Sorry for the ridiculously long wait. I could probably spend the next hour describing to you why I haven't updated, but frankly I think I'll spare us all and get on with the story.
To all you people who tried to guess Hollykit's plan, I must say, you guys are pretty creative! But sadly, no one got close.
Disclaimer: I am not Erin Hunter, there for, I do not own Warriors. However, I do own Bloodstar, Nightshade, and Shadowstep, so I will sue you if you take them. :)
On with the randomness!
Chapter 14: Tyrants and Rappers
Leopardstar was worried.
It had been almost a full moon since the last gathering, and the demented Bloodclan leader's words still haunted her. At first, she hadn't been too concerned about the little twerp. He was barely more than a kit for Starclan's sake, what was there to be worried about.
Then, Shadowclan had disappeared.
Multiple patrols had confirmed that Shadowclan hadn't been near their border for a long time, and now they hadn't seen a whisker from Windclan either. This was a worrying predicament, and Leopardstar was none too pleased to find herself right in the middle of it.
"Leopardstar, what's going on?" Graymist would demand.
"Leopardstar, what happened to the other clans?" Reedwhisker would whine.
"Leopardstar, why weren't there any other Medicine cats at the Moon Pool during the half moon?" Willowpaw would wander.
"Leopardstar, where…." Mistyfoot started, entering the leader's den.
"ENOUGH!" Leopardstar yowled in frustration. "No more questions!"
"B-but-"
"NO BUTS! I'm sick and tired of all of this stress! I don't care whatever it is that you want to bug me about! I have enough to deal with as it is!"
"Leopardstar, I just-"
"NO! You know what, if you think that you know all the answers, why don't you try leading for a while!"
Mistyfoot's eyes widened in despair. "No, I-"
"Actually," Leopardstar said, smiling sweetly, "that's not such a bad idea."
"What are you proposing?" Mistyfoot asked nervously.
"I'm sick of my stressful duties; I think I'm going to go on vacation for a while."
"But you can't just leave! The clan needs a leader in this time of stress and uncertainty!"
"Don't worry! I'm leaving the clan in capable paws." Leopardstar promised.
"Really? Whose?"
Leopardstar purred in amusement, "Why, you of course. Now take care of Riverclan, I don't want a huge mess to clean up whenever I decide to return." Not waiting for a reply, Leopardstar fled the den, leaving her deputy staring after her in utter horror.
"What's wrong with you?" Willowpaw asked Mistyfoot upon seeing her stunned expression.
"Oh, nothing," Mistyfoot said offhandedly, "Leopardstar just had an emotional breakdown and abandoned us for Starclan knows how long and left me in charge of all of Riverclan and now I think I'm going into shock. No biggie."
And with that, Riverclan's new leader passed out and was carted off to the Medicine cat den.
"Oh Starclan," Willowpaw sighed, "what next?"
Bloodstar was not in a pleasant mood, much to the dismay of his great clan. When Bloodstar was dissatisfied, the world was not a pleasant place.
"Why have you woken me?" the Bloodclan leader growled at the guard, who stood in front of him in the entrance of the leader's den twitching nervously. "You know that I do not like being woken before sun high."
"F-forgive me sire." The guard stuttered. "But an intruder was spotted on the edge of your territory and he requested an audience with you."
"Oh?" Bloodstar asked skeptically. "So you though that it would be best if you woke me from my precious sleep so that I could take time out of my life to talk with some random rogue?"
The guard looked like he was about to pass out. "N-no! O-of course not! I meant, I- well, y-you see…"
"Enough!" the demented cat growled. "Just send him in!"
Without another word, the guard fled the den, muttering rambled apologies under his breath. Moments later, two more guards entered, a long haired brown and tortoiseshell tom walking between them.
"Greetings," the strange tom said evenly, not even flinching under Bloodstar's cold glare. The Bloodclan leader was mildly impressed by this feat of great bravery and indifference. "I am Sol. I have traveled a long distance to speak with you…"
Bloodstar lashed out and raked his claws across Sol's chest, watching as blood began to drip from the gashes he left.
"I don't remember asking you to speak, fat boy." Bloodstar said plainly, as if discussing the weather.
Sol stared numbly down at his wound, and then gave Bloodstar a slightly surprised look. He stared at him for a long time, his discomfort obviously growing by the moment, not daring to speak again.
