AN: Thanks for all the great reviews! There's sexual content in this one and Draco opens up. I tried making it more classy than anything else. Let me know what you think. =)
They had spent the night in silence. Hermione had kept her arms firmly around him, relishing in the closeness and safety it gave her. Draco held her with equal eagerness, his mind still painfully heavy. After so many nights of the same, this seemed much different. It was as simple now…it was a yearning, a fear of letting their world crash if they left each other's arms. After Hermione's dream she didn't want to close her eyes and slip back into that world, but she knew that those dreams wouldn't haunt her now. After an eternity of staring into his tumultuous eyes, she fell asleep, and he watched her as his own thoughts haunted him. He was stone. Ice. And he would've been consumed if his fire hadn't been smoldering within his arms.
The moment Hermione's eyes opened she was frowning. The strong arms around her were gone, as was the beautiful boy they belonged to. A small note sat on the pillow beside her, she opened it eagerly, curious was the elegant script read. Meet me in the garden. It's time I stop running. -D The words made her stomach twist in knots as she stood up from his bed and gazed out the window. The sun shone brightly over the grounds, heat radiating onto her. The site of such a warm, nice day was miraculous in itself and Hermione quickly ran to her room to shower and change into an all white sun dress she had been eyeing in her closet. It seemed there was no better occasion then this to wear it. She pulled her hair back and tried best to calm her fast-beating heart as she walked downstairs and outside onto the grounds. It really was a beautiful day, despite everything that had happened the previous night. Hermione walked around to the back of the Manor where the garden spread out. There were pathways leading off into different areas of the grounds but she followed the one lined with colorful flowers, leading along a man-made forest path to a clearing by a small pond. Draco stood at it's edge, his back to her, dressed head to toe in black. His hair and skin were bright against the fabric and the sun, his hands in the pockets of his somewhat loose pants. He turned when he heard her footsteps and a very small smile crossed his lips.
"I didn't mean to leave you like that. I just needed to sort my head out a bit." He spoke softly, as he did Hermione walked closer to him. He seemed relaxed now, not as stiff. Even his eyes were brighter.
"I understand…For a moment I thought I was having another nightmare. I was scared I'd get out of bed and find you dead somewhere…" She smiled slightly, meaning it to be more of a joke but clearly he didn't see it that way. Instead he regarded her curiously for a moment before motioning to a bench where he sat down and she followed, sitting beside him. He looked out at the water and was silent, she watched him only for a moment before her gaze followed his. Very cautiously he laced his fingers with hers, not even glancing over to see her cheeks flush pink, "There's a lot on your mind isn't there?"
"Too much. And you were right. I need to let it out. I'll go insane here if I don't…" He turned to met her gaze, looking into her eyes and knowing his words were true, "I think I realized a lot last night, it seems clearer now. And I want to tell you…everything."
"I'll listen. You know I'm here." At those words and the kindness in her eyes he let out a small, saddened laugh as he turned his gaze away from her, unable to stand it.
"You shouldn't be here, you shouldn't care so much. After six years of doing nothing but going out of my bloody way to make your life hell, you're here. You sleep in my arms at night…I still think it's some trick of this whole mess. That I'll wake up one day and you'll never have been here at all. Then I'd see you again years from now and you'd hate me all over again. That would be hell." Their eyes met again and she rubbed her thumb against his hand, a small smile on her lips as she tired best to keep her breathing steady.
"I'm here and I'm as real as you. You've changed. I wish you'd believed me when I tell you that….and I know it was the war. Just tell me what happened, let me know it all." She looked at him with a comforting gaze as he turned back to the water and was silent for another few moments.
"As far back as I can remember I was taught to hate people who weren't like my family and I. Muggleborns, blood traitors, Muggles…anyone who wasn't a pureblood wizard. When I was little I didn't understand it…my father saw me talking to a young Muggle girl as she took her dog for a walk near our house. He was furious…more angry than I ever saw him. He took me into the basement and beat me around a bit, told me there was no need to associate with scum like that. Filth is what he called her…." Draco's eyes closed, not wanting to see the pain and shock on Hermione's face, "I was too scared of him not to obey, and admired him too much not to follow in his footsteps. I can't say I was torn…I was only a child, and what child ever second guesses their parents? Especially if they were like mine and spoiled me rotten…. They taught me that family and blood meant everything and I believed them of course, all they had ever done was love me unconditionally, however flawed it truly was.
