Slippery Soap Suds
A/N: More delicious scenes for you! Thank you to my readers especially the reviewers. Not much reviews for the last chapter, which is sad D: which is why I've come up with a rule… If I don't reach at least 10 reviews for this chapter, I won't be updating this. LOL Or maybe not. Depends on my mood. :) Not to forget, a certain plot bunny is jumping around in my head and I don't want to start it without finishing this, which sucks because Slippery Soap Suds is not done yet!!
Alritey, enjoy, mates! :D
Chapter XIII: Blame It on the Booze
"I believe this is yours." The bag bearing the Q: For All Your Quidditch Needs logo dangled over her face. Hermione sighed in relief, and reached for the bag. "Thank you very – Malfoy?"
Draco's face scrunched. "As much as I want my name to be remembered in history, I'm not dead excited about it being part of English vocabulary. It sounds awfully awkward for people to tell each other 'thank you very malfoy'. It just doesn't seem right. Don't you think so, Granger?"
"Malfoy?" was Hermione's stunned reply.
"No, it's the cookie monster." Draco smirked, throwing the bag at her. "Close your mouth and stand up, Granger. You look pathetic."
Blushing, Hermione hurriedly stood up (with a slight limp) and fixed herself. "Thank you again," she said with a stiff formal tone. "Now if you will excuse me…"
Draco caught her wrist and asked. "What are you doing here, Granger?"
Hermione was quite taken aback. "I'm on vacation, like everybody else. What else would I be doing here? And why are you suddenly so interested in my affairs?"
"I'm not 'interested in your affairs'," Draco replied defensively. "It's just so…unlikely." More like, coincidental. He looked at her with narrowed eyes. "And you don't seem as if you have the resources…"
Hermione's eyes widened. "For the love of – "
"Granger! Granger!" Blaise was calling.
"Oh no!" Hermione muttered, and turned to go but it was too late. Zabini had caught up with her, huffing and puffing for breath.
"Holy, Granger!" He spat, still panting. "What in the blazes were you running away for?" He glanced at Draco, calmly surveying the scene. "Thanks for stopping this animal, Malfoy."
"My pleasure?" ("Animal?!")
Blaise straightened up and stared at Hermione. "Are you deaf? Why didn't you stop when I called you? I've never chased some girl in my entire life! Don't tell me I look that bad!"
"Yes, you do look that bad," Hermione lied. In truth, Blaise was uniquely good-looking. Easy on the eyes, as they say. Dark-haired, hazel-eyed and olive-skinned, Blaise Zabini is one of the names you could find in Parvati and Padma's Hogwarts' Hottest list. Physically, he's really not that bad. Except for his personality, which could rival Malfoy's, Hermione thought darkly. And like I'd ever admit it to his face! Animal, my arse!
"What!" Blaise said, turning to Draco for support. "Seriously?"
Draco just rolled his eyes, as if saying, I am not having this conversation.
"We're not friends, Zabini," Hermione explained. "If someone randomly goes after you, shouting your name like Cerberus just escaped Hell, and you look and find out it's a Slytherin, it's normal for a Gryffindor girl, alone in a place she's never been to, to run away."
"So much for Gryffindor courage," Blaise said and frowned. "It's not like I'm gonna eat you or something. Here in Archer Inn, you're my customer. And being a customer who so carelessly left her purse in the Cow Pumping Station, I had to do my duty to return it to its rightful owner."
Draco's brow shot up. "What a nice thing to do, Zabini."
"Shut up, Malfoy," Blaise threatened in a low voice. "My father's been monitoring my managerial work since I got here and no way in hell would I want to be kicked out of our family business."
"Even if you didn't mean it, and just because you're just doing your job," Hermione said hotly, snatching her purse from his hands. "Thank you and goodbye." There is just something with these little Slytherin pricks which make them so alike, so unnerving, so annoying, so irritating –
"Draco Malfoy! Yoohoo! Blaise Zabini!" Pause. "Hermione Granger?"
The three stiffened. That voice was way too annoying and pompous not to recognize.
"Pansy!" Blaise sort of laughed as he turned to the direction of the sound. "What a surprise!"
