A/N: I want to thank those reviewers who have bones to pick -and you know who you are! It means a lot when people find mistakes in a 10,000 word chapter. :) Also, a few people have concerns regarding Jake's overemotionality. I'll answer that in this section. Believe me, it's there for a reason.
Disclaimer: James Cameron's Avatar is his own creation. I own nothing.
WARNINGS: Some swearing, sexual innuendo, awkward situations.
XXX
I SEE YOU
PART 3: I AM ME
XXX
-Neytiri-
Sleep leaves me.
The sun will not rise for some time. Rays of light hit my spots, warming them like I am under a curtain of jungle leaves. My eyes flutter. I am awake. The tree beneath me feels stable and real. I want to stand and stretch, then leap wildly into the air, calling on Tze'ze. A streak of pain hits my heart, thinking of her. Perhaps today, I can slip up to the mountains. I want to bond with an ikran, even if it will not be my beloved.
At my side, Jake is silent. I hope he is not gone, but he must be. Gently, I shake him, and ask, "My Jake?"
He does not respond, only continues breathing shallow. In the past -before I understood the link- I cursed him for being lazy. With a smile, I touch his face. I know he is absent because his mouth doesn't move; when I touch him and he is awake, a grin is born. He always finds ways to tease me.
The picture of flying an ikran sticks with me, as does sending Tsu'Tey's body. There are things to do today. I must begin, and I hope he will not miss me. The Avatar will be safe in the tree. Vines are tangled around the limb of the tree. I tug, then wrap them around his body. He is warm under my hands. I kiss his cheek. I check my bow strapped to my back. Then I thrust myself over the edge of the tree.
The air is a rush in my throat. I grab a vine, giving it one jerk; my speed slows gently and I twist my body until my feet face down. Animals are scattering and hissing as I barrel past their homes so early in the darkness. Yelling in excitement, my arms wrap around the vegetation, allowing my body to smoothly slide. I grasp the next one, knowing instinctively how the vines will be spread. After hitting seven more, I can see the ground. I land gracefully.
The ground has imprints of my feet. With my bow in hand, I begin running, allowing the darkness to spread out before me. The plants I pass flare with white light, disturbed from my motions. The purple is my favorite; it reminds me of the sky. I grin fiercely. A dragonfly sparks up behind me, wings a disc of light. The cool moss under my feet is soft and springy.
I run for a time before I find a herd of pa'li. One, a male, is peacefully sleeping, head lowered as it stands on all legs. It snuffles, eyes winking into existence. I snap off a new flower, edging toward the creature. Eager to eat, it comes towards me. I connect my braid while it sucks the nectar up its long mouth.
A burn of light in my eyelids turns to a soothing connection. I am part of him now. I drop the flower, seeing how the pa'li has sucked most of the nectar out, and leap onto his back. My hardened mind immediately directs him into a lope towards the Iknimaya. Plants slap at his flanks, his hooves pound like thunder, and the air moves between his lungs so quickly I can only hear a rush of breath. Together, we run, my heart pounding with his.
It takes many hours to reach the top of the mountains and longer for me to race through the floating mountains, finding the ikrans' nest. It tests my strength. I do not even fear them anymore, as all children do. I know that I must hurry; the sun will be coming soon, and Jake will be waking.
I make no noise. Quick, I press against the rock. It is cold from the night and the misty water falling into the sky. My breath is smooth. I have no fear, no noise. Tsu'Tey and I came together long ago in the dark, not the sun like many warriors. We used our skills of stealth. It was a peaceful way, a way of ability. I think he took young warriors in the day to frighten them, to make them believe in death.
The ikrans are settled, huffing in sleep. Like a pack of flesh-eating flies, the creatures leave the bones of animals all around. Noises of popping jaws and scraping nails hit the flesh on my neck.
I take a silent step out onto the rock ledge, the bola in my hand heavy. There must be no mistakes; I do not have time to stay all day and chase the banshees. My mind is strong and I can tell any youngling ikran how to fly with a rider.
Slowly, I begin nickering to the creatures, cajoling the close ones awake. With their fierce eyes, they hiss and flap their wings, startling their neighbors. Before I can even get close, three take off immediately, squawking like disgruntled children. Muted colors swarm before me: purples, blues, yellows, reds, and greens, all blacker than usual in the midnight light. A wing comes close to my face.
There.
One has not even budged; she is nearly orange, heavy-boned, with a grinning jaw. Her nostrils flare, and those yellow eyes stare at me, a growl beginning in the base of her throat. She coughs, needle-like teeth snapping. I am not afraid. Ears flat, I hiss back, waving back in forth to lure her closer. Her fingers clench the rock as she roars. Several ikrans wake, tails lashing for a fight. The orange demon in front of me stares straight at me, head bobbing. I hiss.
Like lightning, she lunges forward. I screech, slamming the tie into her jaw. It wraps around quickly, but I have already leapt to her back, braid in hand. The exhilaration pulses through me, throbbing in my heart.
She nearly throws me off; Tze'ze did the same in play. I grip her spine, finally managing to tug on her antennae. My braid fits perfectly in within two seconds. The nerves hum together.
I feel her mind with mine. It is shocked, furious, and wild. No different than Tze'ze. Calm...I whisper, Calm....Fusca.
She stops. Her supple arms lower and pull her wings to my side into a state of obedience. She questions me, wondering why she is tied. Gently, I explain that she is mine, and she will live with me, as my friend and comrade. Like a pa'li, she waits for anything to happen. I remove the tie and she clacks her jaws, stretching. She is ready. She understands.
I have heard stories of the People gaining second or third ikrans, and here I am amongst them. Tze'ze is a hurt inside my chest, but now it is being replaced by Fusca's warm beating heart. Her mind is younger, more open; she wants to play and dive, like the things she sees in my memories. She can see what we can do together. With a clack of her lips, she tries to nuzzle me. I stroke her jaw with a smile.
I leap aboard, legs fitting in to her chest. My toes grip her new skin, while my hands guide her head to the cliff. Fly, I think, knowing the way her body will work. She agrees, awkwardly lumbering into the sky. I hold on, fingers tickling her as the air roils over us.
I talk to her gently, showing her how to swerve left and right, how to dive and let the wind catch her. Her mind is eager, and she haruphs in mid-flap, like a laugh of enjoyment. The air is warm; the light is coming through the mist in streaks. I encourage Fusca to rise higher. The rush of wind makes my braids slap at my throat. She does so, surprised when I move my body to allow her room to flap. It is so natural. Instinctively, she caws, and we break up through the mist.
A round disc of silver is beginning to rise. The air bends around it. It is the brilliant sun. Life-giving, warm, tender. Like Jake.
In my mind, I feel Jake's conscious connect to mine. My mood lifts. Now that I have Fusca, I will return to him with pride. If he will have it, I can carry his human body to the Tree of Souls tonight, when the village is assembled.
With a caw to my ikran, we wing toward my mate.
XXX
-Jake Sully-
One thing I know I won't miss is this damn mush.
As I had rolled in, yells and shouts of welcome hit my eardrums. I gave a polite smile with a half wave. I shouldn't have because six of the interns swarmed me, while three ran to get me breakfast. The orange juice had fermented and the oatmeal had too much lukewarm water that it had gone soppy. I guess it's the thought that counts.
"Hey, Jake! What we doing today?" A blonde-haired kid is smiling at me with teeth wider than a cow's. I think he introduced himself as Jimmy Rigsby. "Norman said we'd probably getta watch a new ceremony tonight."
Max was supposed to come in at breakfast and direct the twenty one humans now staying in the complex. He hadn't shown up. Shrugging, I pick at the watery, cold oatmeal and feel my headache growing. "Max said he would talk to you about what's going to happen in the next few months. I've got things to do." I don't want to tell them the ceremony he's talking about is probably the one where I won't be a human anymore.
It's five in the morning. Under a solar-powered white light, Jimmy and Gerard and Catalina are discussing the finer aspects of the linking technology. I wonder if I can get a quick getaway and page Norman. We were going to talk about asking one of the People to carry my human body to the Tree of Souls tonight. I hate to leave Neytiri with my Avatar, but I think she knows what's going on now, if I won't wake up.
"Norm, my man!"
"Normster!"
"Hey, Norman! What took you so long?"