And I thrived on what they gave me and what I was. I couldn't tell you how happy I was to get my powers. I tormented the house elves with them every chance I got…" At these words Hermione shuddered and he squeezed her hand lightly, "I'm not proud of it. And I'm even less proud of how I acted in Hogwarts. Of course I knew about Voldemort," Saying his name sent shivers through Draco's body, it was now Hermione who squeezed his hand, "My father told me that he was going to make the world better for our family, and get rid of everyone different. But he told me to be secretive about what I knew, and I listened. Any chance to avoid his wrath was one I took. And so I tried to befriend Potter…I had heard all about how he brought down the Dark Lord. My father thought that maybe if we became friends I could persuade him to see our side of things….and I tried. But we were instant enemies. I don't blame him really. I was a nasty little git," A sad smile crossed his lips as he stared out at the water, "I just couldn't get the things my father told me out of my head, and I believed in them so much got sorted into the very House that would keep my mind poisoned. And my parents couldn't be happier….
It was all downhill from there really….but you know that. Because soon you became victim of my intolerance and hatred. I was jealous of all of you really….Potter with his fame and knack for saving the day despite how idiotic he proved to be, Weasley for his place in your group and his skill at playing hero, and you…you who could answer any question right, who had a fire always burning inside her. So passionate…And I can honestly say I hated you all. You had the glory. And here I was, a Malfoy who wasn't doing much to make father proud. But I was a coward, it's always been my downfall. Potter was always the hero, and my father hated that it wasn't me. But once Voldemort came back everything changed…I know your life did too, but mine did in a completely different way. I was nearly old enough to join up and I knew it too. Part of me saw it as an honor of course, but part of me was terrified. Then when my father got locked up, things got really hard. My mother and I even considered leaving, but it was too risky. They'd find us and make us pay. I didn't know then what Voldemort wanted from me, but I found out soon.
That's when I lost control of my life completely. It was different than running around for Umbridge casting curses on people breaking rules….the most evil wizard alive wanted me to kill Dumbledore and I didn't know what to do. And damn Snape for ever helping me…." Draco's grip on her hand tightened and he looked down, blinking back the tears that filled his eyes, hers fell silently down her cheeks, "Everything could've been so much different. I spent our sixth year a total wreck…sneaking around, not caring about school…and becoming one of them, a Death Eater," He turned his arm to look at the tattoo, "After I got it I knew I didn't want it, I was still a coward. That's why I could never just walk into Dumbledore's office and kill him. I couldn't….And Merlin…looking into his eyes up in that Tower the night of the battle…killed me. He offered to help me, but I couldn't be reasoned with. And I know now he could've protected me, you all could've, and maybe have saved my mother too. I thought I was stuck in the dark…I'd gone too far to come back. And then watching Snape kill him….and Potter try and catch us. Everything I did that year still haunts me. But it was only a prelude wasn't it?" He let out a sad laugh as he turned to look at her, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his fingertips, "Do you want me to stop?"
"No….please….go on." Hermione said in a small weak voice and he nodded slightly.
"I can't imagine what you went through in the year after that, hell I'm sure. But he was here Hermione…living in my house. And we were all his slaves. I tried to stay away from everything as much as possible, I couldn't watch him torture and kill people where I used to play as a child. But I wasn't even safe in my own room. He was always there, in my head, wanting me to prove my loyalty. I was so thankful he wasn't here when you showed up…what would you have done? Even worse…what would I have done? Would I have tried to save you?" He looked away from her gaze and back to the surface of the pond, "Then I probably would've watched and I'm ashamed to say that. I was still a coward. I knew you were getting tortured and did nothing…truth be told, I was too happy to see you all. There was still hope that this whole thing could be stopped. And your miraculous escape proved that. But Voldemort returned and he sensed my happiness, and so I was punished. That was one reason why I started….hurting myself. I needed to keep up a wall to block him and everyone else out. I couldn't let my feelings be known.
