Yo. I've been absent for a while and I'm sorry. The last chapter didn't get as many reviews as I hoped :( where are you guys?? I neeed you! And hey, if anyone sees anything they like particularly in this chap, please copy and paste it into the review! so i can see whats working. i love you guys!! the story is finished but if you want more you need to say it!! muahh xxx

I may not have the softest touch,

May not say the words as such,

And though I may not look like much,

I'm yours...

GORDIE

Weeks passed in a stifling blur. Days spent with headaches, nights spent with painful heartaches. There were no more kisses after that night, as we grieved for our lost friendship and went our separate ways – painfully on my part. Obviously we passed in the halls, our eyes averted and our shoulders hunched, but that seemed to be the end of 'Chris and Gordie', the double act in all its forms.

I hung out with Teddy and Verne, though I saw them little as they became more involved with their shop courses. Unfortunately I saw Chris all too often, every time our eyes collided burning my insides viciously. Sometimes I enjoyed the feel of his gaze on my back, but could never bear to turn to face him. Afraid of what I might see in his eyes... knowing we couldn't even be friends. Knowing too much altogether.

People must have wondered about our 'split', but nobody voiced an opinion. Except Janice, of course. I'd asked her out about a week after the episode. She'd seemed surprised, gazing at me for a long minute before nodding hesitantly. I had been glad about that, she was a nice person and I needed a friend around in any form I could obtain.

"It's sad about you and Chris." She said one afternoon. We were at my house, studying on my bed like Chris and I used to.

My head snapped up at the sound of his name, interrupting the monotonous cycle of scientific formulas swirling around in there. "Huh?"

"Y'know, you two not being friends anymore." She looked startled at my obvious change in posture.

"Oh. Yeah." I looked down, mentally cursing myself for being so obviously interested.

She let the subject drop - obviously sensing my reluctance to continue the discussion – but her curiosity was almost tangible in the heat of my stuffy room. I leant over the science book, determined not to give myself away again as the silence lengthened.

Suddenly I felt her fingers sliding down my back. Her hands were warm but I felt a cold shiver run down my spine all the same. I'd known this moment would come. She'd want to become more... physical. I mean hell, we were supposed to be going out, weren't we? I'd been avoiding this concept for as long as I could, but had known it would happen sooner or later.

"Jan..." I turned around to face her on the bed. And she was very pretty. Dark hair, lips thick with gloss, expectant hazel eyes.

"Isn't this what you want?" Her voice was husky. I suppose it was meant to be seductive or something. Her hand was still on my lower back, and I tried to consider the touch objectively. It didn't feel... bad. It certainly didn't hurt. I swallowed, my throat dry.

"Uh..."

She touched my mouth with one finger, the painted nail flush against my chapped lips. Silencing me.

"I know you've been a gentleman, Gordie. And I'm really grateful for that," The sincerity in her face burned into my eyelids and I wanted to throw myself out a window. "But we are together, aren't we? Couldn't we at least hold hands once in a while?"

I didn't know what to do. I loved Janice. I didn't want to hurt her. Maybe I could just grin and bear it. Do whatever necessary to cling to the crutch I'd found in the pretty girl. The girl who would do so much with her life, make a lucky guy so happy one day. I couldn't "break up" with her and stay friends, and I couldn't keep pretending I wanted to fuck her.

"OK, lets hold hands." I tried to bluff my way out of it by appearing oblivious, taking her hand from my mouth and putting it on my sweaty palm. She laughed a sweet, girlish laugh and I felt a flash of horror as I remembered sitting in this exact position with another person. Only their laugh had been deeper and had sent chills running from my toes to my hairline.

She leaned closer, her eyes closing, her lips parted. She really was so beautiful, my Janice. Beautiful in the way that I wanted to capture her optimism, her hopeful eyes, and lock them in my hand to keep me strong when I grieved for Chris. I knew that I had to do something, but what? Lean away, or kiss her?

I thought of a compromise, and leaned in to brush my lips against her cheek. It was soft, and smelled like soap. Not sweaty with tobacco smoke clinging to skin... That's over. Focus. I scolded myself for the mental comparison. She smiled, nuzzling closer to me as the schoolbook slipped from the bed and on to the floor. I was suddenly painfully aware of where I was. In my room. Alone. With a hot girl. Wasn't this every guy's fantasy?

I allowed myself to think of Chris for a moment, ignoring the lance of pain that whipped my brain. He was now fucking every girl in sight. Or close enough. It was common knowledge that he'd shacked up with Kerri Brandon, and there were also rumours that he was banging Becky Newton on the side. Obviously I'd just been his little game, his little experiment to test his boundaries before he went gallivanting off to explore Kerri's tissue-stuffed bra. This thought left a particularly bitter taste in my mouth. But shouldn't I be doing the same? I couldn't mope around like a helpless puppy, pining pathetically after my user of a best friend, who was obviously enjoying his new outlet for hormones.

I kissed Janice's lips, the thought of Chris sending angry waves through my body that she might have mistaken for passion. I would show him. I didn't need him. I cupped her face as her hands crept up to grasp my shoulders. She was soft, warm, sweet. Weak. I let my mind drift away as she moaned softly in my ear as my lips found her neck. I remembered other kisses. Rough, painful ones that had left bruises and swollen lips.

I allowed the memory of another night in this room flood my mind.

And he was there. It wasn't Janice I was holding, but Chris. I squeezed him tighter, using all my strength, knowing he would not break as we clinched. I shoved my arms around his neck and bit down hard on his lips, letting out a long moan. God I'd missed this...

I pushed him to the floor, not letting an inch of space separate our bodies as I yanked on his hair, pulling it hard. For once he wasn't in control, I was.

"Gordie!" An outraged shriek and a ringing slap brought me crashing back to earth. I sat bolt upright, looking down at Janice.

She jumped to her feet, her face ashen. Blood dripped from her lower lip and her hair was tangled in a wild disarray. Her clothes were crumpled, her skirt hanging lopsided and half wrenched up. Her eyes were wild and hurt and confused. She looked like a girl who had narrowly escaped being raped.

"Jan.." I moved toward her on my knees, my hands outstretched. Beseeching.

Her hand hit my face again. Hard, but not hard enough. I wanted to crawl away and die.

I just sat there on my knees, listening to the door slam and her footsteps fade away, along with the remains of my sunlight.

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