AN: I don't really believe in love overnight or anything so yes, this is a gradual thing I'm doing with them. And don't worry, he will open up to her very soon. Once again hope you enjoy. I'm thinking about listing songs that I think go with the storyline too, I dunno yet. Actually go give 'Meet me on the Equinox' by Deathcab for cutie, 'Dig' by Incubus, 'Oscar Wilde (Acoustic)' by Company of Thieves, and 'Breathe Me' by Sia a listen. They go pretty good ;)
After the night they spent together, things seemed to have changed. Slightly if anything. Now Hermione didn't dare sleep alone, to protect herself from her nightmares of course….but also she worried about him, no matter how much part of her didn't want to. His nightmares had ceased too and she wasn't going to force him to have them again. It was clear now how much they truly needed each other. He even tried his best to control his sharp tongue. To him being passive was better than acting like a complete ass, at least then when she looked at him he wasn't filled full of guilt for the things he said. The space set between them was something both parties wanted desperately to be gone but were both too proud to admit willing. It was enough to kill Draco on the inside. She was always so close, always right there. And yet he did nothing. He didn't move closer and whisper how sorry he was for the past and take her into his arms. He didn't let the fire reach him. He was much too cold, frozen. And the fire was always there, waiting, but he lacked the courage to pursue it.
Despite his passive attitude, it didn't stop Hermione from coming every night, politely knocking on the door before slipping into his room and into his bed. And every night he would hide his scarred arms from her, hide the Dark Mark. They barely spoke, and even if they did, he'd always end up with his back to her, torn and in agony at everything as her arm reached out and lay in the space between them. Two bodies so close yet so far away.
"Why do you think we don't have nightmares anymore?" Hermione asked softly one night, Draco had already put his back to her. He knew she'd ask, and he thought maybe she'd even come up with an answer. He had one….he had always had one, but he couldn't tell her. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
"I don't know…but it doesn't matter. They've stopped haven't they? I don't think I could've taken much more." He didn't mean to let the last part slip out but it did and he felt movement from her side of the bed. Hermione was sick of this game of tiptoe they were so carefully playing. Even when they spoke they were careful, touching on certain topics was too sensitive. But she didn't care anymore. This wall had to be broken. He was her only ally, her only friend even, and she wasn't going to play games anymore. Despite the movement, he didn't turn, and Hermione was grateful for this. She moved up behind him, quickly slipping her warm arm around his bare waist, locking her body against his as she felt him stiffen. Shivers ran down her spine as she felt his soft, warm skin against hers, her forehead brushing against the base of his neck and white-blonde hair. Although he had stiffened, Draco too felt the affect the gesture had on him. The fire had found him, "What are you doing?" His hissed, still keeping composed even though every fiber in his body told him to face her and trap her in his arms.
"I'm doing what you're too scared to do. I'm not playing games anymore," He relaxed slightly as she spoke, leaning back against her closely. Hermione fought to keeping breathing properly, "I'll move back…" She said softly after a few moments of his silence and began to pull her hand away slowly. His large hand shot up and caught hers, bringing it up to hold against his chest.
"Don't…" He said, almost begging, wanting to keep her against him, with him. The fire was engulfing him and he didn't want to be without it's embrace. The tone of his voice had surprised her and she cuddled up against him, impressed with her own boldness. They remained quiet for awhile, she knew this was a big step in getting Malfoy to trust her and be able to talk to her. And it was a big step to allow herself to open up to him. Allow herself to…feel for him? Did she? There was certainly something there, she couldn't place it, not just yet. He was still Malfoy wasn't he? But then again…he wasn't the ignorant, malicious boy from school…he was a tormented, sorrowful man now. He'd changed. She knew he had. And it was him who broke the silence, "After everything I've done to you…to your friends….how can you find it in yourself to feel anything but hatred for me?"
"That isn't you anymore…I know you feel sorry for what you've done. And you'll tell me one day, you'll tell me everything. And I'll wait Draco. I'll always be waiting if you need me to." He closed his eyes at her words, letting them sink deep into his mind and soul. It was all too much. Forgiveness…she had given him forgiveness. And he felt he didn't deserve it.
"Hermione…." He whispered her name softly, the name he too never said aloud. It burned just like her in his throat as it left his lips. She heard the doubt in his voice when he whispered her name, and her lips lightly touched his bare shoulder.
"Not tonight. We can just sleep. Forget. We can forget everything just for tonight." And with her words they both were silent, closing their eyes as they let sleep find them.
*********
Hermione awoke in a place she never expected to be- in the arms of Draco Malfoy. It wasn't complicated, it was easy. They weren't alone now. And he slept so soundly, so peacefully…the sadness…the anger…the pain all gone from his beautiful face, and he was certainly beautiful. Sometime during the night he had turned and faced her, loosely putting one of his arms around her. She watched him now in curiosity, there was an innocence about him so didn't understand. Her eyes went to his scarred arms, wondering where he had gotten the wounds, and then lingered on the Dark Mark of which he seemed so ashamed. It made her sad to think of how he'd gotten it. She reached her fingertips up to brush his pale, soft cheek, moving to his eyelashes, his lips. His eyes opened slowly at the sensation, meeting her gaze as she withdrew her fingertips and blushed, "Sorry…" She said softly as he stared at her with those gray eyes.