And then after so much death and strife, it was time to attack Hogwarts. I hated that we were going there. I had missed it so much…it was my home. And now I was going to ruin it and everyone else inside. I was in hell…I had to have been. I remember trying my best to stay away from the Killing Curse, and that didn't sit well with the other Death Eaters. I was separated from my parents and they couldn't protect me….so I had to start using worse curses. But I wouldn't kill, I refused. I found Crabbe and Goyle and eventually we found you. And you saved my life, even if theirs wasn't saved. My only friends, lost that night. But you all somehow saved me. I didn't understand…and then when they brought Potter into the Great Hall, my heart sunk. It was over….you had lost. I was going to become even more of a monster and a killer. I think it was then I knew I'd changed. I wasn't the brainwashed child my father had made, at some point I'd grown up and become my own man. I saw you and Weasley in the Great Hall and in such pain, I felt for you then, because you knew it was over too. But then the impossible…Potter had survived. And he defeated Voldemort. But it wasn't the end, it was never the end. I watched as they dragged my father away, sparing my mother and I because truly we had done nothing. Plus I became like a walking corpse…void…empty. Both my mother and I agreed we'd stay away from the Manor for awhile, we couldn't come back here. We left Hogwarts before everything had calmed down and we went far away. She was weak though and sick. It had been too much for her. That summer I watched her life fade away, her sanity too. She died a month before our 7th year. I buried her by the sea and told no one…I didn't want to be a Malfoy anymore. I didn't want my family involved. So I stayed at Blaise's for the rest of the summer, barely talking, animal-like and cold. After awhile he was sick of me too. So I went back to Hogwarts alone and with no one. I thought going back would be good for me. But it was all just a reminder of what had happened to my life and my family, how I'd been destroyed. I was empty and still branded. All I lived for was seeing you and knowing you'd survived. You were the fire ever burning in my world full of ice. I didn't understand why I was suddenly drawn to you, but I was. I kept my distance though because it seemed that everyone I touched died. Or ended up hating me. I didn't think you except me, and I knew Potter and Weasley wouldn't….but I wanted you all to know someday that in the end I was hoping you'd win, even I was too cowardly to join you," He wiped more tears from her eyes and smiled slightly, "Why are you crying?"
"Because I didn't know….I could've helped you…I could've…"
"No, you couldn't have. I was much too stubborn and lost. But you already have helped me Hermione….you kept me sane, even when you didn't know it." He brought her hand to his lips and lightly kissed the back of it, the gesture soft, making her lips part slightly.
"I just don't understand what changed…You hated me. I'm grateful for it of course. I just don't know why." Hermione asked softly as he turned to her and looked into her eyes, the same small, sad smile still vaguely on his lips.
"Come on Granger…" She laughed softly at the way he spoke, "Smart girl like you hasn't figured this all out yet? I didn't care about you at first of course, you were right about that. But I lost everyone. My friends, my family…I was and am alone. But one thing stayed the same. You, Weasley, and Potter didn't change. You all still glared at me in corridors and at least acknowledged me. Draco Malfoy wasn't dead to you yet, even though he was to the rest of the world. Isn't that what everyone strives to hold on to? That one last strand of normalcy in their lives to keep them from going under. You three were it. But you Hermione…Merlin…you were different. I watched you, and for once it was through eyes unclouded with hate. It was through yearning to hold onto the one thing that didn't change. And bloody hell…after awhile even looking at you could knock me over. Because you are so much more than a Muggle born and all the other things I thought you were. You're one hell of a woman Granger," More tears slid down her cheeks at what he said, so unbelievably right. His stormy eyes bore into hers as the tears slipped down but his fingertips were there to catch him with such care and softness it awed her. He was passion and kindness. Cold and careful. Forbidden and needful. It was then Hermione realized and welcomed the mass amounts of feelings she had been harboring for the man before her whose fingertips lovingly touched her cheeks. She accepted it all, "And I promised to tell you everything, the truth. There's more you need to know…just don't hate me for it."
"I couldn't…." She said softly, understanding the true depth of her words as he took a deep breath.
