Funny story: I wasn't even thinking of writing for this for a long while, as I was in a big romance mood and this isn't really romance per se. Anyway, I was all like "Oh man I need some good romance", and then I remembered that the fandom I was writing for during this hiatus has some of the stupidest and crappiest romance EVER. You know, just like TF2 (oh snap yes I went there). So anyway I was really hoping one of the fics I could find would be halfway decent but I guess I'm a masochist and love pain. So when I finally decided enough is enough, I started writing this and finished the chapter in one sitting. I'd be lying if I said that the women getting owned in this chapter is not at all me venting my frustrations on stupid fangirls, but I'm trying to keep a good image, so let's just pretend that that's not the case, okay?

READ ON!

---

Speaking of "Other Scout", BLU's Scout was running (or at least attempting to run) through the base. He remembered that Spy said that Medic wasn't at the base. But which base did he mean!? God this was annoying, and he hoped that Spy hadn't gotten himself killed, but he sorta hoped something bad happened to him. It was only fair, after all!

The young man stopped when he heard voices behind a closed door he was passing by. One of them was BLU's Heavy Weapons Guy, and the Bostonian gasp when he made out the voice of the female RED Medic! Oh crap oh crap oh crap!

If the female Medic was going to do anything, it'd probably be slaughtering their Heavy with some drug overdose. He couldn't worry about his privates at a time like this!

Hey wait, if she didn't know that she needed to kill them all yet, he could get her to heal him before killing her. Perfect! The young man sidled up to the door and knocked rather harshly. "Yo, I'm dyin' over here!"

"Vat iz zat…?" The door opened and the tiny Medic looked up at Scout. Damn, and he thought their Medic was pretty small! This little girl barely reached his chest. But it wasn't like she was a GIRL… she was just… she was about as small as one, especially when compared to Heavy, who was sitting in her ward just a little ways away. "Vat…"

"Look, lady, can I get a heal here? That's what you do, right?"

"I…" Scout busted in and the little woman glared at him for his unrefined antics. "I do not heal frauleinz, bah!"

Heavy looked up at Scout as he barged in. What could the child want…? "Is Little Scout hurt?"

"Freakin' hell man!" Scout turned to Heavy and practically forgot there was a woman in the room. "Totally got my balls slammed into. Sheez, it still hurts! I need summin' to at least relieve the pain!"

Heavy laughed aloud. "Little Scout is so funny!"

"Imma slam my cleats inta YOUR junk, then we see what's funny!"

"Men…!" The two suddenly realized what sort of company they were in, and they looked at RED's Medic, who was frowning at them with crossed arms. This seemed to be even funnier, and Heavy was soon laughing uproariously.

"Is okay, Little Medic! Little Scout needs heals!"

"Vat if I don't vant to heal ze fraulein?"

"Come on, please? You gotta help me out!"

The woman glared at him, scoffed, and went to collect her medigun. It took only a few seconds of precious healing and Scout was leaping about like a wild monkey. "ALRIGHT that's what I'm freakin' TALKIN' 'BOUT let's DO THIS."

RED's Medic actually smiled a bit as she stood next to Heavy. "He iz very…"

Heavy shrugged. "Fast?"

"…Exuberant…" Medic replied in a tone that meant she really didn't mean that word. The two watched as Scout leapt around like a child, as if they were watching a show. Despite herself, the little medic smiled and giggled under her breath. The hulking heavy looked down at her, and he smiled himself.

It was then that there was an alarm that sounded. It sounded as if the REDs were being attacked, from the way it screamed. Heavy looked up with wide eyes. "What does that mean…?" he asked as Medic started fishing nonchalantly around in her coat.

"It meanz zee charade iz over," she said matter-of-factly, pulling a syringe from her coat and lifting it up. Scout whirled around with a pained scream as she jammed the syringe into the huge man's arm and pumped it for all it was worth. Heavy let out a bellow and Scout mentally killed himself multiple times for not doing anything to warn him beforehand. "No hard feelinkz, it iz jast buzinezz, ja?"

"You," Heavy rumbled, taking the syringe from his arm and glowering heavily at the tiny girl. "LITTLE MEDIC. What did you… …?" Scout shouted out loud as Heavy swayed to the side and suddenly crashed to the floor.

