Hey guys, sorry for the untimely update. Honestly I spent my entire spring break on TF2 and WoW. I hardly wrote at all. I don't know how long I can go before I start running out of stuff to put up here too.

Once again, I apologize.

But here the plot thickens a bit? Scout's not as dumb as he seems, actually. Heee. But anyway

READ ON!

---

The next morning was filled with rambunctious behavior that BLU's Medic tried to avoid. BLU's Spy was still hanging on, but Medic wasn't sure he would awaken. He watched over the European with a thoughtful frown on his face, "Spy…"

"HEY DOC!" Medic gave a cry as Scout leaped into the medical ward and flailed wildly, "How're you doin' today?"

"I told you not to come in here vitout an emergency." Medic hissed lightly and continued, "And your voice muzt be quieter."

"Yeah, well…" Scout shrugged and looked over the unconscious man in the bed, "Man, they sure knocked him for a loop, huh?"

"I do not know if I can help him…" Medic said lightly.

Scout turned to Medic, and snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah! You guys were friends before all this, right? Where were you fighting before you joined BLU, anyway?"

Medic's eyes glazed over as he recalled another time. "On zee front linez togezer. Durink zee war. It iz truly hard to fight your own brezeren…"

"And Spy helped you out through that time, right? That's why you're all sick an' homo for him, right?"

Medic suddenly realized where he was and who he was speaking to. He looked up at Scout and glared angrily at the young man. "Don't you have zomezink better to do? Like make your filthy children vit zose schweinhunds?"

"That's the thing, Doc," Scout said. He shrugged lightly. "I don't WANT to have kids yet, ya followin' me? You got anythin' to fix that?"

"Ah, ja." Scout watched as Medic stood up from his stool and walked to a new location of his ward, but the young man blinked incredulously when the German pulled out his saw. Medic stared back at him, and then gestured to the saw. "Vat, I can cut off your tezticlez vit zis, zat iz…"

"What!?" Scout cried. He grasped his privates through his pants and retreated a few steps. "No no no! I meant something less permanent! God what the hell is your problem!?"

Medic was stoic through the entire thing, and he eventually dropped the saw with a huff. "Bah, fine zen. Let me find zomezink…" He moved across the medical ward, dug around in a drawer that he obviously never looked at in forever, and finally fished something out of it. He tossed the young man a small package and shut the drawer tight, "Zere, now get out of here."

Scout frowned at it; there was no writing stamped on it, so… "Wait how do I use one of these anyway? These're condom things, right? I mean I really haven't done any- hey! Stop pushing on me!"

Medic was shooing the young man out of the door with a frown on his face. "Let your 'good time' girlz tell you how to uze it. I'm sure zey vill enjoy an inexperienced child for zee night."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Scout shouted. Medic released the young man, and Scout jumped when the door was slammed behind him. He whirled around with the condom held between his fingers and yelled through the door, "Fine then, jerk, see if I care! I'll find out some other way! I don't need you! HAH."

The Bostonian continued to yell at the door for a few more minutes, and then he frowned and crossed his arms. "Dammit, now what do I do?" he asked himself.

Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over his head.

---

"Engineeeeeeer!"

"Ah told ya not ta git in mah workshop when ahm busy," BLU's Engineer grumbled when Scout barreled in and glanced over the man's shoulder at his work.

"Yo Hard Hat, I need your professional opinion on somethin'."

"Look, Boy, I'm…" Engineer turned around to tell the young man off, but he stopped his rant when Scout lifted up the condom in front of the older man's face. The Texan stared at the condom, and then at the Bostonian.

"How do I use one of these, anyway?"

Engineer sighed in exasperation. "Look Boy, ya never been ta college, ain't ya? Ya don't get 11 PhDs by flirtin' with ladies."

"Oh, come on, Hard Hat. You're so old!" Engineer's frown creased further as Scout continued, oblivious to the Texan's irritation. "You musta slept with a hundred chicks by now!"

"Boy, 'm not even married."

Scout stared at Engineer with a strange look on his face. "What's that got to do with anything?" The Bostonian chuckled. "I mean, you totally rammed a chick before, right?"

