AN: First off, YAY I wrote another chapter and I really think you guys are gonna like it. Second of all OMG I got reviews. Thank you soooo much, normally I'd leave you all little messages, and I'll do that next chapter, but I have my senior prom in like a day, so I'm kinda short on time. Thank you all soooo much though, this is such a great fandom ^_^ I hope you enjoy this next chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Disclaimer: I don't own this even a little. It's all Roddenberry's.
Kirk rolled his eyes as the Ensign finally left his quarters. As exhaustion overtook him, Captain Kirk couldn't help but wonder just what he'd gotten himself into. Well, whatever it was it couldn't be that terrible, right?
Three days later
The Enterprise had only been off planet for an hour before Kirk realized something was wrong. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he was sure something was amiss. It was too quiet. He carefully scanned the bridge, double checking every seat and display monitor. Everything appeared to be fine, but Kirk couldn't shake this nagging feeling.
Suddenly the door to the bridge slid open and a small army of Security officers came in carrying large plastic cases marked: MATZOS. Every single set of eyes was locked on the noisy precession as more and more cases began filling the tiny space. It seemed every time an officer had deposited his crate to the growing pile near Kirk's chair, another two appeared with even large crates.
Kirk watched in horror as his ship, his beautiful shiny ship, was stacked with boxes and boxes or a food he wasn't even sure he remembered how to pronounce, (it was a food right?)
"Mr. Spock," Kirk called in pure exasperation, "is there something wrong with this picture?"
Spock raised an eyebrow and stepped out of the way of an oncoming officer carrying a particularly large box, "To what are you referring Captain?"
Kirk silently counted to 10 and curled his fingers into a tight fist in an attempt to control his temper, "I don't know, maybe all the boxes"
Spock looked around with a small smile forming on his face, "Fascinating,"
Kirk closed his eyes, and attempted to breathe deep as the security officers continued to bring in new boxes labeled: FESTIVE MEAL.
"Captain, Captain! Excuse me," CRASH "ah, sorry, Captain!" Ensign Chekov's voice cut through the low chatter and caused half the deck to turn in his direction. Chekov shoved his way past the slew of security officers to the Captains chair, "Oy-yoy-yoy" He moaned as he observed the onslaught of food that had bombarded the bridge.
"Chekov, what the hell is going on?" Kirk asked as he saw the guilty glint in his navigators' eyes.
"Sorry sorry, the food for the Passower Seder vas brought to the vrong deck-" As soon as the words had left his mouth every security officer dropped his box, let out a large groan and a few angry curses.
Chekov looked around startled before looking back at the Captain awaiting his next order, because if the Captain honestly expected a 17 year old to fix all this he was sadly mistaken.
"Wait…what Seder?" Uhura asked from her station.
"The Passower Seder" Chekov responded simply.
Looks of confusion shot around the room.
"The…the Captain said I could hawe a Passower Seder"
And just like that, every single set of eyes was focused on Captain Kirk.
"Uhh…I said that?" He asked practically sinking into his chair.
"Yes sir!" Chekov said his head nodding in pleased agreement.
"Captain?" Uhura questioned.
"Oh yeah" He said, laughing uncomfortably, "I might have uh, said something like that…But you" he jabbed his pointing finger into Chekov's shirt, "said this was just one meal!"
"It is Captain. A meal the Jewish community can spend up to a week preparing" Sulu responded, spinning around in his chair to face the rest of the crew.
"You wanna keep YOUR festive meal on MY bridge for a WEEK?!" Kirk's eyes widened more than anyone thought possible.
"No!" Chekov answered quickly, "The meal should be in the galley"
"I believe that qualifies as an order" Spock said to all the red shirted officers. They quickly began grabbing the crates and carting them off down the elevator to the galley.
"And also," Chekov continued, "The Seder is tonight. I hawe made a list of jobs-"
"Hold on, jobs?" Uhura asked hesitantly.
"You never said anything about taking my crew away from their actually jobs to make menorahs" Kirk said, aggravation growing in his tone.
"That's Chanukah," Sulu added.
"What?"
"Menorah's are for Chanukah"
Kirk sighed, "Whatever! This Seder is officially cancelled!"
"But Captain-" Chekov began, tears practically forming in his eyes.
"Captain, may I have a word?" Spock asked.
Kirk stood and the two convened in the only corner not occupied by plastic crates, matzos, or festive meals.
"Captain, I believe it is in the ships best interest to continue with the Seder"
Kirk's mouth dropped open, "Spock, you're kidding right?"
"As you are well aware, the complexity of such humor escapes me. It is only logical to allow this celebration. A majority of the crew has expressed some desire for more parties and special occasions; this is a perfect way to fulfill that request and therefore boost morale and productivity," The Vulcan explained.
"I don't think a lot of people will see this as a party…but maybe you've got something there. I mean, if Chekov has us folding napkins instead of sitting at computer screens people will look at this like a day off…a freebee. Yeah, maybe this could work" Kirk said, mainly to himself, "Alright everyone the Seder is back on" He called loudly so as to catch everyone attention.
Chekov's eyes lit up immediately, "Thank you Captain thank you! I haew prepared a list of jobs here-"
Kirk snatched a paper Chekov had been holding and looked it over quickly before pressing the intercom and announcing, "This is your Captain speaking, we've had a change of plans for today. Tonight-"
"At sundown" Chekov whispered.
