Chapter 2 – Right in Front of Me
"Marshall, why did you bring me here?"
Marshall gazed down at her, a hint of a smile on his lips. He clasped his arms loosely around her. Mary returned his slow smile. She studied his face, looking fondly at every familiar feature. His intelligent blue eyes that could be so piercing, but were so warm when gazing at her, his high forehead, the sharp planes of his cheekbones, his full lips. He leaned back into a slight hollow in the cliff behind him, drawing her easily against him. He was looking at her with so much affection. An affection that carried no demands with it. Mary rested her head against Marshall's' chest, listening to his heartbeat, slow and steady. Reassuring. She slipped her arms under his jacket and wrapped them around his waist. His slender body was deceptive in its strength. A sudden memory of a time she had severely sprained her ankle, had thought it might be broken. Marshall had picked her up effortlessly and carried her to the car. And, as she had once been told, she was not exactly petite. She had protested the entire way, but in actuality, had enjoyed being carried by him. Enjoyed having an excuse to put her arms around his neck. Enjoyed for just a few minutes, allowing someone to take care of her. Much as she was enjoying this right now, arms wrapped around each other. He ran his hand lightly up and down her back, comforting, like she was a child, then bent down and placed a light kiss on the top of her head.
"I always try to make it out here for the full moon. It's almost spiritual, watching it. And this is where I come when I need to think. When I feel blue. When I'm happy. I love this spot. It's peaceful, quiet. It's like my own private chapel.'' Mary listened to the deep rumble in his chest as he talked, felt his arms securely around her and felt something she never had before...cherished. A small voice in the back of her head informed her she never felt like this in Raph's arms. She told the voice to shut up. This was safe, warm, peaceful...happy.
''It makes me feel happy here. I thought it might make you feel happy too. I really want you to be happy and I don't know that you are.'' His voice was husky.
Mary slowly raised her head and looked up at him. He was watching her intently. For one wild moment she thought he was going to kiss her. Her heartbeat sped up and she felt her face flush. She had to stifle a feeling of disappointment when he released his hold on her and pulled back.
''This has made me happy Marshall,'' she whispered, trying to sort through the confusion of feelings she was experiencing. She wanted him to hold her close again. She pushed the thought away. Marshall watched her a moment. He sighed and gingerly tucked her hair back behind her ear.
''I'm glad." He gazed out past her into the dark night sky. "We should head back,'' he said gently. He cupped her face, softly rubbing his thumb over her cheekbone. He had to feel the heat in her cheek, but said nothing. Mary nodded and stepped away.
''Thank you again Marshall. I mean it. This was special.'' She swallowed and looked up at him. "All of it," she said softly. Marshall grinned at her and brushed his lips against her cheek. She closed her eyes against the small jolt that went through her at his warm touch. He took out a small flashlight from his jacket and reached for Mary's hand.
''Careful, the trail can be dangerous in the dark.'' They started back down the path. Marshall kept a firm grasp on her, his long, lean fingers engulfing her smaller hand, intertwining with her fingers, making sure she didn't stumble. Always looking out for me. Even when I don't want it.
When they got back down to their vehicles at the trail head, Marshall drew Mary to him in a fierce hug and whispered in her ear, '' I want to fix things between us. I don't want to feel uncomfortable anymore.''
''I know,'' Mary responded. ''I want that too.'' She hesitated, then took a deep breathe. ''Marshall, I know you have feelings for me. And I don't want to hurt you. But I'm engaged to another man. I shouldn't be out here with you, in your arms. It's not fair to Raph, it's not fair to me.''
Marshall pulled back slightly to be able to look at her face. He smoothed her hair back, caressing her face. "I know," he said, "you're right. It isn't fair. I'm in love with a woman who is pledged to another man." A small pause. "And I am in love with you Mary." He sighed. "I don't want to make life difficult for you. I just need you to know how I feel. I'll support you in any decision you make."
He watched her a moment, noting the changing emotions flash across her face, vacillating between releasing her from his hold or forcing the issue. She wasn't pulling away, surprising in itself. "Mary," he said, making his decision,"why are you still here, in my arms?" He tightened his grasp against her inevitable reaction. Mary tried to draw back, but Marshall held her close. He bent down and placed his mouth by her ear. "Why, Mary," he whispered, his warm breath sending a shiver down her back.
