AN: And I'm BACK! Sorry everyone…I had writer block. But I'm relatively ok now. I mapped out the entire story so it WILL get finished, I just can't promise you when. Anyway thanks as always to the awesome reviewers, you guys are way too awesome and kind to put up with lazy-updaters like me. Enjoy the chapter!
lostzuner – Well I don't know if it's EVERYONE's dream. I'd personally like to see McCoy drunk and uninhibited lolz, Tenebrielle – drunk people as a whole are pretty fantastic, they say the darndest things!! PadawanMom – Thankies so much for the words of encouragement, happy you liked those parts, I like the "shhh" section a lot, sadhappygirl – yes this is easily the weirdest flippin seder I've ever thought of, poor Chekov, Ohtar Vicky – Thankies! I love it when I've made people laugh, hopefully this chapter will be just as fulfilling, Narnel – Uhura/Sulu showdown is coming up soon….just not yet lolz, in the meanwhile I hope you enjoy this dysfunctional appetizer! Helen Bache – omdw? I'm confused…awww you think you love me?! Then what are you so afraid of? Are you afraid that you're unsure of this love there is no cure for? Lolz, go old school TV shows! DiscoUnicorn – Did you by any chance happen to see I love you man? It was actually really funny and that's where I stole the line form ^_^ BloomingSparrow – yeah, I can't help but feel like Chekov is never going to get his Seder, poor little Russian, California-Italian – Uhura just doesn't seem to get along well with others. Good thing she's got a drunk boyfriend to get along with- oh wait lolz, man I like torturing my characters, Fireflower13 – No he didn't. I think we should start a "Spock needs a Shiny" fundraiser. Enjoy the new chapter, Port-of-Seas – sorry you had to wait so long, hope this chapter lives up to the wait, mykardia – but while drunk!spock is priceless
Disclaimer: Roddenberry's, not mine
"I'm a little confused…What's going on exactly?" She asked gesturing between Spock, Kirk, and Uhura.
"The hobgoblin is under the influence" McCoy said.
"But…I'm still a little confused"
"Honey" Uhura stated exasperatedly, "So is everyone else"
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"I think I can clear some of this up" McCoy said from his place at the table.
Everyone turned to stare at the doctor. The thought that McCoy had actual answers both infuriated and relieved Kirk. If McCoy knew so much why hadn't he shared it earlier? Uhura, now playing the role of worried girlfriend waited with baited breath to hear just what was going on.
"Spock's now entered the 2nd stage of intoxication" The doctor continued easily, as if this would suddenly clear up everything. A quick look around the table proved it hadn't.
"And that means…" Kirk prompted an edge to his voice.
McCoy felt a very pleased grin beginning to spread across his features but fought to hide his joy. This was exactly what he had been hoping for. Spock was driving Kirk as insane as the later had driven McCoy.
"There are normally 3 stages to intoxication"
"For Wulcan's? Yes that is wery fascinating but it is sundown and the Seder! Ve must start it. I will begin. Ve start on page 2" Chekov interrupted gesturing wildly to a huggadah he was holding above his head, so as to catch more attention.
His plan didn't work.
"Actually" Christine began, to Chekov's dismay, "While the 3 stages aren't acknowledged as medical fact, we like to think of them as guidelines. The 1st stage is a sever disorientation and a sort of reversing of age. The patient digresses to the mindset of-"
"An infant" Kirk finished for her suddenly understanding why Spock had been so immature and impossible only hours before.
"Yes exactly" Christine continued, "The 2nd stage is akin to a Human's intoxication. Thus a lower rate of awareness and more of what we typically think of as 'drunk'. The 3rd stage is a deep set unconsciousness. This is necessary for the Vulcan to return to their former and proper selves"
"So Spock is drunk then is he?" Scotty asked while playing absentmindedly with a fork.
He received a slap upside the head, "Good god man, have you been listening at all?" McCoy asked, all manner of joking or enjoyment ebbed away.
"uh…no"
Uhura rolled her eyes before returning her attention to Christine, "How long do you think he'll be like this" She questioned, her gaze now trained on her Vulcan boyfriend who, was presently trying to walk through a wall like the Eugopatamiants on planet NoobNoob. (Both of course fictional, as Uhura had never even heard of NoobNoob).