"It's fine." His voice was dark, emotionless as he spoke, pulling his arm from around her and moving away slightly. Hermione frowned somewhat as she watched him, had daylight changed everything? Part of him was screaming at him to stay with her, to tell her everything, but a bigger more dominant part told him not to. He wouldn't become an open book so easily, no matter how much he wanted to feel for this girl. Old habits died too hard. Draco stood up from the bed and walked silently into his bathroom, he couldn't stay there and watch the sadness in her eyes. And he wouldn't succumb to her either. He had to free himself of everything, he had to regain himself.
Hermione watched him go with a sigh. This was almost too much to bear. It would be easier to hate him if he still called her 'Mudblood' and treated her like dirt. So much easier…..but he didn't. He only kept up a wall, and at the most inappropriate of times he chose to let his guard drop, if only slightly, and let her glimpse the man she so desperately wanted to see. Now she lie there, thinking. She waited for some time but he didn't come out of the bathroom. The shower hadn't started…and it had been over half and hour. What was he doing? With a small frown, Hermione got out of bed and opened the door, what she saw brought horror to her face as she forced herself not to gasp. Draco sat on the floor, holding his wand to his forearm as he made a cut across his pale skin. Dozens more crisscrossed in crimson lines on his arms. His head shot up and his gray eyes met hers, shock and fury entering them as tears began to fill hers.
"GET OUT!" He bellowed through gritted teeth as she stood, frozen to the spot. He could've died right then, a million thoughts dancing through his head. He was vulnerable now. This was the side of him he didn't want anyone to see, especially her, "Get the fuck out!" He said again as she didn't move. She blinked back her own tears and looked at him with determination.
"No, I'm not leaving." She said firmly as he got to his feet, blood running down his arms as he did. His angry eyes let hers and went to the ground as he pushed past her and went to sit back on his bed, closing his eyes. He prayed she would leave him alone to his own suffering, to his own pain. But of course she didn't. Hesitantly Hermione walked out of the bathroom and saw him sitting crossed legged on his bed in silence. Carefully she moved to sit across from him. His eyes opened and met hers, a million emotions within their depths as his face remained calm, moving his arms underneath him to hide them from her, protect himself, "Stop hiding from me." She said firmly as she looked at him. A sneer crossed his lips.
"And why should I?" His voice was calm, but on the edge of anger as he spoke. She pulled his arms out and took his warm, calloused hands in hers and turned his arms so the Dark Mark faced them. Draco looked up, a ghostly, disbelieving, sad smile on his lips, "Don't look at it."
"Can you stop playing games for one second Malfoy? I'm so sick of this act…Haven't you figured out yet that this doesn't matter to me? Here I am, hoping that you'll talk to me, look at me even…I'm offering you a chance at redemption and you continuously blow me off. Then you wouldn't have to do this…" Her fingertips trailed up his arms, brushing his cuts as he watched her intently, "How long…?"
"Ever since Voldemort came here…" He said softly, still not meeting her gaze, "I don't do it all the time. I'm not weak," It was then their eyes met, dark and light, "You'll never fucking understand Granger."
"Try me." She said firmly, staring into him and he let out a cold, dark laugh. But he didn't pull his arms away. He could at least allow himself a few more minutes of torture.
"You think I'm that easy Granger? Emotions are weakness. It's the way I was raised. And I've learned to deal with the things I've done and seen, as sick as it seems to you." He spat the word you and Hermione sighed. Why was he so difficult?
"You're so arrogant…you're not in my head Malfoy. You don't know what I've seen and done…you don't know if I understand or not. We were both in a war, no matter what sides we chose to be on. And we survived, as much as it still haunts us, we did. And I don't think you're sick. I want to help you…Don't you want someone to care about you again?" Her words pierced him, setting fire to his insides, cutting open old wounds. And he was silent for awhile, looking down at their hands intertwined. It seemed so easy, but it was so hard, so very, very hard.
"I don't want you seeing me like this Hermione…" He said after a few minutes, his voice soft as he said her name. Their eyes met for a moment and she shook her head slightly and smiled at him reassuringly. And then she did something that surprised them both. She leaned her head down and brought his cut arm to her lips, lighting brushing them against his injured arms. His mouth opened slightly in awe as he watched her trail her lips across his skin. Hermione felt as if she could barely breathe, her heart racing rapidly as she kissed his arms. She let her lips linger against the Dark Mark. When she pulled back their eyes met, and his were dangerously bright.
"I told you I'd wait for you, and I will. But you can't keep everything locked inside of you forever, it'll kill you. Wouldn't you rather be free of it?"
"Who wouldn't?" He sighed as he spoke, "I'll tell you everything, but I can't now. Not yet. I'm still trying to shrug off the last of the horrible prick I've been all my life." He smiled very slightly and she returned it. Hermione grabbed her wand from next to the bed and looked into his eyes.
"I understand…but can you make me one promise?" He nodded slightly when she spoke, already knowing what she would ask, "You can't do this again. No more hiding behind this…no more suppressing everything you feel. I'm going to save you Draco Malfoy and I'll be damned if you don't let me." She waved her wand over his cuts and the bleeding stopped, healing them slightly.
"I should probably finish cleaning these up…you shouldn't have to see this…" He said almost darkly as he went to stand up but her fingertips lightly touched his wrist.
"Can you just stay here for a little while?" He turned back and looked at her, slightly surprised at the request. Hermione blushed slightly as he looked at her, "You aren't the only one here who's all fucked up."
"I didn't know you swore Granger." He smirked slightly as he laid back on the bed and she moved next to him. She didn't expect him to move his arms around her but he did, trapping her against him and she didn't mind as she rested her head against his firm chest.
"I learned from the best didn't I Malfoy?" A small laugh escaped his lips at what she said, and he was consumed by his fire once more. And she found herself drowning within him.