Slippery Soap Suds
A/N: hahahahha! I love tormenting my characters/borrowed characters… heehee thanks to the reviews…thanks thanks thanks thanks… Oh, by the way yes…I'm going to continue this fic…do you think I shouldn't continue at all? D: Please say so so I won't look like a friggin asshole. Hehe
Just keep on reviewin' and I'll keep on ficcing! Wink
EDIT: During the first time I thought of this fic, I had planned that it would end in the fourth chapter. But all those beautiful reviews were just asking for more. So this is the chapter where I strayed from my path and followed the devil writer's voice to complicate this whole story. :) I love complications. :)
Chapter IV: Dumbledore's Punishment
Hermione hated entering the Headmaster's office. Professor Dumbledore was not the nice uber-wise headmaster everyone thought he was. He was more like a serial killer diagnosed with MPD who would smell a flower and then cut it off from the stem. You know, that sort…
She had been in here a dozen times before but not THIS way. She threw a dirty look at Malfoy. Actually, she hadn't stopped glaring at him since the bathroom incident, while he was making a big fuss about his skin crawling at their contact, and how revolting she was, puking at him like that.
"You still stink, you know," Draco whispered to her.
"You too," Hermione retorted. "Remember, we were together in the same bath."
"And this still hurts!" Draco pointed at his bleeding neck.
"You deserve it, and as far as I can remember, you asked for it," Hermione muttered.
Again Draco sighed loudly. "I shudder to think what could've happened if the teachers hadn't come and saved me from sheer horror…"
Hermione instantly grabbed Draco's mouth and warned, "One more time, Malfoy. You've so gone beyond the line. So shut your big fat mouth and for once, have mercy for yourself!"
"That's enough."
The headmaster had arrived with Snape and McGonagall just behind him. Hermione let go of Malfoy, who exhaled deeply. "You may sit down."
They sat down and heard only the soft coos of Fawks. Silence invaded the room as Albus Dumbledore paced back and forth. Then he faced them both and said, "Speak."
"I was just having a nice – w"
"Warm bath to clear some nightmares – p"
"When this THIS here – P"
" – stop interrupting me!"
"Zipio!" Dumbledore literally zipped their lips.
"You've just fallen victim to one of the numerous Illusion spells of the Hufflepuff bathroom," A very amused Albus Dumbledore explained to the two young Hogwarts students. "It's one of those high average kinds of spells which seem quite realistic but there would always be a hint of the real person's character showing through. Nothing serious really…but in this case, quite damaging…"
Typical fast-paced Malfoy, Hermione thought.
Blitzkrieg Mudblood style, Draco thought.
"But," the headmaster waved his hand, "that is not the point. The point is you've done some serious – how'd you call it now? – snogging…in semi-naked states, too!"
"MFpfrrfuhr!" Draco and Hermione's faces went wild with protest. No! Their eyes pleaded to Dumbledore to let them speak. Dumbledore waved the zippers away.
"But we were deceived!" Draco spoke out. "If we hadn't been under the spell, we wouldn't have done it in the first place!"
"I agree with the prat!" Hermione said. "If we had only known…"
"From the looks of it though," Snape interrupted, whipping Hermione's face to the side for a clear view of the kiss marks. "You certainly enjoyed it!"
"Both of you," McGonagall added, sensing Snape's biased comment. She looked sadly at Hermione. "I certainly didn't expect this of you… you of all people, Miss Granger!"
Hermione inhaled deeply, trying to maintain control. Why was she suddenly the bad girl here? "Pardon me, professors. But do I have to puke again to show my utter revulsion at the events? Why can't you understand?"
"I understand you both, Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy," Dumbledore said. "But as it is with the school's by-laws, we are forced to suspend both of you from Hogwarts…"
"On what grounds?" Draco questioned, horrified.
"With or without the knowledge of the Hufflepuff Bathroom Illusions," Dumbledore firmly explained. "You know very well how the Ministry has gone insane over the protection of Hogwarts students in these dark times. They've gone to the extent of suspension and possible investigation for students sneaking out at night doing inappropriate things."
This time, Draco and Hermione paled.