I glance around, and instinctively, I want to shush the others. My best friend does not look good; he hasn't taken a shower, there are huge bags under his eyes, and his smile is lopsided. Words catch in my throat when he stumbles over to the counter and mindlessly pulls a faux-grown banana out of a bowl. Norman hates bananas. He doesn't take anything else, even a cup of coffee. It alarms me.
"Norm," I say sharply, leaving my bowl of mush. He's started walking back the way he came, rubbing his eyes. Hastily, I roll the wheelchair around the metal table. It starts skidding on the tile; one of the wheels has lost friction. I swear. "Norman, slow down."
"What do you want Jake?"
His tone is biting. He stopped on his heel in the middle of the corridor with his fists clenched. Without meaning to, I reach out and grab his forearm. He rips it away before I have a firm grim. My lips press together. I take a quick breath, and say, "Norman, I know Trudy-"
"God, Jake! Neytiri noticed before you did!" His eyes finally meet mine. They are furious. "You have somebody who cares so much for you, but what do you do? You throw her affection away, like she's some toy!"
"Norm-"
"Do you even remember that you're human? All this talk of 'getting-back-in-the-Avatar-body' means more to you than Neytiri! You're a selfish Marine who only wants to forget his old life. I won't forget it. You can be sure of that! I won't forget the people who died to get this mission off the ground, so you can play Dances with Wolves with the Na'Vi. I won't forget that it was Tom that was supposed to come- not you!"
What?
My mind goes numb.
A look of shock comes over Norman's face, and his feet pull him away. He lurches toward the now empty dorms.
There's a peal of laughter from behind me and it sounds like it's coming through water. The throbbing pain of my headache now has words: Norman. Norman hates me. I try to think about everything causing it: my friend has been overworked science wise, his Avatar has been shot, and Trudy...Trudy's death hit him hard. Were they going out? I'm a dick for not noticing sooner.
"JAKE!"
I jerk, flipping the chair around in irritation. "What?"
Max is standing there, mouth shaped in an O. His eyebrows have nearly shot up into his curly black hair. With his rumpled shirt, he obviously ran down here. "Calm down, buddy," he chuckles, shaking off my scowl, "I just spoke to Daines about getting a ship ordered out to the Tree of Souls. Everybody is going to go, for support." His hand clamps down on my shoulder. I have the urge to jerk it free, although it's nothing personal. Norman really put me on edge.
"Thanks, Max," I mutter, "I don't want Neytiri to drag my ass out there."
If the Cheshire Cat was real, Max would be a shining impersonation. "Great!" The shout pierces my skull. "I'm excited."
"You know," I suddenly realize, "The People may not allow you to sit with them. No outsiders allowed. It's still a little early, since the battle. And it's not just the Omaticaya. Nobody has gone back to the plains or the cliffs yet."
"Oh..." After a few blinks, Max asks, "Could you possible talk to them? They let Grace into the village, and now, you're one of their most important figures."
Somewhere inside of me, there is pride. I push it down with the thoughts of Tsu'Tey's death. "I was a war leader, not Olo'eyktan or Tsahik. Even if they want me to have the power, I won't take it."
Max's brow furrows and he rubs his neck. Like a toddler, he pouts his lips, and sighs. The clipboard hits his leg with a small tap. "Jake, I think everybody could learn from this. I mean, sure, they won't let us humans in, but not even in the Avatars? Come on..."
My irritation breaks like a stick across Quaritch's knee. "Max, is it always going to be like this? I can't tell you what will happen. What do you want?" The words spill from my lips, and it burns my heart like acid.
The corridor is silent, like a tomb. Max takes a breath, and pushes his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. He spreads his arms in defeat. "Norman...when Grace passed, he...took samples. I thought he told you..." He stares at my blank face, before raising his hands to placate me. "Jake, don't get upset. Norman was furthering the work and Grace! Grace wanted samples!"
I begin shaking. "You...Norman defiled the Tree of Souls by allowing him to take samples during Grace's death?" Somewhere under my affronted anger, I realize I am overreacting
The look on Max's face is a truthful one: he is not going to back down. "It hurt no one Jake."
"It's the principle," I growl. I know my anger is coming; the vein in my forehead is pumping hot blood. "You cannot -" My eyes burn through his "-cannot take this from me. I already let the humans destroy the Trees of Voices, and I will not let you into the most sacred site."
There is nothing short of surprise in the man's face. "Jake, what has gotten into you, huh? We aren't going to take anything from you-"
"Yeah," I spit, "And I'll bet that's just what Parker said when he first arrived." I furiously wheel away, heading for the link room. I feel betrayed.
Betrayed? I reel in shock at the words in my head. Wasn't I the one that left being a human? My fingers clench the wheel tighter, feeling the ridges from the rubber bite into my hands.
"Jake!" The shout echoes down the dimly-lit corridor. Max is giving one last shot, hand extended toward me. "We will do it right this time. There's only twenty-one of us, for Pete's sake." Although I won't turn my chair around, I can hear his voice. He has definitely given in about not viewing the ceremony. Guilt swims in my blood.
What am I doing? My head is split with pain. Norman's words echo through me: Do you even remember that you're human? The walls are methodically moving past me as I push the wheels, and let them roll out before I push again. I'd be already there if I could walk!
Is that it? I want an Avatar for leg usage?
I've always coolly handled all of my problems with half-assed diplomacy and sheer will power. Why had I overreacted? Norman shouldn't have taken the samples, but what else are the humans going to do? They want to learn, just like I did.
Before I know it, I'm in front of the link room door. Since everybody's still at breakfast and the RA can't punch me in, I type in the codes with my right hand, bypassing Max's ID card. The feeling of metal is cold with the ventilation shafts blowing AC on the handle. I guess they've got to start early before it's a million degrees outside. Plus the machinery could use a little help.
With a little prodding of the door, I get inside. I roll down the box corridor, then slide through the automatic doors. They hiss with a rush of air, slamming shut. Biting my lip, I head for the link beds, muscles twitching in anticipation. This body has been getting weak, I notice. My arms, where they once would have lifted me in forty chin-ups for me, are twitching. The only positive of the degeneration is that my legs are useless anyway.
The cool glow of low-lighting eases my burning eyes. I blink, then slowly let the chair roll toward a link. It doesn't matter which one, since I know all the codes now. The rubber on metal is quiet, for once. Gingerly, I drum my fingers along the top of the bed. I don't want to go in right now. I'm angry, confused; I need to cool down. I refuse to let Neytiri inside.
She would not understand what's going through my head, right?
Ah, another part whispers, she saw Norman's love for Trudy in my memories before I even considered it- and I had been with them the whole time! She could tell me what she sees. She respects me. There's no way she would scorn me for something I don't understand.
I rub my hand over my face before staring at it. Although it's not blue, I am reminded of my Avatar's hand. His hand is the same structure, five fingers instead of four thicker digits. I can see the wrinkles from my childhood, the scars over my knuckles, the calluses in my palm. It strikes me deeply as this is my real body.
Norman knows how to stab the right spot.
I hastily push open the lid, right hand typing in the account data. Within seconds, the program is up and running. I pull my body up into the machine, then grasp my legs. They are like sticks; only the bone is left. The muscles are deteriorated. I'm glad that hasn't happened to my entire body yet. There's a click from the machine initializing. The soothing darkness fits over me, and I let everything fall from my mind. I need to find Neytiri. Lights flicker, and soon, I feel the rush of colors against my face. I'm being whisked away...
It's the heat that gets me before the light under my eyelids. Groaning, I roll over.
The view is gorgeous; the jungle trees are the skyscrapers, huge and looming, and insanely beautiful. A vine is loosely tied around my blue-toned waist. For a moment, I have no idea why it's there. Then I feel the bark under my hands, cool and rough. My back aches from the awkward position and Neytiri is nowhere to be seen. It strikes me as odd that she wouldn't be here when I woke up.
To my surprise, there is a dull ache in my mind. I shake my head as it dawns on me. I had a headache while I was in my human body from Neytiri's mind. She's been checking in on me through this low-frequency mental link. I laugh, the vibrations rumbling in my chest. The clear air cleans the mental lint from my head. Cawing and cackling comes from the animals down below, and I hear a roar further off to the north. The wind sways the tree. Serenity.
I wonder why I feel like this. Minutes ago, I would have bashed my fist down on metal in anger. Now, I am peaceful, listening, quiet.