"Couple of hours" McCoy responded.
"Hours?!" Chekov gasped, "But the Seder, ve must go on vith the Seder" He again began waving his Huggadah wildly, "Vithout eweryone present, it von't be a real Passover. A Seder is about family…"
As Chekov trailed off the crew began to experiencing bouts of extreme guilt. Chekov, the youngest, most optimistic, and most trusting member of the Enterprise thought of them as family. The crew exchanged sympathetic glances before nonverbally deciding that there was no way around it. They would have to sit through and survive the Seder.
"Alright…let's do the Seder…I guess" Kirk said, trailing off himself.
The crew fell into an awkward silence, unsure of whether to actually sit and start the torment, or if Spock's condition cleared them from their obligation.
"Let's find a stream" Spock's voice soared above the silence as if he was yelling, despite his volume being barley above a whisper.
All eyes simultaneously turned to the Vulcan. Uhura heaved a heavy sigh while burying her face in her hands. This was not going to be easy.
"Okay…A stream…yes, nov to the Seder. Vould eweryone please open their haggaduh's to page 3…we can skip the vashing of the hands…I'll just dip mine in this cup here and…ah, yes nov to page 3" Chekov continued once again, a hint of aggravation creeping back into his young voice.
The rest of the table reluctantly opened their thin prayer books to find they were written in both Hebrew and English and that every passage was accompanied by a child-friendly black and white outlined image.
"Are these…kid's coloring hudubads?" Kirk asked.
"Do we get crayons with these then?" Scotty asked as he and Kirk exchanged low-fives under the table, smiling like frat brothers.
"Damn it Jim you're Captain of the most powerful ship in Starfleet and you want to play with crayons?"
"Crayons sounds very dirty…they're…suggestive, the good way"
Again every crewmember turned to face Spock, as it was he who had spoken.
"There's a bad way?" Kirk asked, his playboy nature shining through.
"Asians guys and endangered species is bad juju" Spock replied, under the belief that what he had said made perfect sense.
This prompted Uhura to glare at Sulu and slide her hand protectively into Spocks.
"Was that a crack at me?" Sulu asked in genuine confusion.
Uhura flipped her hair and resumed her attention to the Seder, "We left off on page 3"
Chekov broke into a smile as it finally seemed someone was interested in his culture. "Yes page 3. We are about to say the prayer for Shabbat"
"I thought this was Passover?" Christine asked, not following a word or what was going on.
"Yes but it is also Friday vhich means it is also Shabbat" Chekov clarified while lifting beautifully crafted candle holders out of nowhere.
"Chekov how long is this gonna take?" Kirk asked, throwing glances in Spock's direction.
"Just a fev moments I sveare" The ensign replied, already lighting snow white candles and placing them delicately into the candleholders. He then began chanting to himself while waving his hands wildly above the flames before covering his eyes.
The crew kept their eyes focused on the young Russian until he seemed satisfied.
"Alright. Now ve can start"
"I thought we already started" Uhura whispered to Kirk.
"At this rate, I don't think we're ever starting" The Captain replied.
"Now if you vill all turn to page 4 in your Haggadahs, ve vill begin the story of Passover"
"Wouldn't it be easier to just watch a…now what was the historical document called, ah, Rugrats?" Scotty asked, also attempting to keep his voice low.
"no…that's cheating…shhhhh, I want to catch the stream" Spock said while staring intently at his empty wine glass.
Suddenly the round robin was interrupted as Chekov cleared his throat, "Okay, vho vants to fill the cup of vine for Elijah?"
"Who's Elijah and why does he get wine?" Kirk questioned.
"Captain, at this rate I think we're all gonna need a lot of wine"
"STREAM"
"Lots and lots of wine"
AN: Drunk!Spock and his stream obsession are based off of my best friends boyfriend…yes he really does like streams that much. Lolz, anyway hope you all liked it and please review. Have a happy and healthy new year! Tonight is the start of Rosh Hashanah! Good yontif! Thanks for reading and goodnight