Reasons

After we got back to Forks from our visit with the Volturi I knew I would have to set things straight with Edward and Jacob. Edward was still confident that I was going to forgive him and things were going to go back to normal, the way things had been before he left me. I knew that would never happen. Jacob had made sure of that.

We walked into the Cullen's mansion and I sat down on the ivory loveseat, contemplating what I was going to say. How I was going to explain how the situation had changed. I couldn't think of the right words to say to explain how I felt when Edward went away, how I felt when Jacob saved me from the darkness and hurt, how I felt now when Edward tried to kiss me and how all I wanted was Jacob's warm, comforting, soft arms around me and his kiss on my lips.

When I thought back to when me and Edward were in love I couldn't believe it was real. It was like a distant dream that Edward had rudely awaken me from. Jacob had showed me that reality could be better than a dream. He had showed me that I could be myself instead of trying to be perfect. He had shown me that being reckless and spontaneous was fun. He didn't have to be careful around me all the time, didn't have to worry that he was going to hurt me if we got too close. Jacob made me laugh and feel like all I had to be was Bella and that was good enough for him. Jacob was real. Edward was a dream.

Edward quickly and gingerly sat next to me on the loveseat and looked intently into me eyes. He knew I wanted to say something to him, but he had the wrong idea of what it was.

"You don't have to say anything. I will never forgive myself for what I did to you, not even if I live for eternity. I will never do anything to hurt you ever again. I will never leave your side. I love you, Bella." He caressed my cheek with his chilly fingers as he recited lines that belonged in a Hallmark card.

I turned my head. I couldn't even look at him. I had wanted this moment for so long. At least I had thought this is what I wanted. Was it really? Not anymore.

"Look Edward, things have changed since you left. I can't just pretend that nothing happened. It's not that easy. The only reason I came to Italy was to make sure you didn't kill yourself for no reason. I never said anything about things going back to the way they were before." I said in a harsh, demanding voice.

His eyes dropped and a tremor ran through his stone body. "Does this have anything to do with Jacob Black?" He sounded like he wanted to rip the loveseat in half.

I didn't know what to say. It had a lot to do with Jacob. Okay it mostly had to do with Jacob, but it also had to do with him.

"You ruined my life when you left. Do you not understand that? Do you not understand the pain that you left me with? The only reason I didn't turn into a complete zombie is because of Jacob. He…" I had lost my train of thought. Just thinking about Jacob made butterflies flutter in my stomach and my face flush red with blood.

"I'm so grateful to Jacob for keeping you safe and making you feel better, but I'm here now. If you really want to be with him, then be with him if it makes you happy. But I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. I couldn't stand to be away from you and I wouldn't be able to stand it if I lost you again." He declared in a cool, calm voice.

He was driving me crazy. He wanted me to be happy? Did he really think that leaving me would make me happy? Jacob was the one who wanted me to be happy. He gave me everything I had ever wanted and never left me. Even when he thought we couldn't be friends anymore he still watched over me. He had always been there for me even after I had shut him down time and time again because I thought Edward was my soul mate like some deluded idiot. Even after all of that Jacob never gave up.

"Listen to me Edward, I need to get my thoughts together. I'm confused. I just need some time to think." I replied. Jacob always told me I had options and I had always brushed it off. I thought there was only one option: Edward. I was wrong.

I quickly and awkwardly stumbled to the door, grabbing my bag on the way out. Edward followed silently behind. We got into his silver Volve and he backed out of the garage.