"When you came here you told me someone had called you, like a spell had willed you to this place…it wasn't a coincidence…." He struggled with the words, suddenly unable to meet her gaze, "You have to understand I was going insane here. You weren't around to keep me grounded. It was me Hermione…I called you. I'd been calling for weeks, trying all the Dark Magic I could to find a way to bring you to me. I just hoped somehow I would reach you. And you came…." He looked back into her eyes, seeing a sea of emotion within them and worried about what she would think. What if she hated him for bringing her here? He knew he had nothing left to lose, except her, and he knew he had to tell her, "Voldemort put the curse on this house, and it should've faded when he died but it didn't. And I knew there was only one real way to break it. I thought you would surely come up with it but you haven't….it's love. The one thing Voldemort didn't understand and couldn't overpower. That's why I needed you here Hermione. Not only to keep me sane. And not only because there was a chance you could break the curse….but because I love you. And maybe there was a slight chance, an impossible chance that you might love me back the curse would be broken and we would be free. But who could ever love someone like me? You couldn't…and I don't blame you." Malfoy released her hands and Hermione found them cold without his touch. Her body and mind seemed frozen with the words he'd just spoken. He'd brought her here…and he loved her. A love that he hoped would save them both. But could she ever love Draco Malfoy? They had been so involved in their conversation that neither had noticed the sky turn a dangerous gray the same color reflected in Draco's eyes. The sky seemed to open up suddenly and rain began to pour down upon them. Instinctively Hermione jumped up, Draco slowly stood, thinking she had reacted to what he said.
"Draco I…" Hermione said as the rain fell on them, but he shook his head to silence her, leaning in close as both of them quickly became soaked to the bone.
"You don't say anything you just had to know. I understand. How could anyone love someone who doesn't even love himself?" Hermione felt the tears coming again as he moved in to touch his lips very lightly to hers. She wanted to move into him and accept his lips but he stayed back, his hand moving up to hold her neck as his lips grazed hers. This kiss was unlike the others. It wasn't bound by passion and want. It was light and tender, it was love, "Goodbye Hermione." He said as he pulled back slightly, his lips lingering near hers. And in that moment she wanted him more than anything but in an instant he was gone, disappearing back into the house. The rain fell in buckets on her, washing away the feel of his lips. Why wasn't this easy anymore? It wasn't simply hating him, or sleeping in his bed to keep the demons at bay. It was real. And it was love. She let her sobs ring out into the rain filled air as she waited for an answer to come to her from the darkening sky.
Draco went swiftly up to his room and started a fire, leaning against the mantle to gaze into the depths. He had told her everything, his fire, and now she was someone thinking all about the things he'd done. It was him who called her to the Manor, with such false hope that maybe she would feel for him. But he knew she still loved Weasley. The bloody prat…He stared at the fire and thought of these things. Thought of the taste of her lips on his, the warmth she held as he wrapped her in his arms every night. Torturous. Any time he'd get close she push back or he'd move away. A moment of passion always led to a moment of pain. The girl he loved could never love him back. Not after the years of torment he'd caused her. It had all been in vain. Maybe he wasn't meant to love. Maybe it truly didn't exist.
**********
Hermione had made her decision. She stumbled back towards the doors of the Malfoy Manor, rain soaked as she walked inside, her feet leading her upstairs. It all seemed so obvious now. Her mind was blank as she walked, one boy staying cemented in her thoughts. Not Harry…the friend she always worried about and looked up to. Not Ron…the one she had loved and been hurt by. No…it was Draco Malfoy, the boy who she now knew held her heart and cared so truly about her. She pulled open his door and stormed inside, his head turning from the fire to look at her curiously, "You're going to freeze if you stay in those clothes." His voice was dull as he spoke, back to the old façade, but she wouldn't have that. Not now, not ever.
"Then warm me up." She said back with similar nonchalance as she moved close to him and flung her arms around his neck, pulling him down to press her lips firmly to his. The irony of her statement and the rough press of his lips surprised him, but he still wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her swiftly against him, moving closer to the fire to help warm her soaking frame. After a moment of rough, longing kisses he pulled back to stare disbelievingly into her eyes.
"But you don't want me…you want Weasley. You can't care about a monster like me, a killer…." He went to turn his head but she clasped his chin with her hand and forced him to meet her gaze.
"He ruined me Draco. I thought I wanted him but I don't. I know that now because I only want you," Draco looked at her in slight awe as she spoke, her eyes ablaze and sure, "You say I can't love a monster…you're wrong. If you see yourself as a monster then so be it, because I do love you all the same. Despite everything. I know that now. I love you Draco Malfoy."
