Gay Love
Chapter 5: All About Ponyboy and Johnny
Ponyboy made his way toward Johnny's house. It's been a month since their whole routine started. Ponyboy found Johnny on his porch steps.
"Johnny, what are you doing out here?"
"My parents are home." Johnny answered softly.
"W-what, but … I thought your parents were never home at this time." Pony said.
"I know, I know, but for some reason they are here today." Johnny said.
Pony sighed, sitting down beside Johnny.
"Now, what do we do? We can't go anywhere, because the gang might see us … Maybe I should just go back home and come back tomorrow."
Johnny looked over at him with panicked eyes. He looked forward to seeing Ponyboy everyday and didn't want him to leave, until they spent at least sometime together.
"Ca-can't we just go to the park? I mean the gang barely ever goes there, so we can spend a peaceful day there, just ya and me."
Pony was unsure for a moment, but nodded his head after he thought about it some.
"Ok, Johnny lets go."
They walked to the park and sat on the swings. They swung in comfortable silence for a good 45 minutes, before the peace was ruined.
"Ponyboy," Someone called.
Pony and Johnny stopped swinging and looked over to see Twobit coming toward them. They stood up quickly, eyes widening.
"T-Twobit, what are you doing here?"
"Well, I can ask ya the same thing, kid. Ya aren't supposed to be with Johnny. Darry went in your room to get ya and ya weren't there. He knew ya were out some where with Johnny, cuz what other reason would ya have to sneak out. He's very pissed, Ponyboy, he's gonna be watchin' ya like a hawk from now on. He got the whole gang out lookin' for ya. You're in a lot of trouble, kid."
Twobit was being uncharacteristically serious and that scared the shit out of Ponyboy and Johnny.
"Twobit, can I please just stay here? You can just go and tell Darry you couldn't find me." Pony begged.
Out of the whole gang, Pony could always persuade Twobit the easiest.
"Are ya kiddin' me, kid? If I did that, Darry would chop my ass off." Twobit said.
Pony sighed when he saw Twobit wasn't going to change his mind.
He turned to Johnny and kissed him softly on the cheek.
"I love you, Johnny, and no matter what, I'll always love you and I will never stop seeing you. We'll be together forever, I promise." He whispered in Johnny's ear.
Johnny stared at him with glazed over eyes and kissed him hard on the lips. Ponyboy kissed back, tongue tangling with Johnny's in a desperate kiss.
They only broke a part when Twobit coughed.
Pony went over by Twobit and they left Johnny alone at the park.
"I'm sorry, kid." Twobit said sincerely, when he saw how sad Pony was.
"But, it is for your and Johnny's own good."
That made Pony stop in his tracks. Twobit stopped walking and looked over to him.
He had a scowl on his face.
"When will everyone see that, that isn't true? I love Johnny! Can't you guys see how much it kills me to be without him! Can't you? Do you even care? You're suppose to be are friends, but if you guys were really are friends you would support are decisions and still love us for the decisions we make! And, just know that no matter what you guys do, I will never stop loving Johnny and I will not stop seeing him!"
"Look kid," Twobit started, putting his arm around his shoulders.
Pony shrugged his arm off.
"I know it's bothering ya. I ain't that stupid. But, it will pass, Ponyboy, it will pass. Ya and Johnny are just confused. Ya guys have never been in love before, so ya just latch onto the closest person to ya guys, which happened to be each other, and that's not good, kid, it isn't good at all. Your brother and Steve weren't lying when they said ya could be murdered for shit like that. Being gay is serious, it's dangerous. Do ya know that ya could be taken away from your brothers if the state found out? And, they wouldn't take ya to any boy's home, cuz no one wants a mental ill child. They would lock ya up in the wacky shack, and kid ya don't want that. Your brothers and the gang still love ya. If we didn't we would send ya to the wacky shack ourselves. We're all just lookin' out for ya, kid. This gay thing could ruin your future and nobody wants that, cuz you're our only hope and if your future dies, our hope dies. Ya really hurt Darry and Soda by tellin' them ya hate them, especially Soda. Have ya seen how much he's been smokin' lately? Ya guys have been so close your whole life and then he finds out you're gay and ya kick him outta your guy's room, tell him ya hate him, and don't even acknowledge him. Dude, this is hurting everybody, but it's killing your brothers. It's harder on them. They love ya more than anything, kid, ya just need to see that."