After a few silent minutes passed and Bloodstar had grown tired of watching his guest squirm, he sighed. "Alright, now you may talk. Make it quick though, I have places to go and conquer, people to see, and lives to ruin."
Sol dipped his head in respect, still maintaining his composure quite well. "I have heard many rumors of your great reign, Bloodstar, and thought that I might come and see if they were true."
"And?" Bloodstar's eyes twinkled dangerously. "Look around you Sol, do the rumors serve true?"
"Yes." Sol said carefully. "Though they do you little justice. Your empire is quite impressive, but…"
Bloodstar frowned suddenly. "But what?"
Sol's eyes widened slightly in fear. "Well, I had just…I had pictured that you might be a bit…bigger."
Bloodstar unsheathed his claws again and slashed the insolent tom across the face. Sol winced and bit his tongue, but didn't cry out, and just stared back at the horrible leader in protest.
The Bloodclan leader stared at him for a few heartbeats, gauging his reaction and wondering why the heck he wasn't writhing on the floor or at least trembling. He didn't even glance at his wounds. What's wrong with this cat? He obviously some kind of psychopath!
Bloodstar suddenly started purring, making both the guards and Sol jump in surprise. "I like this guy! Let's make him a warrior!"
Sol's eyes widened in protest. "Bu-"
The kit-leader waved his tail dismissively. "No need to thank me. You did come all this way to see me, so it's the least I can do!"
Before poor Sol could protest anymore, Bloodstar walked out on to the High-ledge and called for a clan meeting. As the cats gathered below him, many gave out gasps of shock or hisses of disgust as they noticed Sol standing by their leader. The former Shadowclanners especially were looking furious.
"Cat's of Bloodclan!" their leader called out cheerfully. "Today, we will welcome a new member to our ranks! Sol, please step forward."
Reluctantly, Sol stepped forward, and several Shadowclan cats hissed threateningly at him. Bloodstar seemed completely unaware of the spite that had suddenly filled the air.
"Sol, from this day forward, until you die a grueling death either by some natural cause or assassination by your new clanmates," Sol's eyes widened, "you shall be known as…Soljaboy!"
And with that, Soljaboy reached the peak of his stress level and passed out, falling off of the High-ledge and into the paws of the vicious Shadowclan warriors.
Bloodstar sat, watching as the feral cats tore the unconscious tom limb for limb, glee filling his heart. Nightshade walked up to him and gave him a concerned look.
"Shouldn't you stop them?" she asked.
"Of course not!" Bloodstar said, looking at her as if she were a complete idiot. He cast another tender, almost fatherly look down at the chaos below. "Can't you see; they're bonding!"
Five cats stalked through the shadows, their paw-steps silent over the smooth stone. Stars gleamed overhead, lighting their path and reflecting off of the smooth, glassy surface. The Moon Pool.
It was only a quarter moon, so they didn't have to worry about running into any medicine cats. They had a feeling that being caught by anyone would result in disaster.
Spottedleaf stood at the front of the group, leading the way down to the pool. She was, after all a former medicine cat. Following her were Firefart, Blackbeard, Weeniestar, and Hollykit. No one was happy that Firefart was there. All he did was trip them up since he insisted on walking right at Spottedleaf's heels.
Cautiously, they approached the water, and Spottedleaf stared up at the stars, longing to join her ancestors once more, if not to escape Bloodstar than to escape Firefart.
"Can you do it?" Hollykit whispered, pushing past the others to stand next to her.
Spottedleaf suppressed a hiss of annoyance. She would never have brought Hollykit along either, except for the fact that, unfortunately, it had been her idea in the first place.
"Of course I can do it!" she snapped. "But I'm going to need a volunteer to-"
"I volunteer!" Firefart practically yowled, jumping up and down excitedly.
"But I haven't even told you…" A wide smile suddenly spread across the she-cat's face. "I mean, of course Firefart."
The former Thunderclan leader grinned gleefully, not noticing the evil look that had crept into his beloved's eyes.
"Alrighty then Firefart, come stand next to me." The tom was at her side in an instant, pressing into her side. The former medicine cat resisted to urge to recoil.
"Okay," she said through gritted teeth. "Now drink from the pool."
Firefart stooped down to drink from the pool, then paused for a second to stare back at Spottedleaf. "See ya on the other side, sweetheart!"