Food. I need food. My stomach is gurgling. I throw off the vines, stretching my arms. Quickly, I latch onto the trunk of the massive tree, peering down below.
There are some mushrooms sprouting on the next branch down; the little bulbs are clustered around a sprout of blue leaves. Leaping, I roll when I hit the branch. It is soft under foot. My hands pluck the fungi from the tree, and I thank Eywa, closing my eyes. I begin eating, tearing off parts of the cap and stuffing them in my face. It tastes like salad back home; bland until you get used to it. I can taste the spices within the stalk and it makes me hungry for more. Another cap comes off in my hand. I eat it too.
I hear a call. It is sweet and sure. My heart grows light.
Neytiri.
Suddenly, a beast of orange and green erupts on the branch above my head, screeching. There are soothing words, and to my surprise, I can understand them. Neytiri chats to it in the language of her people, eloquent and pronounced. I peer around the tree, smiling. She is standing proud and tall, the ikran smitten over her.
Uncertainly, the strange emotions from before come back. I must talk with her.
I head skyward to the sleeping branch, hands expertly gripping the tree. Neytiri sees me, and smiles, waving at me. She doesn't say my name, but she opens her arms when I reach her. I slowly pull her in for a hug.
XXX
-Neytiri-
Something is wrong with my Jake. He did not call me by name. His eyes are hollow.
I frown at him, touching his sturdy frame. "What has happened, Jake?"
Reminding me of a lost child, he shakes his head, the look in his eye deepening. His hand reaches back, grabbing his braid, and showing it to me. There are no words between us. Slowly, I connect mine.
Things are dark in his mind. After a few seconds, a picture comes to me: Jake racing after Norman in his wheelchair. I feel his confusion and anger, so harsh it surprises him. I hear his friend's scathing remarks. Jake spends fifteen minutes by himself in the link room, debating on what Norman has said. And whether he should come back to me.
In his mind, Jake recoils at the weak thoughts, although I feel his physical hand grasp mine. He still has not spoken. Memories of defeat, laughing with Norm, and my anger from yesterday approach me, biting his spirit. Confused. He is confused.
I look deeper at his emotions. He is angry at himself, for being so angry. He is worried because Max wants to come with scientists and watch him through his transition from Avatar to Na'Vi. He is hurt with Norman because he took power samples of Vitraya Ramunon. I am shocked he knows what to call the Tree of Souls. Frowning, I realize the names of the locations he has been to have been erased with my connection to him yesterday. He is speaking my language, even if he doesn't know it well enough. This is from my mind. It is like me, when I nod my head in respect. I copied Jake's motions.
Then I realize our bond has caused this. Jake startles, gripping my arm tighter. He has become more like the People through me and I have taken some of his human in. My English did seem easier to relate yesterday. I understood time and distance in human terms. Not being connected cuts the knowledge only a little, but it remains within me.
A flash of insight comes from my mind. I take a deep breath, steadying myself, and place my hand on Jake's chest. He has been listening quietly, trying to see what I see. For that, he is wise. He realized that there are things he cannot know or do. Seeing himself is one of them. He trusts me to find it out.
"Jake," I say, the words in the air matching those in his mind, "You are human. Our minds are different. We love the same things, but see them differently. We feel differently. My anger is fast, then is gone. Yours simmers for a long time until you cannot contain it or it fades away on its own." I feel his shoulders relax. "Our bond, it...connects these. My fast anger meets your slow anger. We are emotional when it is unnecessary to be emotional. Many things are exchanged. Memories. Ways of dealing with people. Language."
I pointedly show him a memory of the Hallelujah Mountains this morning. Iknimaya, he whispers, eyes furrowing. The peace within him is surreal as he listens to my diagnosis. Holding my hands close to his chest, he kisses the fingertips, tickling me. I smile.
"So...this means we are closer than before." His smile is regaining confidence. There's a place in his mind that releases his anger. I draw his attention to it. He is getting better at handling my outbursts.
"No," I tease, "You are still a moron."
Jake's grin is back to normal. "Skxawng."
The silence is comfortable with the two of us together. There are still small flickers of doubt in his mind, but I hear him repeating my words over in his mind.
"I am here. For you," I say, putting my forehead against his. "I am your soul-mate."
A blossom of love erupts in his heart and he pulls me tighter, lifting me slightly off the branch. It makes me giggle, because I stole the word from his mind. I must have understood its meaning. "Thank you," he whispers, "And if anything comes up, I'll tell you. You helped me answer the questions."
Hesitantly, he asks, What about Norman and Max? What can I say to them? Max is harmless, but he wants to see the ceremony. At the word ceremony, his body quivers. He is getting nervous.
I blink, meeting his eyes. His eyebrows are smooth and unworried; he is only frustrated with Norman's behaviors. Norman needs time. I think he will regret it if he doesn't attend his friend's ceremony. Talk to him and do not give up. Tell him how much he means to you.
A streak of irritation shoot through the link. He said he wished Tom was the one who came.
The idea of no Jake makes my ears flatten back.
He hesitates. Should I talk to Norman now?
No, no, I show him a picture of flying with our ikrans. I want to look for a home. Just look. No settling.
His hand encircles mine, and with a suddenly whistle, he grins. We wait in silence, staring at the trees' thick limbs and sprawling flowers. It is calming. A screech breaks our concentration. I deftly unhook from my mate as his ikran comes barreling in like a wild child. Its jaws snap near Fusca, and she squeals.
"Wild child?" I ask, staring at Jake. It was the last thought in his mind.
He pats the jaw of the creature. "Yeah. Nickname." He hauls himself aboard, settled into his saddle. Loosely, his feet do not even hold the chest of his ikran, he is so comfortable. I grasp Fusca's connection; she remains calm, head waving back and forth. When I plug in, she is startled again. Yellow eyes blink while I tell her what I want.
In a rush of air, we lift off. Jake and his Wild Child are behind us. The light hits the trees in a shining warmth so bright I shield my eyes. Cawing, the two ikrans flap near each other, hissing when the other gets too close. I smile a wide smile at the rivalry they seem to be enjoying. It is peaceful so high.
The land of Eywa rushes past. Hills rise and fall; the plants are muted to a dull green in the daylight. It seems so lifeless, compared to the vibrancy of purple and blue and white of the night. Winged creatures are traveling in groups, but dive when they see our shadows. We constantly look for Toruk. He is not here. The mountains in the distance are large and booming; many of the People are praying near the Tree of Souls.
Jake turns to the west. I put a hand to my heart, and continue to follow my mate.
We fly for an hour. My eyes watch for animals making nests, for how the wind blows in the hills, how tall the trees surrounding the land grow, and how far from a grove of Eywa's trees. I see our ikrans eying the Iknimaya. All creatures have a desire to return home. It makes my heart throb in agony thinking of Kelutral. Jake must know pain, but he does not know the pain of seeing your home crushing your people around you, of seeing your father with a shard through his stomach.
Perhaps he is needed to help us move on. Eywa would not have chosen him just for a battle. With Jake, we can find home. We can become a People again and not splinters broken from Home Tree.
Suddenly, my mate raises a hand, yelling at me. Fusca moves to him on my command. I follow the line of his strong arm, looking straight into the deep forests.
There are a grove of large trees; thirty of them can fit into Kelutral's base, but they are strung out like a chain in one line, close enough to leap from branch to branch. The crowns of the magnificent beings brush against each other and the stone walls that back them. I wonder if there are caves buried into the cliffs. To my surprise, I think I see a waterfall to the north.
It sits ill at ease with me. So simple to replace my home!
Jake is not smiling as wide as I thought he would. He knows the pain this will cause, if the Omaticaya journey here. It is small. The trees are young. Animals may live here.
When my mate looks at me, I shrug uneasily, motioning to further up the valley. Surely there must be something else.
It passes this way for two hours: Jake finds a place, usually brimming with life. There is one set into the rocks, trees growing at odd angles; a loud, noisy place of animals close to where the Tree of Voices used to reside; a broken tree creating a hollow large enough for our meeting hall; and a single tree -although small- standing close to a large lake. I shake my head. A place is either too large, too small, inhabited, open to the elements, or the voice of Eywa inside of me does not agree at all. I cannot understand why I am so reluctant. I want what is best for the People, do I not?
