AN: Alright here's the next chapter. Thanks so much for being patient with me. I know, I suck. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I worked hard, it was difficult to write. Thanks to the loyal reviewers I love all of you. BTW I've been watching Heroes and for anyone who likes Zackary Quinto it is well worth it. Just throwing that out there. Anyway thanks for everything everyone and continue to review.
Hover – I personally love the idea of Chapel and Bones. There's something classic about a doctor/nurse pairing, DiscoUnicorn – I'm glad you're loving it! Chapel's a bit of a hypocrite but hey everyone's got something right? BrownCoatFireflyCaptain – OMG I love pink and furry. I've incorporated that into the chapter, that is sooooo good, XtinaW – I love torturing Bones. The poor guy goes through a lot within the next 2 chapters, MagicalMary – Glad you're finding it so funny, I hope you enjoy this chapter too, RizzaLikesPizza – Oh definitely. She did find *** in the box. Actually I debated if what's in the box needed a ratings bumb (shifty eyes) Psychodahlia – Man I had no idea this box would be so interesting to people. I hope what I put in it lives up to your expectation, .dolphins – Haggadah's are in Sulu's room because of chapter 2. And Kirk doesn't have a lock because it served my plot lolz, Selene the Slytherin – haha, Sulu's bris is good, but last I checked there's something much more compromising in that box, Port-of-Seas – If you feel dirty after this one just wait until after. I pray to god this chapter didn't jump the shark, Tolly – I can guarantee that we will very soon be joining Sulu and Scotty and Chekov…just not this chapter. But like in the next 2 chapters or so we'll be seeing some more of them, Ohtar Vicky – Jim and cleaning oh god. Poor guy, I feel bad. In reality I don't think he's very good at anything but leading the Enterprise…that's it. He should be kept away from cleaning, cooking, laundry and more, Desperately Seeking Reason – I think you mean keep on keepin' Woman, and I'm really happy this makes you lol. Tis my goal. Hope you enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: Not mine, Roddenberry's
"Nobody's perfect" She said, a mischievous smile gracing her features as her fingers found the edges of the shoebox cover. Quickly, she removed it and gasped at what lay inside the innocent looking box.
"Wow" Uhura said, feeling her face redden, "just…wow"
-----
Uhura carefully reached inside and lifted the first rectangular object out of the box, her eyes widening.
"Is that…" She asked, "Is that a pink furry thong?"
Spock raised an eyebrow while examining the photograph before responding, in an all too calm manner, "Yes, I believe it is"
Uhura stared at the magazine, rereading the title over and over, "Hustler". There on the cover, clad only in a pink furry thong, was a very attractive blonde. Uhura flipped open the cover and began to thumb through the pages. At about the middle of the magazine, a thought occurred to her. She quickly rubbed her thumb over the rest of her fingers, feeling for any sort of stickiness on them.
"EWW!" She yelled as she kicked away the possibly unsanitary magazine.
"It is not uncommon for human's to desire and keep such things, Nyota" Spock said as he took the shoebox and began to look through the other magazines hidden safely within. They were of varying titles, all with images of beautiful human women on their covers.
"Not that uncommon?" She repeated, "So you're saying you have a shoebox full of porn hiding in your room?"
"I have no comment on the matter" He said a little too quickly.
Uhura, realizing she really didn't want to think about her boyfriend having his own stash of these somewhere, decided it was time to put them back and leave.
"Come on we should get the haggadah's to Chekov" She said, pushing a magazine with her foot over to the shoebox.
Spock, having learnt long ago it was best to listen when Uhura asked him to do something, began putting the magazines he'd taken out back into the box. He placed them in one at a time, reviewing the covers once more. As he continued with this process, Uhura took a seat on Sulu's eerily pristine bed.
Immediately after sitting, Uhura could swear she felt something under the sheets. She very carefully peeled back the covers and there on the bed, starting her strait in the face was another magazine.
"Wow…"
------------------
"And then she kissed me"
McCoy felt like his head was about to explode. Why did Jim not have an off switch? Was his Captain really this stupid?
"I'm thinking of asking her to the Seder"
McCoy froze, "Like a date?" He asked cautiously, afraid of the answer.
"Yeah something like that" Kirk said from his position on the floor. In an attempt to clean up all the flour, Kirk had gotten down on his hands and knees with a sponge and was currently scrubbing the floor.
"Well that's just faaantastic" McCoy responded, sarcasm dripping from his every word as he poured milk directly onto the floor.
"Hey! Watch it up there! It's like you're dropping things on purpose!" Kirk yelled as the waterfall of milk missed him by mere inches.
"Sorry Jim, I'll try and be more careful" McCoy said, pushing a lump of butter onto the floor as well.
"Bones!"
"Sorry" McCoy responded, not at all sorry.
"At this rate we won't have anything left for the Seder" Kirk grumbled as he mopped up milk.
McCoy used every ounce of self-restraint he could muster to keep himself from pouring festive sauce packet 30 all over Kirk's unsuspecting head. At this moment, he wanted nothing more than his captain to just go away.
"Hey Bones" Kirk began in that ever-annoying voice McCoy had no desire to hear.
"What" The doctor replied attempting to keep his temper from seeping into his voice.
"How're you supposed to get flour off the floor?"
"Why?" McCoy questioned his anger dissipating.
Silence.
"Jim?"
Silence.
"JIM"
"Never-mind"
McCoy was suddenly filled with dread. This was all beginning to sound all too familiar.
"Hey Bones?" Kirk began again.
"What now?"
"Do flour and water make some kinda paste thing?"
"Why?" McCoy could feel the color leaving his face.
"Just wondering"
"Jim"
"Really, just a harmless question"
"Jim…Is there paste all over the floor?"
"I was kinda hoping you wouldn't notice"
---------------------
Spock and Uhura sat on Sulu's bed eyes stuck to the magazine Uhura had found under the mattress.
"As a Vulcan I find this most unsettling"
"As the Vulcan's girlfriend I find this most unsettling"
The two continued to stare at the closed magazine.
"Do you think we should open it?" Uhura asked cautiously. After all, it really wasn't her place to simply rip open the cover, it was Spock's. Ultimately this magazine would be more… mentally scarring to him than to her.
"Spock" She asked gently as she got no reply.
He simply nodded, unable to bring himself to speak. To think all this time, Sulu had been looking at- no he couldn't even allow his thoughts to go that far.
"Ok, on the count of 3. 1…2…3" As soon as the words had left her mouth she flipped a handful of pages and the pairs eyes fell on a large 2-page spread.
"So Vulcan porn has…"
"Yes" He replied curtly.
"Huh…"
Uhura was bewildered. Not only had she just discovered Vulcan porn contained both women's and men's images, she had also learnt that Sulu kept said porn in his room…under his covers…doing god knows what…possibly thinking about HER Vulcan boyfriend.
"Nyota" Spock whispered, interrupting her train of thought.
"Yes?" She replied.
"Do you hear something?"
Uhura felt her heart stop. Were those…footsteps? No…it was something else…a scream? It sounded vaguely like McCoy. Now if only she could make out what he was yelling. Suddenly, another cry came echoing through the hall loud and clear.
"JJJJJJJJJIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!"
Oh…that's what he was saying.
AN: Dun-dun-dun! Next chapter you'll find out just why McCoy was yelling and believe me…it is well work yelling. Thanks for reading. Please review; I'm sooo sorry about the lack of updates. I graduate tomorrow so my schedule will be a lot freer real soon I promise. I'll try and update soon. Thanks again so much and remember to review. Thankies