"-at sundown, we will be having a Passover Seder for anyone who wants to attend, in the dining hall. Also, in preparation for this event, I'd like Bones, Lt. Uhura, Mr. Spock, Mr. Sulu, and Scotty to meet myself and Ensign Chekov in the situation room ASAP,"
"Oh thank you thank you" Chekov gushed continuously.
Kirk rolled his eyes in amusement, "Come on Ensign, let's host a Seder"
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It took close to 15 minutes to get everyone in the situation room at the same time, but once the crew was gathered, Chekov took the floor.
"For this Seder there are 5 jobs that vill need to be completed. First ve vill need to prepare the festive meal. Captain, you and Dr. McCoy vill do this task,"
"I'm a doctor damn it not a sous-chef" McCoy muttered under his breath.
"Just pretend you're operating on the chicken Bones"
"I'm sorry are we having chicken at this thing? I'm a vegetarian"
Everyone turned to stare at Sulu.
"What?" Sulu asked in defense, "I care about the animals!"
Kirk and Spock exchanged quick glances before simultaneously raising an eyebrow.
"ah anyvay, there will be wegetarian options also"
"Like Matzo ball soup and gefilte fish?" Scotty asked hopefully.
"yeah, like that…" Uhura said monotone before mouth to Spock 'what the hell is gefilte fish'
"You don't wanna know" McCoy whispered to her.
"Okay, so next ve need someone to find the Haggadahs-"
"the Ha-what-a?" Kirk asked.
"Prayer book" Uhura replied easily.
"I thought that was the Torah" Scotty interjected.
"I believe the Torah is the equivalent to the bible" Spock informed.
"Wait, are we finding the Torah's or the Hubba's?" Kirk questioned.
"Haggadahs" McCoy corrected.
"Whatever!" Kirk shouted in aggravation.
"Why do we need to find them exactly" Uhura said, "aren't they in one of those crates on the bridge?"
"Ah, not exactly…"Chekov began, nervously twiddling his fingers, "I asked for those to be deliwered to my cabin, because they are wery important and I didn't vant them to end up in the festiwe meal. I asked Mr. Giotto to put them in my cabin…but they are, not exactly…there"
"So they're lost" Uhura stated.
"Uhura that sounds like your volunteering to find them" Kirk said mischievously.
"Oh no no no, I am NOT-"
But it was too late, Chekov's little eyes began to glow with joy, "Really?!" he practically squealed.
Uhura wanted with every fiber of being to say no, but one look at the Russians puppy dog eyes made her swallow her sentiments and reply, "…fine"
Chekov practically ran up and hugged her right there, "Thank you thank you so much Lieutenant. Thank you."
"Ensign Chekov" Spock called, a small smile only Kirk and Uhura were aware of spreading over his features, "As I am sure you have noticed, the ship is too large to searched entirely by one officer. It would be logical to send another. I respectfully put forth my name for consideration"
Chekov just about died of joy, not just one but two high ranking officers had actually volunteered to help prepare his Seder. This was easily one of the best days of the young Ensign's life.
"Oh yes, thank you thank you" He chirped.
"What?! You're letting them go off alone?! Forget it! They'll never come back!" Kirk shouted.
"Captain," Spock began, "I am insulted that you believe the Lieutenant and I are not to be trusted"
"Save it, Legolas" Kirk could feel his tempter getting the better of him.
"I beg your pardon?" Spock asked, his telltale smug smirk forming predominantly across his face.
"I'll explain it later" Uhura whispered seductively, grabbing his hand under the table.
Chekov could feel his cheeks begin to flush as Uhura licked her delicate lips, "Ah okay, last I need Mr. Scott and Mr. Sulu to prepare the Seder plate. Ewerything is labeled for you in English…I think"
"Alright" Sulu said with a quick nod.
"Do we get snacks?" Scotty asked, his head tilting to the side in a poor imitation of Chekov's own puppy dog eyes.
The entire crew gave one collective sigh.
"What?!" Scotty asked in exasperation.
McCoy rolled his eyes.
"Alright does everyone have a job?" Kirk asked rising to his full height. He looked around quickly to see everyone present nodding or agreeing in some way shape or form. "Alright then…I can't believe I'm about to say this but, Seder Stations!"
AN: Well that's chapter two. Hope everyone liked it. This chapter was freakishly fun to write, although I get a bad feeling a made these guys sound a bit too unrealistic. Anyway thank for reading. Next chapter look forward to either: Bones and Kirk attempting to cook or Uhura and Spock going through people's room's. Please review with any and all kinds of feedback, I'd love to know how I'm doing. Humor is some of the hardest writing I've ever had to do, so just let me know if I'm failing epically. R&R Thankies.
AN2: Ah also just want to clear some things up for those die hard trekkies/trekkers 1) Everyone knows that Vulcan's are veggies and therefore Spock does not mention it when Sulu mentions his vegetarianism, it is already a well established fact and in no way reflects on Spock as a character but instead on the Vulcan digestive system. 2) Kirk knows who Legolas super-elf is because he has seen the LOTR movies. IMO the LOTR movies have become classics and have somehow survived all those years in the future…it makes sense it my head so I guess that's good enough lolz. Thanks for reading.