Fusca's breath is heavy. She needs rest. I allow her to sink lower in the sky and wave to my Jake. Within moments, we are below a heavy-ladened cloud of mist. It is cool and refreshing. The trees begin to take shape, and Fusca chooses the first one that we come across. The darkness relaxes her. Jake has followed. Together, our ikrans land on a protected limb.
I leave her broad back, unconsciously pulling my braid from her. She clacks her jaw bones, eyes shaking. I fear she is getting confused with my mind; she has not had much time apart since this morning. I have pushed her far. Her orange hide is rough and peeling near where my feet plant. I will rub her with the healing leaves near Vitraya Ramunon.
Jake is leaning casually against his ikran. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he looks fresh. For a moment, I am irked. I am exhausted and his grin is too easy.
Then I laugh. I move to him, touching his chest. He embraces me, cheek on my face.
"No go on that first place by the cliffs and waterfall?" he asks me, stepping back to peer at my face. I notice he is hopeful.
My lips press together. "It is not Kelutral." Seeing his hint of frustration, I touch his cheek. "I have been asking Eywa why I cannot let go of...Home Tree. I think it is because I grew in it as a woman. It is the place I would have born my 'eveng."
His heart begins to speed. His smaller, human eyes stare at me, and with a bite of his lip, he grins. "Would I have been the father?"
"Yes," I say simply. My heart grows sad. "I wished to teach a daughter in the branches of Home Tree. I wanted you to teach her English."
His lips spread in wonder. "Why?"
"Because, it is part of you," my hand pats his chest, "and I want my daughter to know about her father."
We stand together, our ikrans breathing better now. His fingers slide between mine, a sensation that I love. It is a human tendency to hold intimately. I suddenly know that Tsu'Tey never touched me or held me like Jake. I still miss him.
"I want to see Tsu'Tey's...body," Jake says. I am surprised that our minds both thought of our fallen friend.
Moving to Fusca, I tell my mate, "Many will gather when the sun goes down. You should get some rest, as a human. Maybe it will give you time to convince Norman to come?"
Jake's face falls sourly. "I thought outsiders couldn't be allowed."
I shrug. "We allowed him to help you with Grace and-" I sharply say "-he is your friend. Mother knows his heart. He is harmless, and welcome, in our clan for the ceremony. Let us leave. I want to help with the bodies near Home Tree."
The wind gusts. Fusca caws, struggling against it. I clamber onto her back, waiting until Jake follows before telling her to rise. Her large wings catch the draft, and we are gliding up the way we came, into the sunshine again. It is still very hot.
It will be hard to send our dead to Eywa.
But I will love welcoming my Jake home.
XXX
-Jake Sully-
I have never felt so...alien.
With Neytiri at my side, we slowly pace up another ridge, revealing three more broken forms under the fallen limbs of Home Tree. Two are women and one is a young boy. Carefully, I let Neytiri murmur a prayer to Eywa, and we gently work the bodies free from the brush, touching their braids in a final farewell. I remember this on Earth, except I was the one being pulled from the rubble. Two warriors behind us are ready to take the Omaticaya to be placed in individual graves.
I don't know how this makes me feel. My human side knows the gravity of this situation: hundreds, if not thousands, crushed beneath Home Tree's massive trunk. I rail at the injustices, but I am helpless. So many lost...
My newfound understanding of the Na'Vi tells me that this is a tragedy, yet this will be healed faster than humans would accept it. As one of the People, I know Eywa will care for them, to take away the pain. The bodies we are finding will be given the proper rites -including a seed from Eywa- although not all of the clan will be there to send them off. There will be no mass burial for our People.
Slowly, I gaze up through the leaves at a portion of Kelutral's trunk. There is one lone figure. Mo'at has been coordinating this all day. My mother-in-law is seated, hands laid docilely in her lap. Her skin is grayed from the lack of energy and her usually golden eyes are hollowed out like a shell.
I touch Neytiri's hand, then move away. My legs shift as I leap onto a branch, and basically walk thirty feet to where Mo'at is isolated. There are people below who glance up, but turn away when they see me sit beside the Tsahik.
Mo'at says quickly before I can greet her, "The People are like children: they need hope and a mother and father to keep them alive. You can only teach them as much as you know, and you can learn more." She turns to face me, hair swaying around her thin face. The spots on her face are dim and no longer lively.
I take a deep breath. "Tsahik, I...am afraid."
Her brow takes a steep dive. Her hand clamps upon my wrist. After a moment where my heartbeat pounds in nervousness, the four fingers release their grip. I peek at the needle resting on her chest, trying to keep my blue chin lifted.
"I am nearly your mother. Why do you feel afraid, when my daughter staves fear?"
Here it is: the moment of truth when I can lie. Or I won't. "I...there are so many things." I guiltily look down at my five-fingered hands. "The Omaticaya. Will we...they recover from this? Will we ever find a home? Will children keep being born with so many dead...?" I trail off.
There is a snort from the Tsahik. I stare at her; the woman is smiling, eyes slightly uplifted. Her hand juts out. "See Ni'vea? She gave birth two nights back to a healthy boy, in the ashes of Kelutral." Mo'at's voice is compassionate. "Jakesully. Those are not what you are worried about."
"Yes, I am worried!"
"Yes, yes, yes...but there is much turmoil within." She takes a slight bow of her head. "Are you concerned for my daughter?"
My heart patters. "...not particularly." When Mo'at says nothing, I murmur, "I'm worried about...if we..." I rub my head. "We went flying to search for a new home, and she said she wanted...look, can we have children? This body is not completely Na'Vi. Will my human genes screw everything up?" There. I said it. It's been bothering me since Neytiri said she wanted rugrats.
A hand touches my bicep. "You, Jakesully, are Eywa's chosen. Would she take the joy of rearing children from you? Neytiri loves her, and knows. When you are ready, this will happen." The Tsahik's legs stretch out in the sunlight. I'm surprised the destruction hasn't limited out the air quality. The wind is fresh and welcoming.
"What more?"
I rub my forehead. "Max, one of the scientists that we allowed to stay, said that Neytiri will still inherit the title of Tsahik. He, uh, told me I would follow as Olo'eyktan." I turn to look at her impassive face. "I want to know what will happen, from you."
At first, she continues to stare into the wilderness. Then, she begins in a low voice, "My daughter will become the Tsahik. Tsu'Tey was to become her mate. You were not to happen. You did." Her voice slightly cracks. "Without Eytukan, I will not be able to speak to the tribe. Without you, my daughter will not be able to speak to the tribe. Do you know?"
"But how can they trust me? How can I know what to do? Children can do the job better!"
Her lips frown angrily. "You can learn! Any of the warriors may help you. What about my daughter? Is she a broken stick in the forest?"
"No. That's not what I was saying-"
"You told me once your cup was empty. Have you completely made it full?"
The fear hits me again, harder this time. "How can I make those decisions? I cannot have the fate of a people on my hands, Mo'at!"
She suddenly goes very still, a hand on her head. Her lips move slightly. Then she smacks me, hard on my cheek. It stings as I recoil. "You led many people, not all Omaticaya, into battle that killed many," her eyes are sharp, "You could have prevented it. Who is to say their blood is not on your hands?"
Pain on my cheek stops me from immediately retaliating with a comment. Nobody heard the slap, but Neytiri is suddenly staring at me, eyes wide in confusion. Her mouth is pressed firmly together in misbelief. I motion down at her with a slight smile on my face.
"You love her. If you are to lead, you must love the People like you love her."
I nod, letting my gaze rove. I know only a handful of those praying and wandering around the dead. How can I love all of them equally? I find Ni'vea, the bones in her face strong and broad. Her arms are holding a child close to her chest, cooing to it. Her braids clack gently into his face. There is no way she would ever come as close to my heart as my mate.
To my surprise, Neytiri is looking at her also, a mix of fascination and jealously written on her face. It surprises me. Six months, no, closer to four or five, she was trying to kill me. She would have put a spear through my chest had I even looked at her. Or Tsu'Tey would have done it for her.
Tsu'Tey! Another stab of deep sorrow hits me. I truly wish he had lived; if I need anybody's advice, I need his right now. How can I be a true man of the tribe? He grew up knowing that Neytiri was his and he began learning for his new position since he had been chosen. Hell, he had much more training than I did!
Then I realize: I need to say goodbye. I still haven't seen his body.
