Nyeh. Thanks for the favorites, everybody. But I really WOULD like a few reviews.

Really. –cue dangerous glare-

^-^ Just kidding. But still, REVIEW.

Um, I'm aware that this OC has a rather cliché past. Sorry. Eheheheh…

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Dear Blank Paper,

It's coffee break, but everyone's on assignment. So there's no one to talk to, it's a 2-hour long stretching/coffee break, and I decided that I'd just write in you. I didn't have training today, 'cause my coach-trainer person is off on assignment, so I don't need to stretch. Or relax. Or drink coffee.

Tea would be nice though. Some nice Mo Li Hua. Or maybe Tie Guan Yin. Chinese tea rocks.

Anyways.

So to continue on with my story. I woke up at the hospital, except I wasn't feeling too well. You see, I'd gotten a pretty nasty concussion, and was currently dealing with an infection. The doctors tell me that it was a virus they didn't know how to fight. They told me that if I couldn't fight it off within 24 hours, then I'd be dead. All about willpower.

Dead as a doornail. Those were his words. But as Charles Dickens once said, what in hell is so dead about a doornail?

Of course, that was paraphrased.

Well, anyway, I decided that dying would be a pretty nice option. See, I was orphaned at birth, but smart enough to fend for myself. No, I'm not a monster for being able to fend for myself at birth. And no, I'm not lying. I was in an orphanage for a while, but then I lived on the streets. I was strong and clever enough to avoid the street bullies and adults, and still live really well. Really really well. Since everyone on the streets was scared of me, I made it my empire. Everyone obeyed me. Gyahahah.

That lasted about half a year, and then I got bored and killed everyone. I took up all the money I made them get for me and bought myself a manor.

Definitely better than living on the streets.

And I never really had anything to live for. Not really. Not until I discovered the mafia, and recognized their power and influence.

That's when I started wanting to influence people around me. I knew my tiny place in the world, and I wanted my place to be bigger. To be more important. I wanted to actually matter, to somehow have the power to influence and affect others. In a way, I had already done that when I'd taken over my street empire, but I had ruled through brute strength alone. I wanted to be…okay, this is really hard to explain. But you know the difference between barbarian village chiefs and Emperors of the future empires?

There are some points in which they're different, but the main, most important thing that was the same was probably organized civilization, and intelligence.

I wanted to influence people the way conquesting emperors did, not the way barbarian non-brainiacs did.

I decided to find a way to join the Mafia.

You see, this was more or less…kind of like…a last stand thing. I wasn't happy with my life, not really.

So while I lay there burning up with a fever, I nearly lost my desire to live. The Mafia might have been close in my grasp, but I knew that people die anyways, so whether I died now or later didn't really matter. It's kind of complicated, my mental processes that day, and I can't express them really that well. I wasn't that lucid, you see. The whole fever kinda screwed my brain up. And by some insane reasoning, I decided that if the Mafia couldn't save me on this one, I didn't want the Mafia. And if I didn't want the Mafia, there'd be no reason to live through my mediocre existence, and so I might as well die now.

Kind of confusing, innit? My thoughts were confusing anyways, and not all thoughts are easily expressible.

What was that word again?

Ineffable.

My thoughts during that time were rather ineffable.

Oh, yeah, and also, I was bored and lazy. So I thought dying would actually be pretty cool. I'm also kind of guessing that…heheh…ehhh….that was my main reason for trying my best to die.

Please don't hate me. ^-^ Because I'm cute, right?

Anyways…

It was the 23rd hour, and I was starting to lower my eyelids when I felt a cool touch on my forehead. I can't remember what happens after this that well, so maybe I'll tell you what Byakuran told me. And I have every reason to believe that he told the truth. I do remember certain things rather fuzzily, though. Maybe I'll just tell you the fuzzy stuff.

When I felt that touch, I woke up. My fever-bright eyes fluttered open. I vaguely remember feeling a horrible thirst, and a thick pain at the back of my throat. My eyes seemed to be caked with something crusty. But at that touch, the pain seemed to melt away. It took awhile, trickling away slowly and gently. It felt like, after being trapped in a small room for days and days, a crack had finally opened in the wall, and cool, fresh air was seeping in.

Yeah, it was seeping in, but agonizingly slowly.

I remember feelings a sense of relief. And the sense that a chance at life was being given to me. A chance to live the way I wanted to, without dying before that could be accomplished.

And I sensed that I couldn't just wait for this relief to trickle into me. I had to fight to open the crack wider, or little stones would clog it up again, and I'd once more lose my chance to grab at life's threads.

Hmm, I'm writing with a rather dreary and emo feel, huh? Interesting.

I'm also hopelessly jumbling things up. Ah well. Ineffability.