"Heavy! HEAVY!" Scout screamed, rushing towards the Russian's side. He stopped suddenly when RED's Medic pulled out her saw and swiped at the child. The Bostonian barely dodged in time. "You little German piece of crap! You killed him! You KILLED him!"

"Jast buzinezz. Now ztand ztill zo I can zaw you in two." Her smile was huge and her glasses flashed dangerously. "Zee organz of a Zcout are zo delightfully sweet…"

Holy crap she was a freakin' cannibal! No wonder she was so attached to Heavy, he was HUGE. That certainly was a lot of… Scout shook his head; the mental images were too horrible to even imagine. "You… I'll kill you, you sick freak!"

Her grin was gigantic. "Try it, fraulein…"

Scout charged the enemy medic, bat in hand. There was one thing he didn't take into account, however; she may not be as fast as him, but she was tinier. She ducked and easily passed under the strike that would have winded any other enemy, and she jabbed maliciously at his legs. He jumped into the air and put distance between them. Pulling his scattergun out, he cocked it and decided to end the battle as quickly as possible.

The female medic jumped aside, finding cover behind Heavy's corpse. Even in death, he made a great meat shield for Medics. The very idea was sickening. By the time Scout was able to leap over the body and get a good shot at the woman, she had already loaded up her syringe gun and pointed upwards. Scout fired, but had to spend most of his time in air blocking the syringes that flew at him. Thank goodness she didn't have time to load the syringes with whatever crap she killed Heavy with! He slammed to the floor and rolled behind an examination table so he could properly pull one or two of the syringes out of his flesh. Judging by the woman's German curses, he at least clipped her; Scout would be sure to finish the job.

Rolling out from behind the cover, he found himself staring into the eyes of the little medic, who assaulted with her saw. Scout barely dodged in time, but he felt the biting pain of the weapon hitting his shoulder. He grasped at his wound and glared at her. She lifted the saw, picked the small pieces of his flesh from the teeth, and placed them tenderly past her lips. "Ohhh, I can't vait to finish zee appetizer and go for zee main courze…"

This was getting creepier by the second; he had to finish this now before she killed them both! He wanted to see the other scout again and take her away from this place and let her live life as a normal woman. No one that beautiful deserved to be here, killing and being killed. He wanted to… he wanted to…

Medic rushed him, and Scout lifted his scattergun. He felt the saw rake his side and slide in, cutting up to and through bone. He fired; the force of the shotgun sent her flying back. She grasped her stomach and lifted her hand to stare at the blood coating it. She brought the hand to her mouth and she licked her palm. "Ahhhh… jast as I zought… I'm tastier zen any man…" She dropped to the floor, unmoving.

Scout stared, wide eyed. Was it… was it over…? He tried to stand, but she had cut far too deep. He slumped over and rested his forehead against the floor. "D…doc… I… I'm dyin' here…" he said quietly, clutching his side as he bled out. "Doc… Doc… cummon, man, I need… hel-"

---

BLU's Medic suddenly looked up. BLU's Engineer turned to him. "What's up, Doc?"

"Zere vas…" Medic frowned. "I zought I heard zomezink…"

"Someone callin' fer a medic?" Engineer turned to where Medic was looking. If the bases were identical, then he'd be looking towards the medical ward right now. "What're we gunna do, just go lookin' fer 'im? We gotta find that rat RED Engineer!"

Medic turned to Engineer and snorted. "Vell zen, you can go by yourzelf. I am not lettink a comrade die. Pyros!"

Both RED and BLU's Pyro looked up. "Mmph?" they questioned in unison.

"Vee are goink ziz vay. Now!" He motioned for them to follow and he turned around. He stopped when he rounded the corner and came face to face with a very huge, very heavy woman. RED's Heavy Weapons Girl looked down at the wide eyed German and laughed out loud.

"Little German Doktor, walking through base like he owns it!" the female Heavy guffawed, "What did Heavy do to last man who did that?"

Medic shook his head and straightened up, trying his best to look intimidating. "Vat did you do, Fraulein?"