"Hello! Hello!" Pansy kissed Blaise and Draco's cheeks (and managed to squeeze a good portion of Draco's rump). "Granger!" She called at the frizzy-haired girl who thought she had just escaped the reunion party from hell.
Hermione turned back to them, and smiled, keeping their three-meter distance. "Hi, how are you, Pansy? Lovely to see you." Her voice oozed with poisonous sweetness that Draco and Blaise flinched while Pansy, being the thick bimbo that she was, welcomed the attack.
"All's good, all's good!" Pansy forced a chortle. "I didn't expect to see you here, much more with…"
"Oh nonononoooo, I was just passing by, you know… minding my own business." Get the hint, bitch.
Pansy laughed again. "For an impossibly funny second, I thought you had come with Draco and Blaise. ("What! Are you daft?" Draco and Blaise in background.) So we'll be seeing one another at the buffet tonight, I presume?"
"Suuuuuure, I'd love to keep your company," Hermione smiled. "Whoop-dee-doo, look at the time! I really have to go!" And she escaped for good this time.
"Okay, got the bug out," Pansy said, putting her arms around both guys. "Now where will we go?"
Draco and Blaise stared enviously at Hermione's retreating figure, getting smaller and smaller and farther and farther away from Pansy. Unfortunately for them, they were stuck with her.
Draco squirmed out of Pansy's death hold and asked, "I don't remember inviting you here, Pansy."
"You didn't," Pansy replied. "I'm on vacation."
"Here?" Draco was suspicious.
"Anything wrong with that?" She batted her lashes, all the while caressing Blaise's arm.
Draco eyed her. "You didn't come here to stalk me and try to get me drunk and have unprotected sex with me so you'll get a little Malfoy while I get some fuck disease from you?"
Pansy's eyes widened. "Ouch but no!" Her eyelids batted furiously.
Oh Merlin no, she did, Draco thought helplessly.
-.-.-.-.-
"I'd like a souvlaki brought to my room, please." Hermione called room service. "And could you bring a foot spa too?"
It had been a long day for Hermione, and even if she didn't want to admit it, she had fun shopping and looking around. Except for the part where she bumped into the Slytherin pack. Ugh. Not to mention, she had to run all the way to her room missing a shoe!
And Malfoy. She hadn't expected to see him at all. He always popped up in the most random of places and at the worst of times. But what confused her most was that she didn't feel threatened by him anymore or something like that. She felt as if it was normal to see him everyday and have a half-civil conversation with him. She actually felt as if she'd met a friend.
Lies! She cringed. Malfoy and friend didn't sound right together. It was more like, seeing Malfoy so suddenly had unnerved her. Not just Malfoy, of course. Zabini, too. And Pansy…was just being her Pansy little self. And did that fanny really think Hermione would go to that buffet thing and mingle? With them? Slytherins? Ho ho! Good one!
"I'm sorry, miss. We don't serve the customer in their rooms tonight. Dinner will be served at the buffet room."
"What? Can't you send some up to my room?"
"No, miss. Management orders."
"Are you telling me that I have to go down seven floors to the buffet to eat?"
"Yes, miss."
"Can't you bring some up to me? Please?" Hermione tried the cute lady act, words laced with meaning. "Consider it a special request."
"Although it's a very irresistible offer, I can't, miss."
"Merlin, I'm awfully tired, I have a swollen foot, this whole we-won't-serve-you-because-you-have-to-go-to-the-buffet thing is very inconvenient, not to mention, very illegal! Did you know that this is violating Section V.ii of the Hotel and Restaurant Manifest? I am a freaking customer and you won't give me some service?! Are you serious?"
"Yes, miss. Anything else?"
"Actually yes… Would you kindly push your bleeding management orders up your arse? That would be lovely." Hermione replied and hung up with a bang. What the hell?!
On the other line, Blaise was laughing his ass off.
"I don't see what's so funny in prank calls, Zabini," Draco said, arms folded and looking at Blaise sternly. "Especially with becoming phone pals with a Mudblood…"
"She just whored herself to me and cursed like a bloody sailor when I refused!"
"That's because you wouldn't send her food. Now what would your father say?"
