Chapter 9 – A Mann for All Seasons

Mary was very quiet on the ride back to the office. Her mind swirled with unsettled questions as the streets of Albuquerque flew by. She glanced at Marshall, his attention focused on the road, hands firmly on the steering wheel. Her heart gave that little lift that was becoming familiar. Eloise was right. Marshall was worth the risk, but she couldn't bear the thought of being a disappointment to him, of hurting him. She looked back out the window, noted how low the sun was getting. They must have spent more time with Eloise and Jacob than she realized. After pulling into the parking lot and cutting the engine, Marshall turned to look at her, putting a gentle hand on her arm to stop her from getting out of the SUV. Mary felt oddly disconnected, aware of disjointed things, the warmth of the late day sun spilling into the front seat, the car next to them parked at an odd angle, Marshall's nearly empty coffee cup sitting in the holder.

"What is it?" he asked, watching her carefully. She stared at his hand on her arm, noting his long, slender fingers, the nicely groomed fingernails, hell, Eloise was right, his nails look nicer than mine, going to have to investigate that a little further, aware of the warmth and strength of those fingers even through her jacket. Thought about those fingers...wandering, exploring. Realized with a jolt she didn't want any fingers other than Marshall's to ever touch her again.

She skittered away from that thought and from looking at him directly, chose to gaze at the top button of his shirt instead. Deep purple shirt, white button. He waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts, her courage too maybe?

"Remember out on the mountain?" she queried in a low voice.

Marshall's lips quirked. As if I could forget that. "Yes, of course." A hint of amusement in his tone.

Mary scowled slightly. "You asked me to think about you...about us...as a couple. I've been trying to do that. To figure out what I feel, what I want. To understand why I've been jealous as hell of Eloise every night." She felt a sob threatening to rise up in her chest, and rushed to get the words out while she could. Her voice cracked. "I don't know what to do." It was almost a wail. "I don't want to jeopardize our friendship, our partnership. But you mean more to me than probably any single other person. I can't imagine life without you Marshall. I don't want to. But I'm a walking wreck and I don't want to saddle you with that. I couldn't bear to hurt you."

Marshall favored her with the slow smile that made her stomach flip and end up somewhere down around her toes. "You're worried that you are too dysfunctional for me? The person I have spent more time with over the past four years than any other, the person I choose to spend all my time with? You're afraid you're going to hurt me? You silly goose, don't you realize I love all of you, that dysfunction is part of your charm?"

He traced the curve of her jaw with the back of his finger, gently tugged at her earlobe, playing with her earring. He brought his fingers back down under her chin and gently lifted up, forcing her to look at him. "I know you Mary. I know exactly what I am getting with you. It's what I want. You are what I want. You and me, we complement each other. I provide the stability you need and you keep me from descending into dullness. I reign you in, to the extent that is possible, and keep you from causing harm when you act without thinking. You force me to think with a wider scope of possibility to get the job done. I give you somewhere to go when you don't want to go home. You keep me from unbearable loneliness. We fill in each others holes."

Mary's mind was whirling, struggling to take in and accept what Marshall was saying. She focused on his last statement as the easiest to deal with.

"So I'm a pothole and you're the streets and sanitation department?" She had an image of Marshall on the asphalt, in a sleeveless undershirt, swinging a shovel, filling in said pothole, sweat glistening on his biceps. Oh my. She shook her head. "Unbelievable."

He leaned in towards her as he chuckled and she felt the deep timbre of his laugh vibrate through her body. He was close enough she could feel the warmth of his breath on her cheek. He kept his eyes focused on hers.

"Oh, I think I'm more than a municipal employee. In the famous words of Tom Cruise, 'you complete me'. And, I think I complete you." He brought his eyes down to her lips, let his hand slip around her neck and pulled her towards him, for a soft, gentle kiss, with a hint of heat behind it.

"Tell me what you need," he whispered into her mouth. As he had so many times before. He was always there for her. Could she possibly make this work without hurting him? "Mary, let's make this journey together. This journey through life. You don't have to do it alone. I want you there beside me, as my partner, at work and at home. I want to share everything with you, heart, soul and body. I want to make a life with you. I want to go home with you each night. I want to wake up next to you every morning. I want to love you. I want you to let me love you. Please Mary, let me love you."

Her heart broke at the pleading in his voice. Those piercing blue eyes bored into hers, and Mary fell into their depths, full of affection, love and desire. Could he possibly love the mess that was her? She felt hot tears prick her eyes, and finally gave up the struggle and let them slide down her cheeks, as she finally accepted the truth that had been in front of her for so long. She reached up and covered his hand with her own, drawing it down and turning his palm up to place a warm kiss in it.

"I'll tell you what I need. It's you, every day, being my rock, keeping me from flying off the deep end, getting my back, loving me." She kissed his wrist, felt his pulse quicken. "You told me on that mountain you wanted me to be happy. This is making me happy because you," she poked him gently in the chest, "you are what I need Marshall."

Marshall's lips turned up in a soft smile. "Really?" Mary gave a low chuckle. He was like a little boy who couldn't believe his good luck. She leaned over and kissed him affectionately, let her lips linger, full of promise.

"Really," she whispered, looking at him with happy eyes. It wouldn't be easy, but with Marshall she had found an equal, someone who would walk beside her, who wouldn't try to change her, who accepted her as she was, who loved her unconditionally. She twined her fingers with his and squeezed his hand. "Really."

The End

*** Thanks to everyone who came along for the ride. This was my first effort at this and I appreciate all the kind words I've received.