"Hey," the figure whispered, rubbing his head with a large hand. His back was "Whatcha do that for?"
"Jake?" I hissed back. "WTF? I thought you were a, um," I didn't say the word.
He turned around, "May?"
I most retorted, but something in his face caught me off guard. It was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "Oh, I'm still in a towel." I made sure it was still fastened and ran my fingers though my tangled hair, suddenly shy.
"If I was in a shirt, I'd let you use it," he mumbled, as nervous-sounding as I felt.
I shook my head, forcing the nervousness out of me. "Why," I muttered, "haven't you made some comment about not being the first guy to see me without clothes on, Black?"
"What?" he replied, almost too loudly. "Why would I do that?"
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, come on. You've done nothing but poke fun at my romantic life since you found out I was pregnant. It's what you do when you're around me. What else would you be here to do?"
He looked away from me. "May," he muttered. "I came to apologize, not make fun of you." He looked up, his dark eyes drilling into mine, as if begging me to forgive him.
I looked right back, but I couldn't keep my face hostile. "Oh, Jake," I whispered, "If I was fully dressed I'd hug you."
He moved slightly, not in nervousness but as if he was orbiting around something. It seemed very inhuman. "I need to tell you something, May-May. Something important. But I'm not sure if I'm allowed to." His voice cut off with a gasp.
"Do what I do." He raised his eyebrows in inquiry. "Forget the rules."
"I don't think I can do that," he admitted. "It's hard to explain."
"What about a loophole?"
He stared at me and and a smile I hadn't seen since I was fourteen crossed his face. "I tried it with Bella. She can't figure it out."
I led him downstairs, ignoring my lack of clothes, but keeping one hand on my towel. "What exactly was the order?"
"Not to tell—Wait, Sam didn't mention you. It was like Bella was the only one that mattered."
At first, I was really happy, but the last half of the statement was disheartening. "Figures," I muttered, under my breath.
"No!" he corrected. "It's not like that with me. You don't know how important you are to me. I don't understand why you are just yet, but you are. That's why I need to tell you something," he repeated, looking at the door. "To show you something."
His eyes darkened in fear. I wasn't sure why he was frightened of his big secret, so I slowly asked, "Should I get dressed?"
"Yeah," he said, looking toward the kitchen. "Meet me in the backyard?"
----*----
I stood the backyard, wrapping my arms around my chest. I couldn't figure out why Jake hadn't been wearing a shirt. It was chilly out here. "Jakey-Doo." I whispered in a sing-song voice, even though he probably couldn't hear me. "Where are you?"
Something walked into the dark yard, like a large shadow. It was silent, but as it entered the faint light, it barked. I stepped back in surprise. It was the russet wolf, his head bent down, as if he was ashamed. "Jake?" I tried to say but my voice cracked instead.
It seemed impossible, but that would explain why I thought he looked strange. The pack wasn't a pack of normal wolves. They were werewolves. I actually surprised myself at how calm I was.
The wolf stepped back into the woods and Jake stepped out, his pants shredded. "See?" he asked, gesturing to his pants. "I'm not good enough for you."
I walked onto the wet grass and looked at him, eyes wide. "No." I said, finally feeling comfortable using a louder voice. "No, you're not."
"I'm a giant wolf," he sighed, running his fingers over his crew-cut hair. "Not exactly boyfriend material, am I?"
That made me laugh. "I'm not looking for a boyfriend, silly. I'm looking for a plain old friend."
His face showed pleasant disbelief. "Are you sure you're okay with it?"
"Jacob," I said, trying to sound firm. "I know more about the supernatural then you'd think I would. Plus, it's part of who you are. Even if I didn't like it, I wouldn't make you change it. It would be hypocritical. I'm the freak here. I'm the one who's not worthy."
He laughed, not bothering to lower his volume. "There's no fighting you, is there?"
"You know me." I gave him a hug, surprised at his warmth. "You're so warm."
"It's a wolf thing," he replied, putting his chin on my head.
I leaned against his chest, taking it in. "It feels nice."
"There's so much I need to tell you, but you need to go to bed." He stepped back and pushed the hair out of my eyes. "You look like crap."
"No, I don't." I yawned. "Really."
"I need you at the top of your game."
I smiled. "I don't do games."
He laughed and ran off. "Night!" he yelled. "Take care of yourself and that little peanut of yours!"
Once I got into the house, I got to thinking.
Jacob, my Jake, was a werewolf. By all known accounts, a monster. Even if his ability wasn't dependent on the moon, there were still all the other stories. According to the legends, werewolves lost the ability to think clearly when they changed. The instincts would kick in and they become blood-thirsty.
It sounded like a load of crap to the logical half of my mind. To the emotional girly side, it was horrible. Both sides came from my experience with the leeches. History always had to repeat when it came to this shit. Sitting in the silent house, I started to softly sing.
Why am I here today?
Making the same mistake
That millions have before me
I thought I was in love
Turns out that bird wasn't dove
Guess you weren't who I thought you were
I try to breathe
But it comes out ragged
I wanna scream
But I can barely talk and
No matter how many times I cry
I can't figure out why
Sometimes I want nothing more than you
But most days
I just want to be alone
Oh-h yeah
And all you tell me
Is "I'm sorry."
Not to worry
That you'll change
One of these days
I try to breathe
But it comes out ragged
I wanna scream
But I can barely talk and
No matter how many times I cry
I can't figure out why
It had been awhile since I actually sat down and written a song. All the emotion from the past couple mouths just poured out in a muddle of words. I still was thinking about Jake and his canine friends, whoever they were. It was official; I wasn't the only non-human around here.
That didn't relax me, because I wasn't going around killing people, something else was. It didn't seem like something Jake would do, but if he had to do whatever the black wolf told him to, it wouldn't matter. That might explain why he was so ashamed of it.
NO! I had to stop myself. Jake wasn't a monster. I wouldn't let myself think that. I couldn't. He was my friend, my best friend. He knew what I had been through in Phoenix. He would have made it quite to the alpha wolf that it made him uncomfortable.
Unless he wasn't.
STOP! I ordered myself. YOU'RE BEING STUPID! JAKE IS NOTA MURDERER! HE'S JUST JAKE!
----*----
I'm standing in a bright room with a large stained class window, surrounded by people with paper-thin skin. A sweet smell, like over-ripe fruit, filled the air, choking me. My eyes are locked on the dark-haired man in front of me. I cannot what anyone was saying, but their mouths are moving. I'm too busy glaring at him in distrust and disgust. My trance was broken when someone said my name.
I look away from him, at the small bump under my sweatshirt. I'm not afraid, because I, somehow, know that everything is going to be okay. I take the warm hand of the boy-man beside me. He's the only warm body in the building.
The man I had been glaring was holding his hand out to me, "May I?"
I put my other hand on his and close my eyes, clearing my mind.
At that exact moment, I woke up. I think. I wasn't even sure if I had even been sleeping. One minute, I was thinking about Jake and the wolves and the next I was seeing myself in a room I'd never been in. The most frightening part was the baby dump. It meant I really was pregnant.
I knew that, but that movie in my head had to be an image of the future. I didn't believe in reincarnation and I doubted it was a repressed memory. It was something I'd know. Something I would remember for the rest of my life.
But it hadn't happened yet.