Chapter 6: The Ownage of Starclan

I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing more frequently. This chapter is one of my personal favorites, so I hope you enjoy it.

WARNING: This chapter contains ownage via Chuck Norris. Daydreamer897 cannot be held accountable for any effects caused from reading about his awesomeness. Side effects may include burning, itching, breathing, random combustion, heart attacks, sudden death, or swelling. READ AT OWN RISK!

Twilightwing: yeah, Bloodstar is awesome, thanks for reviewing.

Disclaimer: How many times do I have to say it? I do not own Warriors.

On with the ownage

Bloodstar followed Jaypaw along the Windclan border. The past day had been his first day of leading Thunderclan, and he had to admit, it was a little bit tiring having to look after a clan of mostly idiots. As his first order of business, Firetstar had been stripped of his rank as leader, and his name was changed back to Fireheart. Then, about half an hour later, Bloodstar found the name to be too boring, and so changed his name to Firefart. The clan got a good laugh out of that. Next, Bloodstar had posted Bloodclan warriors around all of the exits, and had at least two of them on every patrol, just in case the Thunderclanners got any ideas. Finally, he was on his way to the moon pool, so that he could be an official leader, then when he got back, he would name his deputy. Wow, who knew that being a dictator could be so much work?

The two cats reached the moon pool, and sat by the water.

"Bloodstar, are you sure this is such a good idea?" Jaypaw asked. Bloodstar looked at his Medicine cat in surprise.

"Well of course I'm sure. The clans might not respect me if I'm not an official leader."

"Um, they would respect you if you were a badger Bloodstar, you tend to... um... well... scare cats."

"Hmm... I guess you're right, but I still want to do this."

"But what if Starclan doesn't approve? They can be kinda... temperamental."

To this, Bloodstar laughed. "Jaypaw, Jaypaw, Jaypaw, I do have ways of getting what I want."

Jaypaw looked skeptical, but thought better of asking anymore questions.

"Okay then, I'll see you when you wake up."

"Aren't you going to dream with Starclan too?" Jaypaw smiled.

"Not unless you want me to intrude on you meeting. No, I'll wait. Good luck!" Jaypaw said.

Bloodstar nodded, and then sat at the edge of the water, closing his eyes and waiting to dream...

Bloodstar woke in a large clearing surrounded by thick forest. A few yards away, a large group of cats was gathered, too caught up in their conversation to notice him.

"...And I'm telling you, that there is no way that Firestar could beat Brambleclaw in a fight." said a pale ginger she cat.

"He could too! He defeated Scourge for crying out loud! He's the fire that saved the clan!" hissed a blue-grey she-cat.

"Maybe then, but now.. let's face it, Firestar has gone mental." argued a white tom. Several cats nodded in agreement.

"Fine, so it's agreed that Brambleclaw could beat Firestar, now, what about Brambleclaw against Ashfur?" a black and white apprentice asked.

"Well that's stupid! Ashfur is gay. He would never fight Brambleclaw, he loves him!" pale grey she-cat chuckled

"Okay, okay, but what about Leafpool against Nightcloud..."

"Excuse me?" Bloodstar cut in impatiently.

The Starclan cats jumped.

"Hey, who are you?" the white tom asked.

"He's not dead!" A brown apprentice gasped.

"It's not time to meet with the medicine cats already is it? Hey kid, are you a medicine cat apprentice?" the pale ginger she cat asked.

"No, I'm a clan leader." Bloodstar said impatiently. The Starclan cats burst out laughing.

"Yeah right! Who are you really?" The blue-grey she cat laughed.

"I'm the new leader on Thunderclan, here to get my nine lives." Bloodstar said calmly.

"Thunderclan! Firestar isn't dead. Is he?" The she cat asked, casting a look at the cats behind her.

"Nope, he's alive Bluestar." The white tom confirmed.

"Thank you Whitestorm, and as I was saying, you're just an apprentice." Bluestar mocked.

"The apprentice who's gonna kick your dead butts if you don't give me my nine lives soon." Bloodstar hissed.

"Touchy much?" Bluestar teased.

"Who do you think you are anyway? Coming in here and ordering us around." The black and white apprentice asked.

"Where have you been for the past two days? I'm Bloodstar, leader of Bloodclan and now leader of Thunderclan since I took it over last night. Now give me my nine lives before I kick you from here to the sundrown place."

