Sev, Black's tone was so low that Slughorn couldn't hear the boy over the sounds he was making sucking on his pineapple. Sev made to get up and hit Black, but he heard Potter say, "Don't want to do that, Snape. Slughorn might hear, and then you'd have another detention."
In hissed tones, Sev retorted, "And then I'd tell him how you three were goading me on."
"Goading, huh?" Black asked. "Someone's stretching their vocabulary."
"Yeah, and you're stretching yours just by speaking, Black!" Sev shot at him. Slughorn looked up from his desk and coughed loudly, causing Sev to jump and Potter to snicker. Sev went back to scrubbing the ring of mold, which had almost disappeared.
"Couldn't we just use magic to get rid of this?" Black asked, kneeling next to Sev with his sponge.
"Sure, Sirius," Lupin said brightly, smiling at his friend. "You tell me the spell, and I'll get rid of it!" His smile dropped, and Sev saw Black blush. Lupin was right: none of them even knew any cleaning spells. They had hardly been taught any spells at all.
"I don't see why we're doing this anyway," Sev added. "It was entirely Black's fault."
"I'm sorry?" Black asked incredulously, but his following threat was drowned out by the sound of Slughorn's chair sliding backwards. Sev went back to scrubbing as the teacher's steps drew closer.
"Nice work, boys," Slughorn said, rubbing a hand over his belly. "The stain's almost gone. But I've had the sudden urge to go to the little boy's room. Your detention will be over in about fifteen minutes, so stay here until the little hand reaches the twelve," he pointed to the clock that hung over his desk, and Severus noticed it had many little hands. Sev was about to ask Slughorn which little hand would be touching, when he saw the Marauder's deathly glares in his direction. He then began to be afraid at what would happen once the teacher left. "So…fifteen minutes," Slughorn said, and then walked out of the classroom.
Once Slughorn had left, a snickering Potter turned to his pals and said, "It takes that idiot fifteen minutes to freaking pee?"
"He could have a bladder problem," Lupin suggested with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Or he's constantly constipated," Black added with a grin, and earned laughs from his two friends.
"Look, could we not talk about our Potions teacher's peeing habits?" Sev asked, continuing to scrub.
"Why, Snape, embarrassed?" Black asked.
"Besides, you always look so uptight it seems as if you've never took a whiz in your life!" Potter snickered, and Sev whirled around, wishing he had been allowed his wand. Unfortunately, Sev turned just as Black and Lupin threw their sponges at his face. The sudsy water blinded him for a moment, and he gasped for air and opened his eyes just as Potter shoved the mop in Sev's face.
By the time Sev cleared his eyes of the soap, he looked to see all three Marauders dashing out of the classroom. He stood up slowly, feeling tears prick his eyes once again, and gathered up the three fallen sponges, replacing them in the bucket, along with the mop. He looked up, and sat in silence.
Suddenly the door opened, and Slughorn walked back in, whistling. He looked up in surprise to see Sev still sitting on the floor, surrounded by a faded dark ring of color. "What are you still doing here?" Slughorn asked. "It was time to leave almost twenty minutes ago."
Sev looked up at the magical clock from his seat on the ground and saw that all seven of the little hands had gone past the twelve.