He placed a small kiss in the hollow between her shoulder and her neck, his lips warm and gentle. He felt her pulse speed up and smiled, trailing his lips slowly up her neck. Another kiss was placed just below her ear, lightly grazing her skin, then another on her jawline. He started working his way across her check, dropping small, warm kisses, while Mary tried to remember how to breathe. Her treacherous body was responding to him, aching to have his mouth on hers. When he finally reached her lips, Mary could have cried with relief. Please Marshall. He brushed his lips feather light across hers. Yes, finally. Mary's arms came up around his neck. Marshall's hands settled firmly on her hips. He brushed his lips over hers again. More. She didn't pull away. Smiling, he dipped his head.
His kiss was slow, non-threatening, tender. He raised his head, then lowered it again for another slow, soft kiss. With the third kiss, he gradually increased the pressure on her lips, silently asking for permission. She slid one hand to the back of his head and pulled him down, parting her lips, granting him entrance. Marshall groaned, feeling his rigid control start to slip. His hands moved up to cup her face as he deepened the kiss. He took his time, tasting her, tentatively sliding his tongue between those inviting lips, running over her teeth, waiting for her response before continuing. Marshall felt a small shudder of surprise run through him as Mary opened her mouth to him fully, her tongue meeting his. I can't believe she is letting me kiss her like this. A small flare of hope ignited inside him. Mary would never let anyone kiss her if she didn't want that kiss.
He slowly explored the inside of her mouth, the slick surfaces of her teeth, the smooth sides of her cheeks, the firmness of her tongue, each foray met by a willing response, while Mary's body went limp like Jello in his embrace. Every returned kiss was evaluated and he adjusted his next kiss based on her response, rapidly discovering what she liked and what would stoke the slowly building fire in her belly. She was having trouble holding on to a coherent thought. God, she had never felt like this from a kiss before. Marshall raised his head, studied Mary's face, her dilated eyes, the slight flush on her cheeks and dropped another very gentle kiss on her already kiss swollen lips.
"That," he whispered, "is how I feel." His voice trembled. "How do you feel?"
"My God, Marshall," Mary gasped out. "Where did you learn to kiss like that?" Somehow the thought of him kissing other women, and apparently with great skill, was unpleasant to her. He gave a low chuckle, and watched her face as he replied.
"I listen." A statement of fact, not bragging. "Most women will let you know what they want. What they like. Sometimes with words, sometimes in other ways. It's so easy, all you have to do is pay attention to the response you get. Most men don't listen because they are too caught up in what they want." A gentle caress of her face. "Truly caring about someone means putting their pleasure above your own." He paused, " And you haven't answered my question."
Mary's head reeled from the thought of what kind of lover he would be if his kisses alone could do this to her. He would be gentle, considerate. Not something she normally looked for, but she had never realized what those qualities could mean. A blinding flash of clarity came to her. A half remembered conversation with Marshall discoursing on the difference between having sex and making love. He wouldn't have sex with her, he would make love to her. Something she had never distinguished between before. The fact that he loved her would change how he touched her, how he moved with her. The thought of that slow, thorough, infinitely gentle exploration of her mouth being applied to her whole body made her feel faint. He would be a smoldering ember that would ignite into flames, could ignite her into flames. She looked up at him, this man who had come to mean so very much to her, who understood her like no one else. He was a good, decent, honorable man and he loved her. He deserved the truth.
"Honestly," she said slowly, "I feel confused. I love Raph. I do. I'm just not entirely sure I can live with him." She peered at his face, partially hidden in shadow, felt the cool breeze rustle her hair. "But, I've always cared about you Marshall. More than you know. In many ways, we're better suited to each other, than Raph and I are. Jeez Marshall, I would gladly take a bullet for you." She paused, looked at him anxiously, "You know that don't you? I would take a bullet for you? Would rather it were me than you?" He nodded silently. "I've just never thought about you in a..."she hesitated, searching for the right word, "a romantic sense before." She smiled weakly. "I'm going to have to re-evaluate that."
Marshall gave her a small smile and trailed the back of his fingers down her face, then stepped away from her, dropping his hands to his sides. "Please Mary," he pleaded in a low voice, "just give me some consideration, give us some consideration. I don't know that you would be really happy with Raph." He paused, then continued in a gentle voice, almost a whisper. "You do deserve to be happy Mary. You are worth it. I don't think you really believe that. But you are. You are. And I understand you, I know you, I know you better than anyone else does, including Raph. Please, think about it." A lopsided grin, "Preferably before you walk down the aisle."
Mary stared up at him, and slowly nodded. He, more than anyone else she knew, had a right to that consideration from her. She felt her chest tighten as she looked at the face that was so very dear to her. She knew that given a choice between living without Raph and living without Marshall, she would make the decision without any thought at all. So what does that say about me? Maybe I don't even need to think about this.