The German's voice caught in his throat when Heavy lifted the head of their BLU Soldier, gruesomely wrenched from his body. "His neck snapped like TWIG. He did not scream though." Medic took a step back as Heavy advanced, dropping the head and cracking her knuckles. "It will be fun sport to see how loud you do!"

"Mmph!" Suddenly Medic saw both of the Pyros rush up from behind him. Heavy took a step back as they brandished their flamethrowers, making sure that their enemy knew that she'd have to go through them to get to the "good doctor". Heavy looked down at the three, and suddenly she burst into laughter.

"Heavy's Pyro is fighting Heavy? WONDERFUL!" The Russian switched from her fists to her beloved Sasha and prepared to rend them apart. "Time to kill Baby Man. Heavy wanted to do it a LONG time ago!"

The Pyros took a step back in hesitation as Heavy revved up her Sasha, and they instinctively looked for some sort of cover to hide behind. Seeing as how they were in a hallway, the only cover they could find was each other. RED's Pyro turned lightly to his counterpart, and motioned towards BLU's Medic. S/he nodded in response, and they prepared to charge as the bullets prepared to fly. They knew that Medic couldn't keep both of them up, but if they worked together, they had a chance of burning her before she had a chance to kill the both of them. BLU's Pyro just wondered just why RED's Pyro was working with them to the very end; it was obvious that given the two, his/her Medic would keep him/her alive. Why was this enemy Pyro still charging with such reckless abandon? It couldn't be that he wanted revenge for all of the misgivings they had given him before, could it…? That he would fight the women even to his death…?

It was then that BLU's Pyro heard a sound that made him/her realize just why RED's Pyro was prepared. His/her Medic smiled as he released his uber and worked like the professional s/he knew he was: he switched the charge between the both of them, keeping the invincibility up on both of them as they advanced upon RED's Heavy. She immediately realized just what was going on, but all too late. She stopped her assault, but she barely turned before both the blue and red pyromaniacs bore down on her. The flashing German finally pulled back after the precious few seconds of his ubercharge were over, and he plugged his nose. The smell of burnt flesh was bad enough without the horrible stench of fat to make it even worse. Both RED and BLU's Pyros turned to each other and did an air high five, each giving the other a thumbs up.

"Vell, it lookz like you two are gettink along…" Medic said nasally, still plugging his nose. The Pyros turned to the disgusted look of Medic, and they looked back at each other, giving a small snigger through their respective gas masks. "But I need to get to zee medical vard. Pyro." Both of them looked up at him, and he frowned even deeper than before. "MY Pyro. I vant you to accompany Engineer. Find zis RED Engineer and get zee blueprintz, and for gott's zake, do NOT burn zem. Red, you're vit me."

Both Pyros saluted the German, and they locked arms, did a small diabolical dance, and separated to their own jobs. RED's Pyro then looked at Medic and shrugged. "Mmphph?"

Medic smiled back and stepped lightly over the smoldering corpse of their previous enemy. "Engineer vould not object to being vit our Pyro, and I vill kill you if you dezide to attack me. Zo let's get goink, ja?"

RED's Pyro stared after Medic as he walked on ahead, and he smiled from behind his mask. "Mmph mphph mmphphmm?" he asked as he rushed to catch up with the German. Awfully sure of yourself, aren't you?

Medic shrugged, a smile on his face. "I haven't died yet, ja?"

Pyro laughed.

---

Awww yeah finally finished. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Bawww everyone's dying; who'll be next?

Everyone.

I really had fun writing the two Pyros dancing and being awesome. I just imagine them like those little devils that do little dances in those old Saturday Morning Cartoons. Also, I wanted to go a little more into RED Medic's past, you know, how she got to be that awesome I mean sick, but decided against it, since most if not all of the other females have very little about them, so why should she be special? Because I love Medics? PSH.

SO YES. I'm back, but don't get used to it. I'm still writing for Ouendan and Elite Beat Agents (Hell yeah EBA). If you want more of my stuff, you ARE allowed to read my EBA story as it is written for people who haven't played the game. But of course, most likely you won't. Oh well.

I wanted to say something else here, but I kinda forgot it. Review if you care.