So. It's been as ass-load of a time since I updated. BUt thanks so so so so so so much if you've kept checking back for an update. You're the ones I write for. I'm a bit iffy about this chapter, if you can make assumptions from the title. (wink)
Lily cringed under the gaze of the headmaster. It wasn't really a glare, she decided, but she thought about the heinous crime she had just committed, and thought it was unnaturally for the headmaster to be smiling. McGonagall and Slughorn certainly weren't.
The six children were lined up in front of the headmaster's desk side-by-side, in this order: Sev, Lily, Peter, Remus, Sirius, and then James. Lily kept catching the glances James was throwing her, and she didn't like them. She tightened her grip on Sev's hand, which was hidden from everyone else. Professor Slughorn was standing next to Severus, and McGonagall next to James. She had a tight grip on his shoulder, her wrinkled old hand somewhat resembling a bird's claw.
Albus Dumbledore continued to stroke his beard and smile at the children. McGonagall coughed slightly, making all the heads in the room turn to stare at her. "Could we please get on with this, headmaster?" she asked politely but impatiently. "I've been low on sleep lately."
Lily couldn't see the Head of Gryffindor very well through her forming tears, but she knew McGonagall was wearing her dressing gown and looked very fit for bed.
"Of course, Minerva," the headmaster said, and McGonagall's first name suddenly reminded Lily of a book her mother had once read to her and Petunia: A Proud Taste of Scarlet and Miniver. Petunia had hated that book. Lily had loved it, although it had been such a long time since she had last read it that she hardly remembered what it was about anymore.
Lily was startled out of her book reverie when the headmaster spoke up again. "Second week of school, children." He grinned again. "The second week! I think this is the fastest rate of detentions Hogwarts has ever seen."
Lily's chin trembled, and a tear splashed down her cheek. Sev squeezed her hand tighter.
"I am disappointed in the fact that after their detention ended, Misters Potter, Black, Lupin, and Snape did not return straight back to their common rooms."
Sev gave a cough. "I lost track of time and stayed for longer than the other boys, Professor."
Dumbledore grinned a knowing grin at the Marauders and Sev. "Of course. But what about the other boys? Running through the halls, knocking down tapestries—"
"Only three," James added.
"Three?" Dumbledore asked incredulously. "I only saw two that were knocked down." James blushed, and Sirius cursed under his breath.
"None of that!" McGonagall barked.
"Anyway," Dumbledore continued. "And you two, Miss Evans, Mr. Pettigrew. Neither of you had detention. So why were you up?"
There was a long silence as Lily waited for Peter to speak and Peter waited for Lily to spill the beans. "I went out with my friends," Peter finally whispered.
"I see," Dumbledore said, still with a smile. "And you, Miss Evans?"
Lily stumbled over her words. Sev squeezed her hand and smiled at her. "I—I knew—I knew Severus was coming back from d-detention," she stuttered, "s-so I b-brought him a snack."
"There's no need to be afraid, my dear," Dumbledore said kindly to Lily. "Do I look like the type of man who would curse you into a million pieces?" To be honest, Lily did not think he looked like a kind of man who would do such a thing, but she knew better. "But that explains the mess of butterbeer and pumpernickel bread on the staircases," Dumbledore said. He added to Severus, "Which is too bad. The butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks is the best I have tasted in all my years" (Lily guessed that they numbered a lot) "and the kitchen's pumpernickel bread is exceptionally good. I'm guessing that's where you were coming from?" he asked Lily.
"Yes," she squeaked.
"Good." Dumbledore stood up and wandered over to a strange looking perch near the back of his office. He gave a sad, low sort of whistle in the direction of the window, and Lily wasn't quite sure why. "No need to worry, all of you."
McGonagall coughed loudly. Her look was stern.
"Of course, points will be taken away—"
"More?!" James exclaimed. "We've already had five each!"
"If you hadn't been causing such a ruckus in the hallway, young man—!" McGonagall barked.
"It wasn't my fault, Lily was running!" James shot back.
"Because of you!" Lily cried, suddenly forgetting she was sitting in front of McGonagall, Dumbledore, Slughorn, and Sev. "Always following me about! I just wish you'd leave me alone, Potter!"
James looked crestfallen, his face bright red. She had called him Potter. Only enemies in different houses called each other by their last names. They were definitely in the same house, and Lily hadn't thought they were enemies. Sirius was furious, Remus embarrassed, Peter looking as if he was about to cry. Sev just looked confused. Lily's bottom lip trembled.
"This sounds like a private problem," said Dumbledore quietly, a sad gleam in his eye as he looked from Lily to James. "But I'm sure we'll come around."
No. No, she wouldn't come around. Lily would go on hating James for the rest of her life, she decided. He and his smirk. He and his strutting, stupid little walk. He and his head of hair that, at one point in time, Lily had liked so much but now no longer did. James and his friends, James and his family, James and the way he thought he knew so much about you and others and potions and everything else in the entire world.
Well, James knew nothing. He didn't know about Lily or anything else. He thought he did. But he didn't. And that was that, Lily decided.
Oh, but the tone of Dumbledore's voice! As if he knew something Lily didn't and therefore thought he had the upper hand over her and everyone else but at the same time was sad about it. Like he didn't want to have the upper hand. Even though Lily knew that was how it went with teachers, them having an advantage over their students, the way Dumbledore was now looking at her with that same sparkle she had seen before cut straight into her heart and made her even more angry.
She remembered walking back to the dormitory in a daze, Professor McGonagall separating her from the rest of the Gryffindor boys. Mary and Alice were sitting by the fire in two large comfy armchairs. McGonagall's keen eye, however, didn't catch them, and Lily sunk into the large chair, squeezed up against Mary as the Marauders trudged up the boys' staircase.
"What happened?" Alice asked.
"Nothing," Lily said, once again immediately on the brink of tears when she heard Alice's voice. What was wrong with her?
"I heard screaming," Mary said, matter-of-factly. "What happened, Lil?"
"I met Potter and Black and Remus and Peter," Lily said, oblivious to the fact she had called Remus and Peter by their first names, but not James nor Sirius.
"And?"
"I ran away from them and fell over the edge of the stairs."
"What!?"
"But I've been feeling so weird all the time lately, you guys, like there's a big know in my chest—"
"You fell over the edge?"
"Yes, but that's not what I want to talk to you about—"
"Are you all right?!"
"I'm fine!" Lily cried. "Just listen to me, please?"
Mary and Alice nodded in unison.
"My stomach has been hurting a lot lately and I always feel as if I want to cry and when I do cry I can't stop and I get so mad all the time and I just want people to leave me alone." Mary and Alice's faces were covered by dancing shadows, and Lily couldn't see their reaction. "What's wrong with me?"
Mary and Alice exchanged glances. Alice slowly reached into her pocket and Lily thought she was going to pull out her wand. But Lily was handed a small white piece of cloth and a strange smile from Alice.
"Me mum thought I was going to start soon, too. But I guess you need it more than I do."
Lily looked down at the cloth, and she knew what it was. Petunia had these, and Lily couldn't remember a single day after Tuney had started using these that she hadn't had some snippy remark to make. Lily nodded, her chest knotting up again, and pocketed the white cloth.
She ran upstairs, and entered the girls' bathroom, where it was dark and cold. Lily sat down, not bothering to turn on the light. She looked down, and officially became a woman.
Oh, shit.