Well, Byakuran tells me that he had found the cure, but it was only a partial cure. Apparently, all it did was clear my mind, and let me reason clearly.

He tells me that the rest of it was all my work, and that I had wrought a miracle. I tell him that the miracle was caused by him, but he just gives me that maddening smile of his and doesn't say anything.

Apparently, I lay still in the cot for about 2 hours, fighting off the virus. The doctor tells me that the miracle was that I managed to survive for an extra hour. I blame it on Byakuran's cure.

Oh yeah, and Byakuran said that the first thing I said when I woke up was "Because I'm cute." Meheheh.

When people ask why I follow Byakuran so blindly and loyally, I just tell them that I owe it to him. He saved my life.

But somehow, that's not all. It's just the only thing that I can express easily and people can understand. And when they hear that, they don't ask questions. It seems that Byakuran saves lives on a regular basis.

There's something about him, some insane power, or wisdom, or something, that just makes his followers loyal to the death. It didn't make sense to me.

I think that what he did was really just to give them a reason to adore him, and then let that ripen over time, until it developed into this huge lock and chain that locked his servants to him. Thoughts are powerful.

And though most of his followers don't realize this, after a bit of thinking, I've realized one thing.

To him, all of us are dispensable. We're all just toys, chess pieces, tools that he's using on his path to greatness and domination. And when he's done with us, we'll be discarded.

Discarded like withered flowers in the wind.

He's everything to me, and I am nothing to him. And though I may be the only one in the whole Millefiore family to have recognized this, I found myself accepting it without question.

Why?

Because to serve Byakuran is an honor, even if it means that he will do away with you later. Just being with him makes someone feel important. Wanted. Needed.

I've never been needed or wanted. Ever. Never by someone else. And then someone comes along and proves to me that at least for now, I'm wanted.

That's why I stay with Byakuran.

Of course, another reason is that if I deserted, he'd kill me. No question about that. Once you're with Byakuran, you don't have much of a choice to do anything else.

And there's always that other annoying little factor—I'm absolutely infatuated with him. He personally attends my training sessions, and always joins me during breaks, asking questions about my training and development. He tells me that he has something in store for me. It all makes me feel really…special.

Of course, in reality, I'm doomed to die.

Hmm, he's calling for me right now. I thought he was busy?

Well, Ima go. Byebye!

Lirah Ghirlanda

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Dear Booky,

I just got back from a short meeting with Byakuran.

He tells me that I've been assigned to an espionage mission. Exciting.

The annoying thing is, he won't tell me the details until tomorrow. He tells me that I am to finish packing today, and meet him with my bags at the airport tomorrow at 9. I asked him why he wouldn't tell me, because I can't possibly know what to pack if I didn't know my mission, and he just laughed.

A beautiful laugh. Really.

And then he told me that if he told me now, I wouldn't feel so great. And then, leaning in close, he told me that this was a crucial mission, and that the very fact that he chose me to do this was proof of his absolute trust in me. As intended, I felt greatly abashed and honored.

But, when asking him what I should pack, he just told me to pack stuff I would need on a trip overseas for a few months. My assignment might be terminated anytime, but for now, I was to prepare for a few months.

And then he told me that another reason he was sending me on this mission was for my learning and development. He says that there are things inside of me waiting to be unlocked.

Oh, I forgot to tell you something. Byakuran has already discovered 4 different types of wave energies inside me. It's astounding, apparently. He says that to have more than one is already an amazing feat, but to have 4? Amazing. And he believes that I have more.

That's just what he said. I still don't really get the point of wave energies. Haven't ever received a ring or a ring box or anything yet, so yeah. I wouldn't know.

And then, get this…right before I close the door behind me to start packing, he pops his head out and smiles at me, with one last sentence: "I hope you know how to speak Japanese~"

No, I don't know how to speak Japanese. Fool.

Adorable, lovable, beautiful, glorious, dazzling fool.

I hate you, fool.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

NONONONO I TAKE THAT BACK I LOVE YOU.

But you're the reason that I'm procrastinating with my diary so that I don't have to learn Japanese in one night. Do you realize how complicated that language is?

Oh, no, he doesn't. He knows how to speak it. Right.

And, O'shit, I just called this book a diary.

……………………………

Screw ink pens.

Eh. Whatever. This book is a really good way to procrastinate while actually looking like I'm doing something. Heh.

Gah, I think I have to go borrow some books on Japanese from Byakuran's library now.

Toodles~

Lirah Ghirlanda

P.S. I'm now christening this book of paper "Booky". I thought it looked nice, and sounded nice, when I used it. Soz yup.

P.P.S. I don't like Japanese.

P.P.P.S. Do I HAVE to go to the libra—oh all right. . I'll go. I'm going, okay?

P.P.P.P.S. I'm GOING ALREADY!

P.P.P.P.P.S. Bye-bye~