"Mo'at, where is the body of Tsu'Tey?"
The question hits her hard; she bows her head and says a quick chant. When she meets my gaze, it is the weary look of a leader who has lost everything but their dignity. "He is near Vitraya Ramunon, with the other warriors who fell in the battle." Short, but so heartfelt. I gently place my hand on her shoulder.
"Mo'at," I say quietly, "I'm sorry."
There are other things I could say: 'I can't imagine the pain of your position as you try to stay strong for others' or 'Eytukan did not die in vain' or 'If Neytiri died, I would be a basket case'. But those are cruel words that can only estrange us. Sometimes all you can do is provide a few words and a touch of a caring friend.
Tears have begun pouring down her face, haunting like when Home Tree was being destroyed. Her shoulders quake, and she bends over her lap, folding her arms in a tent to block the insecurity. I keep my hand on her shoulder to let her know I am still here.
I hear what she means. It really is my duty. Why am I allowing her to continue on like this, alone and the only pillar of support for the entire tribe? I was a strong marine. I am a strong Na'Vi. Can I not risk a few more challenges?
My fingers squeeze. "I will do what you ask of me," I say, my mind made up before I can really think about it, "As long as I am here, I am part of the tribe. I have a debt to repay. I will willingly serve, so that you may get rest."
Her head jerks up like she's on fire. Surprise fades into a proud acceptance. She says nothing, but nods. I'm glad she doesn't comment on my change of heart. Besides, won't it be a new adventure to keep me young?
"Mother."
Neytiri has scaled the tree, approaching us. She dances over the broken shards and bright leaves, laying her hand deftly on my hand and Mo'at's shoulder. The three of us are connected. It feels odd, to be the leaders in this crisis. My head swims with the implications. "Mother," Neytiri tries again, receiving no response.
The Tsahik finally speaks. "My daughter..." and she rattles off in Na'Vi so fast I feel my brain hurt trying to keep up. I finally give up when Neytiri responds just as rapidly; she glances at me several times. Mo'at remains silent, stretching again while her huge eyes blink. Finally, she stands, pulling my hand with her. It's rather forceful.
"Come, Jake."
I am jerked to my feet, and I swiftly say, "Thank you, Mo'at. I'm glad you spoke with me." The response I get is a shooing wave, and Neytiri's grip on my arm is tightening. Either something went down or we've got something to talk about.
XXX
-Neytiri-
I was concerned when Jake spoke with my mother. I do not know why. At first, I thought he was bothered by the dead. We have picked up more than a hundred bodies of women and babies for nearly an hour. Then I didn't know what to think when my mother smacked him like a child. I waited. Finally, I hurried to both of them, worried.
My mother had told me that Jake had consoled her about my father...and that she had not told him that she had lost two people, my sister and my father. Both had been killed by Sky People. It hurts. Someday, I will tell Jake. Not today. He had asked about Tsu'Tey. Immediately, I knew we must see his body, to send Jake's fears and regrets away from his mind. I had promised we would go that way earlier, and now, here we are, on the rise above the body of my once betrothed.
At my side, Jake is quiet. It is scarier than when he sighs or sets his jaw, because I do not know what he is thinking. We are sitting on a rock shelf with our legs dangling into the air below. There are hundreds of mourners surrounding a lone body on the ground, all giving Tsu'Tey a touch or a gift for his departure. His bow from Kelutral was lost in the battle, but his saddle from his injured ikran was recovered. We can't see him from where we stand.
I want to talk about him. I am sure Jake does too. Slowly, I murmur, "He was strong. He hated when even a child cried, showing weakness, but he cared for our People."
My mate is listening, head downcast. When I finish, and lean against him, he admits, "When I first saw him, riding that pa'li, I tried to run. He made me want to try my luck against a thanator again."
"Yes, he was like that," I smile, "He believed he could lead the People one day, to more hunts and feasts than my father. He told me once nothing would frighten him." I shift. "I think he was frightened as a baby when he found we were mated before Eywa."
Picking up a thin sheet of rock, Jake nods. His five-fingers smooth the sharp edges down. He smiles too, and glances at me. The look makes my chest heat; I know my cheeks flush.
"I never thought I had a chance with you. I figured you'd drop me like a hot potato once you taught me everything."
I meet his eyes, so much smaller than mine. "I liked showing you," I say, "Tsu'Tey knew that already. His cup always full." Gently, I touch his wrist, prodding the veins I see. "You were there because Eywa wanted us to learn together." I sigh and slap his wrist in boredom.
"I always wanted to...challenge Tsu'Tey. Not over our strength, or over you, but...roughhouse. Like brothers do on Earth." He looks away quickly. He stares at the body. "I think we could have been friends."
"Did you roughhouse with Thomas?" I ask quietly.
Jake sighs and rubs his forehead. His eyes squeeze shut. "All the time. He would never fight back though. He would just run away and hide before I could catch him. He got real good at it as a teenager. Tsu'Tey...he would have wrestled and fought." He looks back up at me, regret on his face. "But I didn't want to fight him, when I brought the news of Home Tree. I...wanted him to back me up, like Tom would have. And now I've lost two brothers."
I remember that day clearly: our rude awakening after a night of love and the terrifying feeling of defiance as I stood with my hand in Jake's. I remember seeing Tsu'Tey's face twist in agony. His voice cracked when he confronted my new mate. Not many would have seen it, but he was about to cry. To show weakness for me. His promise paled against Jake. Before the final battle, Tsu'Tey had been frightened that Jake would kill him, to strike him down and take his place. Respect and trust came when my mate asked for his help to defeat the Sky People. They were...civil. I had still be a point of contention. But Tsu'Tey would never have had me.
"You would have been heart-brothers," I say quietly. I can see them together, laughing and prodding each other as they race pa'li or ikrans. Jake would have let Tsu'Tey have peace within himself instead of pressure.
Jake beats his fists together. "I wish I could talk to him. To let him know that I will...miss him."
I frown. I forget he does not know how to heal his heart. "Talk to Eywa, there." I point toward the Tree of Souls, where a handful of Na'Vi chant. "He will hear."
My mate is quiet, then, like lightning, he is on his feet. His eyes are determined. "Come with me?" I rise, and follow him as he runs the cliffside-spiral path to the base of the Tree of Souls. It is second nature to be following one of such confidence. The People bow heads, and call to him, and he nods back, waving and murmuring, "I see you."
We pass by Tsu'Tey's body, close enough to feel the wind in his braids. His broad face is unsmiling and stoic. He is as a stone. I lower my head, eyes downcast in respect. His hands grip his black braid of woven hair. I gently touch his cheek. Jake does not look at him. I wonder. Why would he not respect such a friend and brother? He said he wished to speak to him! Perhaps it is not human tradition to look at the dead.
I allow my mate to go first toward Eywa. Vitraya Ramunon is tall in the evening sky, her warming light easing the harsh passage from the sun. I watch as he kneels with his knees digging into the ground. He bites his lip, pulling his braid from his back -it is second nature- to connect with the tree. I see the pink strands caress the strands. He sways, then his head falls slightly. A seed falls near my head. I eye Eywa's sacred spirit, holding out my hand. It falls into my hand and I know this will be for Tsu'Tey. It strikes me like an arrow through the heart: I will be sending my friend.
From the Tree, Jake laughs, a sound that creates smiles around him. He does not know he is speaking out. "Woah," Jake says. "I don't know if that was you, but you have a promise, brother." He grips the vines tighter, eyes squeezing shut. He is saying a peaceful goodbye. He is saying he will remember Tsu'Tey, and hearing Tsu'Tey repeat it.
Under the branches of Eywa, his long arm reaches out for me. It is shaking. I go to his side, frowning. "Yes, my Jake?"
He avoids my gaze. Instead, he studies the Tree of Souls, whispering, "I'm going to be back here in six hours, and this will be my body." He sighs. "Tsu'Tey told me he would be watching. And to take care of you, or else when I die, he will make it very unpleasant." His grin is slowly coming back.
I tap his chest. "You need to talk to Norman now."
My mate is vibrant. "I want to." His smile is wide. "Tsu'Tey is with me."
I frown. "All of our ancestors are with us, Jake." I do not understand his fascination.
