"This is an instructional video on how to survive in Alphabet City," Mimi tells me through the camera. "By the way, this was my idea, so don't let Mark take credit for it. You know he'll try," she says with a smile.
"Hey!" says an indignant Mark from behind the camera.
Another grin from Mimi and the scene changes. Collins sits on a stool in what I recognized as the kitchen of the flat he shares with Angel.
"The number one thing you should know is that although getting your ass kicked on Christmas may be the wimpiest time of year for that to happen, it's also the best time of year to play up your injuries to win more sympathy from the good-looking guy playing the pickle tub."
Off-screen, Angel's Voice calls out a sharp "Collins!"
Collins' eyes focus beyond the camera as he smiles ruefully. "Well, look where my moaning got us!"
He opens his arms to Angel, who mutters as she crosses suddenly into the scene. "I'll make you moan, alright," she says as she flings her arms around Collins and straddles him, covering him with a thousand kisses.
The camera turns suddenly onto Mark's face.
"And this is where Mark makes his great escape," he narrates, and the clip changes, settling on Angel who sits in the same stool that Collins had seemingly only vacated recently. Angel's wig is crooked, her lipstick smudged and her cheeks still flushed, but she sits daintily and smiles towards the camera.
"Honey, what you've got to know is that a pair of heels can save your life."
She lifts one foot, showing me a dagger-like stiletto.
"If you know where to stab someone with one of these, you're golden. I'll be giving you lessons soon enough."
Scene change to Maureen and Joanne's place. Joanne looks into the lens and tells me seriously, "If you're ever getting mugged, just let them have what they want. Any money, it doesn't matter. Just let them have it and there's a better chance you won't be hurt."
"BORING!" shouts Maureen and the camera is jarred for an instant with the distinct plea of "Give them back, Mo!"
The focus straightens and Maureen wears Mark's glasses perched crookedly on her nose.
"Moritz, pookie, you just need to know that if you're meant to be with a woman, then you're meant to be with a woman and you shouldn't waste so much time with a nerdy guy just because he's willing to be your puppet." She grins wickedly at the camera, and the cameraman beyond it.
The clip shifts to Roger.
"Moritz, man, if a hot girl climbs through your window with hair full of moonlight and eyes for only you, no matter how fucked up you are, do not push her away. God."
To Mark, who sits in a chair at the Life, holding the camera up to his face.
" Don't fall in love with someone who isn't meant to love you back." He smiles sadly and glances to his left. Although I can't be certain, I know he's looking at Maureen.
To Mimi, last of all.
"Moritz, this city comes at you fast. You can have everything one minute, but in a second, it's gone. So, I guess my advice to you, to myself and to everyone is to live every second of your life. No day but today, right?"