Ponyboy softened a bit.
He didn't want to hurt anyone, especially his brothers. He didn't really hate them, he was just mad.
He will not stop seeing, Johnny, they're going to have to learn to deal with that.
Maybe, he didn't understand, but they sure as hell didn't understand either.
He just shut his mouth and walked ahead of Twobit, not looking back.
When he arrived home, he saw Darry on his chair. Darry got up as soon as he saw Pony. Before he could open up his mouth to yell at him though, Ponyboy interrupted him.
"Don't even bother lecturing me, because Twobit already did and I don't need two lectures in one day."
"Boy, I think you do, because for some reason you just won't get it through your head!" Darry yelled.
Pony inhaled, closed his eyes and exhaled, and then opened up his eyes. He ran over to his eldest brother and hugged him in a tight embrace.
"I love you, Darry. I'm sorry I hurt you."
He pulled away to look up at him.
"But, I ain't sorry about Johnny. I love him, Darry and if ya love me then you will accept it. I know the risks, and I thank you and the gang for trying to protect me, but I'm willing to take all the risks to be with Johnny, because he's worth it."
Darry grabbed Pony's shoulders tightly.
"But, I won't let you, Ponyboy. I don't care what you say, it's just too dangerous … and I just won't have it, kid. You are grounded. You're not allowed to go anywhere, but home and school, until further notice. Soda's going back to your room, because you can't even be trusted to be alone in your own room."
Pony scoffed, looking away and crossed his arms.
Darry softened and hugged his emotional baby brother.
"I love you too, kiddo. You and Soda are my whole world. It's my job to protect you guys. I'm not trying to be the bad guy here; I'm just doing my best to protect you. Everything I do is for you. You just need to open up your eyes and see that."
Darry pulled away and hesitated a little, before he continued,
"Anyways … the reason why I was looking for you today was, because I got you a date with a beautiful girl. Her name is Sabrina Star, she goes to your school, and is even in the same grade as you. Soda and Steve told me that she goes to the DX everyday after school and talks about how dreamy you are. By the sound of things, that girl is crazy about you, Ponyboy."
"No, absolutely not, I told you, I'm GAY and in love with JOHNNY! I'm NEVER going to like girls! And, I am NOT going to cheat on Johnny with some tramp!" Pony growled out angrily.
Darry sighed. He didn't really feel like fighting at the moment.
"You don't even know this girl, so you can't just assume she's a tramp. Give her a chance. Please give this a try … for me?"
Pony sighed, hanging his head in shame and defeat.
"Fine,"
'Sorry, Johnny,'
Sabrina Star was a very beautiful girl.
She had long, bleached blonde hair that was wore in perfect curls and it framed perfectly with her delicate face. She had the biggest, bluest eyes Ponyboy's ever seen. Her skin was pale and flawless. Her lips were full and they were a light peach color. She had a perfect body with curves. She looked so delicate … like an angel or a porcelain doll.
She wasn't a tramp, far from it. She wasn't like all the other greaser girls. She didn't wear too much make up, just enough to highlight her beauty. She didn't wear slutty clothes, she dressed appropriately. She was a simple girl.
Her and Pony had a lot in common. She loved to read, and watch movies and sunsets. And, she wasn't just a girl with looks either, she was very smart, and had a great sense of humor.
She was great, she was perfect.
She was the perfect girl for Ponyboy.
Too bad Pony didn't like girls though. He tried, he really did … but he just couldn't feel any attraction toward her.
He liked her, but not like that. She was more of a good friend, than a girlfriend to him.
His heart belongs to one person and one person only, Johnny Cade.
But, still he dated her to make his brothers and the gang happy. He couldn't see Johnny, anyways, because he was constantly watched like a hawk by the whole gang and was never alone.
Johnny walked over to Ponyboy, while he was at his locker. Pony's face lit up and he smiled brightly at him.
It's been a few weeks since he had started dating Sabrina and he's missed Johnny something awful.
But, Johnny looked clearly upset, which made Pony's smile slip off quickly.
"What's wrong, Johnnycakes?"
He grabbed Pony's arm and dragged him to the boy's bathroom.
Pony looked at Johnny with concern and his brows furrowed in confusion.