The grin is turning wide, like he is laughing at himself. With his hand on my wrist, he explains, "On Earth, there is no communication. No braids, remember? Funerals always creeped me out. I'm glad-" he glances to the shining tree "-I'm glad I can remember that, instead of his death face."
I nod, feeling sorrow. It seems terrible to not hear a beloved. The sun's fading rays are causing the tree to sparkle, beginning to flare with the life flowing in Eywa, and I can feel her breath on my face. Jake must hurry, or we will be flying in the dark.
Jake detaches himself from me. Like a baby pa'li, he hobbles back to the tree. I follow in the shadows; I want to make sure he does not unlink fast. I want him to be healthy for tonight. His left eye winks as he lays his body down, stretching out. He smiles up at me and touches my leg with butterfly fingers.
"I'll be back," he says. His head drops. Within minutes, his breathing is nearly nonexistent. My Jake is a human again.
I stand and let Eywa's presence flow over me as a hand of a loved one. She is soothing. Relaxing. I gently dance to the tree, touching her skin. I murmur a prayer and my thoughts rest on Tsu'Tey. I want to speak with him as well. Where I stand, my legs fold underneath me; with shaking hands I allow my braid to connect.
Warmth flares through me, like a warm sun. Once it spreads throughout my entire body, it feels like Tsu'Tey is standing behind me. It is comfort, to know he is here, by me. I touch my lips in regret. I am sorry we never spoke of being Tsahik and Olo'eyktan. I am sorry we did not speak.
Instead of a silence, I feel his presence laughing. His anger is gone. Eywa has smoothed his soul like a wooden flute by the hands of Na'Vi. I know what he would say: I see you. Take care of the skxawng.
I nod, saying, I see you, Tsu'Tey. It is my final farewell.
XXX
-Jake Sully-
"I thought I'd find you here."
Norman's head swings up off the screen to stare at me. I'm settled loosely in my wheelchair. Silently, I tell him to believe I bring no harm. My eyes meet his and I make them truthful. "Truce?"
The chair creaks as my friend leans back. His face is untroubled, and I see something like regret in his eyes. His palm rubs the back of his neck. He gives a long sigh. "Jake, I was really rude to you."
Norm is a good guy. If Neytiri died, I would be inconsolable. It's amazing that Norman was even up. I grin. "It's okay." I wheel closer, and Norman's lips smile a little. "I never knew how much she meant to you...Trudy. You should have told me earlier. I woulda talked Grace into coming back into the village more often."
"We only played cards in the copter when you two were gone!" Norman laughs, a light finally coming on within his eyes. He seems better. "I'd have to make up half of my samples in one day with Trudy's help. She'd fly my Avatar around to the testing spots instead of me walking."
There's a comfortable silence and then I find myself saying, "You know, if you can stand a ride on an ikran, you're invited to the ceremony." He stares at me incredulously, and I find myself smirking, "Neytiri wants you there."
A grin, something I'm sure he hasn't done for a while, spreads across his face. He's happy. Slowly, he leans back, crossing his arms behind his head. The lab's computer screen blinks, and he immediately leans back over the keyboard, typing in a few things.
"Well," he states, "If you answer some of these questions, and do a final video log, I'll do it. One question: can I bring a detection unit? I won't if you don't want me to."
I cough, remembering the way I reacted. Apparently Max told him about my sharp answer. "Yes you can, Norman." I shift in the chair. "What are the questions?"
He types in one sentence, then rests his hands. "'What do you feel as an Avatar?'"
I laugh. My eyebrow raises.
"The science commissioner's questions, not mine."
I vigorously rub my slightly-longer-than-stubble facial hair. "I want to be in it all the time. Mentally, I'm more aware of my surroundings and the animals since experiencing the 'Bond'. I have a new mindset." I twitch. No way am I telling him about Neytiri. "Physically, I was able to feel my legs, and after a couple of days, I felt like I had much better balance because of the tail. I did feel like it was harder to breathe, but not when exercising or physically active."
Norman hits a button to enter the information. "Sandra proposed a theory that the mix of human blood and Na'Vi might cause different levels of air absorption in the lungs. Despite being able to breathe the air, there could be genetic factors tweaking how it moves into your organs."
Worry shoots through me. "I...can't breathe in my Avatar?"
"No! Well...maybe. It's just a theory, Jake. Next question."
"Um, can I breathe or not?"
"Have you been?"
"...good point...Why do I have to answer these?"
Norman's eyes continue to check answers, making the computer make affirmative clicks. "It's your final checkout. Nobody's survived long enough to fill one out. Okay. 'Did you take advantage of the ropes course, nutrition gardens, and exercise equipment?'"
"No."
"'Did you encounter any...ha, natives?'"
My lips quiver. "I think you can answer that one, Norm. I'll allow you to take the words out of my mouth."
He takes it in good nature. "Damn right. Quaritch would say you caught some tail."
"Don't talk about my girl that way."
"Does Neytiri know you call her your girl?"
"For you, I toned it down. She's my mate." I waggle my finger in his face. "Forever."
To his credit, Norm swivels back to face the computer, coughing slightly. No nonsense. He has a flush on his face. "Okay, okay... 'Do you experience any difficulties within the Avatar program?'"
"The one I have is going to be corrected tonight. If you're coming."
"I'm coming, jack ass. Now answer the questions. 'How long is your enlistm-' I'm going to say indefinitely."
"Damn right."
"'Did the instructors give you proper instruction?'"
"Grace did good." I smile a little, my buoyant mood dipping a little. Grace was rough, and tumbled, but she gave me the strength I needed. If she could survive long enough to make it to the Tree of Souls, I would make it through the passing ceremony. I would. For Grace. "She stuck to her samples."
Norman rubs his forehead. "Yeah she did." He's lost so much: Grace, Trudy, his Avatar. I hope he won't lose me as a friend.
"Getting into the deep stuff: 'On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your experience on Pandora?'"
"...a million."
"'Can you describe your activities while in your Avatar?'"
Memories...how can I pick just a few? "Well, getting my ass kicked by Tsu'Tey, falling in love with the princess, choosing my own ikran, becoming the sixth Toruk Makto-"
"Okay, okay. I'll get those later. Last question. 'Overall, how do you feeling about the program?'"
"I feel like I'm finally becoming something bigger. I'm what I'm meant to be. If all I do for the rest of my life is eat meat and grunt and raise babies, I will always remember where I started." I stare pointedly at him. "And who my friends are."
He glances up. I'm eagerly rolling toward the link room, where I know a private video camera waits. Gotta get this done before tonight, cause there is no way I'm coming back here except for visits.
"Hey," he says.
I barely glance over my shoulder. I bite my lip. "What, Norm?"
"Happy birthday."
It strikes me how little I truly know Norman Spellman. I must do better in the future, in-Avatar or not. I must make the time. I must have the energy. I must make the effort. Subconsciously, I bow my head, grinning. "Thanks," I say, rolling out in good spirits.
There is one more thing I have to do before I give my final video log.
Max's office is just down the hall. He's more of the Avatar-human-Na'Vi biology triangle sort, instead of the plants and energy readings of the People. I only need one answer and I hope Dr. Patel will know. I knock on the doorjamb, peeking around the lab. It seems empty. A scrape of a chair against the tile draw my attention to the back of the room. Max is bent double, peering at me from under a table. It seems he's trying to...plug in a computer?
I laugh. "Can I help there, bud?" I roll near his hands, palm extended for the cable.
"Yes." He sighs in aggravation, pulling his head out from the table. He bangs it rather loudly. "I'm glad you came before Neytiri comes and picks you up. I think the ikrans barely set down in the helicopter pad. I just wanted to wish you well and all."
"Thanks." The silence that comes is a little awkward, only interrupted by me plugging the cable in the computer. It doesn't work. Last time I saw this guy, I had ripped his head off. "Max," I begin, elbows resting on my dead knees, "I need to know some things if I'm going to be a Na'Vi for the rest of my unnatural life."
The doctor in front of me laughs, slumping further into the chair. "Okay, Jake. I guess this is something Norman really can't tell you because either a, he's busy, or b, he doesn't have a clue, or c, you don't want to talk to him about it...or is it d, all of the above?"
My neck feels itchy. I rub it hastily. "D, definitely."
He pokes his glasses up on his chubby face. He looks like a psychiatrist, ready to break down my barriers. It nearly makes me lose my determination. "Okay, okay," I say, holding up my hands, "How long will this body last?"