"Boy, I'm from Bee Cave," Engineer said. Scout stared at him, and the man spelled it out slowly for the young man. "Bee… Cave… Texas. We don't 'ram chicks' 'til we're married. 's just the way it is."

Scout flailed. "What, you're all homo too!?"

"What're ya talkin' 'bout?" Engineer wondered if he should just kick the child straight out of his workshop. It wasn't as if Scout actually listened to anything he said, anyway. "Ya just gotta wait fer the right girl ta settle down with!"

"Well YOU'RE no help!" Scout practically screamed in frustration. He grasped at his head and grumbled to himself as Engineer went to ignoring the young man. "Now who do I ask? Man, Demoman's freaking all drunk as hell, Medic is all girly and hatin' on everything… Spy's dead ('r nearly, not like it matters anyway), Heavy's making nice with like seven of the chicks over in the RED base…" He snapped his fingers. "Man, why didn't I think of that before?"

---

"Hey Sniper!"

The Australian bumped his head against the wall waking up too fast. "Buggerin' bloody 'ell," he muttered as he rubbed his head to ease the pain. He turned his blurring eyes to the child and squinted at Scout, "Oh, G'day Scout. Ya up fer some huntin' today with Pyro 'n' me?"

"Not today, Sniper!" Scout proclaimed. Sniper's smile turned into a strained white line, but he shook it off and shrugged lightly as Scout continued, "Can you tell me anything about how to bang chicks? You taught me about the shower thing, teach me some other stuff!"

Sniper stared at Scout. The Bostonian flailed. "Well?"

Sniper ignored Scout and returned to sleep.

"Oh yeah? Ignore me, will you? Well, you're probably not into girls anyway! I'm never talkin' to YOU again!"

"Mmphphamphphammmph?" Scout jumped and whirled around. BLU's Pyro was staring at him through his/her gas mask.

"Where the hell did you come from, homo?"

"Mmph."

"And NO, that's NOT the only insult I can think of, ass lover!" Scout stopped. He stared at the fire monster for about seven seconds, and then he flailed angrily. "I mean, asshole!" Pyro congratulated Scout by clapping for him. "Damn you all, bastards!" The Bostonian flipped them off as he trudged off with a dejected look on his face. No one was willing to help him; now what was he supposed to do? Man, now Spy would laugh at him with that cute French laugh she does. Not that he would mind her cute French laugh, but it would be directed at him, and not with him!

"What am I going to do…?" Scout moaned.

"I don't know. What are you going to do, Mon Petit?" Scout suddenly felt something wrap around his waist, and he looked down. Nothing. He shifted lightly to see what was behind him. His elbow connected with an invisible woman's temple. "Aaahhh!"

"Spy!" Scout cried out in horror. The woman recoiled; a flash of red danced through the air, and then she appeared, rubbing her head with a pained expression. "Oh man, Spy, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Ahh… It's al… it's alright, Mon Petit." She shook her head to clear the fogginess and smiled at the young man. "See? No harm done."

Scout couldn't help but blush when she smiled at him. She was the only one who smiled at him that way, and god, she was just so beautiful. He just wanted to get right on with it right then and there! But no, he was going to do this the right way! He would be all suave and lead her off to a place where they could be alone together, and then…

Spy had other things in mind. She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and walked him back into a wall so she could eat his tonsils more effectively.

"Mmph!" Scout grunted, sounding a lot like Pyro that moment. He accepted the kiss rather awkwardly, but Spy led him and he tried his best. When he finally managed to pull away to breathe, he gasped for air and attempted to speak. "Spy, listen, can't we find a better place?"

"Nnn, where would a better place be than here?" she asked, sucking on his lower lip.

Scout tried to remember how to speak. "Somewhere… where there's no…"

"If they're going to get mad at us for making love here, then it's their loss, oui?" she said matter-of-factly. She was beginning to pick up the pace and roam the young man's body with her gloved hands when something stopped her. She immediately turned her head and stared at BLU's Sniper and Pyro as they walked by. The woman locked eyes with the Australian, who seemed nonchalant about the whole sight. Pyro snorted at the two and followed his/her friend across the room and out towards the exit.