As the tom drank from the pool, Spottedleaf felt her claws unsheathe and stared at the back of the tom's exposed neck with a dangerous glint in her eye. No, not yet. Too many witnesses. Reluctantly, she unsheathed her claws and drank from the pool.
Immediately, she found herself standing in the middle of a dark forest filled with dead trees. Firefart stood at her side.
"Whoa!" Firefart exclaimed. "Starclan sure has gone downhill!"
"This isn't Starclan you idiot!" Spottedleaf hissed.
"No, it's the Dark Forest."
Both cats looked up to see none other than the great and all powerful gangsta Tigerstar standing before them, his eyes narrowed and his claws unsheathed.
"Tigerstar." Spottedleaf dipped her head in greeting, not at all worried about his gleaming claws. She had died several times as it was. The prospect of death didn't scare her.
Firefart apparently was a different story. The tom shrieked like a little kit and dove in behind Spottedleaf. The tortoiseshell she-cat growled and pushed him away and turned to address Tigerstar once more.
"Look, we-"
"I know what you're here for." The tabby growled. "You want me to defeat that twerp Bloodstar so that you can all go back to living in peace."
"Well, yeah." Spottedleaf admitted.
Tigerstar snorted. "And why should I care about helping you? It was Starclan that banished me here, and I care nothing for the living."
Spottedleaf glared at him. "Shouldn't it be obvious? You spent your entire life trying to take over the clans and died trying. You failed miserably and are suffering for it."
The evil tom gave her a furious look. "So? Why would that make me want to help you? If anything, I should kill you all for making me suffer."
Firefart whimpered, and Spottedleaf silenced him with a look.
"You shouldn't help us." The she cat said coldly.
Tigerstar unsheathed his claws and prepared to spring, but Spottedleaf continued before he could move.
"But, just think about this. That little runt Bloodstar succeeded in every aspect that you failed. He's taking over all of the clans, and doing it as easily as swatting a fly. All of the legacies you left behind, all the fear, he's overshadowing it and making you look like nothing more than an insolent kit from Queens' tales. If you won't fight for us, then fight simply for revenge. Remind the clans who they should really fear."
Tigerstar straightened out of his crouch and gave her a thoughtful look. "Your words intrigue me. But, besides revenge, why should I fight?"
"If you return to the land of the living and fight with us, then you will stay living." Spottedleaf said smoothly. "We won't make you return here."
The ex-tyrant's eyes grew wide, and he searched her gaze for any signs of deception. Her expression was so blank that he could find none.
"This is a serious offer?" he asked.
"Of course. You help us, and we give you a second chance." Spottedleaf flinched inwardly. Bluestar was probably having a heart attack somewhere in Starclan right now.
"Alright." He said evenly. "I'll kill the brat. But, you do realize that I can't just leave the Dark Forest; someone will have to take my place…"
Spottedleaf motioned to Firefart, her eyes glowing evilly. A grin spread across Tigerstar's face and a purr rumbled through his throat.
"What?" Firefart asked innocently, wondering why everyone was looking at him funny. Then… it clicked, and his eyes widened. "N-NO! But you wouldn't do that Spottedleaf! I LOVE Y-"
The tom cut off mid-sentence when both Tigerstar and Spottedleaf disappeared, returning to the land of the living and leaving him all alone in the Dark Forest.
"H-Hello?" Firefart called out nervously. "Guys! This isn't funny, come back!"
Suddenly, several cats sprang out of the shadows, proving that the tom wasn't as alone as he had first figured. Scourge, Brokentail, Hawkfrost, and Darkstripe formed a circle around him, hissing and spitting scornfully, their eyes gleaming at the prospect of long awaited revenge.
Firefart stared at his old nemeses in dismay and uttered the only word that he could think of to summarize the situation he was now facing.
"Well crap."
And with that, the evil cats attacked, beginning the long chain of revenge that they would put him through for his entire stay in the Dark Forest. Firefart had no choice but to wait until Spottedleaf came and got him…however long that may be.
Spottedleaf awoke beside the Moon Pool and stood, blinking in the light of the rising dawn.
"Did it work?" she asked hazily. The effort of resurrecting the long dead cat had left her utterly exhausted.
"Um, well…" Weeniestar stuttered. "Yes and no…"
Spottedleaf narrowed her eyes. What happened?
"OMIGOSH IT WORKED!" A high pitched, shrill voice cut through the peaceful morning silence like a blade.