"Not to worry," Dumbledore quickly assured them. "I am altering the rules since this is not a usual case for you two."
"Thank you, headmaster…" Hermione sighed in relief. Draco didn't say anything but it was clear he was thankful, too.
Dumbledore continued nonchalantly. "Both of you will have to be married…"
"WHAT?" Draco, Hermione, Snape and McGonagall gaped at him.
"…the day after the dance…" He raged on.
"You can't do this to us!"
"I'll tell my father! And he'll close this damn school!"
"…making that… Christmas Day! Perfect!" He finished, looking proud of himself. He turned to the teachers. "What do you think? Is there a better day or what?" He laughed like a demented version of Father Christmas before facing Draco and Hermione. "I will contact your parents as soon as possible with regards to the preparations. All you have to do is choose the best man and the maid of honor. Thank you. You may go now."
The teachers hesitantly pushed them out of the room. "Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy…" The headmaster said before the doors closed.
"Shitface…" Malfoy muttered.
"I heard that."
-.-.-.-.-
"I've never had more fun since the last 200 years!" Albus Dumbledore chortled, as Severus and Minerva looked on. Not happy, of course.
"You are not really going to do that, right?" Minerva asked, hopefully. Sometimes, Albus could be so tactless!
"But of course!" Dumbledore replied happily.
"And how will you explain yourself to the parents?" Severus burst his bubble.
"There will be no need for parents," Albus explained. "Do you want to put Hogwarts in jeopardy? I have all that in plan." He smiled again.
"This will cause trouble, Albus…" Minerva warned. "Somehow, their families would find out and you'd have to answer then."
"Then answer them I will!" Albus said. "Tell them the two were all over each other…and we had to take disciplinary action. The marriage isn't real, duh?"
"Whatever you say…" Snape muttered. McGonagall sighed.
Albus raised an eyebrow at them. "What were you two doing in the Hufflepuff washroom anyway?"
--
"I've always hated you, Malfoy!" Hermione spat, as the two of them walked back to their rooms. "But I've never hated you this much, I want to slit off your throat!"
"Tell me something I don't know," Malfoy replied, equally disturbed. He would have to spend his whole life with a Mudblood yakkity-yakking on him like this?
"This is all your fault, barging into the bathroom and all, not even checking the towel on the ledge!" She blamed him; toying with the robe McGonagall covered her with, right after she hurled her dinner into the water.
"My fault?" He turned to her. "How was I to know you had some sick fondness of staying under hot water?"
"Still, it's your fault!" She argued. "It's always your fault! If you had just been a friend to us in the first year, there would have been no misunderstandings!"
"HA! Now I get it! This isn't just about the bathroom incident, is it? You – l"
SHH! The paintings scolded them. It was about three in the morning and here were two students bickering like an old married couple. Oh, the irony.
"I've never liked the kinds of you!" Malfoy hissed, continuing their wordplay. So fuck the stupid portraits!
Hermione remained silent, pouting her lips as she stomped towards her room. She was thinking of how her life would be after ten years. Would she forever be in heated arguments with Malfoy? Would she have to face the world of snobby Purebloods and all that crap? How would her family react? What would Harry and Ron say? Would the marriage actually push through? Why is she beginning to sound like an onscreen voice-over?!
She stopped. She had reached the still sleeping Fat Lady, but Malfoy kept on. "Malfoy…" She called to him, watching his tracks slow down.
"I will not marry you. I'm just going to undergo some ceremony and live with you…but with an attitude like that and a name called Malfoy, don't expect me to love you. Ever." She faced the Fat Lady, whispered the password and got inside.
Same here… Draco moved on.
-.-.-.-.-
A/N: LMFAO Zipio! Yes, me and my sad humor. Well, you can't can't add a little conflict in the mix! Everyone knows it's part of all Dramione fics for Draco and Hermione to profess their undying hate for each other in exaggerated manners until lust overtakes them before they fall in love. In Dramione fics, pr0n first before love. Not like I'm shaping my story this way… C'mon, you little fangirls, you all know that. ;)
So if you think Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy sounds good, review! Review! Review!