RED's Spy seemed to bristle at the two, and immediately released Scout. The young man stared forward, head foggy from lack of blood in his brain. He took a few deep breaths, saw Spy move towards Sniper's usual nest, and hobbled after her. "Spy! Spy!" He found her standing on the deck and glaring down at the two hunters as they left the base. Scout cocked his head. "Spy, what's the m…" He was cut off when Spy slapped her hand over his mouth.

"Snipers…" she said lowly, her breath coming out as a hiss.

"Thliferth?" Scout asked. She grasped his head and pressed her hand harshly against his mouth. She watched as the two walked off together.

"Where is he going?" She asked herself, "Just where is he going?"

"Thpie…"

"Filthy camping Snipers… where is he going…?"

"Cn't… breeth…"

Spy blinked lightly, and she released the young man. Scout took a deep gulp of air, and promptly hiccupped. Spy looked in deep thought, but she stopped when Scout lifted his finger, "…said he was goin' huntin' with Pyro. What's wrong with Snipers? You don't like them?"

"Everything about them is opposite to what a natural battle should be." Spy crossed her arms, "filthy scared little girls…"

"But your leader's a Sniper. Do you hate her too?"

Spy pursed her lips as she answered. "I only hate male Snipers. They're always so 'professional'; they only have their minds on their job. How do you even talk to someone like that?"

Scout shrugged. "Sniper's not so bad once you get to know him, you know. I mean, he doesn't talk much, but he's a good listener. I bet he wouldn't mind talkin' to you if you wanted, Spy. Sniper's real good at treating women nice." Scout suddenly blinked, and it was time for him to look deep in thought. "Although, come to think of it, didn't you say you never fought against any men? How do you know about male Snipers, anyway? I mean, I never met another Sniper, and I at least fought against one or…"

Scout was cut off when Spy slammed him against the wall and continued kissing him all over. The Bostonian bit back a pained cry from the rough treatment and flailed at her. "That's not goin' to make me stop asking you stuff! Spy, listen to me- oh my god do that again…!"

Scout slid down the wall as Spy worked to loosen him up. He found himself on the floor, and with the small bit of self control he had left, he fidgeted with his pocket. He finally found the condom that was a gift from Medic, and he lifted it up for her to see.

"Oh, Mon Petit, you are such a sweetie," she said with a delighted smile, "Are you ready?"

The Bostonian swallowed to try to rid himself of the dryness in his mouth, and all he could do was nod slowly. Spy gave a delightedly twisted smile and nodded. "Alright then, let's do this…"

The two were interrupted when a shot rang out, and Scout shouted when he saw a small bullet hole in the wall just inches from his face. Spy immediately looked up and turned around. RED's Sniper waved to them across the battlements and gestured for the woman.

"Mon dieu…" Spy said. She struggled to untangle herself from Scout, and she adjusted her tie. "I am afraid our meeting has to be cut short, Mon Petit."

"She was watching the whole time!? She could have…!"

Spy flicked her spent cigarette at Scout, who batted it away in fear. "Please, Mon Petit, do not be such a prude."

"I'm no square! But that's…!"

Spy giggled and activated her cloak. "I'll see you again. We'll pick up where we left off at another time, oui?"

"Spy!" Scout reached out to grab her ankle, but she had already left. "Dammit, Spy, you didn't tell me what I wanted to know!!"

He crossed his arms and cursed. Looks like he'd need another cold freaking shower; God, they were so uncomfortable. He'd have to ask her about Snipers and stuff later when they saw each other again…

…Provided he remembered when they did…

"Spy…" Scout muttered as he struggled to stand. Dammit, the more he thought about it, the more he wondered if his mum was right.

Maybe she WAS trouble…

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Once again, I apologize. I'll see what I can to do to write other stuff, but at the moment it's just not stuff I can upload here.

I actually had a hard time writing Scout's homophobic remarks (Remember, guys, Homophobic was THE THING to be back in 1968. It's sad to think about, but it's true). My friend reminded me that "Gay" wasn't used the way we usually do nowadays (listen to the Flintstones' theme song to see what I mean), so I had to find other words that might have been more period. Even then I probably screwed up.

Reviews would be nice, regardless.