The Starclan cats began to look slightly nervous.

"You can't hurt us! We're dead for crying out loud!" A pretty tortoiseshell snarled.

"Wanna bet?" Bloodpaw hissed, and quick as a flash, whipped out his claws and slashed the tortoiseshell in the throat. A look of shock passed her face as she fell to the ground and squirmed in pain. Two seconds later, she stopped moving, then she disappeared, only to pop up four feet away soon after.

"WHAT THE CRAP! HE KILLED SPOTTEDLEAF!" Whitestorm squeaked.

"You killed me! You freaking killed me!" Spottedleaf gasped in disbelief.

"Is that even possible?" The brown apprentice asked.

Without warning, Spottedleaf leaped at Bloodstar.

Bloodstar dodged her easily, then dealt her a fatal blow to the head. She fell to the ground dead, and then reappeared next to Bluestar, panting.

"Stop that!" She shouted.

"Give me my nine lives!" Bloodstar demanded.

"Never!"

"Okay then..." Bloodstar lunged at Spotted leaf and killed her again.

"You beep!" Spottedleaf growled.

"Well crap, this isn't good." The pale ginger she cat she cat said.

"Goldenflower is right, this is horrible!" Whitestorm agreed.

"Alright, who's next? I'll do this all night if I have to." Bloodstar said.

"You wanna go?" Bluestar asked, crouching to the ground.

"Stop!" A thundering voice from above said. The Starclan cats stopped and stared up at the sky, mouths open in wonder.

A single beam of light shined down on the clearing, and the clouds parted. The angels sang out in an immaculate chorus, as down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris. All of the cats carefully averted their eyes, so that they would not burn from the awesome sight of the great and mighty Chuck Norris.

"O' Great One, why is it that you bless us with your presence?" Bluestar asked.

"I understand that you refuse to give Bloodstar his nine lives. Why is that?" Chuck Norris asked.

"O' Great One, he has not achieved his leadership the proper way."

"Ah, but he has achieved it through ownage, which is even better, now, give this leader his nine lives, or face the wrath of my round-house kick." Chuck Norris ordered.

"Y-Yes O' Great One." Blueststar said, shocked.

Reluctantly, the cats of Starclan lined up and faced Bloodstar. The first cat approached Bloodstar was the pale ginger she cat from before, Goldenflower.

"I give you this life for courage." she said timidly, and pushed her nose to his. Bloodstar didn't even flinch at the pain that met him. As soon as she was done, Goldenflower raced back to join the others. Then, the black and white apprentice walked up. "With this life, I give you justice." he said, looking at the demented tom uncertainly, then presses his nose to his.

Next up was Whitestorm. He looked at Bloodstar bleakly, then touched noses. "I give you this life for tireless energy, and because frankly, you scare the crap out of me."

Four cats that Bloodstar didn't recognize came next, then, second to last was Spottedleaf.

She spoke through gritted teeth. "I give you this life for love and because I have to." she touched his nose and Bloodstar grinned, just as she pulled away and turned to rejoin the other Starclan cats, Bloodpaw racked his claws across the back of her head, and she died yet again. This time, however, instead of reappearing after her body disappeared, she didn't show up.

"Um, Spottedleaf?" Bluestar called out. There was no answer.

"You, shorty," Bluestar pionted to Bloodstar, "Where is she?"

"How should I know?" Bloodstar asked.

"I believe that since Spottedleaf has been killed so many times, she has been sent back to the forest alive." Chuck Norris speculated.

"That's impossible!" Whitestorm protested.

"So is killing a Starclan cat, now get on with the ceremony, while I'm young." Bloodstar snapped.

This time, none of the Starclan cats moved, instead, Chuck Norris stepped forward. He touched the top of Bloodstar's nose, and a sering pain his Bloodstar, worse than the other eight lives.

"With this life, I give you ownage, use it to dominate all those who stand in your way." Chuck Norris said. He stepped back, then all of the Starclan cats cheered unenthusiastically. "Bloodstar, Bloodstar, Bloodstar."

Then, for the second time in Bloodstar's life, he felt the pleasant feeling of power come over him.

Yay Chuck Norris! Please R&R or Chuck Norris will descend from the heavens and round-house kick your spine!