"Approximately 125 years. If you don't get eaten."
I blink. "Wow. Knew that one off the bat."
Max grins, face like a chubby toddler playing a game. "I've been here for eighteen years, Jake. Grace hated the minute details, so after the school closed, she pushed me into the study of anatomy and biology regarding Avatars versus Na'Vi. I came as an Avatar engineer and programmer. You could say I know a few things."
"Damn. Sorry. Okay. What...uh, what does a mate do? I mean, what will I do for Neytiri?"
The eyes go large behind the glasses. "Big stuff. Wooooo...you did the whole thing with the queues?"
"The what?" I grunt.
"Your braids. The nerves. You connected them?"
"Yes..."
"Just clarifying! Duties are shared fairly equally. You'll probably be hunting for each other or the community, weaving or praying, or teaching the children. The kids can be either yours or the tribe while the warriors hunt. With the destruction of Home Tree, I wouldn't be surprised if creating a new community loom would be first on the to-do list. You will support each other. Neytiri will probably be doing more as Tsahik or training, when her time comes."
"And..." I know he is going to flip. "...if I am Olo'eyktan?"
This silence is more awkward. I remember yelling at him earlier this morning, telling him I would refuse at absolutely any cost. "Look," I begin, "Mo'at cornered me, and reminded me that I brought down Kelutral and the blood of every living thing is on my hands. It's not like I sought it out-"
Max cuts me off with a short, "Don't worry about it. I'll pretend we didn't have that discussion this morning. Well...you will lead any war parties, you will decide what is best for the people -that will probably be choosing a new home at this stage-, and you will give out discipline. Granted, there isn't much, but if the laws of the clan are not followed, you are to enforce them. It will only take once; you will have plenty of support from the warriors you flew into battle with. The People love you."
I nod. "So I will be a glorified decision maker?"
"Yes. Use that noggin'."
My breath is coming faster. Last question. The one that everyone tells me not to worry about. "And...there will be no complications child-wise? My genes won't corrupt Neytiri's?"
Max looks at me like I'm six. A sly grin comes across his face. "I'll bet people have been telling you Neytiri will be fine all day long, right? Am I right?"
I rub my cheek again. "Yes," I say bluntly, "I want to hear it from a human's standpoint. Mo'at told me 'Eywa will provide'."
"Wise Tsahik. Well, at least we know you worry enough to be Olo'eyktan..." He grows serious. "There might be a slightly less rate of development; humans have shorter pregnancy cycles, and grow over twenty one years. Full grown Na'Vi take...guesstimate, around ten years. It's a larger world and the speed and strength are important with thanators running around. Neytiri's pregnancy might be faster than usual, with a smaller newborn. Probably no twins. Neytiri isn't heavy enough." His smile is a little crooked; it's clear he thought the idea would be entertaining.
Kids. I can actually have kids. My heart pounds. "Thanks Max. It's all I needed." I shrug slightly. "Sorry you can't come tonight. Only Norm is invited, per Neytiri's orders."
His smile is easy-going. "Maybe, if Norm ever wants to..."
"Don't harass him!" I snort, already near the door. The time is coming and I still have to do a lab report. "Bye, Max." This will be the last time he sees me as a human. The promise is satisfying in my mind.
"See you later, alligator." I can already hear him scraping the chair to keep fiddling with the computer.
I pass by a window, glancing out. The sun is gone; Neytiri won't be happy we fly in the dark. After all, who knows if Toruk will suddenly crash down on us? That's a depressing thought when tonight is all I've ever wanted. The hallways are deserted as I glide down; everybody is probably sleeping or resting. I plug in a card on the datapad in Room 242.
The room they gave me was supposed to be shared with a roommate; that guy got lucky. I was gone all the time. Still, the square cubicle holds all of my supplies, including clothes. I'll probably leave them here, so I don't have to wander around the forest with an armload of clothes I'll never wear. I grasp the sack on the floor.
Taking a huge sigh, I roll into the bathroom. Gingerly, I take out the bottle of shaving cream, my razor, and my toothbrush. I want to do this, as a last human attempt. I'll never need to check for cavities again. The mirror is grungy. I stare at my reflection. My eyes are tired, deadpanned. The scruff around my cheek and neck is becoming itchy. The shaving cream goes on first, covering me in a white beard. I chuckle. Then I begin tracing the razor through the white foam.
My mood settles. As I near the end of ten minutes, and I finish, I notice how my eye blinked when I studied my wild hair. It wasn't just a blink. It was a way I rolled my chin, bit my lip, and relaxed my eyelids. It is a loose habit. And it seems so unreal that I won't see this human face ever again.
Is this what Neytiri sees: the small human quirks that make me unique? Can she see my jaw in Tom's face, the way my eyes take in the brush, and how my teeth chew at my lip? Does she hear the way I banter in my crude tongue with the others? Can she feel the way my adrenaline sweeps me up in action, where I must move or else my heart will give out?
Obviously, she doesn't care about the wheelchair. It's a nice thing to know.
I grunt, lifting my pack. This is the last thing: a handful of items I cannot live without. I need something to remember being human.
I begin digging through it, getting rid of the toothbrush, toothpaste, and other meaningless things. Near the bottom, I come across a bent photo. It's of me and Tom, arms around each other's shoulders, before Venenzuela. It's our birthday, and Dad is in the background, passed out on the couch. Mom took it. Smiling, I decide I'll leave it here, with Norm. I don't want this destroyed in the jungle.
The clothes are useless. My legs are so small jeans or pajamas will never fit against the rock hard thighs of Toruk Makto. Sighing, I fold them and drop them on the end of the RDA standard bed. The shirts, socks, and briefs follow. I grin, thinking about my kids. Maybe I should keep them to show them, in the future. They wouldn't believe how small their daddy was.
In the bottom, there is a small locked box. I take a breath and crack it open. Metal gleams out at me: SULLY, JAKE. MARINE. 2154 YEAR. B POS. The metal beads of the chain dig into my skin as I hold them close. I want to keep these, as a warning. The humans will return.
And there. There is what I really wanted.
Deftly, I pick up the band, meant to fit around a girl's left size 7 ring finger. Somehow, I doubt it will fit Neytiri.
XXX
-Neytiri-
My tail twitches. I told my Jake to be ready before the sun fell.
I am watching him roll down the metal platform. Norm is nearly jumping down the ramp; his eyes are smiling. The masks are shining. The lights are low since the one they call Parker left, no longer trying to create day in the dark. His human body is like a child, but I can see muscle in his arms. He is used to working hard, all the time. I feel a smile forming.
"Hey, beautiful," he says, clearly meeting my eyes. It makes my stomach do flips. 'Flips'. A human word. I bashfully lower my head.
My People behind me shift, knuckles touching their foreheads to greet the respected warrior in his own body. Fusca playfully head butts my shoulder, clearly unsure about this new creature. I gently stroke her jaw. She will have to carry both of us. I turn to my mate.
Jake stops his chair close to my side. It barely reaches my waist. Gently, I thread my arms under him, lifting him in one move. Fusca shivers when his skin touches her back. She clacks her jaws in irritation until I silence her inside with a hiss. I quickly slide up next to Jake, my stomach against him. He is warm.
I dip my head near his shoulder. "Ready?"
He shivers. "Yeah. Hit it."
The ikran's muscles bunch, and with a screech, we are in the sky. The others are behind us, silent like the toruk. Air is passing us smoothly. Jake gives a hoot, arms thrown into the air. For one moment, my head whirls. He has to grab the spine in a few seconds to balance. I can feel his heart pounding.
"I hold you," I say in his ear, an arm encircling his waist. He does not react. Slowly, his arms lift, outstretched like the wings on which we ride. This time, I crow. Our voices blend as one. When he stops, a smile is across his face.
The rest of the flight passes in peace. The trees are an ocean of peace, swaying with the colors I love, the purples and blues of life. Fusca sways under us, but we are together.
The Tree of Souls begins to appear after the Iknimaya. It is glowing with Eywa. Behind us, my brothers and sisters are barking and chirruping, watching our descent. I hear Norm shouting. Even the ikrans call back and forth. It will be a joyous night. The People of the Plains and the Shores have gathered by Eywa's basking light with the Omaticaya. They are waiting for us in excitement, eyes peering toward us. Fusca slows, farther in the trees from the others who land in a rush of dust. Whoops arise. From the cliff, I can see Norm's astonished face; the bag in his hand is loose and forgotten.