Blaise made a face and took another gulp of his beer. "Look who's talking! Let me remind you who was, with reasons unknown even to his closest friend, spending so much time with the Mudblood before the break…who was (by fate?) the Mudblood's dance partner…who was seen dragging a brutally love-bitten Mudblood out of a truly shocked and traumatized Great Hall…who – "
"I get the idea, you doofus," Draco barked, hitting Blaise on the head. "That doesn't mean it's okay to be in contact with their…kind. Everything that happened, happened…and will not happen again." He looked away. His last words didn't sound strong enough.
Blaise gave him a weird look. "Draco, what really happened?"
"I'm hungry. Let's go."
-.-.-.-.-
"Orange juice?" Hermione innocently asked a waiter carrying a tray full of glasses of orangey liquid. Did you really think Hermione Granger would starve herself to death in a hotel room? Of course not! That, and the fact that she wanted to talk to the bloody management of this inn, which means, of course, Blaise Zabini. She would give him a piece of her mind on how customer service should be done.
The waiter looked at her, hesitated, and then smiled. "Si, orange juice." He winked at her and went away, leaving a glass to a very confused Hermione. "What was that wink for? Pervert…"
-.-.-.-.-
Draco thought blood would leak out of his ears. One more laugh and he would really strangle Parkinson! He and Blaise had been peacefully eating dinner when she arrived, all dolled up like a cheaper version of Rita Skeeter. Blaise was too glad to accept her. He was drunk out of his mind and wouldn't mind a plaything to end his day. But if Draco stayed one more minute, he'd risk a threesome. And that would be just…disgusting.
"Holy sweet potatoes!" Blaise said, suddenly standing up and returning Draco to reality. "Granger is making a scene! Crap!" All of them looked towards the direction of Blaise's horrified expression and found (to Draco's amusement) Hermione Granger dancing suggestively on top of the bar where a throng of men had begun cheering her on. Anyone could see she was smashed but it took a while before two security men carried her to a seat. Red in the face, Blaise muttered, "Excuse me while I go slaughter her." On cue, Draco got up and firmly pushed Blaise back to his seat.
"I'll talk to her." Without another word, Draco went sashaying among the crowd, towards the action.
"Malfoy!" Blaise called, frowning. He had a feeling this was not a good idea.
"Where you going, baby?" Pansy said.
"Don't 'baby' me if you don't want to wake up bald in the morning," Draco answered, not bothering to look back.
"Draco's changed," Pansy whispered.
"My, how very observant of you, Pans." He winked at her.
"Sod off, Blaise!" Pansy replied, hitting him playfully on the arm. "I'm serious."
"He hasn't changed, Pansy. He's just keeping something secret," Blaise answered, following Draco's back with his eyes.
-.-.-.-.-
Hermione knew in the recesses of the sober part of her mind that she shouldn't have trusted that fucked up waiter, giving her a drink she thought was non-alcoholic. Keyword: alcohol. "Orange juice, my arse!" Hermione shouted, pounding on the bar in irritation at how she had once again humiliated herself.
"A Cock Sucking Cowboy for your thoughts?"
"Excuse me?" Hermione looked up to see a stocky middle-aged man putting a shot glass full of liquid heaven in front of her.
"Shooter for you, missy, courtesy of that handsome young man over there," the bartender replied, pointing to a dark figure sitting idly across her seat, looking very much the role of a mysterious stranger. "Drink up, lass. That's mighty fine!"
Hermione's eyebrow rose up and a smile appeared playfully on her lips. "Give him a Blow Job with my love, mister." She watched as the bartender mixed the drink with a wink and approached the man who laughed upon learning of her treat. She downed her shot just as the bartender came back with a smirk on his face. "He said he'd rather you give him a Wet Pussy."
"Well, a Blow Job's all he'll be getting from me tonight," Hermione remarked, dizzily turning away from the bar. How cocky and pandalicious!
"Rather interesting," a voice drawled from behind her. "And here I thought I'd be getting a Cold Virgin. Pun very much intended."