"Johnny, what –"
"I heard ya where dating some girl, Sabrina Star." Johnny said blankly, cutting Pony off.
"Johnny, it's not like that. I'm just dating her to make my brothers and the gang happy. I like her as nothing more than a friend, heck, she feels like a sister to me. You're the one and only one I love, Johnnycakes. I'm sorry I haven't come seen you lately … It's just, after Twobit found us at the park together … I-I've been watched like a hawk. I'm never alone anymore." Ponyboy explained, somewhat sadly.
Johnny looked like he was about ready to break down in tears.
"I know ya love me, Ponyboy, and ya know I love ya … b-but maybe it just ain't enough. Maybe, this is a sign. Maybe, the gang was right. Two guys just can't love each other like we do. Ya are dating that girl to make everyone happy … maybe that's for the best. Ya'll grow to love her, forget about me, and live happily ever after with Sabrina as your wife and your guys kids and ya can fulfill your destiny. That's what everybody wants for ya … That's what I want for ya. I just want ya do be happy and to live the life ya deserve … and that don't include me."
Pony's eyes widened.
"No, Johnny, no, don't think like that, please. You are what's best for me. I'm only ever really happy with you. I don't need anything, but you. I couldn't live without you, kid. I'll stop seeing Sabrina if you want. We'll runaway or something … j-just don't talk like that. Please, don't talk like that." Ponyboy said in a pleading, desperate tone that broke Johnny's heart.
Pony clung onto Johnny as if he was afraid that Johnny would evaporate into thin air if he didn't hold onto him for dear life. His lips started to tremble as his whole body started to shake and tears streamed down his pale face.
"P-p-please … p-please," Pony whispered brokeningly, over and over in Johnny's ear.
Johnny held him back, tears of his own released. He couldn't believe how much he scared him by voicing out his thoughts.
It was true. Ponyboy could grow to love any girl, marry her, have kids, and live the life he was destined to live. He would be happier like that, where everyone accepts him, where he's normal, where he can take his lover out in public and not keep it a big, dark secret.
Johnny would give up his happiness, just to give Pony his.
But, he couldn't do it, he couldn't let go of Ponyboy, he couldn't break his heart, so he pulled him into a kiss.
When they pulled apart, Johnny whispered,
"I love ya, Ponyboy."
Pony gently grabbed both sides of Johnny's face.
"Promise me you won't leave me, promise me. Together forever, remember?"
"I could never leave you." Johnny breathed out sincerely, before pulling him into another kiss.
When they broke apart, Pony smiled warmly at Johnny and Johnny smiled back.
"Well, we better be getting to class." Pony said.
Johnny opened the door for Pony.
"Beauty, before age,"
Pony chuckled, walking out of the bathroom, followed by Johnny.
As the bathroom door swung shut, one of the stalls opened and out stepped a tall, muscular Soc with a sick, wicked smile on his face.
Ponyboy was walking home by himself. He was half way there, when a blue mustang stopped and six Socs got out.
Pony froze in fear, but quickly shook it off.
Greasers don't show fear, especially to Socs. He slowly turned around and put his meanest, toughest face on.
He recognized some of these Socs. Bob Sheldon, Randy Anderson, Rick … something. and David …. something. He couldn't remember Rick and David's last names. But, anyways, those were the same Socs that had beaten up Johnny. Johnny had pointed them out once to him.
He scowled.
"What do you want?"
"We know your dirty little secret, grease." Bob said as he stepped forward.
Pony paled.
'No … they can't know … they-they just can't …'
"W-what are you talking about?"
It was Rick's turn to step forward, a sick, wicked smile plastered onto his face.
"I saw you with that Johnny Cade kid in the bathroom."
Something flashed in Rick's eyes that scared Pony, and his sick smile grew.
"You're his boy toy aren't you, grease. Well, you see what we do to you greasers, now you're going to see what we do to gay greasers like you."
Johnny rushed to the hospital, running through the front doors, straight to the front desk. He fell on his hands and knees, gasping for air. He had ran the whole way there from his house.
"Pony … boy … Curtis … where … is …he?" He asked between pants.
The lady at the front desk gave him a strange look.
"Are you family?"
"No, but please, I'm his best friend, please let me see him! I heard he got hurt real bad, please!" He begged, tears filling his eyes.