Jake does not speak in front of me. He is silent. His hand clenches my wrist, his arm wrapped over mine. We are hidden in the trees, where I will let my mate accept this is what is happening. My mother is herding Norm close to the tree. The others see this and accept him. She would not let him in if he were a threat to Eywa.
I look to Jake's face. He sees my face. "Neytiri," he says softly, "I love you." His hand tightens, only barely. "I know right now, I want to kiss you as hard as I can. You must promise me when I wake up, that you will greet me." His grin is wide.
Silly. I smile. "I will." Quickly, I detach from Fusca, grasping Jake in one arm. I shoo her.
First, I must prepare my mate. He will have no clothes but Eywa. This body will pass to her tomorrow, with the respects of all, as the Mother Earth would have wanted. Jake is hearing my thoughts of nakedness, because he asks, "Can you put me there? I can pull these off myself."
The trees are dark. I lay him down in the soft ferns, watching for a moment. Light sparkles on his oxygen mask, and vanishes as his shirt is pulled off. His skin is like the clouds: white and pale. But I recognize the muscle, the collarbones in his shoulders, and his neck. The hair is soft brown, like the hair on his head.
I begin to pull vines and leaves from the trees. After gathering, I have an armful and I sit beside Jake, watching him reach down to his bared feet. He wore no 'shoes'; why would he need them? He allowed those remaining to have these items. He works at his belt with small fingers, then lies back, ready to remove them. I help get the scratchy pants off. To my surprise, he is wearing more clothes.
Before I can throw the pants to the trees, he grasps my hand. He slowly bites his lip, and says, "I have something for you. To keep. I will explain when I'm back."
I frown as he picks up a shiny gold ring from the pocket. "What is it?" I ask when he drops it in my palm. It is light and I can not feel it well.
His eyes are serious. "I will explain. Keep it for me."
I nod, and place it carefully on the beads hanging by my knees. I loop them together, then tighten it. If it is important to Jake, I will not lose it. He nods, smiling and touching my face. I cannot help it; I lean and hold him close, like a child. His warm skin against mine is a promise we will be together.
I strip him down the rest of the way, allowing him to place the vines where he wants them. The way he does is hasty; he keeps looking down at the gathering crowds and losing track of the leaves. All my People are bonding to Eywa, chanting to her. I know he is impatient.
"We go," I say, picking him up in one swoop. "You will see me when you wake. I will be with Mo'at."
"Remember you've gotta kiss me."
I nuzzle him as the ferns wink into life with me removing his body. "I promise." Carrying him, I run down the trail, slowing to pick my way through the People. All are singing. It makes my heart beat in time with theirs. Norm is watching, seated between two great warriors who remembered him from the battle. He is smiling. I begin chanting when Mo'at instructs me to place him near the body of Toruk Makto, my voice sure. Jake's eyes are smiling up at me, and I see him whisper through the plastic of his mask. He closes his eyes when I hold his hand. When I join Eywa, our connection is strong. She knows I have joined and that I will pray with her. She reads me, knows that I will perish without my Jake. I know that she is allowing him to become one soul in one body.
Jake will be here with me. Jake will be my mate in everything. We will be together.
The song breathes through me. I remember to keep my eyes open, to watch. In concern, I see Jake's breath stop, no longer in his body. At the same instant, I see Toruk Makto's chest rise. I can hear a new heartbeat entering our People through the tsahaylu. A cry of joy and hope sends the rise of the song to a high.
I remove the mask, seeing his face in my world. I must kiss my mate goodbye. I do so, first one cheek, then the other. With one final touch, I swing to Jake, hands pressing his.
He opens his bright eyes. Like a giant wave, Mo'at shouts to the heavens. The roar is enormous, a sound of hundreds accepting him, of welcoming him home. No one disconnects; they wait for his first thought in Eywa.
I am home.
The relief fills my chest with excitement. His mind entering us is overwhelming. He is strong, hard, and content. It is alien. The others rejoice, finally connecting to the one who led us to battle, no matter how distant through Eywa.
His eyes find mine, stars of gold. His lips twitch as his arms push him up suddenly, Eywa's fingers of grass dropping back into the earth. My lips touch his, welcoming. He does not deepen it, but unknown to the People, he touches my heart with his five fingers. It is a need between us.
I am looking forward to this night.
XXX
-Jake Sully-
Neytiri had a halo.
I had never seen an angel, but she would be pretty damn close. Her hands were holding mine, drawing me out of Eywa's slumber with assuredness. I could feel the People reaching out. I felt the grass touching my arms, drawing me close to the ground. Those attending wanted me there. I couldn't believe it.
I can't remember exactly what happened after our kiss. I vaguely remember unlinking from Eywa because the noise shot a bullet through my brain, and hands touching my shoulders, echoes of gratitude in my ears. I remember a smiling Neytiri dragging me through the crowds, beads clacking in her hair. The sound reminded me of my mother's ring on her belt and I wanted to be alone with her.
Together, we bolted past the People, exploding into the jungle. I felt a longing to stay. But Neytiri broke even that tiny resistance away with a smile, and a squeeze of my fingers.
The breath in my lungs is real. My fingers feel natural, like I have been born in this body. Which I had- it's my birthday. Moving had become a real thing; I wanted to race longer and harder, straining against the dirt. I subconsciously think of when I first woke in my Avatar.
Run.
Neytiri is keeping pace even when I floor past her, laughing and grunting from the exertion. Thin branches sting my cheeks, and the color flooding from the ferns and leaves light fireworks of purple and blue in my eyes. I can only see the beauty of the landscape, awake and alive, keeping me wired. It is seeing the world, not in two bodies, but one.
One.
My legs slowly let the harsh run lag into a jog, then a walk. Neytiri keeps her hand in mine, the smile permanently etched on her face. I study her, realizing how much sharper her face seems. Maybe it was because I was seeing through Na'Vi eyes, not human-shaded eyes. I swing her close to me, precariously situated near a tree, under a branch. To regain my balance, I press my knee into the bark. Panting, I laugh, and she is laughing with me, like a bell from back home. It is sweet.
"Neytiri," I say, holding her close, "I'm here." Her skin is hot against mine, and I run my hand up her back, kissing her neck. My heart is slowing, making the exertion catch up to me. A massive headache splits my head. "Ow..."
She smiles gently, like she knows how exhausted I am. Her hand encloses my cheek. "My Jake," she says, settling down on the tree root, "Your mind is spent. Sit." I do, allowing my legs to release the cramps.
I see her fingering the ring. A slight frown is in her eyebrow. I force the pain to subside, and I reach over, unwinding it from her braid. The gold is gleaming, curved and subtly binding. Neytiri is looking at me expectantly.
"It's a marriage ring," I begin, "On Earth, it shows two people are bound. Almost like before Eywa." My mother's face is in the back of my mind, round cheeks pink as my father kisses her goodnight. I take Neytiri's finger. "It was my mother's. I promised her I would put it on the woman I marry."
Neytiri bows her head, a smile of content and surprise on her face. I quietly touch her throat collar, thumb brushing her ear. "Will you wear it?" I ask, letting her decide.
She does not even hesitate. "Yes." Her fingers deftly unclasp the necklace, slipping on the ring. I hold her hair as she ties it back up, proudly lifting her chin to show it to me. Her smile is not fake, not surprised. She is content. It makes my heart pound.
"Jake," she whispers, "You promised me when you were one that we would mate." Her eyebrow raises, and a coy smile -very different than her shy one- makes her eyes twinkle. "I believe that time is now."
My breath is hot on her shoulder. I smile against her skin.
"I agree."
Ten years ago, on Earth, I couldn't even imagine I'd be calling the Na'Vi my 'people'.
I'd heard they were brutal, savage creatures hurting the operation for unobtanium. The RDA from the United States of America was helping out Earth's economy and world association by presenting a new source of energy worldwide. The Na'Vi were simpletons, idiots who loved Pandora like treehuggers.
Now, I am one of them, despite my five fingered hands and feet, and my language. Isn't strange how fate can be so ironic?
I have a mate. I have a place. I am Toruk Makto and Jakesully. I will become Olo'eyktan.
I am me.
0
0