"Quite the joker, aren't we?" Hermione said, looking back to see a green and yellow bob floating before her eyes. Groggily, she rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hand and peered at Cocky Mystery Man with narrowed slits. No use. That Brokeback shot was good, indeed! "You know you sound very familiar. I know a person who sounds just like you..." At this, Draco confirmed that she really was sloshed, completely arseholed to the point that she couldn't even recognize him. "As cocky as you, too, really."
"I know I'm cocky," Draco replied amusedly. "Care for a demonstration?"
"My, my, that tongue of yours has a way with words, mysterious man," Hermione suddenly purred, leaning closer to him. "I wonder what else it does."
Draco frowned. He could smell the drink in her breath and those glazed half-lidded eyes spelled things out. Plus, in real life, Hermione Granger would never ever flirt with a stranger. She's supposed to be a, a prude. She really is plastered. No shit! "You see her situation and you still give her drinks?" He said to the bartender, eating him with his eyes.
"Got no prob with that!" The bartender replied defensively. "Girl showed me her RD1 card. And wasn't it you who bought her a shot earlier?" He shrugged away and went to another customer.
Draco stared at Hermione who was licking her lips like a ten-year-old with ice cream on her face, pouting at him with drugged eyes. "Show me your RD1 Card."
"That's what you came here for? Get your own RD1 Card, bitch!"
Draco rolled his eyes and accio'd her card from her purse ("You can't do that!"). It showed a crude blending of Hermione Granger and some other girl named Dawn Morning Glory. An RD1 Card or Responsible Drinker Level 1 Card gave a person a limit of 25 liters when drinking or buying anything with alcohol content. He looked at Hermione. He didn't think she was Level 1…not even Level 2. In fact, she wouldn't even pass for the lowest card.
"Hey, give it back!" Hermione finally said. "Ey! Oi! D'you hear me?" She hiccupped. "That's mine."
Draco smirked. "Oh, this is yours, Dawn Morning Glory?"
"Hell yeah!" Hermione said, eyeing him. Then, she smirked. Yes, she smirked. "You know, (hiccup) when I squint my eyes and all I could see is rainbow colors, you're not (hiccup) pretty bad at all. You give off this sickly horny smell that kinda makes me want (hiccup) to jump you."
"What!?" I give off a sickly horny smell?
"Now. now, what's with this sudden virginal act? (hiccup) Weren't you being the cocky bastard a while ago? How about (hiccup) I give you a treat?" Hermione said playfully and without waiting for his reply, snaked her hand towards Draco's inner thigh and gave it a little squeeze strong enough to transfigure his legs to Jell-O; all the while squealing at Draco's scandalized expression for all it's worth.
"The fuck, Mudblood!" Draco exclaimed, hastily pushing her hand away. "You are so drunk, do you even know me?"
"I gave you my treat; now please give me back my RD1 Card?" Hermione tried to coax him with cuteness, totally ignoring Draco's words. "And my name is not Mublah, it's Dawn Sunshine Shit."
"Not working," Draco said in a huff, avoiding Hermione's gaze as he frantically looked around the place. She just groped me! In public! Hermione Granger!
"Fuhuuck! Why (hiccup) won't you just give it to me? What you being a prat for?" Hermione cursed, and then suddenly her head dropped on the counter. She was groaning and she faced Draco, eyes half-closed, but she didn't raise her head.
"Oh, boy!" Draco muttered.
"Oh, girl!" Hermione replied, chuckling.
"You're freakin' weird, Granger," was all Draco said.
"Granger is, isn't she?" Hermione replied, smiling at no one in particular. "She's so weird, with her zebra stripes and fake smile and fake courage. (hiccup) Know what I think, she doesn't even know herself. Sometimes, I confuse myself… (hiccup) why I feel this or that or that or this…hahahaaaa… You know I love Harry, don't you?" Malfoy made a face. He did not want to hear Granger and Potter's love story.
"It's so obvious, the whole school knows but him," Hermione continued. "Does he like me back?" She waited for an answer but the answer never came. "See. Silence. It's so fucked up! I always thought I had a (hiccup) chance. I could feel it. But Harry doesn't (hiccup) even want to talk to me anymore. Fuck fuck (hiccup) fuck! And do you know (hiccup) why? Because of Malfoy!
-"Me? What did I do this time?"