Wincing, Spottedleaf looked to her right and spotted a strange cat standing by the edge of the pool, his amber eyes glowing with fury and outrage.
"Tigerstar?" Hollykit gawked, a smirk forming on her lips.
"YES IT'S ME YOU INSUFFERABLE SHE-CAT!" the tom trilled in his strangely squeaky voice. "I am the great Tigerstar! All shall cower in my presence! All shall bow before me! I will destroy you all!...WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT?!?!?!?"
All of the present cats had now gathered around to stare down at Tigerstar not even trying to hide their laughter.
"How dare you!" he shrieked angrily. "You will all pay for this! Once I have destroyed Bloodstar I will slaughter the lot of you! I will rip your fur from your bodies! I will tear you all into little pieces! I will, I will…"
Tigerstar trailed off as he stared down at his body, and his eyes widened in disbelief. The once proud warrior that used to tower over all now stood only a few feet high, hardly bigger than a kit. The shrinking seemed to have affected his voice box too, because his voice was high and squeaky. But, this was not the most disturbing aspect that caught the ex-tyrant's eye.
"Omigosh!" Hollykit chortled. "He's naked!"
Indeed, though Tigerstar had seemingly survived the ordeal in one piece, he had come back completely furless.
Blushing from ear to tail tip, the tom stared indignantly back at Spottedleaf, his eye practically burning with the fiery hate of a thousand suns.
"You did this." He growled.
Spottedleaf fought back her fits of mirth and tried, unsuccessfully, to answer him with a straight face. "Hah! I wish I had done this. But no, it wasn't me. It could have been a number of complications really, or just horrible luck."
"Well change me back!" Tigerstar demanded squeakily.
"Look Pee-Wee," she growled. "Don't come crying to me! I couldn't reverse this even if I wanted too. Which I don't…"
"So I'm stuck like this?"
Spottedleaf shrugged. "Maybe. I can't tell for sure. Who knows, it might wear off over time."
No one sounded optimistic about that.
"When I find the beeeeep who did this to me…" The squeaky Warrior-kit let the empty threat hang in the air. "No matter, I can still defeat that wimp Bloodstar."
"You better." Spottedleaf hissed. "Or the deal's off Squeaky."
Tigerstar unsheathed his lethal claws, but was waved off by Hollykit. "Enough." She sighed. "Let's get back to camp. At least this way no one will recognize that we brought Tigerstar back from the dead. That would be kind of hard to explain…"
And with that, the ROFL members walked back toward camp, followed by a very sullen, very bald Tigerstar.
Meanwhile in Starclan…
The Starclan camp was in absolute chaos. Cats were rolling on the ground laughing so hard that they couldn't breathe, and some of the elders had had multiple heart attacks… though no one really knew how that was possible…
Bluestar and Yellowfang sat amongst the commotion, staring gleefully down at the scene unfolding down by the Moon Pool with Tigerstar. Grinning from ear to ear, the two she-cats high-fived each other and congratulated themselves on a job well done.
"Oh wow!" Whitestorm gasped, coming and sitting next to them. "You guys really did that."
Bluestar shrugged. "The voice and size were Yellowfang's idea. I just added the baldness for my own pleasure."
"Genius!" Swiftpaw cheered, pushing past them to get a better look at the disgraced tom.
"Yes, revenge is sweet." Bluestar purred, watching as the cats walked back to camp.
"But, isn't this wrong?" Thrushpelt asked innocently.
Everyone paused in mid laugh and turned to glare at the tom.
"What?" he demanded, feeling his ear tips grow hot with embarrassment.
"Wow." Frostfur sighed. "No wonder Bluestar never loved you."
And with that, Thrushpelt wandered off into his emo corner and the rest of Starclan continued to rejoice. And as it was, heads exploded, faces busted, and many lolz were had.
Thanks for being patient guys; I know I'm a horrible updater as of late. Feel free to submit any suggestions for name changes or other random stuff. Oh, and to those of you who haven't read Bluestar'sProphecy and have no clue who Thrushpelt is… READ THE FREAKING BOOK CUZ ITS AWESOME!
Yeah…
Anyway, I also started a new Warriors story (for any or you that haven't noticed yet) called "The Truth About Warriors" that I promise is almost as random as this story and will provide you with much more than your recommended daily dose of sarcasm!