He didn't wait for more, the words spilling into him and filling up his soul with fire and light. His lips came crashing to hers once more in a love-filled longing and he slipped his tongue into her mouth and she accepted as it met hers. Suddenly she couldn't be close enough to him, trying to press herself as tightly against him as possible as he too pulled her close. She shivered in his arms from the cold and the sensation of him being there, his body's warmth trying to envelop hers. She moved her hands to unbutton his shirt and toss it aside and he didn't hesitate to press his body to hers, despite her cold clothes.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" He said softly as he pulled back slightly to look into her eyes, being separated from his lips seemed like an eternity. He wanted to be sure she wanted this, he didn't want her pulling away again. If this was love he wanted to burn in her fire. He didn't want it to stop.
"Don't stop. Please…don't." As if reading his mind she answered him, so sure in what she said. Draco wasn't Ron…Ron had loved her and then simply wanted her. Draco just loved her. She knew now he really did. This wasn't for the sake of having sex….Hermione knew he'd done that many times before. It was for love. Hermione kicked off her shoes as his hands reached around to unzip the back of her dress, pressing his lips to hers once more. Hermione's hands went to his belt to unfasten it as he slipped out of his shoes. They stumbled closer to the bed as she ran her fingers through his hair and she stepped out of her dress, nearly naked before him. He pulled down his pants and stood in green boxers as she fell back onto his bed, he over her as his lips went to her neck.
Slowly they moved further back on the bed, Draco's hand trailing down her thigh to pull it against him as his lips gently sucked on her neck. He met her gaze with his, eyes dark and sensual as she silently gave him permission as he unclasped her bra and tossed it aside. His lips trailed down her chest and she gasped as they found her nipple. She pulled him closer, wanting to separate their last barricade and he seemed to understand as he slipped from his boxers and pulled her underwear down and she pushed them off the bed. And this seemed so much like fate, fire and ice coming together. She felt him against her leg with a slight fear in her chest and a longing. His lips went lovingly back to hers as his hands explored her body, drowning in this single perfect moment with the girl he knew he loved. He pulled back once more as she parted her legs, he met her beautiful gaze with his. His hand moved up to cup her cheek, knowing this would be her first time and he wanted to make sure she was ready. She nodded slightly, her eyes wide as he brushed his lips against hers and looked back into her eyes, "Just stay with me love, just look at me." He didn't have to ask again as their eyes remained locked and he slipped slowly, carefully into her. Hermione let out a whimper of pain as he did, but he rubbed her cheek softy as he was enveloped by her fire, by her. He let out a moan as he slowly moved within her, hoping not to hurt her as he did. Her hands wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him closer.
Despite the slight pain she wanted him, all of him, and she didn't want it to end. As pleasure enveloped her she called out his name and he whispered 'I love you' into her ear as he too became victim to burning pleasure. After he slowly moved from on top of her and pulled the blankets over them as she moved her bare frame close to him, completely warm as she laid against his pale chest, happy, "Was I ok?" She asked shyly as she tilted her head up to look at him and he smiled softly. The final wall had indeed been broken.
"You were brilliant," He said softly as his lips touched her forehead, "You don't…regret that we did that, do you? That it was with me?" At these words Hermione moved to look into his gray eyes better, a disbelieving look on her face at what he said. He second guessed himself, not at his own skill and what he felt, but at taking her virginity.
"No. I will never regret that. I'm so glad I never did it with Ron. It was meant to be with you." At those words they kissed once more, soft and gentle like the kiss he gave her outside, but this wasn't a goodbye, it was a new beginning.
"I love you so much Hermione." He whispered as he pressed his forehead to hers, the words he was once afraid of now so easily slipping through his lips. She smiled as he said them, knowing how true they were.
"I love you too Draco…" She replied as they curled up together, eyes closing to let sleep come. No more demons to fend off in each other's arms. Draco had finally captured the fire he so long coveted, he'd opened himself up and let all that haunted him out. And Hermione had found love and realized it, something she didn't believe would ever be possible again. Their troubles evaporated in that one, perfect afternoon. Murder, death, pain, curses, all gone from their minds.