She looked through some papers, and then looked back up at Johnny. She softened and a look of sympathy flashed through her eyes.
"Room 104,"
Johnny ran to the room number she had told him.
When he got to the room, he saw Pony on the hospital bed with tubes and machines surrounding him and he was sleeping.
The whole gang was there. Soda was sitting by Pony's side, whispering soothing words to him, and holding his limp hand. He also had tears streaming down his face. Darry was standing on the other side; his icy eyes were melted into puddles as he stared down at his baby brother. The rest of the gang stood at the bottom of the bed. Twobit was crying, Steve was trying not to cry, not wanting anyone to know that he really does care about the tagalong, and Dally never cried, but Johnny could see the concern for Pony hidden behind the icy shield in his eyes.
That girl Pony had been dating was there too. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, bawling like a baby.
Soda was the first one to notice Johnny. He gave him a death glare through his tears. He stood up, stomping his way over to him, backing him up into a wall, and punched him in the face.
Johnny yelped in pain.
Soda grabbed him by the collar, lifting him off his feet.
"Why, why couldn't ya just leave him alone?! I know you're the one who started this whole gay thing! This is your fault! It's your fault my baby brother is hurt! Do ya know what those Socs did to him?! They raped him and almost killed him! He's in a coma … a-and-and … the doctor said he might not even wake up." Soda's voice broke on the last part.
He let go of Johnny as tears came faster and heavier out of his eyes, he couldn't look at him.
"W-we warned ya …. Why couldn't ya just listen?"
Tears burst out of Johnny's sad puppy dog eyes, he felt like he was about to lose it right then and there, right in front of the gang.
He just couldn't believe it, not only did they hurt him and almost killed him … t-they raped him?
"J-just get out, Johnny and never come back if ya know what's good for ya."
Johnny spun around so fast he got whip lash and sped out of the room, crying his heart out.
Johnny looked into the room to make sure no one else was there, before going in and sat down on the chair beside Pony.
Soda told him to stay away, but it's been a little over a month and Pony still hasn't woke up. Johnny's been worried sick. He wanted Pony to wake up and be ok. Soda was right, it was his fault. He should have just left Pony alone and kept his feelings to himself. He turned Pony gay, he was the reason the Socs hurt him. He knew the risks, but didn't care. He was selfish. It was all his fault and it was killing Johnny.
He hasn't been eating or sleeping, and he's been cutting himself, because he deserved it. Ponyboy might die and Johnny couldn't live with that, so he would die to.
Pony's body was healing perfectly, all those scars and bruises almost completely faded, but that didn't matter. What did matter, though, was that Pony was going to be a total wreck when he woke up … if he woke up.
Johnny clutched onto one of Pony's limp, pale hands and broke down in sobs.
"I-I'm sorry, Ponyboy! It's my fault you're hurt! I put ya in danger by tellin' ya my true feelings for ya … I-I was selfish … and-and I'm so so-sorry! I don't care if ya hate me, j-just please wake up! I'll do anythin' ya want … I'll leave your life forever, anything, just wake up, please wake up!"
When Johnny didn't get a response, he dug his face in the hand he clutched and cried harder.
"I love ya, god, I love ya soo much, Ponyboy! D-don't leave m-m-me! I won't be able to go on, if ya don't wake up! You're my life, my everythin'! You're the only thing keepin' me alive! If it wasn't for ya, I would have been dead ages ago! I only live for ya! P-p-p-please …baby … wake up!"
And, he sobbed into his lover's hand, until he fell asleep.
It's all about us (all about us)
It's all about
All about us (all about us)
There's a thing that they can't touch
'Cause ya know (ah ah)
It's all about us (all about us)
It's all about
All about us
all about us
We'll run away if we must
'Cause ya know
It's all about us (It's all about us)
It's all about love (It's all about us)
In you I can trust (It's all about us)
It's all about us
O.O God, I feel so bad for wrting this. The things I'm making Ponyboy and Johnny go through ... are just ... horrible! Anyways, there's going to be three more chapters for this story. I'll try to update as soon as possible. I have a lot of other stories to work on, but this one is my main focus, because I already have an idea on how it's going to end and i just really want to complete this story. Thanks to all that reviewed, that really means a lot to me. You guys are awesome!!