You know Draco (hiccup) Malfoy, right? The whole bloody wizarding world knows the bloody Malfoys. And that shit's stuck in his head, he feels like he's so gre(hiccup)at, just because he's a rich Pureblood bitch. In reality, Malfoy is just a babied prat! An insecure ignoramus, an oversized (hiccup) knobhead, not to forget a racist arsehole!"
Malfoy, face red, opened his mouth to react.
"But I don't know anymore," Hermione continued and Draco closed his mouth, and looked at her. Seriously.
"Ever since the bathroom incident…oh yeah we made out in a bathroom yes sir. Not the most pleasant of situations but Merlin (hiccup), does that smarmy git know his lips well!" At this, Draco flinched and yet found himself smirking.
"Ever since that, things…well, things haven't been the same for me. I despise him with my whole being but suddenly he seemed to be occupying a huge (hiccup) amount of time in my mind. I'm scared. I'm so terrified. Do you know the possibilities if he'd permanently stay in my system?
-"God forbid."
Harry and Ron would HATE me! I piss in my (hiccup) pants just thinking about it!" Draco's laughter interrupted her, and she frowned as she continued, "I don't fancy him – I hope – I just think he could actually be nice -- sometimes, (hiccup) which I like, (hiccup) which is wrong (hiccup) because that would mean all those principles I've built would topple down. I keep telling myself he's evil,
-"I'm not evil!"
that this is just the effect of not having a boyfriend for some time now, (hiccup) that this is just the bloody fucking hormones, that this is just because (hiccup) Harry friggin' Potter is being a totally insensitive idiot. I tried to kill the thought of him a million (hiccup) times but I only succeeded in overlapping it with thoughts of - (hiccup) Malfoy. Pathetic (hiccup) and wrong, I know, considering the fact that now I (hiccup) find myself leaning towards (hiccup) the person who hates me most." Hermione laughed and gave out a long belch.
"Why is he being so difficult?" Hermione sighed. "Do you know how hard it is to control myself every time he is around? It's like alcohol. I have an alcohol problem, you know. It tastes so good even though you know it's bad for you. Too much could kill you, but a few drops taste like heaven and you couldn't stop." She gave him a sad smile which almost made Draco feel sorry for Hermione's love life. Almost. I mean, I couldn't blame the guy for being jealous of me. Everyone knows Potter is a walking bomb of emotions. I understand he feels threatened, I am rather good-looking, Draco thought while Hermione ranted on. "It seems as if his secret goal in life is to seduce me out of my wits! And even if my assumption isn't true, I don't think he knows he is tormenting me with all those looks and touches. Oh gods, the touches! His mere sodding presence affects me, for crying out loud! I hate that! I hate him! I hate Draco Malfoy!" She said this with ultimate spite, such intensity Malfoy was sure her very breath could burn anything at contact.
And it only took a millisecond for him to process what she just said. She was talking about me?
Silence. Draco didn't know what to think or say. He was locked in this moment. When a drunken Hermione Granger professed her hate for him because she feels something for him; and somehow knowing that, instead of rejoicing over successfully making Potter's life hell, his heart felt a trillion times heavier. He just froze up. Even when Hermione was barfing on the counter, almost choking at the magnitude of her own vomit, he didn't budge. Even when the bartender told him to bring his girlfriend somewhere because he didn't have time to make a potion for her and Jesus, have mercy even if he doesn't know her.
"M-malfoy…"
Only when Hermione croaked his name did he snap out of his stupor, mutter a weak Scourgify, and carry her to 1525 Archer Inn South Gardens.
-.-.-.-.-
A/N: Worth a review? I hope I did it just right. I had fun writing this chapter. ;) Excuse Hermione's mood swings and change in character please. Blame it on the booze! ;)
Chapter 14 Teaser:
"What a pity you don't remember what happened last night…"
Hermione froze. "Wha-what do you mean?"
Draco pouted and pretended to be examining his nails. "And here I was looking forward for tonight… You did promise me an awful lot of things."
"DRACO MALFOY, EXPLAIN YOURSELF THIS INSTANT!"
Excited for the next chapter?! You better be! Because I am! XD Hail the unresolved sexual tension!